


One More Chance

by Fluffyplum



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Boss/Employee Relationship, Editor in chief Harry, Fluff, Journalist Louis, M/M, Magazine fic, Older Harry, Romance, Sexual Content, Some Humor, Younger Louis, criminal record, some drama
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-20
Updated: 2016-08-13
Packaged: 2018-07-16 06:04:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 117,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7255483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fluffyplum/pseuds/Fluffyplum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everything is not always as they seem, Louis realises this more than once as he starts over in a place he never would've entered out of his free will before. The biggest surprise is the man who doesn't blink twice about putting him on his team, but the same man is also the reason to why his headache won't leave. </p><p>There's more than meets the eye and after a night filled with joy and good company, the reason for his behaviour becomes painfully clear and unable to be denied. But with every positive moment he's experienced throughout his life, it seems a backlash of negativity always encounters. </p><p> </p><p>The one where Louis is unable to stay professional when Harry lets his guard down while someone else takes advantage of both their actions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This one wouldn't leave me alone. I have no idea how a magazine is run or the different positions within so I'm not confident I've managed to write this correctly. This is just a story, though, nothing is real, so I don't feel too bad about turning this into my very own fantasy magazine where I winged it a little. Since I lack creativity on Magazine names it was easy going for the obvious choice.

"Please tell me you haven't changed yet so I can panic over you being painfully slow and probably late for the most important meeting of your life instead of fearing you're serious about wearing that."

"What's wrong with this?"

Louis glanced down at himself, fumbling with the hem of his black t-shirt that held a pretty sick skull design he cherished. Loved the shirt, in fact, it was his lucky one and it went great with the black jeans that felt more like extra thick skin down his legs. It was a casual but good look, or so he'd thought until Zayn sent him that horrified expression.

"That's your pull outfit and yes, it looks great for a night out, but you're not going clubbing! You can't go dressed like that to an interview, especially not this one and my arse is on the line if you go in there to fuck it up on purpose. I practically begged Niall to convince the big boss you are worth a shot, and I don't beg, ever. Did that for you when we both know you need to get out there, you need a job, and this is an incredible opportunity for you to mend your name and reputation."

"What the hell am I supposed to wear then? And the both of us also know that I'm only going to this because you set me up. Betting and tricking me during tequila shots does not qualify as a legal contract, for fuck sake, this interview is a joke on my behalf you know that. It’s a reason I never even considered trying at a place like Style, it's popular and has the highest standard in town so of course they won’t consider hiring a felon like me. Can't possibly understand why you even went through so much trouble, risking your reputation just to see me fall flat on my face and have the boss toss me out. He'll take one closer look at my name and what comes with it, if he isn't aware already and I highly doubt he isn't, then rip my papers in half right in my face. It won't even be an interview, just judgmental mockery on my behalf."

The loudest groan whistled through lips that stretched down in a sour grimace and his head dipped back when he rolled his shoulders in annoyance. Every part of it was a complete joke and showing up at that interview would surely cut off his bollocks, leaving with more failure written across his forehead was not at the top of his list to do.

"Of course it's not a joke, it's the bestselling magazine in England, and they are serious, so you should be over the fucking moon they even agreed to let you walk through their doors. And you're not a felon; you was wronged, and I know how good you are at what you do so stop talking yourself down when what happened was out of your hands. Yes, you got shit on and screwed over but the storm has passed, and it’s time for you to get out there again. They will see past your baggage and want you there if you show them what you're capable of, sell yourself and charm their pants off. You may not want to but you need this Louis, it’s better to at least try instead of having no job at all."

"Unlike you, Mr. Beauty editor, I'm a simple sports journalist, which is more than a far cry from fashion and whatnot that magazine prints and do. Not to forget, I've tried to get a job for the last six fucking months, but my name as you know perfectly well has been blacklisted all over this bloody country. With my criminal record to top it off, I have absolutely no chance in hell at fooling Mr. Styles into hiring me. According to you I apparently have no sense of style whatsoever either so I clearly don't fit the picture of that place so I'll ask again, how is any of this not a joke?"

Louis had turned around from his mirror to face Zayn; hands spread wide as he painfully tried to show how far at sea his friend was and how ridiculous it all sounded. There was no way one the brightest and most influential businessman would contemplate hiring someone like him and the mud his name dragged with.

"I see you didn't read the examples I brought over then because if you had, you would've seen the sports pages. It may not be their priority, but they do have them, quite a few pages too and that friend I was telling you about, Niall, he's the editor and runs the sports department. For your information the guy is a total slob, big fan of his liquor just like you and he thrives there. Maybe you don't fit the frame but so what, once they meet you and can see what a great person you are and how much talent lays in that arse of yours, they'll be begging you to work for them. So stop whining and show me your closet, I'll do my magic."

"Fine whatever, as long as I get to keep my vans. No one messes with the vans."

 

•••••••

 

"Incompetent."

"What?"

"That’s what I look like, an incompetent moron merged with a schoolboy, seriously is this taken' from one of your porn fantasies or what? I can't go in there like this; I'll be the laughing stock! Something I already am but this, this is fucking horrible."

With each step his feet brought him closer to the high shiny building that was Style magazine, the better he saw his reflection glaring back from the windows. The left corner of his eye twitched uncontrollably as his teeth bore into his lip, gnawing roughly in frustration. Zayn used to be a good friend he'd thought but the sight that had met him when he'd worked his so-called magic kicked him off the list entirely. Evidently he wanted to kill Louis' confidence, then throw it on the ground and stomp it to pieces before letting the wind swipe it away.

"What are you talking about, you look better than before, a serious businessman with a touch of style."

"S-serious businessman?! I look like I'm ten! An idiotically lost puppy who is on a school trip for fuck sake knew I should've called this off when you messed with my beard. Aren’t you supposed to be the beauty editor, God I hope they fire you when I tell them you did this."

Fingers came up to brush the soft skin of his chin and cheeks that had previously been covered with rough hair. It felt unnatural, and he couldn't remember the last time he'd shaved it all off, showing his naked face. The safe curtain of fringe he always touched and swept away had been taken away from him too, gelled back into a ridiculous quiff as Zayn had claimed. To him, it was more like a bucket of oil had splattered over his head and caused the greasy unwashed look. A strong urge nibbled his hands when a boy wearing a beanie walked by, and he fantasized how good it would feel to hide himself and his humiliation in it.

"Well if you hadn't freaked out when I turned on the machine I wouldn't have taken it all. Not my fault you flinched and dug your cheek into it, creating that unrepairable gap. The rest had to go. "

"Fucking bullshit, you didn't even prepare me, of course, I was going to flinch so don't you try that shit with me, you've always nagged about my beard. Which is so hypocritical when you have one yourself."

‘’Ah but mine is trimmed and styled, not covering my face like an overgrown crotch like yours did. You should be thankful, after today you might have a reason to keep it neat, and my eyes and soul can finally stop bleeding.’’

A sour snort puffed out and Louis shoved his shaking hands in his pockets as he didn't want to see evidence of the nervousness he felt churning inside. It was there even though he thought the interview was a total waste of time and wouldn't give him anything besides a headache and a punch to his ego. The red flaming trousers that lit up everything around him like a blinking spotlight did nothing to calm him down or spark his confidence back. Where Zayn had found those in his closet was a mystery and how he'd convinced him to put them on and fucking wear them was out of his intelligence spectre. Apparently the shock of losing his beard had drastically weakened the rest of his brain function for Zayn to take advantage. At least his shirt was black, no dramatic colour that screamed attention or drew more eyes in, which didn’t really matter when the trousers did more than enough. The outfit depressed him, even the little collar on his shirt nagged him as he felt the stiff fabric carved into his neck like a tight electric neckband twisted people used on their dogs.

"Seriously, you need to relax and lighten up; we're here. You can't go inside with such negativity surrounding you; no one wants to hire a pessimist."

A massive roll of his eyes was all he could muster, and he hated how Zayn's words pushed the nervousness higher. Finding a steady job was a big deal, even he knew having a magazine like Style on his resume would certainly help cleaning up his reputation. Especially if Harry Styles, a respected and admired man, chose to bet his card on the black sheep everyone else fled from like he was the plague. It was an incredible opportunity, unbelievable even and a chance of a lifetime really, that's why it was such a joke that he of all people was there. He didn’t hate the magazine nor dislike it really; hard to when he'd never read it, but he just didn't care for it when he had no clue or interest in fashion. Neither was it his type of environment, but he'd heard of the name Styles before and how much praise the man had achieved over the years. So nervous he was, because no matter how unprepared and how little he knew about it, every part of him secretly prayed he would get an offer when Zayn had been depressingly right, he needed a job.

"Find me later and tell me how it went, now go and blow them away. Mean that metaphorically, not literally babe.’’

Glass doors wide enough to fit two elephants opened quietly in front of them as soon as they stepped close enough and all he could feel were eyes burning his direction. The place was sterile, too pure with a wide front desk made out of shiny metal which reflected the light beige walls. There was no other bright colour inside, except him, and his previous spotlight trousers evolved into a blaring emergency alarm going off at full speed. Left alone when Zayn hurried to start his day he was forced to walk closer to the metal desk he swore formed into the gateway of hell when it reflected his presence. A busy woman sat behind, fingers flying over the keys of the computer while her mouth talked quickly into the headset she was wearing, not stopping either movement once. He came to a halt when he noticed the corner of her eye caught the sight of him, and he cringed in annoyance when he saw how her gaze judgingly dragged over him from head to toe. 

‘’Hello, welcome to Style Magazine. How may I help you?’’

‘’Hi good day, I have an interview right about now with Mr. Styles, and I was wondering where I should go or wait. The name is Tomlinson.’’

The taps coming from the keyboard drummed in his ears as he waited in silence, wondering yet again why he was there to make an utter fool out of himself. Even the receptionist barely held her amused smirk hidden, and he could tell she would definitively crack a laugh once he was out of her sight.

‘’Yes Mr. Tomlinson there you are. There’s been a change; Mr. Horan will do the interview with you, and he’s currently waiting in his office on the twentieth floor. You can go right up; I’ll inform him you’re here and he’ll meet you by the elevators.’’

Would you look at that, Mr. Styles must’ve realised the mistake of having the interview after all and asked Mr. Horan to present him the shutdown. At least he wouldn’t have to meet the editor in chief himself, which was a little cushion of relief when he didn’t know nearly as much as he should've about the man. Like Zayn had suspected, he hadn’t read a single word from the magazines he’d brought over, barely glanced at the covers and he hadn’t had the energy to search up any information. All he knew about Mr. Styles was his age and how successful he’d become, worked his way up and had a brilliant career ahead. His name was everywhere and in everybody’s mouth, nothing but appreciation for the man. Something Louis admired, and envied. His lack of interest though was another clear sign how negative he was about the interview, already made up his mind how little his chances were. He should be punching himself, having a golden opportunity in his hands and he hadn’t even bothered to try. Those laughable prayers he couldn’t shake from within made him feel even more idiotic as he thanked the lady and strolled over to hit the elevator button. Once the arrow glowed, and the doors swung open, the previous flash of nervousness flared right back. 

Fuck fuck fuck; he was going to screw it up so badly and just too late did he eventually realise he perhaps wanted to try. Having a shot at being the one to shine and thrive and whatnot again, even in a place like Style magazine made the natural desire and lust for his work grow. Head flopped down to rest in his palms as the elevator brought him upwards and he rubbed his temples in frustration and irritation. One shot was all he had, one shot and if he blew it, well then he would have no choice but to move overseas to find someone willing to hire. Maybe even change his name in the process, it certainly couldn’t hurt. A small ding reached his attention and without removing his hands or looking up he pushed his feet to move closer to his downfall. Just a small step was all he managed before his head, or the tip of his nose, collided with something sturdy and sent sharp jolts of pain through his face. 

‘’Ow, bloody hell!’’

‘’Oi, careful there kiddo.’’

His head dipped further into his hands to somehow press the pain away and stop his tear canal from going off, the last thing he needed was a puffy, bloated face during the interview. A few mumbled curses tumbled out but luckily got swallowed by his fingers an- His thoughts cut short when he realised someone had referred to him as a kiddo.

‘’Hey, are you alright boy? I’m sorry, I didn’t see you.’’

There it was again, another one of those words. Boy. Kiddo. He was going to drug Zayn and shave his head off.

‘’Ah shit, yeah I'm all right.’’

Reasoning with himself he let it go, there was no use for him to shoot back something rude to someone who worked there and crush his already minimal chances. With several quick blinks, he removed his hands and finally looked up to see who the smooth voice belonged to. He almost barked out a laugh when his gaze landed on a boyish looking figure, long dark curls that should’ve belonged on a porcelain doll and not a human being framed two curious green eyes. It was pretty, though, the whole package he wouldn’t lie, but out of the two, he would’ve placed the boy card on the guy standing in front of him. That was until he remembered his loss of facial hair, what he was wearing and how short he was compared to the guy when he was hunched over. 

‘’Haven’t seen you around here before, are you perhaps looking for someone? I can help you if you’re having trouble.’’

Irritation was slowly filling his pores once more when the guy continued to talk to him like he was actually a little boy, all lost and confused. A sharp bit into his bottom lip stopped him from snarling back as he straightened up and composed himself. The distinct visual of the number thirteen glowed over the elevator doors and without breaking eye contact he pushed button twenty once more.

‘’Thanks, but no thanks. I know where I’m going, I just thought I’d reached the twentieth floor, didn’t bother checking.’’ 

‘’Oh, are you here to see the sports department, research through school maybe? I’m sure they’ll show you around and take good care of you, just tell them I said so.’’

The guy was smiling and sounding fucking serious, and it made Louis’ right hand twitch, he was so close to losing it, and he wouldn’t have time to cool down before meeting Mr. Horan.

‘’No, I’m here for an interview if you must know. And you, running errands to pick up lunch and coffees for the big guys?’’

Laughter filled the moving metal box they were in, and he stared at the smiling man with a deep frown between his brows. He couldn’t be serious, and he dared to laugh in that shitty way, the way a parent laugh at their amusing kids.

‘’So you don’t- well then, I’m sorry if I upset you in any way, I’m.. just Edward, nice meeting you..?’’

Louis glanced down at a waiting hand the guy stretched out and chewed the inside of his cheek in thought before he finally took it. He shook it vigorously, silently telling he knew perfectly well how to give a proper handshake because shocker, he was a fucking grown man. Unwilling to give his first name so the guy could have a chance at recognizing who he was he opted for his middle.

‘’.. William.’’

‘’William, pleasure, but I’m afraid we don’t hire interns at such a young age. You must have finished college before we take applications. Perhaps wait until that chin of yours grows a few strands.’’ 

Mother fuc-

‘’That’s rich coming from you baby face, don’t even have a shadow of hair there, fuck you and you judgement pal. ’’

Louis knew he was out of line, way out of line but when people stepped on his toes and rubbed him the wrong way his mouth worked on its own, not caring how much protests his brain shot out. Because he could see it, the more he stared at the man he could see the evidence of him being at least a few years older. When he, Edward, smiled several tiny crinkles formed at the corner of his eyes, and his forehead held slight permanent wrinkles as well. Dimples popped out and from how deep they were, he could tell Edward had smiled a lot during his life. His shoulders, which carried a sharp black suit with a silver tie firm around the neck, were broad, and he almost towered over Louis. Or at least that’s how he felt when the taller man kept degrading him to a high school boy.

‘’Polish the attitude a little but bring the same confidence if you come back in a few years, I’m sure Mr. Styles will appreciate your drive. He even has a touch of humour, but most of his employees don’t see it often.’’

The genuine smile that never left Edward’s lips pissed him even more off, and he was about to mumble something rude back when their ride stopped and finally opened on the twentieth floor. With a last glare, he stomped out, not doing anything other than proving he was, in fact, childish at heart. 

‘’Have nice day Mr. William.’’

It was the last he heard before the doors fell shut and wiped away the vision of his irritation, leaving him alone to stare down a long hallway with a few doors and many windows. Within ten seconds one opened and a blonde man chipped out, hands in his pockets and a tune whistling through his lips. Like déjà vu the man somehow stopped altogether once his gaze landed on Louis’ figure and in the next blink of an eye a cheeky smirk filled his face before he picked up walking. 

‘’Ello, you Tomlinson, as in Zayn’s friend?’’

‘’Unfortunately.’’

‘’Nice outfit.’’

Sarcasm laced his words but strangely it came off more amusing than judging and Louis quietly snorted as he shook his head.

‘’Yeah, I’ll pay you twenty pounds to change with me.’’

‘’Fuck no.’’ The blonde reached out a hand and laughed as he shook Louis’. ‘’I’m Niall Horan, I’ve heard a lot about you, but I can’t seem to remember Zayn warning me about this.’’

Wasn’t that a great start, trying to pay off the man who would decide his fate, for his clothes. The day just kept getting worse, and surely it wouldn’t turn for the better.

‘’To be fair he didn’t warn me either, you should file a complaint to the big boss. He doesn’t deserve to work here when he made me look like this; you are the third person who has struggled not to burst a lung. And yeah, I’ve met three people.’’

Warm, gentle laughter spilled from Niall’s mouth as he clasped a hand on his shoulder and steered him down towards the door he’d exited from. 

‘’I like funny, funny blocks out those trousers. Well step into my office Tomlinson and let’s get started.’’

Thirty minutes later Niall was still laughing at his words, and that pathetic twist of hope filled his guts, daring him to believe that maybe, just maybe all chances hadn’t been thrown out the window. He’d learned Niall was exactly what Zayn had said he was, a total slob and very much like himself. His office was one big mess, papers, food wrappers and all kinds of stuff drowned every inch of surface. From the moment Niall’s arse touched the chair his feet had popped up to rest on the table while he'd leaned back. Shoes were kicked off during his second question, and more than once had he caught Niall adjusting himself rather visually and unashamedly. They shared the same interest and love for sports which was well, expected, but once Niall accidentally found whims of his interest in alcohol the blonde man had trailed off topic. A string of drunken stories bounced between the two and Louis almost felt like he was visiting a friend instead of being interviewed for a highly desired job.

‘’Look, mate, I think you’re brilliant. You nailed my first demand, have me laughing so I like you, you clearly have wits and passion for what you do. I’ve also read some of your work and its good stuff, good enough to get you in here. Zayn’s been eating my arse about you, always bragging and I have to admit I was sceptical from what I’ve heard around, but I sense a good feeling about you. Normally Harry, Mr. Styles, let’s me decide who to hire in my department but in this case, I don’t have such power, and I don’t want any shit on my back if it turns out I’m wrong. So he asked to meet you if I decided you were worth giving a shot at proving yourself and I guess you know why he’s requested this. I’m glad Zayn informed me your side of the story; it’s the reason you were allowed here today and after meeting you I can’t find you to be the person the media painted you out to be. Which is either promising or a punch to my character, I usually see through the deceiving ones.’’ 

A loud clap of Niall’s hands startled Louis out of his daze; he couldn’t be sure he’d heard the man right, and he stared blankly ahead with his mouth slightly hanging open. Success, he’d finally done something right, and he hadn’t even tried. A miracle really but he thanked whoever made Niall and brought him down his path, giving him a lucky strike for once.

‘’Seriously? Oh wow, I don’t know what to say other than.. well take me to the old man then.’’

‘’Perhaps that isn’t the way to open the conversation when he’s barely older than me.’’ 

The tiniest wink came his way, and he quietly laughed as he nodded before standing up, adjusting the trousers he was painfully aware of once more and followed Niall out the door. He vaguely considered to ask Niall if he had a spare laying around in his office but decided against it when he didn’t want to push his luck. Coming so far and now having Niall’s back up would hopefully be enough. Instead of walking one floor up, which would take less time, their combined laziness steered them straight towards the elevator. The newfound happiness and blossoming hope that had settled on him got blown away the second Niall informed him Mr. Styles was right inside the office made out of glass a few feet away. Through the windows, Niall pointed at a very familiar face, and the giddy feeling Louis had was crushed instantly when the sight of delicate curls and a dimpled smile caused his previous heated blood freezing to ice.

‘’That’s him, that’s Harry freaking Styles?’’ 

‘’Yup, young looking right? Never would’ve guessed he’ll be turning the big thirty next year. Little surprised you didn’t search him up before you came here, though, too nervous or just dumb? Don’t worry; he’s not as scary as people might think and I’ve never seen him treat anyone disrespectful.’’

Niall smirked but all Louis could do was see his life flash before his eyes and the uncontrollable twitch of his eye and right hand returned. Just his type of luck wasn’t it, thinking everything was screwed then have his dark rainy cloud of misery fade with beams of sunshine only to have them swallowed by fucking thunder and lightning. Guess he would be leaving the country after all then.

‘’Unfortunately, you might see it today..’’

Unsettling waves of discomfort clenched his stomach when Niall knocked on the door that would lead them into the land of crickets. Awkwardness and painful silence with a touch of depressive humiliation were coming his way, and all he could do was feel it settle as he stumbled over the doorstep like the lost puppy he’d expressed of being to Zayn earlier.

‘’Morning boss, having a good day?’’

‘’I very much am Nia-‘’ Harry’s response floated out before his eyes relocated from his laptop but once they settled on Niall’s face, his voice died out. Without looking Louis knew Harry had seen him hiding behind, the silence forming around them was evidence enough, and an uncomfortable prickle climbed his spine.

‘’Well hello again Mr. William, I see you’ve found my sports editor, I hope he’s taken good care of you and answered any questions you might’ve had? Did he show you around?’’

There it was again, that gentle sincerity lacing his words as he still talked to him like he was a child. He couldn’t possibly look that young, even with the trousers and lack of facial hair he still had prominent cheekbones and a sharp jawline. Did this Mr. Styles not see or was he just a prick having fun tormenting? He decided to go for the last when he felt the familiar flare of irritation overshadow the uncomfortable awkwardness picking the tips of his fingers. Niall, on the other hand, kept glancing between the two with a confused expression, not sure of what to say apparently. 

‘’William? Oh right, that’s your middle name isn’t it? Why did you look so surprised just now when you already met the big man?’’

‘’Because I didn’t know, he introduced himself as Edward.’’ 

A sharp laugh barked from Niall as he shifted his glance back to Harry whose face had taken over the confusion and he watched the two with a small tilt to his lips.

‘’Great minds think alike I see, this gives me pleasure.’’ Niall cocked a brow as he sat down in the chair on the opposite side of Harry’s desk, pointing a finger over his shoulder. ‘’Funny this guy and from what I can tell he’s full of potential, he would be a nice addition to my team.’’

‘’I see, you were here for an interview then.’’ A small hum left Harry as he tilted his head over to Niall with amusement filling his eyes. ‘’I’m surprised you agreed to this, you know very well, just like the rest of our departments that we don’t hire interns at such a young age. I told young William here so myself in the elevator; he needs to finish his education first. I think I mentioned something about growing a little facial hair first too, perhaps get a little hair on his chest before thinking about playing with the big guys.’’

‘’Are you fucking serious, you want me to rip my shirt off and show you then? While we’re at it, do you expect me to prove I have hair on my bloody balls as well?’’

Well, at least he had a chance to speak his mind. Or his stupid frustration because as soon as the words shot from his mouth, he wanted to shove them back inside and sprint out the door. It was unprofessional; he was unprofessional and surely someone like Mr. Styles, even though he was a rude idiot, or only an idiot surely wouldn’t tolerate being spoken to in that tone. Once he dared to open his eyes and force them to move he was met with a surprised looking Harry and a shaking Niall, who was struggling to keep his laughter down. A deep breath went up his nose, and he shook his shoulders to compose himself, forcing his voice to float again.

‘’I apologize, highly inappropriate of me.’’

‘’Highlight of my day.’’ Niall chirped in as he cleared his throat. ‘’I think you might’ve misunderstood Harry, this is Louis Tomlinson, the one I told you about. He was supposed to be interviewed by you today, but then you told me to handle it when that unexpected meeting popped up remember? I get it, though, he does look a bit young in that outfit but don’t blame the poor bloke; he was dressed by our very own Mr. Malik. You should fire him by the way, this one's words, not mine but I think I’ll have to agree after this.’’ 

If time went any slower, they would freeze and never be done with the awful meeting and at one point he wished he would suffer from a stroke or something. Anything to get him out of the glass box where everyone around could see the awkward tension floating around.

‘’Well, then I think it’s my turn to apologize.’’ Green observant eyes roamed over his steel face before Harry rose from his seat and walked closer. ‘’I’m terribly sorry if I offended you, my mistake, but it’s nice meeting you again Mr. Tomlinson.'' The same large hand grabbed his once more as they shook hands for a second time that day and he sent a quick nod in response.

‘’Please take a seat, Niall I’ll speak with you after I’ve heard from Mr. Tomlinson himself.’’ 

‘’Adios bitches.’’

With a blink of an eye, Niall was gone, and Louis was left alone in the suffocating glass box with the editor in chief staring him down as he waited for him to sit. Unsteady steps brought him closer, and once he reached the chair, he flopped down, almost sighing in relief.

‘’Mr. Tomlinso-‘’

‘’Just call me Louis.’’

‘’Very well. So, Louis, I see you’ve made quite the impression during the short time you’ve been here. Impressive and Niall seems to think you’re worth having, is he wrong?’’

Straight to the difficult questions then, great, the interview he’d feared and thought he’d escaped by meeting Niall. 

‘’Honestly, I don’t know. I mean, clearly everyone who’s seen me today has no trouble pointing out how much I stick out like a sore thumb and I do. I have no experience with fashion which is a big part of your magazine but what I am good at is sport. That’s my thing, my passion and I will be cocky enough to claim brilliant skills in that department. But if it’s good enough for you and your team is your call, test me, and I’ll deliver, then it’s up to you to decide if it reaches the standard in your magazine.’’

‘’How would you describe yourself as a person Mr. Toml- Louis?’’

‘’Just like Niall apparently.’’ It drew a small smile from his lips, but he cleared his throat and shook the casual tone away, he was not sitting in front of Niall anymore; now he was observed by the person who truly mattered. ‘’Unfortunately, you had the experience of seeing my young side. Obviously, this outfit fit me rather well, after all, today. Being uncomfortable and fricking nervous tends to bring out my stress, and I get snappy. In those situations, I have a bit of short temper and struggle to keep my words to myself. On my good days, I get along with people quite well, I’m funny, charming when I want to, excel well in teamwork, recursive on my own, and I’m passionate and hard driven with my work. Punctuality is important, and I believe I’m right when I say I haven’t missed a deadline.’’

No he was not selling himself well, not in the way he could win Mr. Styles over after the first impression he'd given. Words dripped from his lips like a robot, reading his qualifications off a scripted list and he cringed at how static he sounded. From the lack of response, he could sense how he shrunk into a little blister of annoyance on Mr. Styles’ busy schedule. The man simply sat in his chair, jaw leaning down between his thumb and index while his eyes never left Louis’ crumbling shoulders.

‘’I see you haven’t had a job during the last year, have you been studying perhaps?’’

‘’No, I’ve had a hard time finding something but I didn’t try the first six first months and during the last six I’ve applied all over town but was never called in for an interview. Just received declined e-mails.’’

‘’Did you know the references you listed on your resume all said the same thing when I gave them a call? And I didn’t find the number of your latest boss there; in theory, it should’ve surprised me when the math on your resume indicates you worked there the longest.’’

There it was, the blow he’d both dreaded and waited for. The harsh whip each and every editor he’d applied work for the last months used to slam over his back, creating new raw wounds where his confidence bled from. What was coming he’d heard through his declined e-mails before, too many times and instead of answering he let his head slightly fall in defeat.

‘’It wasn’t just the fact they all said the same thing, they used the same words in same order. Which is a bit unusual but it must’ve been a coincidence don’t you think. Otherwise it would strangely seem like they were... I don’t know, told what to say? And if that were the case, why would they do something like that Mr. Tomlinson?’’

‘’You’re asking me? I don’t mean to be rude Mr. Styles, but we both know you know perfectly well why they would talk shit about me and why I wouldn’t use my latest boss as a reference. I’m no idiot, and neither are you so why don’t you just skip the dramatic build up and cut to the chase. You’ve heard the rumours going around and read the scandalous stories; you can’t have someone like me with my kind of record and reputation on your team. You’re truly sorry, but not really, and wish me good luck in a mocked tone, yes I’ve heard it all before.’’

‘’You must understand Mr. Tomlinson, I don’t listen to gossip but yes, I have read the story surrounding you, difficult not to when it was all over the media last year. I barely skimmed through it then though because it had nothing to do with me nor my magazine, but when said story’s resume landed on my desk for an interview I did what I do to any applications, research them. What persuaded my mind to let you walk through our doors today was firstly getting Mr. Horan and Mr. Malik off my back but also the fact that after I read everything about your sentence I noticed your side of the story was never shared. In most cases the guilty part, which you were convicted of being, releases their statement of how things went down to save face. Or at least try to but as it turned out, you never did and vanished instead. Either everything written about you is entirely true, which is rarely the case in any story, and you have the audacity to come here and beg me for a job. Or something is blurring the picture, and there’s more behind. I’m offering you to share your mind with me.’’ 

Seconds ticked heavily by as Louis stared dumbly at the man behind the desk, his mouth wasn’t curled into a smirk and his eyes didn’t show any signs of being a rude prick who only wanted to smear his misery out. Honesty and seriousness laid across his face instead, and Louis had to take an extra moment to process his words. For the first time, someone had granted him an interview and asked for his side of the story, someone who wasn’t a gossip slag only after juicy comments they could twist to something even worse.

‘’I vanished because I couldn’t deal with the harassment and I never spoke up when there was no point, I had no evidence to present the jury or shut down what the papers said about me, and I didn’t want to draw more attention to myself and create more drama. Why would you ask this of me, I still don’t have anything to prove my side and no reason for you to believe me.’’

A low hum came from Mr. Styles as he leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest.

‘’I’ve been in this business a bit longer than you Mr. Tomlinson and I’m powerful, I have connections, and I’ve learned how to read between the lines when it comes to people. What caught my curiosity about you was first and foremost the replies on your character I received, no one has the exact same impression about someone. Then I did something I usually never do, I called them all back a second time the day after, pretending to be from another magazine and once again I received the same rehearsed words. In my book that kind of behaviour isn’t normal, which leads me here to you and our conversation. I’m not afraid of being direct and from our earlier encounter, I assume you aren’t either so I’ll ask you straight out. Is there truth to the accusations of you seducing your boss and blackmailed him to take your career further, then claimed he sexually harassed you, even though the papers screamed the opposite when it didn’t go as planned? Am I currently dealing with someone who is manipulating and cunning, someone so self-absorbed and apathetic enough to risk another man’s career and life just to get what they want? Are you arrogant enough to step into my office to try and con me for a job, thinking you could charm your way in by putting on a charade of innocence? Or, are you the innocent victim who had his life ruined under the hand of a predator who took advantage and abused his employee knowing _he_ would get away with it?’’

The punch that hit Louis had the strength of a baseball bat during finals, and he retched when his stomach decided to act up from the memories flooding his mind. Luckily he’d skipped breakfast that morning so all that left his throat where a hissed choke with a hint of acid crawling up. He hadn’t been placed on the spot the way Mr. Styles had done since his trial, and the utter shock of having it thrown in his face made his body go numb.

‘’I- Fuck that’s- is that the reason you let me in here today? You found the story too curious not having the other part and figured; why not bring the man in himself and hear it from him? Clearly you have no intentions of hiring me but wow, that’s fucking twisted even for someone in your position. God, I’m such an idiot- Fuck.’’ 

With a quick jump he was out of his chair and close to the door before a new wave of anger flicked inside him, making him do what he absolutely shouldn’t. Fingers barely touched the door handle before they snapped back and he twirled on his heel to point harshly at Mr. Styles, who was still sitting in his chair with calm.

‘’Let me guess, you’re buddies with that sick fucker right? Called him up before I came just to hear what button’s you should push so you could laugh at it over a beer later? That man is the lowest piece of shit I’ve ever had the misfortune to meet and work with; I swear he’ll get what’s coming to him one day. To answer your questions, yeah I was found guilty, but I will never accept the lie the jury painted me with, turning me into a criminal. I’d rather castrate myself than see his face again and just the thought of people believing I touched any part of that disgrace you call a man to climb the academic latter makes me want to tear my skin off in disgust.’’ A bitter laugh flew out, and he waved his hand in salute as he twirled back towards the door. ‘’Have a lovely fucking day arsehole.’’

Unfortunately, he didn’t get very far when a broad man came to life once he opened the door, occupying the frame and preventing him from storming off. A ramble of curses hit the man’s chest when they both stepped to the same side each time they moved and created an awkward little dance. 

‘’Ah, Mr. Payne, right on time. Please step inside.’’ Louis heard the chair move, and he was about two seconds away from punching the so-called Mr. Payne so he could disappear and never return. ‘’And Mr. Tomlinson? Please wear a different outfit on Monday, chose something you actually like wearing. I don’t appreciate seeing my employees so uncomfortable. Go out to my assistant; she’ll print out and give you a draft of the contract I just sent her so you can go over it at home.’’ 

Right as he managed to squeeze himself through the door Mr. Styles’ voice filled his ears and what he heard made him abruptly stop. He turned painfully slow as confusion morphed his face into a huge frown, not understanding what was happening.

‘’Excuse me, are- did you seriously just tell me to come back? As in, you’re hiring me?’’

‘’Does Monday not work for you?’’

‘’No no, Monday is fine but.. you just- and I was- this doesn’t-‘’

‘’Then I’ll see you on Monday, Mr. Tomlinson. Take the week to prepare; I’ll be expecting you ready in my office at seven am to go through your contract and discuss anything you might have a problem with, enjoy your day.’’

 

••••••• 

 

He did three knocks. Three knocks on the wooden door in front of him before it opened and revealed a tired face that belonged to his friend. Two quick blinks later and the tired face woke up in recognition and transformed into surprise with a touch of a smile.

‘’Lou! How did it go today and where have you been? Why did you knock, you have a key- You didn’t come to see me or call me, neither did you answer my text, so I’ve feared the wor-.''

‘’I got it.’’

Long arms closed around him, and the warmth of Zayn’s body engulfed his as the space between them vanished. A quiet chuckle tickled the shell of his ear as Zayn bounced them from side to side while he gently tapped him on the back.

‘’Told you so didn’t I? Congratulations bab-‘’ The stretched smile on his friend’s face slowly died out as soon as he noticed the blank stare on Louis’. ‘’Hey what’s with the look? This is fantastic news, you finally have a job, a much-respected one as well, you should be tripping.’’

‘’Yeah- no I’m thrilled, I am.. It’s just; it doesn’t make any fucking sense, and I still can’t figure out how it happened. I totally fucked it up; you can’t even believe, and he still hired me? I called him an arsehole to his face Zayn, cursed him out and acted like such a maniac while he just.. See you Monday. Who does that, who is that guy he can’t be sane that one.’’

‘’Okay.. Care to fill me in, cause I can’t make sense of what you’re saying.’’

Half an hour later Zayn was shaking his head in disbelief and quietly sucking the cigarette that hung between his lips. He’d listened to Louis’ rant and agreed with how ridiculous it sounded, how his boss had hired him after his behaviour was .. well, very unexpected. 

‘’Wow that’s incredible, never thought Mr. Styles’ weakness would be your sassy attitude but here we are.’’ Zayn softly laughed as he flicked the cigarette and stomped it in the ashtray. ‘’Seriously, though, he’s good at reading people and must’ve seen the honesty in you along with your qualifications. He’s a greatly respected man, and if he sees potential in you, then you should take his compliment and fucking work your arse off to prove him right. We should shop, you need new clothes for this task.’’

‘’Oh hell no, you stay the fuck away from the Louis Aura. Thanks to you my new boss thought and treated me like a child and I’ve never felt more humiliated when I realised he was the fucking editor in chief. Now give me all of the examples you have of Style and leave me alone for the week, I’ll be busy reading every single word printed.’’

 

••••••• 

 

Five days later, a fair contract and endless copies of Style magazine swallowed down, Louis deflated on the couch and felt his head pounded with a massive headache. When he’d flicked through the very first copy, he’d quickly realised Style wasn’t the full blown fashion magazine he’d assumed. Don’t get him wrong, there was fashion there, a lot of fashion and clear how it was the main priority but after forcing his eyes to read two-thirds of the magazine he’d found a change in design. Pages drifted into interior, food&wine, travel, then an entertainment chapter and finally at the very end were Niall’s sports sites. It should’ve caused his brows to rise when all those different categories merged into the same magazine but for some reason, they blended well. It felt natural to have those pages, and he didn’t get the feeling he was sporting his feminine side and reading a complete fashion magazine. Whatever it was Mr. Styles did he’d succeeded, and Louis gained a new perspective and understanding of why it was the most popular in England. Young, old, male, female, anyone really could relate, and Mr. Styles had managed to capture general interest.

‘’Brilliant piece of shit isn’t he.’’

A broad smile lifted the corners of his lips as he dragged sweaty palms down his forehead, feeling how his opinion on his new boss carefully changed for the better. The man was stylish and knew his fashion, no point in arguing, he was respected, had a sense of leadership, and he gave the impression of validating his employers. He came off as fair and a risk taker. He’d let Louis walk into his office knowing fully well what kind of rumours followed his steps, and he’d listened and made his conclusion of what he was presented. He seemed willing to invest in his potential and that earned him Louis’ respect. Yes, he could follow and learn from someone like Mr. Styles, and he felt determined to be excellent and prove he hadn’t made a mistake. He went to bed with excitement running through his veins and a clear picture of how he was going to present himself to Mr. Styles’ office the next day.

Confidence had found its way back, and he eagerly walked closer to the glass box where his contract would be discussed. His favourite vans cloaked his feet, and the familiar fabric of his skinny jeans with two ripped holes at his knees hugged his thighs in a fine way. A casual white t-shirt peeked out under the loose denim shirt he wore, and it clung over his torso and followed the natural dip of his waist and over his curved hips. Mr. Styles had told him to be comfortable, and he took his word, dressing up in one of his favourite outfits. With the last touch at his ruffled fringe to make sure it was swept nicely over his forehead he found his smile and pushed the denim shirt up to his elbows for his tattoos to show. He felt great, and another sense of satisfaction prickled his ego when he gently knocked and strolled right in, catching the way Mr. Styles lost his voice for a small second when his eyes landed on his figure.

‘’Oh I’m sorry, did I interrupt?’’ Louis glanced down at the phone he fished out of his pocket and peeked up from his lashes ‘’It’s seven, and I was told to step right in.’’

‘’No please sit Mr. Tomlinson.’’ A gestured hand was presented his way before Mr. Styles rose from his seat and led a strict looking woman towards the door. ‘’Inform Mr. Payne I need the final example by the end of the day, Mrs. Henderson.’’

Mr. here and Mrs. there, all the professional mumble sent his lips into a thin line, he would never be able to address everyone by their last name. It wasn’t in his nature, and he much preferred to go by his first, Mr. Tomlinson made him feel like an old man. 

‘’I can see why you reacted so offended when I called you a boy Mr. Tomlinson, had you dressed like you do today I would’ve been able to state your age better.’’ 

A swift glance from Harry danced over his tattoos and the stubbles that finally decorated his chin again, proving he did, in fact, have facial hair which grew rather fast. Eager to speak he dropped the question he’d been squirming about the whole week, unable to stop his impatience.

‘’Why did you hire me?’’

Without missing a beat, Mr. Style slid back into his chair and reached one of his drawers where he pulled out a block of papers. He stacked them nicely in front and leaned back as he folded his fingers, apparently taking his time.

‘’I didn’t get to where I am today by playing safe, I like taking chances, and my gut feeling has helped me make a few daring but worthy risks. You caught my attention from the minute you opened your mouth, and I believe there’s honesty in your words. You're also talented from what I've read of your work. Now, are you ready to go through your contract?’’

‘’Um yeah, of course.’’

Puzzled as he was, he scooted forward to glance down at the same papers he’d read over during his week, and he sighed in relief when there weren't any new clauses added. He hadn’t expected someone like Mr. Styles to do so, but it was always a chance he would try to play dirty. From previous experience, Louis knew how to read the little print and the rest of the contract thoroughly over and over.

‘’Do you have any questions or is it anything you aren’t comfortable with?’’

‘’No it looks good, reasonable hours, pleasant salary and Zay- I mean Mr. Malik gave me thumbs up when I made him take a look. I was just wondering about this here-‘’ He flicked a few pages and pressed his finger down. ‘’Work shadow, I thought you said you don’t even hire interns under a certain age? Does this only apply to those who finished college then and it doesn’t say how low it will last?’’

‘’Actually, it doesn’t apply to anyone except for those who already work here.’’ Mr. Styles drew a smile as he saw how a new round of confusion took place in Louis’ features. ‘’Normally work shadow is for those still in high school or higher, but I don’t have time to survey those young minds. It's meant for my departments, which includes you now so a week per month, except September, which is our busiest month, units’ takes some of their staff members and switch up to learn from each other. I need my employees to be well known with the magazine, and what each department do, it reduces problems and delays if you can step in and do the job of your colleagues if emergencies, illness or worse occur. Do you understand where I’m going?’’

‘’I think? So you’re saying that once in a while I could be working with .. well fashion? Are you insane, do you want your magazine to have a shitty week?’’ a little too late did he realise how rude he sounded and he quickly glanced up with round eyes. ‘’Pardon, that’s not what I me-.''

‘’You’re allowed to speak your mind, Mr. Tomlinson; that’s one of the reasons I think you’ll fit in quite nicely here. You say what you mean, and I need people like that, it lets me know your honest opinion, and that’s what I seek. To answer your question, yes, eventually you will find yourself working in the fashion department, and it’s important you do so you can grow your range. You won’t be in charge of managing the whole crew over there, but you will be given the task of joining meetings and write articles, perhaps joining some photoshoots but we’ll see. Don’t worry; it isn’t often sports and fashion switch up so you should feel safe enough and it won’t be your turn to switch every week. It’s a little bit of a lottery, you might be in the clear for a while, and if your name is drawn two times in a row, you’ll get a pass on the third. So does this sound like something you can accept, something you can commit to? Remember, it’s only five days, the rest of the month you’ll be doing what you applied for.’’

Well, wow, that was.. not really what he'd expected, at all. He couldn’t be in the fashion department, food&wine, travel, and entertainment he could perhaps manage but fashion? Not to forget interior would be a disaster, he would be the sole reason why everything went to shit. Surely Mr. Styles had expectations which he could not meet, even if he took an emergency fashion course with Zayn. He suddenly gained a new perspective about why Zayn agreed to go to a soccer match or watch one on the telly at rare times of the year, knowing fully well he couldn’t stand it. Being a friend his arse, probably having sports week at work made it so much easier to fake enthusiasm of Louis’ interests. 

That son of a-

‘’Mr. Tomlinson?’’

Louis snapped out of his internal discussion and noticed how Mr. Styles kept waiting for his answer with a newfound flash of amusement in his eyes. Reading minds was probably one of his special powers, either so or the almost crestfallen expression his face held told more than enough.

‘’Right. To be honest, I think it’ll be a disaster because well, I’m me, but as long as you’re comfortable with letting me run blind, then I’m willing to try.’’

A wide grin formed on Mr. Styles face and the two dimples Louis’ had forgotten popped out and glared in his face, forming his respectable boss into a picture of giddiness. 

‘’Then we agree, excellent Mr. Tomli-.''

‘’Can you please just call me Louis, I feel like two steps away from my grave every time you refer to me as Mr. Tomlinson.’’

‘’Of course, I’ll take a mental note.’’ 

His smile never faltered as he turned to grab a pen by his computer and handed it over. Five seconds later Louis’ hand danced over the paper and a streak of ink that was supposed to be his name coloured the paper, fulfilling the contract.

‘’Welcome to Style magazine Louis.’’

‘’Thank you, Mr. Styles.’’ He shook his boss’ hand and let out his version of giddiness as he felt a sense of calm settle over his shoulders. ‘’So when does this wonderful week of terror happen?’’

 

••••••• 

 

Louis could never catch a break, could he? Day one and his name had been drawn from the bowl and sent him into deep water to drown, not even having the chance to touch the desk he’d been promised from Niall. Because of course the switch-up week had to start the day he was hired, apparently when things were slowest, and he was just lucky that way. 

‘’Hi! Welcome to the entertainment department, I’m Liam!’’ the big guy who’d blocked his escape earlier was currently shaking his hand like he practiced mixing drinks in a bar. Spasms tickled up his arm and in fear of having it permanently vibrating he slowly backed away from the over welcome greeting with a small smile.

‘’Nice to meet you, Liam, I’m Louis. So how does this work, I’ll just follow you around all day? I’m warning you, I started today and have absolutely no idea what you do here besides the obvious, entertainment.’’

‘’Tell you what, stumble after me for a few hours to, you know, get the groove on how my job as an editor works, then go through my staff and by the end of the day I’ll give you something to focus on for the rest of the week. Sounds fair?’’

With a straight back followed by a mocked bow did he let Liam know he was on board, just waiting to get started. Introduction rounds came first, and he felt like a fucking intern when the whole department buzzed around with people, including Liam. The guy, Jake something, who was one of the print journalists and currently in charge of the ‘what’s new and rising’ section had been switched with Louis and taken his spot under Niall’s wing. Then there was Gavin, a short Asian man with long black hair pulled into a bun that occupied the top of his head. He was the department’s picture editor and stood behind bringing their articles to life, he worked closely with Liam and controlled what would be used before he presented it for the final approval. 

Like himself, Gavin was casually dressed, his arms covered in different types of bracelets which he assumed where from festivals and concerts he’d attended. Too busy with what he had at hand he only waved his fingers when Liam called his name, eyes entirely focused on his screen. A girl named Susie jumped from her desk with a long flowy hippie skirt and shook his hand just as violently as Liam had done when they approached her and before Liam could say it, he placed all his money she was his PA. For a split second he was afraid the silver ring in her lip would rip her mouth from how wide she smiled, but it surprisingly and thankfully stayed in place. She was practically the busiest person there, having to assist Liam with any day-to-day tasks and managing his schedule, always reminding him of all types of events that needed attention. Surely she would know the most of anyone else on their team.

Four other heads looked up when Liam called out their names and small waves were sent their way along with a mumble of hellos. They were in the same category as the Jake guy and Louis himself, journalists or writers as Liam referred them as. They covered everything from art, music, television, movies and theatre, and the more Liam explained, the faster Louis’ head spun. It was difficult enough to settle into a new job, but settling into said position in a new and unfamiliar department was hard. He figured he looked as terrified as the two headless chicken of interns he saw stressing through the room. 

‘’So this is my crew, brilliant people with a lot of talent.’’

‘’They seem.. nice.’’

A breathy laugh left Liam as he wandered over to his office while waving for Louis to follow.

‘’You’ll get to know them quickly, just wait. Right, you’re free to hang on my shoulder as I mentioned but if you want you can check in and discuss with the others as well and read through some of our earlier work. Soak up as much as possible yeah? I’ll let you know when lunch is.’’

Taking the advice, Louis rolled his shoulders and figured following Liam until lunch would be the best start, seeing how he worked as the editor and what his responsibilities were. It went quiet at first, each one glued to their spots and the only sound he could hear were fingers flying over keyboards, a steady drum that bore into his head. He’d expected the place to flood in chatter and sound, even some music blasting speakers to a deafening point but it was strangely quiet. Slowly but steadily his assumptions turned out to be quite on point, an hour into his first day the people seemed to wake up, and the steady hum of voices along with a radio filled the department. He quickly understood Mr.Styles’ use of work shadow paid off. Even though they all had their usual assignments is was clear they didn’t mind helping each other out. Liam’s Hippie PA chipped in on the ‘what’s new, and rising’ piece for Jake and Gavin worked on some articles while Liam stepped out and took over with rearranging photos. It was inspiring to watch and the dynamic the team had sent a good feeling through his body, thinking every work environment should be in that level of comfortableness. Perhaps switching departments for a week wouldn’t be so bad after all, even fashion would be tolerable if the teamwork was as inspiring and including. Time flew by and when Liam called for lunchtime Louis was so switched into his work modus that he decided to skip it and continue his research. The urge to prove himself and deliver proper work even though it wasn’t his area made him push himself. Day one was for learning, and he was going to learn as much as possible in the short time he had.

‘’Hey Louis, we’re done for the day, you coming?’’

He blinked up from his screen, the same screen he’d apparently been glued to for the past three hours and saw Liam staring amusingly down at him. He had to glance over at the clock when he felt lunch had been only minutes earlier, and Liam calling the day seemed unreal.

‘’Oh, I didn’t realise but yeah I’m com- Hey, weren’t you supposed to give me something to work on before the day ended?’’

‘’I was, but Mr.Styles asked me to send you to his office, probably wants to hear how your first day went. I informed him how well you’ve been doing already so he’ll give you something, don’t worry he’ll be fair.’’

With a quick wink, Liam grabbed his jacket and tossed it over his shoulder before strolling out the open door, leaving Louis once again a bit puzzled. He rearranged the papers on his desk and piled them into a neat stack before he shut the laptop off and made his way back to Mr.Styles’ office. Knowing perfectly well he wasn’t in trouble; he still couldn’t shake the uneasiness forming in his stomach the closer he came to the glass box. Being called to the boss’ office had never been a pleasant situation for him and the sink to his gut couldn’t be helped. He knocked gently and that time around waited until he heard Mr.Styles’ voice breaching the solid material to welcome him in.

‘’Hi Mr.Styles, you wanted to see me?’’

He barely peeked his head through the frame and blinked innocently up at his boss who was writing something on a piece of paper. 

‘’Yes, please come on in Louis.’’ Both paper and pen disappeared from his desk as he smiled kindly. ‘’How did your first day go, with experiencing a new department on top of it? Liam was nothing but positive about you.’’

‘’It went surprisingly okay, and the team seems very professional so yeah, a great start I would say.’’

‘’I’m glad to hear that.’’ He continued to smile, but Louis could see he thought something over in his mind, and he was about to ask if there was something else he wanted when new words cut through. ‘’Do you like Adele?’’

‘’The singer? Well yeah, worship her, brilliant woman. Why?‘’

‘’Then I assume you’re aware she’s playing her first concert here in London tomorrow, do you want to go?’’

A small moment of silence formed between them as he stared at his boss with confusion dawning over him. 

‘’Er hell yeah, but- I- are you like-.''

‘’Then tell Liam you’ll be going along so he can fix entrance for you both. At the end of the week, I want you to bring me a review of her concert and also write an article about her; I’ll be looking forward to reading it. Just remember, you are there as a professional and not just a fan, be real with your words.’’

Catastrophic is how it could’ve been if his boss hadn’t cut him off when his mind misjudged the words for a split second and had the impression Harry had asked him to go with him. Not as a professional but as in a, well he killed that thought before it settled and he could feel the tips of his ears burn in embarrassment. Day one and he’d already made a fool out of himself by letting the thought of his boss’ being yet another arsehole who hit on their employers.

‘’I’ll keep that in mind, thank you, Mr.Styles.’’ 

‘’No problem, now get out of here and go home.’’ Another kind smile was sent his way, and he gave a short nod back before turning around to walk away hurriedly. ‘’And Louis?’’

Almost out the door, just a small step away from the awkward situation only he could feel, and he daringly considered acting deaf and keep on walking. Instead, his body stopped, and he cocked his head to the side. 

‘’Yes?’’

‘’You can call me Harry.’’

 

••••••• 

 

‘’He isn’t even intimidating for fuck sake, just disturbingly friendly but every time I’m in his office I can practically see my knees wobbling, and I go dumb as bread! What’s his deal, god that man is fucking frustrating.’’

Louis dropped like a bag of potatoes and puffed out a heavy sigh as he gave Zayn a funny look, waiting for his friend to agree.

‘’He has the hotness of a smoking bad boy, I mean just picture that face with messy curls and a low cigarette hanging from his mouth, blissfull, the intelligence of a genius and mother Theresa’s kindness, that’s his deal. Makes everyone squirm in his presence, I quite enjoy it.’’

‘’What?’’ New energy filled the stiffness of Louis’ limbs, and he shot up in his seat, brow reaching his hairline and his mouth popping open. ‘’You can’t be serious.’’

‘’Oh come on Louis, even with everything you went through you can’t deny the man is a looker. Have you not seen those dimples? I swear the man’s hair smells like citrus and fresh spring, clearly he understands how precious those locks are and how much care they deserve. Don’t even get me started on his blazing em-.''

‘’Oh my god, why don’t you just ask him to bend you over his desk and fulfil whatever gross fantasy you have, apparently you’ve drooled over the vision for a while.’’

Disbelief and nausea formed a subtle grimace on him as Zayn threw his head back in laughter while fingers closed around his pack of cigarettes. With easiness he drew one and placed it between his lips, drying his eyes before reaching for the lighter next.

‘’Nah, I don’t desire or want him, he’s just a beautiful person that’s all. I appreciate beauty when I see it and because of his personality, it shines through stronger than most people.’’ Pleasant smoke eased up Louis’ nostrils and without asking he stole one for himself. ‘’And to be relatively honest, I think he might be the one to be on the desk if you know what I mean, more in line for what you prefer babe.’’

Not expecting those words or the scenario that forced itself into Louis’ mind he drew the smoke in too roughly and coughed harshly when his lungs felt like they inhaled actual fire.

‘’We’re so dropping this subject, he’s our fucking boss, and you don’t even know if he swings that way. Can’t imagine you two chatting about relationships and whatnot.’’

‘’No but he has the vibe an-.''

‘’Nope don’t want to hear it, seriously, after what happened with my last one I’m not stepping into dangerous territory in any way possible. The only times I’ll be seeing him are at meetings, that’s it, I won’t even try to be friendly because I don’t want to be casual with my boss. He’ll be professional and so will I. Why am I even defending myself over this, I don’t fancy the man.’’

‘’Well you did bring it up.’’

‘’No I didn’t, you were the one who- ‘’ Unable to finish his sentence, he cut himself off by springing to his feet and closing the distance between him and his laptop. ‘’-You know what, on a completely different note, I need to move out. I’ve been living with you for too long, and since I have an income again, I can finally have my flat back. Just need to kick out those idiots who are renting it from me and the personalised contract we made gives me the right to demand them gone in a month.’’

‘’What are you doing?’’

Hunched over the laptop and a half-smoked cigarette hanging from his fingers Louis continued typing on the keys, drawing a smirk without turning to face Zayn.

‘’Typing out a notice, the sooner, the better. I want my flat back before Christmas.’’

 

•••••••

 

‘’How was the concert guys?’’

Gavin sipped the steaming coffee placed in his hands and stared curiously down at Louis and Liam, who were busy typing out every impression and experience they had from the night before. Waking up to a million pounds flooding his room was how he felt, the concert had been amazing, and he hadn’t lost the blissful sensations from his system yet.

‘’I have no words, she was.. incredible, pure joy. Which makes my job fucking awful because how am I supposed to write a serious review after experiencing a dark fangirl moment last night? How can I possibly formulate myself to sound serious and not like a crazy stalker fan?’’

Barks of laughter eased from Liam as he twirled his chair around with hands placed behind his head, he’d been the unfortunate one to be around Louis the moment Adele had arrived from under the second scene like a glittery goddess. High pitched shrieks that shouldn’t have belonged in his vocal chords screamed along with the people around him and he’d forgotten he was there on the clock. He’d sagged into Liam’s side and stared dreamily up at the woman he would happily marry and go straight for. She was the picture of perfect, voice so powerful and raw that it melted his insides into a mushy puddle of goo, and he’d used poor Liam as a mop.

‘’That’s putting it mildly, you had the face of someone experiencing a three-hour long orgasm. You were vibrating man, drooling all over my shoulder and panting like a fucking dog. For a second I was afraid your brain shut down for good, I had to drag you home.’’

Cheeks flamed as he couldn’t deny Liam’s facts and when Gavin coughed into his coffee not able to hold his laughter back he slowly slid off his chair and hid under the desk.

‘’You have a bit of a crush on the lovely lady Lou?’’

Humour laced Gavin’s words as he bent down to catch Louis’ eyes, laughing even more at the flaring face that met his sight. 

‘’Well she should feel honoured, she’s the only lady who will receive that sort of attention from me.’’ He peeked his head out from the desk and cocked a brow, trying for a joke but heavily groaned as he remembered he still had to write the review. ‘’Bloody hell, I’m so failing this one, and that fucking curly lad upstairs is going to read it. Will probably amuse him for ten whole seconds, then he’ll rip it in half and give me a lecture about being unprofessional with my words.’’

‘’Nah, he might not use it if it’s too over the top but I bet he can relate to your enthusiasm, think Adele is his favourite as well and I believe he shares your love for her. You should’ve been here for our last Christmas party; the man showed some pretty sick vocal skills as he bawled out one of her songs. Not so good with his dancing, though, but it was quite the show.’’

‘’What, you’re telling me fancy pants can’t swing his perky arse around, I thought every Fashionista knew how to move gracefully over the dancefloor.’’ 

Feeling the heat leave his face he retrieved from his hideout and sat on his knees, leaning elbows on the desk as he wiggled his brows up and down. After the night before he was fairly sure, he and Liam had reached the friend state, and Gavin seemed laid back enough for him to joke along with. What could he say, he made friends quickly, and he wasn’t afraid of being loud or chatty which sometimes worked in his favour and other times.. well, not so much. From the way Liam’s eyes widened and how he swallowed his cup of coffee wrong he felt maybe he’d read the situation wrong, but when another voice drifted in from behind he knew he’d done it.

‘’Well this perky arse has its hidden moves, but at three in the morning with a little too much champagne in the system makes it a bit difficult to coordinate.’’

Louis whole body stiffened as the words leaving his boss’ mouth made it very clear he’d overheard his not so professional reference to his arse, and he once again saw his life flash. How many moments of humiliation could he take before sewing his mouth shut was the only option to be sure he wouldn’t say anything stupid again? The awkward silence that had fallen over them was broken by Gavin not able to hold it in anymore, and he laughed hard enough to fall out of his chair. Choked barks crawled up Liam’s throat as well and the only person who didn’t see the amusement was Louis, who went paler by the second. 

‘’Oh God.’’ His panicked whisper drowned in the noise, and he forced his limbs to move as he sat back in the chair and turned painfully slow to meet his boss’s gaze with sorry spewing from his eyes. ‘’What will it take for you to forget the last five minutes and pretend I don’t exist?’’

A touch of desperation fled from him, and his usual twitch acted up, as it always did when he was uncomfortable and lost on how to behave. The creepy smirk lifting the right side of his boss’s face made his stomach drop and he mentally cursed the big mouth he’d been born with.

‘’I reckon he should shake that big cushion of his in a similar way, give him a lesson that performing under the eyes of others might not always be so easy.’’ 

It was evident Gavin was just messing about, he could hear it in his voice, but it didn’t stop his cheeks from demanding his blood to decorate him crimson again. Just the thought of having to dance awkwardly in front of his boss made his skin prickle, and he was sure he would never be able to look him in the eye again. A quiet cough pushed out as he unwillingly found his boss’s gaze, searching to see if he found Gavin’s suggestion reasonable. What he hadn’t anticipated when his eyes met the green ones was the loss of smirk and a thoughtful expression dawning as he stared down at Louis’ shrinking figure. There was something close to annoyance hidden in his iris, and it made him frown for a minute, unsure of what he should take it as. 

‘’Even though Louis is a new member of our staff doesn’t mean he should be treated any less than an equal, don’t you agree Gavin? Integrity is a quality I believe we all share and puts highly; I wouldn’t assume you would risk me thinking differently about yours by sharing unacceptable suggestions now. As to you Louis, I’m not unknown to jokes, so I'll let it slide, but I will be expecting a finished sample of your task at my desk by the end of the week.’’

With a last nod, he backed away from the three confused men and vanished around the corner without another word.

‘’What the- Did that just happen? He told you he understands a joke but what about my fucking joke, I laughed while I said it- you guys heard I was kidding right?’’ 

‘’Yeah yeah, of course, I think maybe he just wanted to set an example?’’

Liam’s response to Gavin’s shocked confusion sounded more like a question than an answer and Louis shared their confusion, he didn’t understand what just happened either.

‘’Example of what? That he’s favouring the newbie and passive aggressively lectures whoever makes a side comment about him? That’s.. strange man-‘’ Gavin turned to face Louis with a raised brow. ‘’-you up to something with him?’’

‘’What, no! Definitely not!’’

Just as Gavin was about to share more of his mind, Liam had moved and was able to jab an elbow at his side, discreetly trying to say he should drop it and keep his mouth shut. The action didn’t go unnoticed, he quickly realised Liam had done his homework while Gavin obviously hadn’t and the action was meant to spare both of them the awkwardness of dropping the ball. Of course, Liam knew, it was incredible if the rest of the building didn’t.

‘’Whatever I don’t care, I’m going to lunch, see you guys later.’’

Then there were two and the new silence between them gnawed at his patience, sensing how silent questions hung in the air. He didn’t want to talk about it, but the tension seemed to build up, and the quickest way to move forward was probably to take the bull by its horns. Some people claimed it was easier talking to someone who wasn’t a close friend, and Liam wasn’t, at the same time he had a pleasant vibe about him. He just hoped he wasn’t wrong, and it would cause more tension between them.

‘’So-‘’

‘’You’ve read about me then.’’

Liam shuffled his feet and casually shrugged his shoulders in a way to make him seem indifferent but from the way his eyes fell to the floor Louis could tell he was hesitant about what to say next. A loud sigh left him as he regretted what he was about to say.

‘’Go on, you can ask.’’

‘’No man I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, and it’s none of my business so you shouldn’t feel pressured to talk about it. For the record, I think you’re nice bloke, and you already fit in here, which is impressive since most newbies don't warm up at least before a month has gone by. Harry isn’t known for hiring bad people so I trust his judgment about you as well, so don’t worry about it.’’

Well shit, Liam just had to be the good man didn’t he, smiling kindly and treating him as an ordinary decent person even though his mind must’ve exploded with questions. Even his words sounded genuine enough to make him believe Liam meant what he said, that he didn’t need to know. It took him a while before he realised Liam had walked back to his office to continue work and another heavy sigh fled from Louis’ mouth. 

‘’He set me up you know, my previous boss over at _Athlete’s Today_. Gathered his kind of evidence and that if I ever were to fight back and stand up for myself, he would release his lies to the press and portrait me as the worst fucking human being. Threatened he would ruin me in many ways and eventually he did.’’ 

The sound of typing stopped, and he could see from the corner of his eyes how Liam’s head turned up from his desk, shifting his attention towards the sound of his voice drifting through his open door. With a deep breath, he closed his eyes and let it all out in one go, just wanting to get it off his chest to someone other than Zayn for once.

‘’He buttered me up from the beginning, took me under his wing and befriended me, which I thought was cool since I respected and looked up to the man and thought he saw potential in me. At least that’s what he told me and always encouraged me to try harder. I should’ve found it strange that my colleagues didn’t address him as casually or hung out with us, but I was too stoked to have a great job and a boss that was treating me as a friend. I never seduced him or even flirted like the papers claimed, but I’m an affectionate friend I suppose, I’m not afraid of giving hugs or be in people’s space when I’m comfortable around them. Eventually, he put the moves on me and when I rejected him he turned into a fucking nightmare. Filthy comments about my body and what he’d liked to do certain things with it met me each time I stepped into his office and quickly developed into him physically touching me whenever we were alone at work. Started off by rubbing my shoulders while he kept telling me how firm and toned I was and then progressed into him stroking my thighs under the table during meetings and slapping my arse when no one was around. It disgusted me, and he proved what kind of man he is, and I ended up wanting nothing to do with him or his paper but when I gave him my resignation he presented me a string of photos. He’d paid someone to capture us on camera from every hangout we’d had, images of me with a hand over his shoulder or initiating a hug which of course didn’t look innocent. Only showed the ones where he looked uncomfortable though, and I came off as the assaulting one, it didn’t take me too long to realise he’d worked on looking innocent from the start. He'd also hired someone to follow me after work hours, snapping pictures of me with guys I hooked up with, just to sell the image of me being the slutty predator. He threatened to ruin my name and claim I blackmailed him to get a head higher in my career if I didn’t stay and he made it clear he would destroy me and make sure I would never get another job again. So being a stupid, frightened twenty-two-year-old, I stayed and experienced the next two years of my life being sexually harassed on repeat. I was too scared and ashamed to tell anyone and I had the impression my colleagues wouldn’t have cared anyway since they never asked how I was doing or what was going on with me. I became a shell of who I was, but no one noticed and I believe now that I wasn't his only victim, he had too much power over all of us and he’d made sure that nothing could be traced back to him if any of us were to speak up. He knew what he was doing, and the only ones who would suffer from reporting him were us.’’

He’d kept his eyes shut during his speech and when it was over he breathed out a shaky breath, feeling both disgusted of reliving the shitty memories and very relieved from sharing his side of the story. When his eyes finally floated open, he noticed how Liam had pushed his chair closer and was sending him a pained expression as he chewed the back of his pen. Hesitantly the final question whispered from his lips.

‘’How did you get out?’’

‘’I didn’t really. It still follows me, my name is blacklisted all over the country, I have a criminal record, every job I applied for declined me, and I was sentenced as the guilty part. The media trashed me and more letters and e-mails I could count found their way to me, filled with such hatred and it got to me you know. But yeah, I got away from his presence before he could break me at least so it was worth it. Guess I should start believing in miracles since the fact that I’m here at Style is a ridiculous one. I still can’t believe it happened; it shouldn’t have.’’

‘’But you reported him?’’

‘’Eventually yes, he never came far enough to force me to do physically things with him but one night when I was stuck in a meeting and had to stay longer than the rest he tried, and it snapped for me. He forced himself on me, and when I fought back he lost his temper, he pushed me to the floor and ripped my clothes to take what he wanted. He was too strong to fight off so I pretended to give up for a moment, long enough for him to think I was broken and defeated for him to go through with it. He misjudged the situation and my mental strength so the second he lessened his hold I grabbed the nearest obstacle and hit him in the head. It gave me time to run, and I never went back. Found myself an attorney and told him everything, reported the sick shit and found anger enough to think I had a chance. It turned out I didn’t, especially when none of my other colleagues had my back and chose his side over mine. The rest you know, it was all over the news, and he blew it out of proportion, claimed I’d stolen money from the paper and purposely tried to take the whole business down. Thankfully those who investigated couldn’t find any evidence because there weren’t any, otherwise, I would be locked in jail by now, having my whole life destroyed. The circus of shit-show shouldn’t have gained such attention as it did, but he used all the resources and connections he had to gain as much press possible and guess what, it fucking worked in his favour. To top it off _he_ sued _me_ and the fucking court found me guilty on the blackmail charges because his devil attorney probably could’ve convinced the jury I was jack the ripper if he wanted to. At least they didn’t have any physical evidence or witnesses to support his lies about me assaulting and raping him because that never happened either so I got off with Good behaviour bond for a blackmail charge which won’t end for another two years. Had to go to counselling for six months and report back to a probation service supervision officer, still need to do the last part, but at least I wasn’t sentenced to jail. It still sucks and is beyond unfair; the fucking loser gave _me_ a criminal record for something _he_ did and no doubt are still doing, but it doesn’t help me in any way to be punching my walls in frustration. I’ll just live my life as normal as possible the next twenty-four months, and then the probation will finally be over, and I can somehow try to put it behind me. I’ve already managed to come further than I thought I would, by getting this job and I still can’t understand what the hell Mr.Styles thought when he decided to hire me. Don’t even get why he allowed me an interview; seriously he must be crazy that one, but I fucking owe the man my life for giving me a second chance. So yeah, there you have it.’’

Snorting was all he felt like doing, and he voiced a rather loud one as the final sentence filled the room, once again leaving silence between them. It was shortly replaced by laughter as it bubbled up from his throat and he couldn’t hold it back. Laughing was the last reaction he should have, but the bitterness of it all called out petty amusement to cloak the wound and helped him deal with it. Before he could see Liam move, he felt strong arms close around him from behind, and Liam’s head rested on top of his own while gentle hands started rubbing his sides up and down.

‘’Shit that’s messed up, I don’t even have words to- oh fuck, is this- ‘’ Liam’s grip lessened a bit as his head jerked up. ‘’inappropriate of me? I just reacted automatically and didn't-.''

‘’No it’s fine Liam, he didn’t ruin hugs for me and your reaction is comforting because it tells me you believe my side of the story. Thanks, I appreciate it.’’

‘’Holy shit I’m so sorry about my earlier comment man, I didn’t know.’’

Both of them spun around to see Gavin gaping in the doorframe, a horrified expression painting his face white as he’d apparently overheard their conversation. He carefully stepped inside as he looked at Louis with sorry in his eyes and it made his inside warm. Right as he was about to turn back to face his screen a small shadow at the furthest window from the door caught his sight, and he hoped it hadn’t been tips of curly hair he’d seen. He couldn’t stand another incident of embarrassing himself in front of his boss so convincing himself it was only the reflection of Gavin walking past a lamp turned out to be pretty easy.

‘’Okay so now you know, and the shit happened so can we please move on from this depressing subject before the rest of the team comes back from lunch, and another round of this piss gets mentioned?’’

‘’Yes, back to work ladies, we aren’t paid for sitting around doing nothing!’’

A soft wink came from Liam and a warm chuckle left Gavin as both he and Louis saluted before redirecting their attention towards their screens. The rest of the day flew by along with the remaining week even though he struggled to formulate his words in a professional way and the light at the end of the tunnel fainted. Sports was much easier; sure he had favourite teams and players, but he was able to spot their mistakes and flaws during a game and judge their play reasonable. Music and Adele, well that was an entirely different story when he couldn’t find a single mistake or flaw about the love of his life. It was with a defeated posture he dragged his feet closer to his boss’s office on the last day of his week, and his mind conjured several ways he would be shut down or lectured about what he was about to deliver. He’d done his best with the review, restrained himself and forced his words to be as neutral as possible, but he could already tell it wasn’t good enough even though Liam had given his approval. Disappointment shouldn’t be in his system; he was on unfamiliar ground, and he clearly didn’t have the same expertise as the rest of the department, but it still hit him. Perhaps it had something to do with it being his first week there, unable to prove his skills the way he wanted. Shoulders straightened as he knocked lightly and swung the door open. 

‘’Mr.Styles I have-‘’

‘’Harry.’’ His boss cut him off without stopping what he was doing or lifting his head to welcome him, and Louis cleared his throat and tried again.

‘’Harry. I have the assignment you gave me and uh, well, you wanted to take a look at it?’’

‘’Yes please come in.’’ Then Harry’s gaze drifted up and met Louis’, a kind smile turning his face into a friendly one and he waved him over. ‘’How did it go? I couldn’t help overhearing your.. Enthusiasm for this one so I’m curious to see what you came up with.’’

A silent groan crawled up his throat as he could see the hint of humour flaring over Harry’s eyes and he felt like ripping the papers in half. Not only was he reminded that his boss had heard his inappropriate joke those few days ago, but he’d also heard how little he looked forward to finishing the assignment. Or well, how much he struggled with it. 

‘’I’m not going to lie, I’ve probably smoked enough to reduce my life with a few decades and ripped out enough hair to create a wig but eventually I managed to finish it. If it’s any good and can be printed I highly doubt but, at least it’s done.’’

With quick movements, he handed the papers over and was about to take the tail between his legs and sneak back out.

‘’Please, sit down Louis.’’ 

For a short moment, he considered asking if he was allowed to leave instead, not being too proud of his work he didn't want to sit there and observe his boss read it over. In the end, he didn’t and slumped defeated down on the chair in front of him and painfully watched how Harry flicked the pages. His face was emotionless, a look of steel actually and the longer Louis sat there, the more uncomfortable did he get. Small shivers of impatience slid down his spine, and a sticky sweat broke at the top of his neck, causing him to shift around. Ten minutes later, which felt like ten horrible hours, Harry looked up and narrowed his eyes on Louis’ wide ones. 

‘’You’re right; it is done.’’ 

Waiting for Harry to continue Louis stared dumbly, raising his brows in a way to say he wasn’t getting what it was supposed to mean. 

‘’That’s it? Come on, you have to give me more than that, let me out of my misery here.’’

A soft chuckle eased from Harry’s lips and once again Louis saw the two lovely dimples that reduced his older boss from a serious businessman into a sweet, adorable looking guy. The sight was surprisingly endearing and settled at the back of his mind as his face stretched and he realised he was grinning back. He quickly shook his goofy grin off as the heat of embarrassment threatened to paint him in the shade of obvious. 

‘’Even though I can relate to your compliments on the concert review I won't use it. It doesn’t mean it isn’t good, but I attended it myself, and I have to agree with Liam's point of view and his description.’’

Being shut down wasn’t surprising, and he'd been prepared, but the blow of having his boss say it wasn’t good enough still stung quite harshly. He knew he shouldn’t take it to heart, and he tried to shake it off, knowing he had room to improve and was eventually going to.

‘’Yeah no of cou-.''

‘’The article, though, it paints a respectable picture of Adele as an artist, and I’m pleasantly surprised how it turned out, it shows you’re capable of handling a challenge. You shouldn’t be too surprised that I would use this piece, Louis, even though music isn’t what you originally do you’re still a journalist so you know how to write. Give it to Liam, he’ll read it over and go through it with you, pointing out what parts might be rewritten and changed before we publish it in this month’s issue. He’ll be fair; it will still be your words, but it’s his job to do the final touches and make sure it's free of any errors.’’

Louis was two seconds away from launching himself over the desk and attack his boss with the tightest hug he could give at the sound of having his name on something published again. It had been so long since the last time and the fact that Harry took him seriously and acknowledged his qualifications made his heart grow twice the size and fucking butterflies exploded in his stomach. Instead of hugging the man and surely getting himself fired he shot up from his seat and shook his hand eagerly, copying his first meeting with Liam and Susie.

‘’You mean that? Holy fu- that’s amazing thank you!’’

‘’You’re making me sound like I’m buying you a car.’’ Harry laughed as he stared with raised brows at his hand jumping up and down in Louis’ grasp. ‘’You proved you have talent so you earned this, keep it up and you might find your name on several different types of articles.’’

‘’Heeeey Haz, what’s up you little mon-‘’ The sound of a door being opened and followed with a loud voice caused Louis to startle in shock and since Harry’s desk was the only thing in front of him, he found himself tumbling over. The high pitched voice quickly stopped and was replaced by a slower sound, laced with mockery. ‘’Oh, am I interrupting something? Didn’t take you for a pervert baby bro, with this glass office and all I mean.’’

Having his arse the only side of him this woman could see made Louis think it was hopeless, it didn’t matter what he did or how careful he tried to be. Since he stepped through the doors of Style he had done nothing but humiliate himself in front of his boss and by having his torso laying across the desk in a very wrong looking way he wished he could create a black hole to take him away. His nose was inches away from Harry’s stomach, and if the desk had been any lower it would’ve been a disaster, it already looked like he was sucking him off but having his face pressed into his boss’s crotch would be the final line. Quick as lightning he scrambled backwards and fell unflattering to the floor before shooting up as he avoided looking at anything besides the ceiling.

‘’As charming as ever Ash.’’ Harry rose from his seat and opened his arms when the girl stepped into them and captured him in a big hug. ‘’I think you frightened my newest employer with that entrance, Ashley this is Louis Tomlinson. Louis, this is my sister Ashley.’’

The girl flipped around and found his round eyes and waved a hand as a small chuckle teased through her lips. She was a beauty with long flowy curls, not as prominent or dark as her brother’s but still noticeable and she had the same green eyes which sparkled with humour. 

‘’Nice to meet you Louis- oh wait, Tomlinson..? as in _the_ Louis Tomlinson?’’ 

The smile on her face widened as the sinking feeling in his stomach acted up; he was not in the mood to chit chat about what she had read about him. Especially not in front of his boss.

‘’If we’re having lunch Ash I suggest we get going, we can’t be late for the editor’s meeting later.’’

‘’Such a buzzkill you are-‘’ She slammed an elbow into her brother’s side, causing Harry to cough and bend slightly over as she grabbed Louis’ hand and shook it. ‘’Well you must be nice since this one hired you but don’t let him drown you with work and drive you to the point of madness, though. He’s done it before, all my life.’’ 

With a last laugh and wave, she stumbled out of the office followed with an impatient whistle, whining for Harry to get his arse moving and it made Louis’ swallow the chuckle he felt forming. He couldn’t help feeling gratitude for Harry’s obvious distraction and cutting off his sister’s curiosity.

‘’Gotta love you family right? Well, there’s nothing else I need from you at this point so you can head back to Liam and work on what I told you. Congratulations Louis, you lived through your first week and a new department on top of that, Monday will be comfortable when you’re back at sports I assume.’’

The moderate weight of Harry’s palm landed on his shoulder, and he squeezed it gently as he sent a kind smile, reaching into his emotional centre and forcing him to find his boss likeable. He stared a bit blankly at the moving back of Harry leaving, and once he was out of sight, he shut his eyes and cursed quietly. 

 

•••••••

 

‘’I hate my boss.’’

As usual, he found himself splattered over the couch and heavily sighing while Zayn fiddled with work related papers and his signature cigarette dripping from his mouth. Without glancing up or giving any signs of listening, Zayn inhaled and let out a stream of smoke before he reacted.

‘’What happened this time?’’

‘’He’s going to use my article, it will be published.’’

The lack of thrill and happiness finally made Zayn put his papers away, and he shifted to look directly at Louis, who was staring at the ceiling like he’d announced a death in his family.

‘’That’s supposed to be a bad thing? Come on; that’s incredible, and it means he sees your talent.’’

‘’Exactly!’’

His hands came up to clutch his head, and he rolled over to his side, peeking through his fingers to see disbelief settle over Zayn’s face.

‘’I don’t get it, so you hate him because Mr. Styles, a brilliant businessman, approves your talent and compliments you by using it?’’

‘’Yes! I mean no of course not, I hate him because he forces me to find him likeable! He’s just so.. Fucking sweet all the time, without even trying it seems, and it pisses me off. And if he’s nice then I’m going to be all comfortable around him and forget to act as steely as I want to.’’

‘’Ah, so the problem is that you like him then.’’

A deep groan rumbled between them as Louis rolled out of his seat and sat Indian style on the floor instead, dropping his head back to rest on the cushion.

‘’We both know I obviously have no clue how to be friendly without people raising brows and getting the wrong idea, everything is going to blow up in my face. I can’t go through something like that again.’’

‘’You’re an idiot, seriously. Harry is the last person who would try what your previous boss did; he’s been my boss for almost five years, and I have nothing but good to say about the man. He’s a professional, very honest and sincere guy and just the thought of h-.''

Louis cut Zayn off by smacking his hand against his knee, sending an angry expression at the thought of him even thinking about accusing someone of such without a cause to.

‘’No no no, I’m not saying he is, god no I haven’t had any reasons to think that way, but if I get all friendly with him then people might talk you know? Because many knows who I am or will eventually find out about my baggage so, just a laugh shared between Mr. Styles and me will surely be noticed. What if rumours spread through the departments and eventually the press gets notified and decides to run another story about me finding a new prey? You know how the media works and yeah it’s been a while, but surely they’ll attack like hungry wolves if it involves a respected and powerful man like Mr. Styles. Oh god, why would he risk hiring me in the first place, the man is suicidal.’’

‘’So don’t get friendly with him then, he’s your boss so keeping it professional should be the only flow between you. Just stay away from his presence and only see him when you have to, it shouldn’t be too hard; I’ve managed fine so far. Tone your personality down a bit when you talk with him, then he won’t facepalm and come in his pants over your charming sass.’’

‘’You’re an arsehole, why do I allow you in my life?’’

‘’Because you love me, I always have your back and understands all of your shit.’’

It shouldn’t be too hard what Zayn asked him to do; he could be friendly from a distance and stay in his safe zone. He wasn’t entirely sure why he was working himself up over it; he’d barely talked with his boss and after the first week he was sure their meetings would be fewer. It was rather silly to panic just because he found his boss nice, in fact, he wanted to find his boss nice and be on his good side instead of the bad. It was just the fatal outcome of the last time he’d befriended someone who had power over his career and life that made him anxious and paranoid.

‘’Look I get why you’re fuzzing about this, but you should try to relax, from what I’ve experienced Harry hires people he can read and understand. Pretty sure most of the people working at Style has integrity, and want’s what’s best for the magazine, giving shits about some story that happened a year ago. And you’re right; he is powerful, so I would be scared shitless by just thinking of crossing him or causing him any trouble.’’

‘’Yeah.. you’re probably right. And I do love you, man.’’

When Zayn smiled down at him, he couldn’t help but wonder why he'd never really thought about how things could've been if either one of them had taken a step further with their relationship. Zayn was gorgeous, so fucking beautiful it burned his eyes, and he was one of the best people he knew, but he'd never truly considered them dating instead of just being the best of friends. They had known each other since school, and he'd been smitten beyond belief when the spitting image of a Greek god had arrived at his class and was seated next to him. For some reason though his fascination had stayed there, never developed into something deeper and brought out the typical crush kids quickly experienced in their young state. The more he got to know the young boy the more he felt like he could be himself. Zayn had helped him deal with his struggles, taught him to accept himself and put his needs first by ignoring the mocked words, and disgusted looks sent his way. He’d helped him to put it behind him, and that was something he could never thank him enough for. Perhaps they would've eventually fallen in love or maybe not if they had tried, but from the point where he was currently at he strongly doubted it would've ended positively. Toying and testing feelings could either have brought them closer or ended them all together. He was more relieved they hadn't decided to test the road, if things were meant to be they usually happened naturally. He shook his head and smiled into his elbow; he didn’t need to wonder about something that never happened or would happen. Just having Zayn in his life, his support by his side was more than enough and in honesty, that’s was most likely their best and only option. 

After taking Zayn’s advice and keeping a safe distance from his boss, only talking with him when he was called for his nerves went down. It wasn’t hard at all it appeared; Harry was as sweet as he always was but he was also busy around the clock. He rarely needed to check in with the departments and when a month went by and it was time for a new switch-up week Louis’ name wasn’t drawn, sparing him from diving into new territory where he had to consult with Harry. His days were easy and he for once enjoyed waking up at the crack of dawn to start his work. Dealing with sports was familiar, and he felt at home with the tasks he was given, and Niall was more than thrilled to have him on his team. The loud Irish joked around and made him feel welcomed, turning their workplace into a playground. His colleagues were pretty laid back as well, all sports junkies who cared for nothing but exactly that, sports. Which let him glide right in and be a part of them, not having to share his ugly side and simply just be.

Another month quickly passed, and he felt like he floated on a cloud, everything was just so easy and painless. He was liked, even got along with the receptionist which he found out was named Jessica, people asked him for advice and complimented him on his work. Niall had even bought him an excellent whisky as thanks for running around like a propeller, always helping and turning into a workaholic. There was also a humorous undertone to the whisky, _take it drink it and fucking relax your jitters man, don’t have to do everything in a day._ Well, the bottle didn’t come with a card but hearing Niall yell it from his desk was clearance enough. Time went so fast that when December came, he hardly realised it was close to Christmas and time for a new switch-up week.

‘’Okay, give me your notes mates and I’ll draw the unlucky bastard.’’

Niall held a hat between his fingers and whistled to gain the attention from his team and with groans and whines they all placed their name inside. Still high on whatever was driving his work stamina and fuelling his good mood Louis stepped back to his desk with the same smile he’d sported since he started, not worried at all.

‘’And the loser is-‘’ a dramatic drumroll came from Niall’s stomping feet as he whirled his fingers around. A sickly smile formed on his face, and he laughed when his eyes landed on Louis, pointing a finger his way. ‘’You again Tommo. You should start playing the real lottery; you seemed to get picked a lot.’’

A roll of his eyes was what he sent back as he casually shrugged, working with entertainment had been fine and if he were to be sent there again the-

‘’Nope I called you the loser for a reason, it’s not entertainment this time. It’s the lovely food&wine and travel department and yes, you’re still the loser because you have been chosen to stay in the shitty food&wine section. Have a nice week man and I expect a gourmet meal when you come back.’’

Well fuck, it was way worse than entertainment. Travel could’ve been fun but no, food&wine it was apparently, and he barked out a laugh. It would certainly be interesting when the only fancy meal he’d ever made was a casserole of mac and cheese. Which yeah, wasn’t exactly an elegant meal at all and he'd managed to burn his pottery black from the attempt. He had less clue about food than travel, and he could only imagine the sighs he would get from the people over there. Food people tended to be a bit prissy didn’t they, wrinkling their noses at the fast food and pre-made dinners he was a big fan of.

‘’Anything to make you choke Horan.’’ 

He sent a wink and flipped him off before grabbing his things and strolled out the door to find his way down to the department. Well if he had to be a joke then surely the food&wine section would be the safest place to be, seeing they had the fewest pages in the magazine and wasn’t a big important part. Perhaps he shouldn’t open with such statement; clearly it wouldn’t win his colleague's admiration. As it turned out, the department was deserted, and all that met him was silence. He carefully stepped inside and placed his bag down, staring around a bit confused. Ten minutes he stood there, doing absolutely nothing and wondered where the people were when the phone beside him rang. Having listened to nothing but his breathing he jumped and clutched his chest in the scare, taking a deep breath before fumbling with the device and answering the call. 

‘’Yo wha- I mean hello, this is Louis.’’

‘’It seems Mr. Garett is stuck in traffic and won’t be arriving for another twenty minutes at least.’’ The kind tone of Jessica eased into his ear, and he rolled his eyes as he pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘’I know it's switch-up week so do you want me to call Mr. Styles and have him giv-.''

‘’No, no that’s fine. I’ll just wait until Mr. Garett arrives, there’s enough to read up on in the meantime but thanks for letting me know Jess.’’

‘’No problem Lou, have a beautiful day.’’

Not twenty, but thirty minutes later an old man with heavy glasses dragged himself into the room and panted as he fell into his chair. His round belly bounced when he dragged a hand over his dripping forehead and the distinct smell of sweat bored up Louis’ nostrils. Not the best first impression and he already wished the week would be over and done with. Being locked inside with an old man who apparently didn’t keep track of his personal hygiene wasn’t exactly pumping his enthusiasm. 

‘’Hello, I’m Lou-‘’

‘’Find Mr. Styles, he’ll tell you what to do from here. I don’t have an overview of what Mrs. Shepherd worked with before she switched places with you so I can’t give you anything.’’

The old man grunted out, and it was the first time Louis felt a bit speechless, unsure of doing as he was told or try to speak with the man and see if he was just having a bad day or unwilling to help. Clearly both when he met the man’s glance and a vision of two people working on their own flashed over his mind, barely conversing or discussing topics. Perhaps that’s the way the food&wine and travel department worked, only sharing a room but not ideas. A little disappointed and confused he walked away and once again found himself having to depend on his boss for something to do. Seeing through Harry’s glass walls, he realised the man was in a meeting, two suited men with black suitcases gestured with hands towards a canvas placed between them and curiosity peeked his interest. Harry, on the contrary, seemed bored to death as he stared blankly ahead, not giving any directions of what he was thinking of or what he would say. 

‘’He’s in a meeting, and it may take a while, they just arrived. Is there perhaps something I can help you with?’’

A light voice drifted in from behind and when he turned he met Harry’s assistant’s gaze, smiling up at him behind round glasses. Her short pixie hair was gelled back, and she looked like a typical assistant, one of those clumsy ones he saw in movies. She seemed kind though so he smiled back while shaking his head.

‘’No that’s alright, I have nothing but time on my hands so I’ll just wait.’’

Another round of bored waiting led him to fiddle with his phone while he slumped down on the couch right beside the assistant’s desk. Killing time by playing stupid games made him drowsy and before he knew he was hanging halfway off the sofa as he nodded off.

‘’Yes certainly Mr. Styles, I’ll tell him right away.’’

He jerked awake when he heard the girl speak, and a set of feet rushed past, causing a slight wind to stroke his face. He had blinked a couple of times before the girl entered his vision again and she handed him a cup of water before filling him in.

‘’Mr. Styles had to step out for a short moment but he told me to let you wait in his office, he’ll be back soon.’’

‘’Oh okay, thanks.’’

He scrambled up and mentally punched himself, having the boss witnessing him sleeping outside his office was evidently not what he expected his employees to use their time on. Thankfully Harry came back quickly, and when he stepped into the room, his face didn’t show signs of being irritated by his earlier behaviour and instead smiled welcoming.

‘’Louis hello, what can I do for you today?’’

‘’Well, it seems I have to ask you for another assignment, got switched up again this week..’’

‘’Oh? Didn’t you have someone to show you how things work, where did you end up?’’

‘’Food&wine..’’

The left side of Harry’s mouth twitched and he could see the laughter crawling up his throat before he coughed it out and clasped his hands together. Apparently he knew what Louis was dealing with down there, and it made him raise a brow.

‘’Ah so you’ve met the lovely Mr. Garett, inviting man isn’t he? Since the rest of the department is shipped off to France for some wine tour, it appears you run the food section by yourself then. Don’t worry; it isn’t as terrifying as it sounds and there isn’t that much you have to keep control over. Luck doesn’t seem to be on your side does it, food&wine only switch departments every third month since they are so few and spends more time outside the office than in it.’’ 

Harry, who never sat down picked up the jacket hanging over his chair and threw it over his shoulder as Louis sat there staring dumbly at his actions and the smug look tearing his face in half. 

‘’Come on then, you can do your work over lunch.’’ 

‘’What?’’

‘’I’m having a meeting down at the new restaurant around the corner, I need someone to test their food and service, and since you asked me for an assignment then I’m assigning you this.’’

Well yeah no, that wasn’t what he'd expected to do that day. Having fucking lunch with his boss, or was he supposed to sit alone, having his own table while Harry did his meeting? And how was he expected to judge food, particularly in some fancy restaurant that probably had dishes he’d never even heard of? The idea of getting paid to eat was welcomed, though, he would never deny free food. Without dwelling too much, he followed Harry out from Style and down the road where the restaurant, Frati, was located. It didn’t look too fancy to his relief, and it was an Italian place, which brought out a wide smile on his face. He loved Italian.

‘’Hi, I have a reservation under the name Styles, and the man I'm meeting has already arrived. I know I said we would be two, but could you find us an extra chair? A last minute change, we’ll be three for lunch today.’’

It answered his silent question about sitting alone or not and the young man Harry spoke to, simply dipped his head in an elegant way before leading them down to their table.

‘’You see how ridiculous this is right? The only food I eat comes delivered at my door or wrapped in a plastic container from the store; I gave up trying when I had to throw out my pan after frying an egg that totally ruined it.’’

‘’Then isn’t this a perfect opportunity for you to widen your range? Perhaps you’ll discover a new sense of interest in learning after this week, who knows.’’

‘’Oh I know, pretty sure that won’t happen.’’

Louis swallowed his smile when he felt the comfortableness he’d been avoiding the last months starting to rise right back up again. There was something about Harry’s persona that made him relax and act casual, it came naturally and it was the last thing he needed. He shut his mouth when they reached the table, and he saw a bald man smiling a bit confused when he realised a third person was tagging along.

‘’Harry! I didn’t know you were bringing company, should we perhaps do this another time?’’

The man didn’t sound irritated or anything, but Louis already regretted saying yes, or well he hadn’t exactly said anything he’d just followed along. 

‘’No that won’t be necessary, this is Louis one of my employers. He’s currently in the food department so I asked him to come along to get a feeling of this place and be our food critic for this week.’’

He killed the snort at the sound of being a food critic and simply smiled as the bald man shook his hand and seconds later both he and Harry slid into their seats, side by side. The same man that welcomed them by the entrance brought them a set of menus and filled their glasses with water before leaving the carafe behind. Quick to avoid speaking he grabbed his glass and took long slow sips, feeling so out of place and having no idea if he was supposed to converse with them or not.

‘’All right then but I’m warning you, son, I have forty-five minutes of break, and I won’t be spending them talking about work. We do that enough on a daily basis.’’

At the word son Louis coughed into his glass and placed a hand over his mouth as to stop the following cramps pushing out. His throat burned, and the comfortableness he’d had flew away like someone had stabbed him with a taser. 

‘’You alright?’’

A concerned voice drilled into his ears, and the presence of Harry bending a little closer to search for his eyes caused his hand to spark up its usual twitch. Having casual lunch with his boss was bad enough but having casual lunch with his boss and his father was a recipe for destruction.

‘’F-fine, I'm all right.’’

Thankful the restaurant had soft delicate napkins, and he reached out and grabbed one, hiding half his face in it to clear his throat and cover up the heat flaring through his cheeks, sparing the other two from seeing too much of his embarrassment. It was going to be the longest and most awkward lunch of his life, and it had barely started.

‘’How’s your mother son, she still living in New York?’’

‘’Yeah, she and Owen just opened their antique shop so she’s quite busy with everything but she seems happy, though. Don’t give me that look; he’s a good man.-.'' Harry sipped his water as he continued staring at his father. ‘’-What about yourself then, Chelsea doing alright?’’

The older man smiled as he rubbed the small stubbles of grey decorating his chin as he nodded slowly.

‘’She is, just landed herself a pretty big deal with her model company, maybe you’d be interested in putting her on the cover soon. I know you like to run things boy, but I have a say in the magazine’s interest as well.’’

‘’I thought you didn’t want to discuss work.’’

There was a slight tension Louis picked up on as he sat there like an idiot, listening in on his boss’s private conversation with his father. He hadn’t even been introduced to the older man, not that he’d expected to be or even wanted to be, but the whole setting with him being there was just strange. Harry didn’t seem to mind, though, probably since he didn’t even acknowledge him being there at all. He blocked their voices out as he studied the menu, silently trying to pronounce the Italian words in his head while he struggled to understand what each dish consisted of. Usually, an English translation was scribbled underneath in small letters but apparently the restaurant enjoyed humiliating the less cultural morons at the bottom of the social rank where he was. The only words he recognised was _pizze_ and _Insalata_ , but he wasn’t hungry for a salad, and he felt wrong to choose a simple pizza when he was supposed to fake a food critic.

‘’May I take your orders gentlemen?’’

His head snapped up to see a waiter smiling down at them, hands behind his back and a dressed in a cute black outfit with the restaurant's logo embroidered on the right side of his chest. He’d arrived too soon; Louis hadn’t had enough time to decode the matrix menu to find something he would dare to try and discreetly sunk further into his chair.

‘’I’ll have the _Pappardelle al Ragout di Vitello_ and a glass of your finest wine.’’

The older man didn’t stutter once, and the light dread washing over Louis’ nerves made him chew the inside of his cheek, knowing he would mess up his order. Which he hadn’t decided on yet.

‘’ _Cozze e Caprino_ for me please and I’ll just stick with water thank you.’’

Smooth as his father, Harry's tongue, eased out the Italian words in one go, adding a new punch to Louis’ falling confidence. His eyes widened the slightest when the waiter turned in his direction, waiting patiently for the last order. 

‘’Uh, what curly said.’’ Barely able to stop himself from slapping his cheek he straightened up and closed the menu. ‘’I mean, I’ll have the same as him.’’

The tiniest sound of a muffled chuckle reached his ears and from the corner of his eye, he could see the not so subtle grin stretching Harry’s mouth out. Not giving him the pleasure of showing how much of an idiot he felt like he looked away and downed the rest of his glass before refilling it. 

‘’It’ll be fascinating to read your opinion later.’’

Clear amusement on the edge of laughter laced Harry’s words, and it made his stomach sink when he couldn’t imagine it was anything but light mockery surrounding his statement. To be honest, he was very interested in his opinion too when he wasn’t even close to knowing what he was about to eat. Fifteen minutes later his eyes were the size of two bursting balloons and the touch of red that had painted his face earlier had paled to the point where his skin drifted over to grey. An uneasy flare of nausea settled in his stomach and crawled up his throat when he thought about what he had to force down it; he had to because he couldn’t even hide the food in his napkin. It wasn’t possible, not when his fucker of a boss had ordered mussels with something indefinable creamy shit floating inside the shells in a bowl.

‘’Must say, I didn’t take you for a guy who orders in Mussels, in fact, I didn’t know such a thing was doable.’’

Harry didn’t look his way, but he could hear something very clear to teasing in his voice and the familiar embarrassment clawed at his neck. Of course, his boss would see the fear written over his face and of course he’d realised he had no idea what he’d ordered. How he was going to eat them was another challenge when he’d never even seen mussels so close before, and the tiniest thought of having that slimy, mushy consistency slide down his throat made him want to flee.

‘’No I.. I’ve never had mussels before, but I’ve always wanted to try so you know.. seemed like a good opportunity.’’

Even he could hear how fake his enthusiasm was, not wanting to see either of the two men’s faces with mockery in their features he dropped his gaze to the bowl of horror in front of him. Hesitantly he poked one of the mussels with the fork the waiter brought along and almost cringed when the whole thing moved and he heard the sharp click sound coming from it. It wasn’t like he expected the shell to be soft, but maybe he hadn’t thought it would be that hard either. At least they were open, sparing himself from stabbing his hand trying to reveal the inside of them.

‘’You can eat them in different ways, just pick one up and use your fork to extract the meat-‘’ With a quick nudge Harry poked the fork inside the shell. ’’-or simply do it the easiest way.’’ 

Harry’s fingers lost the fork and closed around the shell as he simply placed it at his lips before he gently sucked the flesh out along with every drop of juice. Louis stared, he knew he stared but in fair share his boss had practically told him to and the sight of him slurping a mussel should’ve been rather disgusting but on the other hand he couldn’t help but stare at the way his throat worked. How his Adam’s apple bounced and how firmly his jawline was visualised from the movement. If he'd had some dignity, he wouldn’t have found it disturbingly pleasing, almost on the edge of arousing but sadly he hadn’t known what dignity was for the last year. The situation didn’t turn for the better when Harry decided to close his eyes while he slowly licked his lips and let a small satisfied sigh leave. To Louis’ ears, it sounded like a filthy moan and the hairs on his neck all rose at once. He hadn’t asked for this. He hadn’t asked to see and hear his boss eat a meal in a seductive way and put on a porn performance about it. Surely to everyone else it was completely normal but to him, it was like overhearing Zayn when he brought home a toy for the night.

‘’Louis? You should give it a go, and yes you can chew it.’’

His mind snapped clear and his eyes blinked back to focus on Harry, who was staring right back with a raised brow. Nausea in his stomach bubbled up a bit harsher at the thought of Harry getting the idea of what he’d been thinking. It was not what he’d signed up for; he was just there to eat some shitty food and then run back to his desk and hide.

‘’eh yeah sure, right on it.’’

Trembling fingers closed around a single shell and instead of steering it up to his lips and inevitably choke on it, he decided the fork would be the safest choice. He scraped the meat out and pushed it inside his mouth before he had a good look at what he was about to eat and could chicken out. Once his tongue touched the unfamiliar meat, it felt wrong. So very wrong, it was too soft and squishy, and it grew in his mouth. The flavours weren't exactly bad, quite ok actually but it didn’t outweigh the mussel itself and everything in his system begged him to spit it back out. He forced his muscles to work and instead of chewing it like Harry had told him he could, he spared himself the experience and swallowed it down whole. The big lump slid painfully slow and for a short second, he was afraid it would stop altogether and reverse, clawing its way back up. After what felt like an eternity, he cleared his throat and sent Harry a pressed smile, which admittedly looked more like a grimace from the way Harry shook with silent laughter. 

‘’… Delicious.’’ 

‘’Yeah? Well go ahead and eat then, lots of them to go.’’

He had somehow forgotten or suppressed that he wasn’t just tasting one but had a whole fucking bowl of slimy mussels he was supposed to eat. Even the older man, Harry’s father, saw his distress and distaste and a loud laughter broke from his mouth and dragged Harry’s out too. Which was excellent, both his boss and his father was laughing at him. Half a bowl later his stomach screamed in nausea, pain and every other awful feeling that existed and his face was turning slightly green. He’d come to the conclusion that he did not appreciate seafood well, and he would never again order something he didn’t know what was. Trying to ease his bubbling belly with water did nothing and the smell of mussels burned up his nostrils and sent him signals that if he didn’t remove himself rather quickly, there would be a whole different kind of smell and sight of food decorating the table.

‘’Excuse me I’ll be right back, need to use the restroom a bit.’’

As he walked away from the table, he felt it, and he quickened his steps while he placed a hand over his mouth. He’d only planned to find some fresh air but having his stomach push everything up made him slightly panic over the fact that he would surely puke his shit out within seconds, and his boss would place the dots together once he returned. Barely an inch inside the restroom he flung himself to the nearest stall and dropped down to one knee, retching his stomach free from the newly eaten food, if he could call it so. Sensing how easily the mussels slid back up caused shivers to fly down his spine, and he wasn’t sure if he was thankful or not.

‘’Oh my god Louis, are you alright?’’ 

A firm hand landed between his shoulder blades and rubbed gently up and down as another round of mussels hit the toilet in a harsh streak. Hearing Harry's voice and knowing he was there watching him empty his stomach made him want to push his head down and drown himself along with the disgusting mush. It was a vicious circle that wouldn’t end, every fucking time he humiliated himself his boss was there. 

‘’Why would you continue eating if it made you this sick? You should’ve said something.’’

Well, had he known he would end up vomiting in the restroom, of course, he would’ve stopped eating, but he hadn’t been that nauseated until the last piece he ate. Only a groan left him to acknowledge Harry’s words and he mentally cursed at how good it felt having his back rubbed. His boss was merely kind, but he didn’t need that, he didn’t need to have another reason to find his boss likeable.

‘’Think you are finished? Come on, let me help you up.’’

Having burning acid etching his throat away he simply nodded and seconds later sensed Harry’s presence coming closer until a strong arm swung around his waist to pull him upwards. With shaky legs he felt unstable and unintentionally sagged into Harry’s side, leaning his weight on the taller man.

‘’I’m sorry, this is so unprofessional of me.’’

Why he apologised or why he felt the need to he didn’t exactly understand but the heat of guilt washed over him as Harry steadily steered him closer to the sink. The cool water against his blotched and swollen face was nice while it helped the blood rushing through his ears to calm down.

‘’Hey it happens, nothing to feel bad about.’’

Once again Harry’s hand came to rest on his shoulder, he squeezed it lightly in a comforting way and the gesture crept under Louis’ skin. He pinched his eyes shut while he breathed through his mouth, he felt dizzy and weak, and the only thing that kept him grounded was the hand on his back. Harry must’ve sensed it when he removed it, and Louis’ whole body started swaying, coaxing the taller man to re-grip him. Louis felt the floor beneath him being ripped away, and he staggered a bit backwards at the same time Harry’s hand came up to catch his falling figure. His left side pressed against Harry’s chest and unable to keep his head up it dropped down to rest there as well, flaring up every alarm sign inside. He both wanted and felt a strong need to jerk away but his body was too heavy, and he had a hard time just standing on his own feet. 

‘’Are you sure you’re alright? You look pale, and you can barely stand, I’m getting a bit worried.’’

No no no, their position wasn’t optional and of course, Harry should be worried, everything about his actions should scream suspicious after all the rumours and lies the media had spewed out about him. He was practically smothering his boss by leaning all over his torso and anyone who would walk in at that moment would surely take the picture wrong. After puking his guts out he thought he would’ve felt better, but the dizziness didn’t go away, and his eyes were dropping while he continued using his boss as a fucking pillow.

‘’Hey Louis, look at me-‘’ Soft fingers stroked underneath his chin, and he felt his face lifted up a notch. ‘’Stay with me. Come on, open your eyes please.’’

Louis tried, he did, but all he saw was the light from the ceiling glowing like a halo around his boss’s head and somewhere at the back of his mind he knew something was off. 

‘’Itches.’’

With a weak attempt, he tried to scratch at his chest, but his hand barely dabbed over his shirt before it fell to his side a short moment later. An intense itch had developed over his skin and centred over his chest, and it felt like it was burning through his clothes. An unrecognisable whine left his mouth and without even realising it he was sitting on the floor, back against the wall with Harry in his face. 

‘’I think I know what’s going on with you, but I’ll have to take a quick look to be sure, is that ok?’’

Either he nodded, or Harry didn’t wait for an answer as he carefully unbuttoned the top of his shirt and revealed the start of his aching chest. A silent protest formed in his mind but no words left him as Harry continued to examine and the tiniest depressive part of Louis didn’t care too much. 

‘’it appears you might be allergic or have an intolerance to seafood Louis, your throat is covered in a rash, and it reaches down to your chest. I’m going to hear if the staff has any ointments or salve to calm the itch down, I’ll be right back.’’ 

With a blink of an eye, Harry was back with another man dressed in all black by his side, and he kept staring down with pinched brows. His concern was obviously not for Louis himself but the restaurant’s reputation, having a guest rushed out in an ambulance was probably not what they wanted the papers to write about.

‘’How are you feeling?’’ Harry bent down and was once again up in his face, watching him carefully.

‘’A bit better I assume since the dizziness isn’t getting any worse.’’

A small smile perked Harry’s lips, and he gently placed the ointment on his flaring skin, causing him to sigh in relief when the coolness lessened the strong itch. Well, at least there was a witness there, a witness who could clearly see that he was not doing anything wrong, and it made him relax a bit more. Harry was helping his employee, his stupid employee who hadn’t bothered checking his allergies and ordered food he didn’t know he could eat or not. If he enjoyed having his chest stroked by a handsome man then at least he was the only one who would know.

‘’Thank you.’’ 

He croaked out right after Harry was done smudging him in like a helpless child and he could sense his dizziness finally started to fade away. At least he hadn’t passed out and humiliated himself even more by having an ambulance arrive and take him away.

‘’No problem, I’m glad it didn’t turn out more dangerous, and it 's nice to see your colour returning.’’ 

‘’You shouldn’t be this kind, you’re the big chief and should be some strict terrifying man who has all the employees scared shitless.’’

Blaming his ramble on being a bit out of it was easy as pie, and it was even easier to smile when he heard the soft chuckle leaving Harry’s lips. Harry really should be the strict ruthless boss because then Louis could fear him, but in the end, he found the soft side of Harry appealing and didn’t want it to go away. 

‘’Oh I can be pretty scary if I want to Louis, so you shouldn’t test me but I believe treating people with respect gets you further along and satisfied employees. Don’t misjudge my kindness for weakness, though; I’m not a pushover, and if you ever do something I don’t agree with in my magazine you will hear it.’’

Louis could detect the seriousness in the words, but the tone of Harry’s voice carried a light pressure and was gentler than it should’ve been. Only his boss could come off as nice even though he clearly stated that if he was wronged, Louis was fucked. As stupid as it sounded it only made him admire his boss, a bit more, adding to the list of good traits his boss contained.

‘’Nah I won’t, probably. You seem like a nice person, and I like that, I’m just afraid people will talk if I say I respect my boss you know, because of the shit trailing my steps.’’

And ok, it was time for him to stop talking, he hadn’t even planned to let that confession be heard, and he realised just a tad too late he’d voiced it out loud. Not to forget, right in his boss’s face, which was so not good for his anxiety that picked up some speed again. The features in Harry’s face softened and changed into something similar to sad for a split second before a weak smile lifted his lips.

‘’Don’t worry too much about it, doesn’t matter what people think when you know the truth yourself.’’ a light touch reached Louis’ knee as Harry’ gently tapped it. ‘’Do you feel any better or do you want me to give you a ride home?’’

‘’What? No no I’m better, and I’ll be fine, I’m not going home. I’ll just go back to the office and work on some other stuff; I’ll find something.’’

‘’Are you sure? You can have the rest of the day o-.''

‘’I’m sure, just help me up so I can splash some more water on my face.’’

 

After losing the argument of going back to the office on his own Harry guided him the whole way, eyes narrowed in concern on his figure while Louis stared at the ground in horror and hoped no one took any particular notice. It was a nice gesture, and he knew he would’ve done the same but being the one guided along flamed his cheeks and he didn’t dare to cast even the slightest glance in Harry’s direction. He counted his steps, and when they finally stopped at the elevator, he carefully slid away from Harry’s compassion and rolled his shoulders.

‘’I’m alright you know, the dizziness is almost gone and having the ointment the restaurant gave me helps the itch so.. You can just go back; I’ll find my desk on my own.’’

He conjured up a grateful smile as he sent him a short nod, telling Harry it was alright and that he should just go ahead and leave. A few long silent seconds ticked away before Harry took a deep breath and nodded back, hands gliding into his pockets.

‘’I’ll see you around then Louis, take care of yourself.’’

Then Harry walked away, wandering out from where they entered, and Louis found himself staring at him, eyes glued to the moving back of his boss. There was just something he couldn’t place with the man and the increase of curiosity to know him better unwillingly settled through his system. The stupid fucking lunch had messed up his restriction and allowed him to accept the kinder side Harry had chosen to show and it deflated him like a ruptured balloon. 

‘’Fucking nice boss.’’

A small chuckle escaped past his teeth, and he dragged a slow hand over his forehead, sighing a bit heavily as the day had been more exhausting than he’d thought it would be. As time went by he came to the conclusion that he perhaps should’ve taken Harry’s offer to take the rest of the day off after all. His chest didn’t itch as much with the ointment but it stopped working on his burn and after three new layers of slick gel his chest was on fire. Small groans filled the room, and he could feel how his fellow partner kept sending him daggers from the other side, apparently not amused over Louis’ complaints. Well, he didn’t care and having the lack of dignity he quickly unbuttoned his shirt and let it hang from his shoulders as he found some paper to use as a fan. It didn’t do much, but the faint wind blew smoothly over his melting skin, and he dropped back in his chair, head resting on the edge and he sighed when he unashamedly placed his feet on his desk. The position felt nice, and he didn’t even care he looked a bit perverse with a glistening chest and fanning himself like he was some superficial model baking in the sun or something.

‘’So this is what the food section is all about, you practising some poses there Tommo?’’ a loud wolf whistle screeched in his the ear, but it died out the minute he kicked his chair around and showed his reddened skin to Niall. ‘’What the fuck have you done to yourself, a wax appointment going horribly wrong? Shit, that looks terrible man.’’

‘’Had mussels for lunch, which I learned pretty quickly I’m allergic to. So I’m stuck with this shit for god knows how long. What are you doing here by the way?’’

‘’Slow day so I figured I could check up on how you were doing all by yourself down here.-‘’ the longer Niall stared, the more laughter clouded his speech and eventually he couldn’t hold it back. ‘’Fuck I’m sorry, I can imagine how awful that is but bloody hell you look ridiculous. Especially in that position, all you are lacking is some servant massaging your feet while serving you grapes. I get why Harry was laughing to himself.’’

The previous smile drained from his lips as he sat up a bit straighter and closed his shirt back up, looking behind Niall to see if anyone else was there.

‘’What, he was here?’’

‘’Apparently not if he didn’t talk to you but he came from this direction when I passed him in the hall so he probably saw you through the open door. Subtle Louis, very subtle.’’

Niall was back at his mocking tone and Louis simply flipped him off. Frustration built up, and he rolled his eyes, he should just give and stop caring; he’d obviously been doomed to a life of bad decisions since his birth. It wasn’t like Harry hadn’t already seen his speckled chest on close hold, which sounded bad enough on its own, so it shouldn’t be worrying him too much. It was just the position he’d been in that kept calling his humiliation forward.

‘’That’s it, I’m going home.’’

 

•••••••


	2. Chapter 2

‘’You seriously need to brush this place up, you’ve had your flat back for almost a month now and both your birthday and Christmas is coming up very soon. You’re not getting your present if you continue living in this dump.’’

‘’Present? You bought me just one you cheap sack of shit? Do you know how fucking lousy it is to have a birthday on Christmas Eve, everyone else gets separate birthday presents and Christmas presents but me? Nooo, people just figured why not mash them together and give a single one, like I wouldn’t mind. That’s fucked up, and my childhood was ruined, I love presents.’’

The spoon between his fingers fell back into the ball of cereal he’d been eating, and he sent Zayn an angry expression, not believing his so called friend hadn’t learned from his yearly rant about presents. In returned Zayn scoffed as he sat down at the very edge of the couch, evident misery steaming from him of having to touch the beat up piece of furniture. 

‘’You should be glad I even bought you one, I initially thought helping you achieve a decent job was more than enough so, in theory, I am giving you two you ungrateful brat. ’’

‘’Fine. I accept your excuse for this year but next I’m expecting at least two nicely wrapped presents with large bows on top.-’’ he quickly winked over to Zayn as he picked up his spoon and continued eating. ‘’-and you know I’m beyond grateful for getting me that interview, you’re my fucking hero.’’

‘’Of course I am.’’ 

Louis chewed obnoxiously as his gaze drifted through his living room, there wasn’t that much to complain about when it only consisted of an old couch, a crappy wooden table, a small carpet, a little sideboard with some dusty books and papers inside and a tv hanging from the wall. His flat wasn’t the biggest, a tiny cottage if Zayn had to say anything about it, so he didn’t need to have useless stuff drowning it. He happened to like it the way it was, plain and straightforward. Since he’d always desired to live as close to the centre of London, he'd been aware living confined, and very much so, was the price to pay when he didn't have money growing out of his arse. 

So when five years ago, when he'd been home hunting, the tiny one bed flat on Gloucester place had appeared on the market and captured his heart from the moment he’d opened the front door. I hadn't mattered how it was located at the very top of the building, had pitched roof to make it appear even smaller nor the four stairs where the last was as deadly, narrowed and steep as possible. Not being much concerned over how he would carry his stuff and furniture up the devils trap, he'd fallen in love with it and bid an offer. Only after winning the bidding round and entered the act of moving in did he realise just how much of a nightmare it was, and he understood why there hadn't been much of a fight getting the place. Living through it once was probably the reason he hadn’t bought more, seeking a chiropractor or doctor each time he risked his life to add something new to his home didn’t sound practical or healthy and would've eventually been more expensive than the actual stuff he’d wanted. 

What he called a one bed flat was barely five hundred sq.ft which didn’t actually have a bedroom but a claustrophobic loft where the roof was a tiny bit higher and just enough space to fit his bed. If he could call a simple mattress on the floor bed, but at least it was of high quality and thick enough to leave him floating on clouds. Claustrophobic had been Zayn’s words; snug was his, and he adored the intimate space, gaining a comfortable feeling from sleeping under the pitched roof. Having room to place his sanctuary and a few boxes to keep his clothes was more than good enough for him, he wasn’t picky.  
In theory, he needed the ladder to climb but since he was stubborn and refused to think of himself as anything near the term short he took a good jump each night to fight the wall and bicycled his legs while dragging the rest of his body over the edge. The positive side was that he used his strength for something and gained some flexibility. 

So sure his place was on the smaller scale, but it was just the right size for him alone, and the flat had a smart use of space. Underneath the loft, a tiny but still nicely fitted kitchen-breakfast area was found, just a small step lower than the rest of his living room. A door-less frame and a one-step stair with thick walls on each side made it almost look hidden while it cloaked the sight of his messy kitchen from the prying eyes of guests. The first time he’d seen it, he’d gained a cabin feeling, especially with the uneven wooden floor and it had sealed the deal when he'd always enjoyed sneaking away to a deserted cabin for some relaxation. Besides from that there wasn’t much else to his flat, or well, he had a bathroom, and it was probably the only room he wasn’t too fond of. Like the rest it was small, and the floor was in the murky unflattering colour of yellow and lacked heating wich always caused his feet to feel like ice cubes during the winter. It was hurtful to watch but in the end, he had a working shower, a toilet that was thankfully new and a slim sink with a mirror over where he could style his hair and brush his teeth. He even had space for a cupboard to place his stuff so yes, he had essentially everything he needed for a bathroom so he couldn’t complain much.

Back to Zayn’s point about fixing up his place which he could slightly agree with, his couch and table could surely use an upgrade but not having lived in his flat for over a year certainly gave him an excuse as to why he hadn’t done so. Perhaps he could find some time to ruin his back by shopping something new, maybe, probably not but he could at least claim he’d thought about it. 

‘’If I receive a Christmas bonus I’ll humour you and buy a new couch and pay some poor lad to carry it up, maybe even a tablecloth to cover this baby.’’ 

He gently kicked the table as he rolled his eyes, expecting an unamused comment from Zayn but when nothing came he turned to face his direction. Zayn’s head was bent downwards as he stared intensely at his phone with wide eyes while biting his lip, he sat so stiffly Louis had trouble seeing if he breathed or not.

‘’Please don’t tell me you’re creeping on your assistant’s profile again, that’s just wrong man.‘’

‘’No he’s old news, been there done that.’’ A creepy smile brought Zayn back to the living, and he wiggled his brows as he turned his phone to show who he’d mentally fucked. 

‘’But this toned chest has captured my interest, and I’m shocked with myself, I didn’t notice it when we worked together.’’

Louis bent closer as he squinted his eyes to look at the picture, nothing but firm pecs and abs could be seen as the man clearly tensed his muscles to make them more visual. Pictures like that didn't turn Louis on anymore; they had once but as the years passed they slowly started to do de opposite instead. Guys who so openly related to their bodies to draw attention wasn’t his cup of tea, and he couldn't claim he'd had too many pleasant experiences with those. On rare occasions, he’d met the ones who had a brain along with an outstanding body but most of the time it was disappointing, superficial jerks who’d crossed his path. At least the man on the picture hadn’t removed all body hair, which would've made him look like a disturbed over-trained child, and the dark trail leading down from his stomach to his happy place was the most pleasing part. Even though he liked to think of himself as a person who appreciated the natural charm and a fascinating personality he'd found himself under the superficial category at a few times. Usually, when he was wasted and didn't have the filter to reject when they approached and offered a tempting quickie to serve his needs. It was easy accepting when his senses were dulled and his mind blurry but regarding the term dating he held a higher standard. 

Beautiful faces were welcomed to say hi and try to surprise but if they were too cocky and couldn't make him genuinely laugh they were shut down rather fast. Sadly he hadn’t dated seriously for years and those meaningless one night stands had started to bore him, it seemed so insignificant over time, and he couldn’t quite understand the joy Zayn still found in them. He was tired of using someone for the pleasure of sex and being used for the same back without feeling any connection besides lust; he longed for passion and a deeper sense of want. He craved to feel something stronger, something real and he wanted to share it with one he sincerely cared for and needed in his life. Someone he could be himself with, someone genuine and supportive, someone who would make him laugh at the silliest things and find all his flaws and quirks fascinating, even fall in love with him because of those. Someone he would gladly drop everything for and receive the same sacrifice back, experiencing truthfulness and challenges along the way and knowing, just purely knowing deep inside he could always count on the one by his side. He needed real meaningful commitment, to find a reason to give all of himself and find the one who would fulfil him. He wanted love, as cliché as it was and the more time passed, the more the thought and longing grew inside his mind.

‘’Yeah you go for that, have fu- wait, who at work is it? Don’t bother answering if it’s someone from fashion or whatnot, haven’t met anyone from there beside you.’’

‘’Nah it’s that entertainment editor, worked with him last year when our departments switched up and I my name was picked. Remember he had a cute face but he seemed a bit boring, didn’t talk much and never left his laptop but if I’d known he hid this-‘’ Zayn pointed back at the screen as he mouthed the word wow. ‘’-underneath those plaid shirts I definitively would’ve used my charm and made a move.’’ 

A bark of laughter shot from Louis, but before he continued laughing, he looked back at Zayn’s phone and snatched it from his hand. 

‘’Hold on, you’re saying this is Liam because he's the only entertainment editor I know and it’s certainly not Gavin. Holy fuck this picture just turned hot, and he just gained even more points in my book. The guy is a total sweetheart-‘’ a stern glance and a strict finger pointed directly at Zayn’s face as his voice dropped and became more severe. ‘’-keep your filthy claws away from this one, he’s like a big teddy bear with the sweetest heart, you know, the complete opposite of you-.’’ unashamedly his gaze dropped back to Liam’s naked chest. ‘’-or well, you might have this in common, taking selfies of your bodies to be gawked and wanked over but even so, I don’t think he’s the type to screw around. He has this whole monogamous relationship vibe going on and you don’t even know if he’s even available.’’ 

‘’Only one way to find out then, and if I’m rejected then well, I guess I’ll have to experience that eventually, but something is telling me I won’t.’’

‘’You are such a dick-‘’ a pillow hit Zayn’s face as he chuckled while shaking his head. ‘’-and so fucking full of yourself, God I can’t even imagine what my first impression of you would’ve been if we hadn’t been friends from the early youth and I met you through work. We would’ve hated each other.’’

‘’Agree, you would’ve annoyed me with that laid-back hobo thing going on, and I’d be pissed some sassy shit like you was graced with a lovely arse.’’

The pillow flew back into the cereal bowl Louis had finished a while ago but never bothered to place on the table and sent it crashing to the floor, spilling droplets of milk while Zayn launched an attack. Harsh fingers poked at his side, and the cramps caused his body to twitch painfully as choked breaths pushed from his lips. Only Zayn knew where his most sensitive tickly spots were, and the constant abuse of his skin sent him closer to his death. He coughed and laughed, choked and spat while the mocked laughter from Zayn deafened his ears and fingers continued to paint his body blue.

‘’You’re such an easy target, Lou, just a small stab here-‘’ a sharp poke at his ribs sent him bending in half. ‘’-and another one here-‘’ a new poke right beneath his armpit caused his head to shot down, crashing right into Zayn’s chest. ‘’-and you’re a total mess.’’

Thick heavy gasps drilled through the room when Zayn finally stopped his torment and Louis sagged together like a destroyed piñata, sore limbs melting over the couch as Zayn backed away.

‘’I take.. that.. back-’’ he wheezed out as he shot a glare in the direction of his abuser. ‘’-I already hate you.’’ 

The glare didn’t last when Zayn met his eyes and a softened touch lingered inside, causing him to roll them vigorously before he flipped him off, not able to hide the amusement the way he wanted to. In the end, he could never really be mad with Zayn and even though he came off as the jackass player he had some lovely hidden qualities only he was allowed to see, and Zayn would always have a special place in his heart. They had each other’s backs, ready to do anything to help the other if it was needed. It was comforting to know, and he wouldn’t have traded Zayn for anyone, even when he could be a real shit at times.

‘’but seriously, though, Liam has been nothing but kind to me since day one, and he didn’t even hesitate to believe me when I told him what I’ve been through. He’s a good guy so just, consider he might get hurt if you decide to hunt him down, I don’t want that for him.’’

Soft features spread over Zayn’s face as he sighed and straightened up in his seat, sending Louis a defeated look.

‘’Fine, the Christmas party is this weekend, and I’ll just test the water to see if he’s even interested and if he is I’ll be sure to see where he’s at. If he gives the impression of being one of those who easily gets emotionally attached I’ll back off and kill that desirable fantasy.’’

‘’Would you look at that, I knew there exist some shred of empathy inside that polished sex-appeal of yours. Good boy.’’

 

•••••••

 

Rest of the week went by smoothly, even without doing anything important at work, he was still stuck at the food section and he’d killed the assignment of judging the food from his disaster lunch. He figured he’d done right when Harry hadn’t asked for it and didn’t mention anything about it the last day before he went back to Niall. As he was about to leave his desk, he wrote down a note for Mrs.Shepherd where he apologised for his lack of commitment and leaving her with nothing to look over when she would return. It was probably for the best; then she wouldn't have to go through some shitty half-hearted work of his and try to make it fit her standard. 

He spent the rest of his Friday afternoon strolling through Harrods with a conflicted mind, on one side he didn’t want to spend too much money but on the other, he felt he should. Christmas parties weren’t unfamiliar to him, but he’d never experienced a good one, and the thought of going to Style’s version of it made him a bit stressed. Successful people with high expectations where half of the place lived and breathed for fashion caused him to think he should at least try not to fail completely. He couldn’t show up in his kind of party outfit; he would surely look like an idiot, if not a teenage catastrophe and he didn’t want to give the impression of being a total disaster. But if he wanted to look stylish for once and a bit more grown up it probably meant cashing out his bank account and leave him eating noodles for the rest of the month. Even for his fucking birthday, Christmas and maybe New Year’s Eve which didn’t sound inviting at all but something had to go if he wanted acceptance. It was ridiculous he even thought so when he’d never cared much to fit in and follow the stream, the people he had gotten to know wasn’t even located in the fashion department and he couldn't picture making friends with those from said unit. Well, Zayn was the exception, but he'd known him too long, and the thought of Niall or Liam dressed up in Gucci or Saint Laurent or whatever made him snort out loud. Still, he couldn’t shake the nagging at the back of his mind, the creepy voice that told him to go out of his comfort zone. It was only one day, one night and he could fake it as a fashionista for a few hours just to prove he could indeed rock stiffy price clothes if he wanted to. 

It wasn’t like he didn’t feel good in a suit for an example, in fact, he felt rather sexy in one because he knew he pulled it off, it was just the thought of wearing something high-class designer nonsense that rubbed him the wrong way. Spending a month’s paycheck on one outfit left a bitter taste in his mouth and he reasoned with himself, he really didn’t have that kind of money to spend and neither did he have time to have a thousand pound extravaganza custom made. Halfway he could do, use something old mixed with something new, then steal or well in nicer words borrow something from Zayn to finish the outfit. He amusedly rolled his eyes over his thoughts at how wedding related they sounded, all he missed was something blue, and he would’ve killed the outfit for two arrangements in one. 

From the constant stream of people marching through Harrods like it was Black Friday chased away his optimism and sent him running outside to gain some space and fresh air. He’d spent at least an hour just staring dumbly at the lines of people clogging the space and the thought of spending another minute to make it into a fashion store made him nauseated. Finding a place somewhere down the streets around would surely be more successful and barely a few moments later the sight of suits decorating a whole window entered his vision. On the edge of giving up and go home, he walked through the two front doors without taking the time to glance up and see where he’d dared to step foot inside but relaxed the tiniest when there were a lot fewer customers flowing. An ocean of suits in all kinds of colours and shapes met his sight, and he stopped dead in his tracks, having no idea where to begin. Standing there like a fish out of water gained the attention of a tall, dark man and within seconds he was by his side, sporting a wide fake smile.

‘’God day sir, may I assist you with anything?’’

‘’Well um yeah I guess, I’m looking for a suit jacket.’’

The left side of the man’s lip twitched as he threw a short glance over his shoulder. 

‘’I believe we might have a few.’’ The humour was evident in his tone, and Louis felt like he reached a new level of idiot. ‘’Just a jacket, no trousers, shirt or shoes to go with? What kind of cut and colour are you looking for? Is it for a special occasion?’’

‘’Christmas party through work so I figured it should be a bit more classy, and I prefer one in black. Only a jacket but before you ask, no I don’t want to bring in a tailor to take measures because I waited until last minute deciding to buy something so I don’t have time for that. I know I know, should never buy without doing so and the jacket probably won’t fit me as perfectly as it can but in my defence I’ll probably end up just using it this once and re-sell it or someth- It is perhaps possible to rent something?’’

From the way silence filled the space around them and how the previous smile the taller man had held slowly dropped into to a dissatisfied grim told Louis he was the type of customer the place hated. The salesman wasn’t subtle when he raised his brows, and he didn’t even care to hide the shallowness lacing his voice when he informed they did in fact not rent out 'something' and passively asked Louis to follow. Apparently, when some careless middle-class scum like himself breached their doors judgment attacked quickly, not even bothered to try selling him anything.

‘’If you’re only going for a jacket I suggest taking a bolder move than plain black, let the jacket stand out and speak for itself. Wear it proudly and gloat in the attention it will surely bring you.’’

He'd had the word no to some garish overpriced glam vision the man would surely try to force on him clear on his tongue. He never had the chance to say it though when the man shut him up in horror by holding out a floral printed absurdity. A one button navy blue jacket with a chest section drowned in flowers of all kinds of colours glided over the shoulders before they came to rest right over the biceps, glaring like a dying garden in his face. The mid-section was plain, nothing but dark fabric before the flowers reappeared at the bottom, right beneath the button and would indeed form a thick flowery belt around anyone’s hips. To some people it probably looked exceptional but to him it was purely the worst suit jacket he’d ever seen, and it didn’t even have long arms, stopping short at the elbows. 

‘’What the hell- no I don’t want any colour or print, at all. Seeing that makes me reconsider wearing anything with colour again. Just show me the black simpl-‘’ eyes hurting from staring at the flower vomit he darted his gaze away while he spoke but seemed to lose his volume when something very different caught his sight. ‘’-That one doesn’t look too bad actually.’’

He walked closer and picked up the tuxedo jacket that stole his attention; it wasn’t something he usually wore, but it was still subtle enough to see himself be comfortable in it. For once it was dark, not completely black but a deep grey and when the light hit the right way millions of tiny stars came to life throughout the fabric. The lapels, buttons and pocket trim, were just a tad darker than the rest and in satin, making it look elegant and sophisticated. Wearing something with actual glitter had never actually reached his mind before but the longer he gazed at the jacket, the more he wanted it. Spectacular was the only word he could come up to describe himself in it, and he was convinced he’d found what he’d been looking for. Until a price tag slipped out and caused his eyes to pop from his head.

‘’1450,- £ for a single jacket?! Is this place fucking stoned, I don’t have that kind-‘’ realising he was yelling and humiliating himself he cleared his throat and took a deep breath. ‘’-Do you have anything that’s a tad less unreasonable expensive?’’

‘’What price range did you have in mind?’’

Well, somewhere around 300-500 £ sounded ridiculously enough in his mind but from the previous shock to his system he disgustingly realised he wouldn’t even get to try anything on for that price. 

‘’About half of this one?’’ He pointed back at the Galaxy tuxedo as he sadly hung it back where he’d grabbed it from among the other fabrics.   
With a heavy sigh, he was sure the man exaggerated, he walked away with a waving finger, indicating to be followed. It seemed he'd given up with pieces of advice as well and only stood still as he waited for Louis to find something once they reached further back in the store. Not too many choices but at least the lack of colour pleased him as he looked through the options. No, after no after no chanted in his head and the sense of disappointment crawled up when none of them sparked any interest. They weren’t ugly or anything, but they were dull and boring, nothing a little extra and he already had an old suit like that back at his flat. 

Then out of nowhere it was, almost hidden behind a body sized mirror and a smile spread across his face when he pulled it out. A slim fitted doubled breasted piece came to life in his hands, four buttons formed an incomplete V down the front and stood out from the one he already owned, and he nodded slowly to himself. He would look good in that cut; his chest would look broader, and the natural curve of his waist would be highlighted, showing off the delicate hourglass figure he’d been blessed with. Even the stuck-up man seemed to agree with his inner thoughts as he looked almost pleasantly surprised over the choice. 

Willingly avoiding the price tag, he asked if he could try it on; knowing it was cheaper than the other and if the jacket fit him nicely he would buy it. Finally, for once, it seemed like his luck was slowly building up when the fabric snuck around his body like it had been made for him. The seams on the shoulders corresponded with his natural curves, and the collar rested nicely against the collar of his shirt, no gaps or bunching appeared when he turned sideways. Satisfaction pricked his ego as he was proven right, the jacket had peak lapels which indeed made his chest look wider and showed off his graceful shape. The stomach area was cut slim like the rest with the lapels lying flat and it masked the soft pouch of belly he carried. Perhaps he wasn’t totally useless in the fashion chapter, after all, he’d clearly been able to visualise how the outfit would look on him and if he had to be completely honest, he looked fucking stunning in it.

‘’I must say, choosing a doubled breasted jacket with four buttons is indeed more flattering when you’re on the shorter side. Right decision and this one were clearly meant for someone with your physique; it fits you perfectly.’’

Ignoring the short comment and biting back the rude response that crawled up his throat he chewed his lip and sent the man a quick nod in agreement. The jacket was as black as possible, and he had already figured out what would be best to wear with it. Going completely black was never wrong, except keeping a classic white pocket square while dropping a tie. If the picture in his head looked as good in real life, he would punch Zayn in the face if he dared to say anything that wasn’t positive. Louis had outdone himself by thinking and planning what to wear a whole day ahead, it was a huge enough step to call it a major improvement. With slight panic he removed the jacket and fished out the price tag, swallowing a dry lump of regret when the number 750,- £ drilled into his core. It was a lot, hell of a lot and he wasn’t surprised when he bothered to read the small print right above the price. Of all the places he could’ve ended up he’d willingly wandered into Giorgio Armani, just the name sent his bank account screaming in pain. If he bought the jacket, though, he didn’t have to worry about buying anything else for a long time. He would probably end up using it for every upcoming occasion and eventually be buried in it as well. It was too nice to re-sell, and he would gladly live in it until it unravelled from his decomposing shoulders when it made him look that outstanding.

‘’Yeah, I’ll take it.’’

 

•••••••

 

‘’Aren’t you going to say anything? What about; Louis if you weren’t my best friend I would throw myself at your orgasmic sight and ravish you on the spot?’’

Louis twirled as he held his hands out, showing off to a silent Zayn. His friend had opened the door and simply stared, not a single word had left his closed lips nor a reaction to the sight of the new outfit. If it was positive or not he wasn’t sure but it was something, he’d never silenced Zayn before. 

‘’This is my impressed face, and you of all people pulled it out, wow did not see that one coming.’’ A slow hand came to rest on Zayn’s cheek as he continued to stare. ‘’That suit jacket is beautiful on you Louis, and is it Armani? Did you buy Armani? I can’t even picture you in that store; a miracle has happened.’’ 

The jacket was glued to his forms and looked even better than it did when he'd tried it on in the store. A black satin shirt peeked out beneath, and a pair of extra tight skinny jeans painted his legs black as well before a bright pair of white converse kept his feet warm. Going all black had been his intention, but the one pair of formal shoes he’d kept hidden in one of the boxes by his bed had apparently been damaged during his move. With one of the soles ruptured, which he hadn’t noticed until ten minutes before he was about to leave, it didn't give him much option. Having no time to buy a new pair, not that he would've been able to after his earlier Armani visit, he’d grabbed his least used pair of converse to compensate and to his surprise, it hadn't looked too bad. It was more his style, fancy but still a touch of casual and he found the outfit pleasing and comfortable. They even happened to match his little white pocket square. All he needed to be complete was Zayn’s help; the man had proved himself to be good at his work on several occasions and even though he'd had sworn never to let Zayn dress him up again he'd surrendered and decided he was allowed to touch his hair. He needed a nice hairstyle, something that would make him look breathtaking and would go with his style and he knew he would never be able to do it himself.

‘’Yeah I can deliver if I want to but thanks, I think I’m fuckable too,-’’ He grinned as he strolled past Zayn and clapped his shoulder when he entered the flat, ready to start his hair makeover. ‘’Come on then, work your real magic, this time, we don't have too much time before we need to leave.’’

‘’I’ll be spending most of it on myself.’’

Faithful to his words Zayn barely spent any on Louis but to his relief he’d been quick and steady with both the Flatiron and the small barrel brush stuck in his hands, transforming the usual fringe into a grand twirl. A dash of volumizing mousse, some minor touches of wax and with the last shower of hairspray the famous roll he'd had seen on some of the models in Zayn’s phone came to life. Along with his shoes, the hairstyle matched the outfit and with a slightly messier version of the roll it made him look a bit edgy and not completely polished. The tips at his neck slightly curled underneath his ears, and when he observed his reflection in the mirror, he nodded in approval. Zayn had nailed it, created the style he’d unknowingly wanted and in return, he followed his advice and dimmed down the scruff growing on his cheeks. He didn’t go all smooth, but trimmed it and kept it short, turning up the beauty of his face, and when he was done, he smiled smugly. Oh he looked sexy alright, and he wasn’t even ashamed of thinking so highly of himself, he was allowed to when he’d purposely tried to reach a new level and succeeded. Dressing up could be fun when the results were good and left him feeling pleased.

‘’Where is this Christmas party at again, did someone mention a boat?’’

Zayn, who kept adding hairspray to his newly bleached silver tips, slowly nodded in confirmation. How he was able to pull off and maintain the dirty silver fox appeal with his black roots was impressive, Louis had never even thought about doing anything with his soft caramel shade. It would be too much trouble and a constant battle to keep it styled, no he was more than ok with the natural look. Still, the ashen quiff Zayn mussed up, going even messier than his, was a nice contrast to his olive skin. It highlighted his black beard and brows, lifting his attractiveness through the roof and his features became as prominent as they could be. The man was a masterpiece for sure, even without the fancy hair did Zayn draw attention and probably broke every girl in London’s heart when they learned they could never have a taste. With just a look people circled him, he didn’t need to do more, and even Louis found himself staring at his friend at times. He was just too beautiful not to stare at and with those scolding honey-brown eyes framed with long black lashes he sent most people flushing and sweating nervously. At very rare times did he wish he found Zayn sexually attractive, after witnessing so many others practically licking the floor where he walked it made him curious to see what it would've been like. 

‘’Seriously, a boat? Did you do that last year as well?’’

‘’No it’s a different location every year and last Christmas we booked LSO St Luke’s, one of London’s finest event spaces and it was fantastic. A gorgeous building and the decorations inside, absolutely stunning and it’s the best one so far so I’m curious to see this Winter Wonderland Boat choice they’ve settled on.’’

‘’Well it looks nice from the pictures-.'' Louis had searched it up while Zayn spoke and it looked promising. ‘’-But I’m more curious to see how crowded it’ll be, it doesn’t seem like the boat is big enough to hold everyone at Style.’’

A little over an hour later, after Zayn had finished obsessing over his hair and eventually picked one of his thousand eye-catching shirts they left his flat. For once Louis didn’t feel underdressed when he walked by his side, even though the man drew more attention with the black and white patterned shirt underneath his open coal satin jacket. The slight reminder of Zayn's punk style from his teens resurrected with the sharp leather jacket he'd thrown over his shoulders, and the sight caused a light smile to form on Louis. He’d dropped wearing one himself because well, he didn’t see the point of placing a jacket over another jacket as Zayn had done but he'd regretted his choice when the frosty December air nipped his skin and chilled him to the bone. They looked brilliant, though, and when a few whistles called after them down the street, he raised a brow in satisfaction, actually enjoying being gawked at. 

The boat was located at Westminster pier and thankfully only a short ten-minute walk from Zayn’s flat on Victoria Street, forcing him to use his legs for a longer distance than normally. He didn’t mind too much when it gave him an excuse to flaunt his newfound confidence, and he strolled past people like the fucking queen herself. When they reached the pier and found the boat his jaw dropped, it wasn’t even a boat but more a huge exclusive cruise and looked nothing like the one he’d seen on the internet. The sight in front of him was at least twice the size and looked like a floating palace, draped in golden lights and with enough space to fit half of London for sure.

‘’You should close your mouth, it isn’t that big Lou.’’

With a push to his back he stumbled after Zayn and tried to shake his shock off, he shouldn’t have been surprised should he, it was the Christmas party of Style magazine after all. A nicely dressed woman greeted them with a glass of champagne as she checked them off the list she was carrying and guided them up the decorated entrance he noticed when they turned. Excitement bubbled through his system along with the champagne and his grip on the glass tightened when his eyes roamed the inside. More heads than he could count floated around the floor, drowning in the golden light that came from above. Dark drapes of fabric with a billion tiny specks of light decorated the ceiling, and he gained the feeling he was taking a midnight walk under a starry sky. With the lights casting dimmed and soft shadows across the room it brought out a certain romantic essence to it, which was both relaxing and enjoyable. 

Several circular tables were placed around, concealed in elegant white linens and more silver cutlery surrounding each plate than he'd seen on a table before. Even the glasses were multiplied, three different shapes and lengths placed together for every seat and he wondered what each one was meant for. He stepped a little closer to one of the nearest tables, gaze lingering on the beautiful centrepiece covering the middle. It wasn’t some big flashy deal to his slight surprise, but a simple square of white roses mixed with a few silver-painted leaves poking out. Which he assumed were fake when they were coloured and practically see through, but it didn’t make it any less beautiful, and he found himself standing there, quietly watching with a tilt to his lips. Four high candlestick made out of glass were placed at each corner of the rose square and held a small wick that flicked softly, lighting up the table just enough to see everything on it but blurring out the others around. The previous romantic essence he’d felt grew a bit stronger as each table portrayed a warm burning circle throughout the room and made the setting intimate and snug. 

‘’Not quite what you had expected?’’

The sharp sound of Irish accent startled him out of his daze, and he turned to see a bright blond looking Niall smiling back. Dressed in a navy blue suit that snuck nicely around his silhouette and a white shirt tightened with a black tie made him appear quite polished. A clean face without any hints of shadow was hiding underneath a pair of glasses and a substantially shaped fringe, causing Louis to find himself impressed. The man who usually went for worn out jeans or a pair of sweats had proved he knew how to clean up as well, and the interesting touch to his outfit suited him surprisingly well.

‘’Well look at you Horan, going all fancy smart.’’

‘’Look who’s talking, never would’ve pictured you stepping up with the fashionista people but I must admit it makes you look incredible. I reckon Zayn deserves his job after all.’’

A quick wink was sent his way, but he almost growled back as he stuck his nose up, feeling a hint offended Niall assumed Zayn was the reason for his appearance. 

‘’I’ll have you know Zayn only did the hair, this-‘’ with his hands he gestured down his body. ‘’-Is all my doing so don’t you take this success away from me.’’ 

Niall broke out a sharp bark as he slung a hand over his shoulder, clicked their glasses and steered they away from the table, moving them closer to the back where they could enter the outdoor deck. A cold breeze swept over his face as he leant down on the railings and stared out over London. It was a beautiful sight, and he couldn’t wait for the boat to start up and slowly drift down the Thames, showing them the most memorable parts of the city. 

‘’Who are all these people, there are like hundreds if not more and I’ve barely met a third of them.’’

‘’Yeah most belong to the fashion department, hell of people down there and some come and go like the weather.’’ Niall leant down beside Louis as he wiggled his brows while taking a sip of his champagne. ‘’You ready for tonight then? Give it a few hours and shit will go down, heard Harry convinced the big man to cash out some extra to keep this party going all night. Who knows where you’ll wake up tomorrow, I ended up on the other side of London last year.’’

Louis grinned back as he shook his head, picturing a wasted Niall following some random person home and waking up without the slightest idea of who he shared a bed with. From his earlier drunken stories the theory didn't sound too exaggerated and from the vibe Niall sent out, he was probably going to repeat last years event. While the blond leant back up and wandered away, Louis found himself enjoying the moment and stayed, not wanting to let the picture leave him so quickly. His heated breath turned visible in the chilly air, but the warmth from the boat kept him from freezing as he let his eyes fall to the water beneath. 

''Isn't it a bit cold to stay out here?''

The deep voice of Harry vibrated in from behind and with more relaxed movements than he'd thought he would have, he stopped fumbling with the glass in his hands and turned to face the man. The grin on his face more or less froze when he took in the black jacket his boss was wearing; a golden thread was embroidered throughout the fabric with several loops he would assume was intended to be a type of flower inspired design and it sprung to life down the front where the buttons went. It was daring and if he'd seen anyone else trying to wear something similar he would've chuckled at the sight but Harry, on him it looked surprisingly right. Even with the flower design leaping over the elbows and down the arms as well, sending a brief thought of it being designer made and probably expensive.

''I'm not sure your lack of response or reaction is a compliment to my outfit or not.''

Harry's voice was joyful and how the warm smile coaxing his dimples out made Louis re-direct his eyes upwards to meet his gaze. 

''I didn't mean to stare I just, never thought anyone could pull off something like that. And no that is not me discreetly saying it's awful, because it's not, it's.. Different and I never would've been able or had the guts to wear it myself.''

Having his eyes glued to Harry's face he finally noticed how the unrealistic curls he'd carried before had disappeared. Perhaps it was a bit dramatic to claim when they weren't gone at all but stopped around his shoulders instead of floating gracefully over to rest at his collarbones. Shorter was what they were, with a tiny inch or two and with an extra look he decided it suited him just as much as the longer version. 

''Well I'm sure you could've but what you're already wearing looks incredible enough. Nights like these are exciting that way, having the opportunity to see how much people can change with a few pieces of clothing and a fair amount of styling products.''

''So I managed to impress the fashion police then?''

He joined Harry's chuckle and couldn't help sensing the familiar comfortability he somehow always received when he shared a few words with the guy. 

''You certainly did, but I wasn't expecting to be let down when I find your style to be good enough as it is. Don't feel pressured to change just because you work at Style; everyone is entitled to show their own personal taste, and I support that.''

''Oh well, thanks, I suppose.''

A few moment of silence morphed around them as Harry stepped closer and leant down on the railings like he'd seen Louis do. His eyes skimmed over the view as a quiet hum left his mouth.

''Did you know I've never actually been on a boat here in London, not one that moves at least so I must admit I'm a bit excited about tonight. It's a bit depressing, though, lived here for years and never had the time to see the city and all that it has to offer.''

''Really? You've never taken one of those tourist trips either? I did when I moved here, didn't pay attention to the guide, though, but the view was brilliant.''

He copied Harry's movement and found himself gazing out again, sharing the quiet bubble they had created and for once he wasn't on high alert. The man by his side was still his boss, but the fact fell to the back of his head when he enjoyed the company. 

''No I never had time, still don't- or well I suppose I could manage to take time, but it's never been my priority. I'm fond of running through the park, though, gets the stress out, and it's a beautiful place to be when too many thoughts occupy my mind.

''Don't tell me you feed the ducklings too?''

Another chuckle breached Harry's teeth, and he looked sideways to direct his smile at Louis's own grinning face.

''I can't say I haven't, but it's not a regular thing even though it used to be.-'' his smile grew wider as he shook his head amusedly. ''It was something my mum used to do, every Sunday she would bring Ashley and me to the nearest park back in Holmes Chapel were we grew up to throw a few crumbs of bread to the ducks. it was a cute tradition, but I didn't keep it up when I moved.''

''Ah so that's why you talk in a bit of posh and proper tone, should've guessed your mum taught you a higher standard. But she must be so disappointed, hearing you ruin her tradition, you should be ashamed.''  
He rolled his eyes in a humorous way and couldn't bite back the shit eating grin his smile evolved into when Harry flipped him off while laughing a bit harder.

''Indeed she is.-'' Harry straightened up and looked over his shoulder to glance through the doors he'd come from. ''-Think perhaps it's time to start this night, and I suppose it's me they're all waiting for, giving the annual welcome speech and all.''

When they entered back inside Louis noticed the silver branches lined up between each window and the sparkly Christmas ornaments hanging from them. Like the rest of the decorations, they were toned down, giving the room a classic and graceful touch instead of some exploding holiday nightmare he’d anticipated for a small moment. He quickly lost the sight of Harry in the ocean of people, and he fought his way through endless bodies in hope to get a glimpse of Niall or someone he knew. A frustrating struggle left him nowhere but before he had the chance to give up and run back outside a loud voice boomed over the crowd. The volume drew everyone’s attention and just from the sound he could easily tell it was Harry speaking. 

‘’Good evening everyone. It’s lovely to see you all looking so festive. I promise not to take up too much time, but I wanted to thank you all for a great year. It’s been challenging and successful in almost equal measures but I’m really proud of how you’ve all pulled together and the terrific results you have achieved. So please enjoy yourselves tonight and toast with me as you find your seats to have the lovely dinner the fantastic catering has prepared for us. I know I’m starving.’’

Harry couldn’t be seen through the ocean of people but he heard him clearly and shared a laugh with the rest as he raised the glass he'd finished a while ago in a salute. As the people moved, he went searching for his name when he'd noticed a small card with a name attached to the seat he'd been thinking of taking. He hadn't registered the name seating earlier, and as he continued his search he silently wondered where and who he would share his evening with. When he eventually found his, he realised he only recognized one other name on the table and smiled in relief. 

‘’Well you are looking quite dashing tonight Louis.-‘’ Liam, who'd rounded the table with a cheery wave, was dressed in dark trousers, a black close-fitted V-neck and an open leather jacket.‘’-And it’s nice to have a familiar face during dinner; I usually end up sitting with people I have nothing in common with.’’

‘’Ah so the chest was yours then.-’’ A smug expression lifted the corner of his mouth as he unashamedly let his gaze drag slowly over Liam’s torso. The tight V-neck clung to his shapes and it didn’t take much fantasy to picture what was hidden underneath. Especially not after seeing the revealing picture on Zayn’s phone and he chuckled lightly when Liam’s face turned confused. ‘’-Thanks anyway, you look quite dashing yourself.-’’ he slid into his chair and watched how unfamiliar people filled up the eight seated table. ‘’-So this is normal then, mixing up? I expected each department to be seated together but from the unusual work shadow thing going on this really shouldn’t surprise me.’’

He shook his head lightly but smiled anyway, he felt great and the evening was promising so he didn’t let the unfamiliarity put a damper on his mood. Being social was one of his traits so surely he would be chatty with several of them in no time. Two waitresses circled around their table, filling glass after glass with a dark red wine and he finally understood what the smallest was for when they poured water into it. Short, chatty moments later a small bowl was placed on top of the plate that was already there and a pleasurable smell eased up his nose. He wasn’t sure what kind of soup it was but it looked appealing and had a lovely beige colour to it. 

‘’It’s a creamy mushroom soup, didn’t you read over the menu when the location was announced at Style?’’

‘’I didn't bother, but it doesn't really matter when I have a talking one right beside me now does it?’’

Liam joined in on his wiggle of brows before turning his attention back to his bowl and continued eating. Half an hour later and one course down he was practically shining, laughing and exchanging words with two people on his right and Liam on his left. He learned that the guy, Nathan, at his right was one of the designers in the fashion department and had recently worked with Zayn. They bonded over shared annoyance with Zayn’s lack of interest during conversations and took turns giving examples. The woman beside Nathan proved to be an intern who’d been placed in the fashion closet and it was easy to see how stressful her job was. She didn’t sit still for a minute, always checking her phone or fiddled with something and Louis felt his own stress rose from just looking at her.

Like invisible forces, the waitresses cleared the table and came back with the main course, a mouth-watering plate of roasted turkey with chestnut stuffing, mashed potatoes, garden vegetables and cranberry relish. His eyes went wide at the sight and he almost felt the urge to take a photo he could send to his mother, giving her a indication what he would expect if he found time to visit during Christmas. A new red wine was served in fresh glasses, and he was quick to taste when the previous had been surprisingly good with the soup. A fruity flavour washed over his tongue and palate before it left a nice taste down his throat, giving him a new insight on wine. He’d never really been much of a fan but the two he’d been served threatened to change his mind. 

‘’Can we have Christmas parties every weekend, I’m enjoying all of this a little too much.’’

He sipped some more wine as Liam eagerly nodded in agreement, mouth full with turkey which tore a grin from the woman at his side. The meal was as delicious as it looked and when he wondered what the final course, the dessert, would be he felt how his stomach sent small protests. It was pretty full but just the thought of dessert made him giddy when he’d always had a sweet tooth.

‘’I’m glad it’s a little pause before the dessert or else I might rupture these trousers,’’

Liam grinned when a whine left Louis’ lips, and he patted over his full stomach as he leant back in his chair. It was a good thing even though Louis was impatient and he used the spare time to nose through and fish out the remaining facts about the people he shared the table with. There were was Nathan the designer, Liam the entertainment editor, Charlie the fashion intern, writer Dakota down at wine section, Russel at advertising, Elijah a fashion photographer, Claire the design director down at the interior department and lastly himself as the mere sports writer. It wasn’t difficult to spot those who had shared interests, but even so, they all seemed to get along pretty well. 

‘’This must be the chattiest table I’ve ever been seated at, you just get along with anyone don’t you?’’

Liam dabbed a soft elbow at his side, and when he shrugged his shoulders back, Liam chuckled lightly. What could he say, talking was one of his favourite things to do and if people liked what they heard then it was a win-win situation. His mood brightened, even more, when the sight of warm homemade Christmas pudding with two scoops of Baileys ice cream landed in front of him. He hadn’t tasted pudding since he was a child and when the first piece touched his tongue he sighed in pleasure.

‘’This is fucking orgasmic, I’m going to live on this feast until next year’s party.’’

A sharp sound of cutlery hitting glass pierced through the room and when he craned his neck he could see the top of Harry’s head popping up from a table at the far back.

‘’I hope the meal was as satisfying for you as it was for me and that everyone is pleasantly full. That’s pretty much all I have to say…other than to inform you there will be an open bar with unlimited drinks for the rest of the night to help the party go with a swing. On the deck above there will be a live band where you can hit the dancefloor and the floor above there will have some casino tables and softer background music. Other than that I’d really like to take this opportunity to thank you all for a great year – Cheers and Merry Christmas!’’

A round of applause broke out, and he joined in on the chanting howls he would bet a kidney Niall started. The sound of casino tables sent money flying through his mind, and he didn’t even dare to guess how much the final bill for the night held. Not being his problem the thought disappeared quickly, and he rose from his seat to check out the rest of the boat. Along with Niall, which they located just from his volume, they walked up a stair and into another huge room where a band was setting up on a stage.   
A bar was found on their left after they stepped through the doors and a new sight of fewer tables decorated the space. They had been placed closer together and wasn’t as decorated but still clothed in the same lovely white linens with live candles burning. The dimmed lighting fell over the room like the deck underneath and where the tables ended the sight of floor opened up for people to dance if they wanted. From the open bar opportunity, he had no trouble believing the floor would be crowded, and he had no doubt he would find himself in the middle during the night.

‘’Would you mind me getting you a drink?’’ 

A soft voice eased in from behind the trio, and when he turned around, he found Elijah, the photographer, watching him with a glint in his eye. He glanced over at Liam and Niall just to be sure Elijah hadn’t addressed any of them and when both smugly walked away while Elijah didn’t move it was pretty clear. 

‘’Oh, well yeah sure, I guess so.’’ 

Unprepared for anyone seeking him out he felt a little puzzled and unsure of how to handle the shift of event. Since he hadn’t been with anyone in a while, he’d almost forgotten how it felt to be flirted with and especially how to flirt back. During their small chat over dinner he hadn’t paid much attention to Elijah's appearance but as he stood there his gaze zoomed in and observed automatically. Short dirty blonde hair was swept back in a gentle swoop with a few strings falling over his forehead in an attractive way. There was a hint of kindness mixed with confidence lingering in his hazel eyes as he watched back waiting for Louis’ request when it finally sunk in that he hadn’t said what he wanted.  
‘’Right, a beer will be fine, I’m not usually a drink kind of guy.’’

He smiled a bit awkwardly as Elijah sent him a short nod and drifted over to the bar without another word. Broad back muscles stretched the fabric of his burgundy button-down and hinted of a toned body hidden underneath. Unashamedly his gaze drifted down to rest on the curve of Elijah’s bum, and the right corner of his mouth flinched when it slightly bounced as he walked. It wasn’t as big as his own and probably not too soft when the texture of his black trousers clung to it, revealing quite a muscled mass but it had an excellent shape. Giving it a shot and see where it could go was better than plain reject so he shook off the rest of his awkwardness and found his flirting skills when Elijah came back.

An hour or two later with at least three new beers in his system, a tiny flare of disappointment settled through as he laughed at a joke. He found Elijah fascinating and strangely captivating when he talked about his work, but the sense of anything besides lust didn’t show. Attractive the man was and the picture of them fooling around if he gave in was rather visual, but that was why he felt a bit disappointed, it wasn't what he was after. He didn’t need the meaningless fling that would never be something more and from the way Elijah spoke about his life he had the impression he wasn’t looking for something serious. But again, he'd been horny for almost a year and with the added alcohol to his system he found himself considering it. A small backlash of meaningless fun probably couldn't hurt too much. Even though his rational part didn’t want some drunken release, his body certainly did, and he found himself weighing the cons and pros. 

‘’Would I be too forward if I say you look fucking enticing tonight?’’

A breathy chuckle left Louis and a small clench shot through his stomach when he felt a warm palm stroking up his inner thigh in a teasing way. All the signs were there, and he needed to decide what he wanted, it wasn’t fair of him to play along if he had no intention to take it further and they wasted time if he had. A new round of barking howls disrupted his brain flow, and the distinct sound of Niall’s voice drilled into his ear, causing him to shift his attention away and see what the lad was fuzzing about in the crowd.   
A stream of people clogged the dancefloor and for a split moment, he felt sad he hadn’t had the chance to test it out like he’d wanted to and he hadn’t even acknowledged the band. He caught sight of Niall, who was pumping his fist into the air and continued howling at the stage where glimpses of man were stood, back against the crowd while he pulled his hair into a bun. A shiny black silk shirt was revealed when a few heads moved out of the way, and it hung loosely over his frame. Louis took a sip of his beer right when the man turned around and when the familiar glowing face of Harry entered his vison he spat it back into his glass.

‘’Ah it’s that time of the party, the boss has had a bit too much and graces us with his live performance. He did Adele last year, quite the show.’’

‘’Yeah I heard, is he any good, though?’’

Before Elijah could answer, the band started and the sound of an unknown melody flowed through the room, sending everybody silent as they waited. Even Louis found himself excited and strangely curious to hear what laid inside those lungs. From the up-tempo beat he figured it wouldn’t be a slow song, and when the first words left Harry’s mouth, he found himself gaping. A deep husky voice hit him with a punch and settle into his bones, raising goosebumps that vibrated over his skin. The earlier clench to his stomach was nothing compared to the one Harry’s voice brought out when he kept singing, and the distinct feeling of overwhelmed sensation prickled his nerves.

The loose cravat swayed over Harry’s front and showed the top of his chest where buttons had been left open and Louis had a hard time looking away. With his hair pulled into a bun, he looked more his age and the small frowns that appeared when he closed his eyes and hit the chorus sent dangerous shivers down Louis’ spine. The man was a vision, and the sound of his voice forced his eyes to remain, more or less staring like an obsessed fan, and it messed with his head. Without realising, he’d left his chair and walked closer, pressing his way through the crowd to see his boss practically grinding the microphone stand better. All thoughts about Elijah drained from his system when his mind couldn’t erase or delete the sight of Harry’s full thighs straining the fabric of his trousers as he teased his way down. 

Louis was drawn to the stage and once his gaze trailed back over Harry’s hips, seeing a love-handle pop free, and up his concentrated face he wasn’t capable of moving away and barely able to blink. No, his eyes were glued to the way Harry’s mouth worked and how he moved, expressing the hungriness within the song and howling breathy moans throughout the speakers. It made him sweat, and heat he hadn't felt in a while crawled up his back and settled at the top of his neck, flushing him from top to bottom. When Harry screamed out the highest note and did a painful show of thrusting his hips, he felt the movement attacked him straight to his core and demolished his stability. An immense sense of arousal raced through his body, powerful enough to choke his breathing and he leant into the person who stood beside him, sagging on their side as he almost gasped to regain his control.

‘’Holy shit, fuck me slow.’’

‘’He's amazing, right? He should’ve persuaded a singing career; the man is talented, and he already looks like a star.’’

The person he used as support suddenly spoke, and he caught the sight of long blonde hair swaying in the corner of his eye while a thin arm tried to steady his weight. From the light voice and long hair he figured it was a girl and nodded rapidly in agreement while his gaze still etched into Harry who finished the song with a seducing groan, just to be sure he ruined Louis' mental health. The floor broke into screeching whistles and applause while Louis wondered how the hell he was supposed to look at his boss in a casual way ever again after being turned on by his erotic show. He’d been destroyed from a fucking voice, and it hadn’t exactly helped how Harry moved his sinful body like a tempting pole dancer up on the stage. Because that was, of course, all he could see after, how his boss had changed into someone sexy and bloody irresistible in his eyes. Since he already found Harry likeable with his kindness and respectful manners, the newly added traits on the erotically side didn't tell him anything besides what he already knew, how fucking screwed he was. 

''I'm dead, I’m so fucking dead.’’

He backed away as he felt the strong urge to remove himself from the vision, being in serious need of fresh air he ran from the room to reach the outdoor deck. Calming down was what he had to do, getting his mind in order was necessary because he could not be so affected by someone’s voice and the sheer thought scared him a little. As soon as he felt the chilly air hit his flushed skin the sight of Zayn eating some poor lad’s face off drilled into his eyes. 

‘’Oh come on!-’’ Not having the stomach or patience to see them continue he grabbed a hold of Zayn’s collar and hauled him off. ‘’-I need to speak with you, now.’’ 

With hurried steps he dragged an irritated Zayn along, hearing several curses shooting his way but the panic eating his nerves ignored them. Once he found a spot he declared abandoned enough he let go and turned around to see Zayn glaring back.

‘’The hell was that for!’’

‘’You can go back and eat the rest of his face later but now you need to help me, I’m freaking out, and I’m so fucking screwed. What am I supposed to do now, I can’t go back to work and pretend that didn’t just happen and-‘’

‘’What are you rambling about, something happened? Did Elijah do anything to you, I swear that little shit-‘’

‘’What no, how do you even know I was talking with him I haven’t seen you all night.’’

Louis took a deep breath as he wiped the sweat from his forehead, already feeling a bit better just from talking with Zayn and focusing his mind.

‘’Liam told me and no, it was not him back there, even though I believe he would've enjoyed some attention I think you were on to something with the whole relationship vibe. But if it wasn’t Elijah then what happened to make you so hysteric?’’

‘’His sound, a bloody voice just fucked everything up in here-‘’ he pointed harshly at his head and whined. ‘’-I was practically two seconds away from coming in my briefs at the sound of his scre-‘’

Several voices drifted in from around the corner, and he shut his mouth so fast he was sure his jaw locked when the same sound he’d been talking about came closer. His heart picked up speed when he could see shadows gliding over the deck like water filling a sinking ship and he would certainly drown once they reached him. The minute Harry’s silhouette peeked out his blood froze to ice in his veins, not close to feeling stable enough to face the reason he was such a mess and he hurriedly turned to stare out over the water. 

‘’What is with you, you’re like a deer caught in headligh-.’’

‘’Ey Tommo there you are, don't tell me you missed the performance of the year by our brilliant boss here?’’

The sound of Niall clapping Harry’s back felt like stabs to his back, and he dared to cast a strained look over at Zayn, trying to share some of his panicked thoughts telepathically. The realisation that dawned over Zayn as he looked back and forth was almost hurtful to watch, but the evil smug creeping over his lips was plain torture. 

‘’Oh I think he saw it alright, enjoyed it too.-’’ Zayn shook with suppressed laughter but decided to ease the torment and directed his attention to Harry. ‘’-who wouldn’t, the first time I heard you I was speechless for the rest of the night. Did you ever consider going professional?’’

‘’I did at one point but at the time I wasn’t confident enough to go for it, didn’t really believe I had what it took to make it.’’

Again the deep sound of Harry stroked pleasingly over Louis’ skin and coaxed new shivers to run down his spine, which didn't lessen his internal freakout. He was so not ready to indulge the conversation, but standing like a silent statue would surely draw more attention to himself. Another deep breath went up his nose as he forced his muscles to shift position, bringing him came face to face with the man himself while his mouth worked on its own. 

‘’You must've been an even bigger idiot back then.-’’ Apparently his ability to form proper words or be decent vanished as the sight of intense green eyes burning into his own. ‘’-Shit no I mean- but what a stupid decision and- fuck, what the hel-‘’ he pinched the bridge of his nose so hard he was about to break it when he heard the other people around trying to conceal their laughter. To be fair, he hadn’t even noticed anyone besides Harry. ‘’-I’m trying to give you a compliment, but I’m obviously doing a terrible job.’’

The silhouettes of four heads drifted behind Harry, but all he could see was the small smile tugging at the side of his boss’s mouth and how the discreet motion sent heat pooling in his cheeks.

‘’Have you had a nice night so far?’’

It took him depressingly long to realise Harry had directed his question at him, and when a small cough left Zayn, he quickly blinked as he forced his mouth to work again.

‘’Oh, yes I have, it’s been quite enjoyable, and the boat looks amazing. You happy with how it turned out?’’

Whatever it was Harry answered he couldn’t hear, all he saw were glassy eyes that spoke of Harry not being all sober himself and the lovely shade of pink that coloured his lips rosy. Images of the way he’d moved on the stage danced over his mind and the lump crawling up his throat got stuck when Harry lifted a hand to scratch the back of his head, and one of his love-handles saw light once more. From the moment he’d seen those, and how the rest of his body shaped underneath the clothes, it could never be unseen or forgotten. It had settled, and he was trapped in a very shitty position, he found his boss attractive. Not just attractive, many around him were, and it didn’t faze him enough to cause his whole brain to collapse. No, after his night he found Harry sexually attractive, and it terrified him, he didn’t want to because who wanted to ogle and conjure up unappropriated images of the one person they really shouldn’t? Especially with his past, it was the absolute worst.

‘’Hey are you alright Tommo?’’

A light hand pressed down on his shoulder and when he came back to reality the kind face of Niall coloured his gaze, shielding him from seeing the others around. There was a tiny hint of frown developing over Niall’s brows as his drunken eyes blinked quickly, almost fanning his cheeks with his lashes.

‘’Is it about Elijah, he didn’t upset you did he?’’

‘’Why does everyone assume he did something?’’

Movement at his right registered in his mind, and he could see how Zayn turned his back towards them while sliding a hand over Harry’s shoulder, casually pushing them both away from eavesdropping. The reaction didn’t go unnoticed, and a flare of confusion dawned on him as he redirected his stare back to Niall with raised brows.

‘’No no it’s just.. We kinda saw you two earlier, and I mean, you were both edging each other on and then you disappeared. I didn’t like watch you the whole time, but when I went to the bar during Harry’s performance you were suddenly gone, and Elijah looked a bit.. I don’t know frustrated maybe?’’

The sinking feeling in Louis’ stomach made him a bit queasy, and he wondered exactly how many had observed them and how obvious they were. It hadn’t been his agenda, and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it, flirting so heavily it drew people’s attention. Dumb shit happened on Christmas parties all the time, but he’d never wanted to be the gossip at work and the mere thought of going home with Elijah sent a cold chill down his back. In some ways, he was glad Harry had stolen his attention if it meant it spared him from experiencing some bad drunken anxiety the morning after. 

‘’It was innocent. Stupid but innocent, he flirted, and I guess it caught me a bit off-guard. Was fun to flirt back, haven’t done that in a while and you know.. With alcohol, in the picture, it just went a little further than it should’ve. It's fine, though; nothing happened and nothing will so it’s nothing to talk about really.’’ 

‘’Well alrighty then, wanna bring Zayn inside and witness Liam piss his pants again? That was some hilarious shit.’’

Niall was back to laughing and the heartedly sound of his soul spilling over the deck like sweet syrup caused Louis to chuckle himself.

‘’He did what? What did Zayn do this time?’’

‘’Surprisingly little from what I’ve seen from him before, he just walked up to us, said hello and gave Liam a flirty smirk. It startled Liam enough to spill his drink all over his shit, cracked me up and I’m still laughing.’’

‘’Oh god, please don’t tell me Liam has the hots for Zayn.’’

A light roll of his eyes caused Niall to bark out even harder as he shook his head a bit too hard, sending him stumbling back and forth.

‘’I wouldn’t bet on it, from the fear written over Liam’s face I would rather say he’s terrified of the guy. Zayn is like the tease of the magazine, total man-eater and everybody knows it, but it also means everybody knows what he’s capable of once he set his mind. Think Liam saw a flash of what his life will be the following days or maybe weeks at top.’’

‘’Nah he’ll be fine, Zayn just wanted to test the water, see if Liam was into the casual shit like he is but I asked him to back off if it weren’t the case. From what Zayn said earlier and you now I wouldn’t worry much.’’

‘’Ah such a disappointment. Well, wanna head back inside anyway, the night is still young.’’

‘’Oh but when is this boat-trip thing ending exactly? Are they going to speed down the river all night?’’

‘’How much have you had to drink? The boat is already back at the pier, we haven’t been moving for an hour or so, but the party ends when the last man goes home-.''   
Maybe he'd had too much to drink after all if the swaying he’d felt came from his body and not the boat he’d believed was still moving. ‘’-I’m going back inside at least, find me if you decide to join-’’ Niall sent him a quick wink and a pointy finger while his feet started moving but he stopped when it seemed like he remembered something important and flipped his fingers quickly. ‘’-Oh yeah by the way, if you enjoyed Harry’s performance you should definitively see mine in February up in Stoke Newington. There’s an Irish bar called The Auld Shillelagh where I’ll be stringing a few guitar strokes, promised to help an old buddy of mine. So yeah, I expect you to be there to show some support.’’

Another wink was shot his way before Niall turned around to walk, leaving him to look out over the water which was suddenly decorated with bits of solid ground, confirming they were very much at the pier where he saw people walking. He should’ve taken the opportunity and escaped the boat when he had the chance, tossed in the towel and said goodnight. As if his thoughts had been cast over the speakers the familiar sound of pleasure tickled his skin.

‘’Thinking about leaving?’’

Since he hadn't been smart and linked his arm with Niall, he saw the blonde head wander off around the corner as the questionable face of his boss came back into his vision. He’d had time to calm down a bit at least, and he found it a bit easier to rearrange his mind to form a reasonable sentence without blushing like a child.

‘’I am, to be honest, it’s been a long night.’’ 

‘’Do you need a ride?’’

‘’God ye-‘’ realising his buried dirty thoughts was on their way out he bit his tongue hard enough to chop off a piece and the calmness he’d achieved crumbled as he swallowed harshly. ‘’No I- that won’t be necessary, I’m crashing at Zayn’s-‘’ his gaze flicked around for a few seconds to find the shape of his friend but realised he was suddenly alone with Harry. ‘’-who is not here, right. I’ll just find him.’’ 

‘’I think you might be a little too late.'' 

Harry gently smiled as he dipped his head to the side, dragging Louis’ eyes along and the scene of a hunched Zayn climbing into a car with some guy in the distance met his sight. It was the icing on the cake when Zayn was supposed to be his key out of there. Knowing Zayn, he would reach a locked door and no chance at getting in whatsoever, forcing him to cash out on taxi services. Taking Harry’s offer wasn’t even an option. 

‘’It’s no biggie, I don’t live too far so I’ll just walk. Some fresh air is always nice.’’

‘’Don’t be stupid, no one should walk home alone at three in the morning in the middle of the winter.’’

‘’No no you’re right, calling a taxi wi-‘’

‘’Louis. I have a free car you can use, and if it bothers you to share it with me, you can take it by yourself. I don’t mind waiting here but paying for a taxi when a free ride is available is a bit foolish to turn down don’t you think?’’

Yes, it was, he was foolish about everything related to his boss it seemed, and he felt a bit helpless when he couldn’t find a way to protest any further. Taking the car shouldn’t be a big deal, but it would be if he took it and left Harry behind, proving he would find them sharing it uncomfortable. What signal would he send to his boss then, not a good one and he didn’t want Harry to think he was afraid or suspicious of him. On the other hand, it wouldn’t be much better to share the fucking car with him either. Zayn and his fucking dick, always causing him trouble.

‘’Fine I give up, take me home. I mean-‘’ he groaned loudly and physically gave up as well. ‘’Just get the car started.’’

The softest chuckle pushed through his ears, and he violently marched away, more than ready for the night to be over and find the sweetness of his pillow where he knew he would find some peace and quiet. Exhaustion washed over him the moment his bum touched the softness in the car, and he sighed in relief when Harry played the gentleman card by taking the front passenger seat instead of climbing into the back long with him. At least he only had to see the back of Harry’s head then, and the driver spared them some awkward silence by turning on the radio. After he’d named his address and the car closed in on his flat, a crucial realisation crashed over him, and he shot up in his seat as he frantically tapped every pocket he had. 

‘’You alright?’’

His movement had gained Harry’s attention, and when he looked up with wide eyes, he saw Harry staring back with knotted brows as he took in the sight. 

‘’Er.. no..’’

‘’What’s wrong, you feeling sick?’’

Yes, he did indeed feel very ill but not in the way Harry might’ve suspected, and the atmosphere in the car turned for the worse. 

‘’Can we please turn the car around, I need to go to Zayn’s after all.’’

‘’Is he alright, did he text you or something?’’

Louis felt like breaking the window at his side and throw himself through; it would surely be the easiest and most pleasurable escape. 

‘’He did not..’’

‘’Ok? Then wh-‘’

‘’I left my fucking keys there alright and like nearly every door in London you need a key to open it, and I need mine to .. you know, open mine.’’ 

Harry gestured for the driver to turn the car around before his eyes fell back to Louis’ shrinking figure.

‘’You sure he’s home?’’

‘’Yeah… he has to be.’’

If Zayn wasn’t then he didn’t know what to do, he didn’t fancy the idea of sleeping on his doormat or an abandoned bench where he would freeze to death. His wallet wouldn't appreciate checking into a hotel either, and he mentally cursed his self-absorbed horny friend. The phone in his hand typed out several texts of pleas, and when he didn’t receive anything back, he discreetly called the rest of the way. A stab of panic hit him when they reached Zayn’s flat and the man himself hadn’t taken any of his calls or given him the relief of indicating he was home. He tucked the phone away and scrambled out of the car, not waiting to hear what Harry said he ran into the building where Zayn’s flat was. Desperation crawled up his spine and with each step of stairs he took the more his hope deflated, knowing Zayn wouldn’t answer even if he were home. He’d seen the way Zayn behaved with the toys he’d brought back before and the only focus in his friend’s mind was pleasuring himself, going dead to anything or anyone else around. Perhaps letting Elijah persuade him to spend the night would’ve been the smartest choice, after all, at least he would’ve had a free bed to sleep in. 

He knocked, knocked again and then knocked some more, and the sound of his knuckles hitting solid wood echoed down the stairs like a sad cry for help. Sagging against the door he used his head to continue knocking and with each flare of pain stabbing through his forehead, he groaned in defeat. It was a battle he could not win, and he still had a boss outside waiting to drive him home. He straightened his posture and shook his shoulders; he could fake it, at least try and he unwillingly walked back out with a steel face.

‘’There you are, did you get your keys?’’

Harry, who leant against the car, smiled kindly and moved to open the door when he reached it, treating him like the royalty he was definitively not.

‘’Yeah.. yeah let’s go.’’

Halfway through the ride where the driver once again closed in on his home, Harry decided to cause him another headache. 

‘’If there’s a reason you won’t be able to open your door after all you know I can help you, there are other options to choose from.’’ 

Louis quietly sighed, he hadn’t fooled Harry any more than he’d fooled himself of having his key and the kindness in Harry’s actions kept slipping under his skin. It was awkward to accept his help, and the mere thought of letting Harry pay for a hotel room was plain dreadful. Because his boss would probably insist, not making him pay himself, he was sure, and he didn’t need to owe Harry more than he already did. The other option that prickled at the back of his head was too ridiculous even to consider, let alone accept.

‘’Just.. drive me to the nearest hostel or something, I’ll take it from there.’’

‘’You don’t have to sleep in a shitty hostel Lo-‘’

‘’No but I want to, I don’t care to spend money on some fancy hotel just for one single night and no, I’m not taking your money end of discussion.’’

Another kind smile formed on Harry’s mouth as his head fell just a tad and a soft chuckle tickled the air between them. 

‘’I wasn't suggesting it, in fact, I was going to hear if you were interested in a free bedroo-‘’

‘’I’m not staying at your fucking place, excuse my language, but that won’t happen, nope no way in hell. Nothing wrong with you or anything but that.. is so not happening and I would die in mortification tomorrow if I wake up on my boss’s couch.’’

A small hum left Harry as his smile never faltered, while the amusement sparkling his eyes a little brighter fumed Louis’ embarrassment. He’d been honest, which Harry had said he’d appreciated at one point and seriously, employees didn’t directly sleep-over at their boss’s place like some teenage slumber party.

‘’Well I wouldn’t let anyone sleep on my couch really, it’s too hard and would ruin anyone’s back, but I was going to offer you my assistant’s guest house. It’s not even a part of my house and has its own bathroom and everything, Niall uses it all the time. Came pretty handy when he showed up pissed on my door after last year’s party. But, if you rather spend money on some hos-‘’

‘’Hold on-‘’ Louis flicked his index right at Harry’s face with a raised brow. ‘’You have a guest house for your assistant? What are you, a fucking show off or something, no one has that.’’

Laughter filled the moving car, which he suddenly realised had turned and was driving away from his flat. He hadn’t accepted anything yet, simply because Harry hadn’t entirely offered but he hoped the driver found pity and intended to find a bloody hostel.

‘’I didn’t build it for my assistant, though it was going to be a pool house at one point, then I changed my mind about ruining the garden so you know, told my assistant to use it. She usually just stays there when I need her to work some extra hours during September so the rest of the year Niall takes advantage of it. I don’t mind, at least it’s being used.’’  
For the longest moment he didn’t answer, he wasn’t sure he should be impressed, or disturbed hearing Harry had an other little guest house on his property. Impressed at how he let people stay there and use it, always having a place for those in need but a bit disturbed at how much money must’ve been wasted building it. 

‘’You're kind of close with Niall then? He told me he woke up on the other side of town last year, but I wouldn’t have expected it to be at yours.’’

‘’Yeah, we go way back. He came to England with his family when he was around six, and when they ended up renting the house next to ours we didn't have much choice but to become friends-.'' Harry grinned adorably as he probably thought back at his childhood. ‘’-We grew up together, and my family used to help out when his father decided to leave, forcing his mum to work extra at her job in the hospital to support them. So when she worked late or took the night’s shift, my mum opened our door for Niall, and he became the little brother I never had. We stuck together ever since but after UNI he moved back to Ireland for work, and we didn’t see one another for a few years, only spoke over the phone. Which was sad I admit but when my father started Style, and after I clawed my way up to the top I offered him a job, pleading for him to come home because he’s one of the most brilliant people I know. Initially offered him to be my right hand but Niall likes it a bit simpler, having control but not bound to a desk with chains so he was more than happy becoming my sports editor.’’ 

A rush of compassion and sadness for Niall’s life story knocked on his conscious, and he felt almost ashamed he hadn’t praised Niall for how amazing he was as a person. Which was ridiculous, to be honest, he wasn’t that close to the man, and he didn’t seem anything near haunted by his childhood memories. His lack of response must’ve peaked Harry’s curiosity but what he asked next had nothing to do with Niall.

‘’So what do you say, is it tolerable and acceptable for you to spend a night in my guest house or do you still want my driver to take you to a hostel?’’

‘’No it’s… fine, I just want to sleep.’’

That’s how he figured out where Harry lived and how wealthy he was, crushing his stomach of nerves and would send him nauseated to bed. He hadn’t dared to look at the main house for long, all he’d seen was a large beautiful Victorian palace, and was beyond thrilled he hadn’t been forced to see the inside. His mouth would’ve fallen to the ground in astonishment, probably, and he would’ve felt like the poorest man in Style magazine for sure. Something he already did. Harry had shown him where he would sleep and the guest house as he’d called it looked like a smaller mansion, burning in his eyes. Even though the place didn’t have a living- room but just a bedroom with an attached bathroom and smaller kitchen it was still twice the size of his own flat. The bathroom alone was larger than Louis’ flat and a hysterical laugh threatened to bark from his mouth. It was ridiculous; nobody needed so much space and what was the purpose of having a smaller house outside the main house? He couldn’t quite understand it, but he could appreciate the view, it was a stunning place, and it had a certain inviting charm and touch of hominess to it. 

‘’I’m having lunch with Ashley around noon so if you’re up and want to catch a ride just let me know. If not then you can just call Andrew, the driver,-‘’ Harry held out a small piece of paper, and when he took it he saw a few numbers scribbled down. ‘’and he’ll drive you home.’’

‘’What, I don’t get brekkie served in bed by your maid?’’

‘’Oh, if you want I can always-.''

‘’Oh my god I was kidding, you don’t have one do you?’’

‘’I don’t, happen to like the art of cooking and doing my own cleaning, but I can always make you something before I leave and put it in this kitchen so it’s there when you wake up.’’

Louis stared at Harry like he was from another planet, unreal and beyond explanation. Nobody genuinely liked to clean, did they?

‘’How are you able to be so fucking kind all of the time? And why towards me when I haven’t been anything but an embarrassing nitwit since I started, always making a big arse out of myself in front of you.’’

‘’I didn’t know I was-‘’ Harry tilted his head to the side as he folded his arms behind his back and slowly stepped away. ‘’-and for your behaviour well, it’s been amusing but not in a bad way. Don’t think so low of yourself Louis; there’s more to you than meets the eye and I’ve happened to realise as much.’’

‘’I- thanks?’’

‘’I hope you enjoyed yourself tonight and from the looks thrown your way I believe you caught quite a few people's attention, including mine-.‘’ A gentle nod was sent his way before Harry turned around to leave, forcing him to stare yet again at the moving back of his boss. Seeing the same defined muscles as he’d seen before and it took him too long to look away and he was glad Harry couldn’t catch his blatant stare. ‘’-Goodnight Louis, and sleep well. If I don’t see you tomorrow, I wish you a beautiful day as well.’’

After Harry had left and there was nothing but footprints in the white covered grass meeting his eyes he still stood there, mouth slightly hanging and a racing mind. He wasn’t sure, but he had the tiniest feeling Harry had complimented him on his looks, but he didn’t have the energy to analyse further. The last thing he needed was another significant thought bouncing through his mind and keeping him awake when he felt like sleeping for the next week. A bed big enough to fit a whole soccer team came to life when the moment he opened the bedroom door, and his heart jumped in his chest at the sight. With his lack of dignity he flew over the floor and threw himself right in the middle of it, obscenely groaning as he rubbed every part of himself into what he could only describe as heaven. The mattress was like soft clouds and the duvet stroked his cheeks like delicate feathers, leaving faint kisses over his skin.

‘’I fucking love my boss and his filthy rich arse.’’

Seconds later he fell in a comfortable asleep, in his clothes and the same position with a huge smile stretching his face. 

When his tired mind woke up, not feeling rested or filled with new energy, and realised he was still his clothes and in the same position he felt slightly less comfortable. Especially when a dense layer of sweat covered every part of his skin and made him fell wet and sticky. His shirt and suit jacket clung to his chest and back like a straitjacket, and it caused a slight touch of claustrophobia to rise. He rolled out of the bed and flinched everything off, baring his chest out in the open and sighing in relief when he felt he could move again. The pool of sweat at the nape of his neck slowly slid down his spine and he shot up from the floor with a shudder, sensing filth growing over his skin. The smell of his breath etched up his nostrils, and he winched in nausea as it managed to break through his swollen eyes and sent them cracking open. Without asking and knowing Harry probably wouldn’t mind he reached the bathroom and stepped inside the monster he figured was the shower. All different kinds of buttons and flips stared in his face and once he dared to touch one the harshest beam of water he’d felt drilled into his forehead. He yelped as he backed right into the glass door and slipped on the slippy ground, sending him down in a mess of limbs and curses. It seemed he’d found the massage system, a system he would now be afraid to use again when his forehead felt like a throbbing wound.   
Eventually, after going through more systems that should be necessary, he found the usual one and rinsed himself, cleaning away the dirt and felt like a new person once he was done. His head was still a bit dark from the night before, and his mouth screamed for some water to remove the dryness that scraped down his throat. With slow movements, he draped a soft towel around his waist and stumbled back to find his clothes, a tad dissatisfied of having to wear dirty rags when the shower wouldn’t hide the smell of his alcohol stained shirt. Finding his briefs too disgusting to wear he rolled them up and placed them in the back pockets of his jeans, choosing the option to go commando instead of re-use them. 

He hadn’t checked the time but from experience, he never slept long after he’d been drinking and the sun barely slipping through the trees told him it couldn’t be too late in the day. While contemplating if he should take Harry’s offer about catching a ride or not, he finished dressing and ruffled his dampened hair, trying to coax it into an acceptable style. Out of habit, a weak glance was sent through the window as he passed it but didn’t settle on anything special when his tired eyes didn't focus or comprehend much besides where his feet were going. It took him several long seconds to connect what his subconscious had picked up, and his whole body froze when his mind decided to wake up and replay the small glance in his mind. His head snapped back so fast it almost broke his neck, and he disturbingly googled when his gaze landed back outside.  
Through the glass the shape of Harry bouncing on the porch attached to his house could be seen, hands clogged with black boxing gloves while the rest of him wore nothing but a pair of microscopic shorts in the middle of the fucking winter. A slim waist connected with the two love-handles he'd practically drooled over the night before glared in his face. Trailing up the spine were two broad shoulders, stretched and covered in sweat, laughing obnoxiously at his weak attempt at subtle staring. The curls were once again huddled into a high bun, but a few strays had fallen free and curved over his neck in a gentle way. Not able to stop himself his eyes roamed over Harry’s bum and he’d been fucking right with his earlier comment, his behind was perky. Quite small, but still perky and right beneath thick thighs with muscles stretched the tiny bits of fabric from the shorts. The tips of Louis’ fingers tingled, and a slow burn inside his stomach formed and grew stronger the longer he stared at his boss tensing his muscles. See there; he knew he’d made the biggest mistake by letting Harry persuade him using his guest house. He had especially not asked to see a practically naked and sweaty Harry sending streams of heated breath into the chilling air as a wake-up call, 

So conflicted with himself over what he felt he hadn’t even noticed he’d moved closer to the window, almost pressing his face through the glass so he could see better. Apparently staring was what he did best, and the one thing he did second best was caught at doing so, or in other words, humiliating himself. Right on the dime, Harry slowed down before he wiped his forehead and crooned his neck to look right at Louis’ blowing eyes. Their stare was held horridly long until he finally realised the window he was looking through was just that, a simple window and not a one sided mirror. His face burned as if someone had set him on fire and the blurry sight of an unsure smile crawling over Harry’s lips would haunt his mind for weeks, probably even months. He scrambled away and hid in the bathroom, sensing how every part of him burned with embarrassment and he felt even worse than the night before. The impact of Harry had settled deeper, and there was visual proof of desire forming inside his trousers to confirm it.

A chant of curses shot from his mouth as he paced back and forth, ripping his hair and shaking his head in annoyance. He’d almost been ready to cut his manhood off when he stopped dead in his tracks, lessening the tight grip of his hair and squinting his eyes. Harry hadn’t hurried away, frowned or given any indication he’d been bothered being stared at and he’d known there was a possibility of being seen, how could he not when he’d chosen to work out in the garden. A hint of tremor erupted when he couldn't dismiss the thought of Harry doing it on purpose, perhaps he'd wanted to be- no he couldn't continue down that road, it wasn't healthy. But then again, he’d been boxing outside, and it was winter for Christ sake. There was actual snow on the ground, a freezing temperature and he was out there with nothing on but two inches of fabric. Either the man had a death wish, or he must’ve had a reason, but the only reason he could think of was causing him discomfort. An ugly sense of dread washed over him as he thought the one thing he didn’t want to when Harry had been nothing but kind and respectful from day one, him being deceiving didn’t fit the picture. Louis could never go through anything remotely near what had happened before, and if his boss were playing a dirty game after all then he would rather speak his mind and be fired than dragged back into another nightmare.   
He had a feeling Harry would knock the door sooner or later, and when it happened then well, he would be ready to share his thoughts. Short moments later, after drying his hair and gulping down a glass of water, his prediction turned real. Three gentle knocks came from the door and with a surprisingly determined mind he stomped over and hauled it open, not caring he came off a little aggressive. He was, in fact, pissed off if his dread turned out to be justified and his boss was playing him for a fool.

‘’Good morning Louis, did you sleep well?’’ 

The usual kind smile stretched Harry’s lips, and those familiar dimples popped out, blinding his anger for the tiniest moment. A black hoodie that was too big covered Harry's earlier naked chest while grey sweats pooled around his legs and a black beanie kept his damp hair hidden from the chilly air. 

‘’What is wrong with you?’’

Maybe his voice came out a bit harsher than he’d expected, especially when Harry’s smile faltered and a more surprised expression took place in his features. 

‘’I’m sorry, I don’t think I follow.’’

‘’Don’t play dumb, what the hell is wrong with you? Don’t you know it's fucking winter outside, would assume the cold snow decorating your garden would give you a clue.’’

Realisation dawned over Harry, and the dolt dared to chuckle as his smile came back even wider, only causing Louis to flinch in both fear and delight. 

‘’Oh so it was you in the window, I couldn’t tell if it was your face or a blurry image of my reflection. The low sun stung my eyes a bit so I wasn’t sure but here you are, opening the door.’’

‘’Don’t do that-‘’ he slammed the door violently behind Harry, who startled from the sound. ‘’-Don’t take me for an idiot and what the hell man? Since you have an idea of what I went through with my previous boss why would you do something like that? Was it on purpose, going outside wearing something like a fucking speedo in the middle of the winter just to test me or something? To give you an indication that I might’ve lied during the interview after all? Or did you want to tick me off and see if I would succumb or something, test my sense of defence and place me for a moron who would take the second round in hell, is that’s it? You are supposed to be my boss.’’

Deep breaths were going up his nose while his heart started racing, terrified of what he might hear and the sight of amusement draining from Harry’s face wasn’t comforting. He’d yelled and accused his boss of something horrible without truly knowing or having a concrete reason; it was the fear of reliving his nightmares that caused him to lash out before having the evidence to support his blow.

‘’If I’m not mistaken Louis this is my property, my home, and I would believe I have the right to behave the way I want to without being accused of plotting to exploit my employee. What you saw earlier, what you're using to accuse me of something vicious, is my daily workout routine. Each morning I run thirty minutes on my treadmill before I go outside to box the remaining thirty ones. And yes, I do in fact know it's _fucking_ winter, but I happen to enjoy the feel of cold air hitting my warm skin when I’m burning energy. Why I chose the garden has only one answer, it’s the only bloody garden I have, but I’m sorry, I truly am sorry if I upset you and made you believe I did it for some twisted reason. I can never sleep long when I’ve been drinking and figured draining myself would help me get rid of a headache I had and maybe let me go back to sleep. Ended up working for one out of two when surprise, here I am, still perfectly awake and arguing with you. Since it’s seven in the morning and barely three hours since I bid you goodnight, I didn’t assume you would be up and walking this early to glare outside the fucking window in this exact direction. I didn’t even consider the possibility because wow, who depends on so many coincidences happening at once.-’’ 

Harry looked almost deadly when the anger of being portrayed as someone horrible prickled his eyes, and he’d stepped closer while he spoke, forcing Louis to back into the door.

‘’-And no, I’m not your boss in my bloody home, not unless you ask me to be. I didn’t offer you this guest house with deceiving intentions, and I’m a bit offended and hurt you would think I could be capable of doing so. Again, I sincerely do apologise if I upset you but honestly, I could care less if you or anyone else would witness me running around stark naked chanting some mumbo jumbo in _my_ garden in _my_ free time. Besides today's misunderstanding, have I ever given you a reason to think I would make a pass on you or lull you into some trap and use you for my benefit? If you can harshly accuse me of something so horrible without even speaking to me about it like a rational person then how do you expect me to react?-.''

Not a sound left his tight-shut mouth, and he stared at Harry with wide eyes, unable to think or move or do anything. He was lectured by his boss and in fairness, he had several strong points. He felt mortified for blowing up in Harry’s face over, as said, misunderstandings and he mentally kicked himself for being so itchy about every little thing. But the worst of it all, and no matter how terribly inappropriate it was of him he couldn’t help thinking how attractive Harry became when he was mad, causing his body to flush with arousal at the worst possible time.

‘’-if I want someone I tend to use common decency and actual words instead of stalking out a prey and set up pathetic little schemes to toy with their emotions and break them down. I don’t use my power, the power I know you think I have over you and my other employees to get what I want; I’m not some soulless monster. It saddens me you would reach the thought, but even so Louis, I can understand why you would fear it. I do, but all I can say is that I have no interest in causing you pain, and I hope you can believe me on that. I wasn’t planning on sharing what I'm about to say to you, not so soon because I had a feeling you would react this way and I wanted you to trust me first. But since we're already in this mess I hope you understand what my words means and how I mean them-‘’ a deep breath went up Harry's nose and when he exhaled the tension from his shoulders lessened, replacing the angry expression with vulnerability. ‘’-if I’m fascinated by someone I try to share parts of my life with them, I tell them my thoughts and let them get to know me. I want that someone to see I take notice, to see I’m interested in knowing them better as well, and I want them to feel safe around me. If that someone doesn’t want to I don’t push, I respect their wishes and take a step back-‘’ Louis was becoming one with the wooden material and when Harry laid a hand to lean against the door frame his heart practically stopped. ‘’So do you understand Louis? What I’m saying? From what I’ve seen in your eyes recently, including last night because I saw you in the crowd, and especially right now I think you do. But if you want me to be Mr. Styles, to be your boss whenever I see you all you have to do is say so and I will. This conversation will end and not mentioned again. ‘’

The sound of a pin dropping to the floor on the other side of town could be heard from the intense silence that formed around them. A million confusing thoughts exploded through his mind as he desperately tried to understand the undertone of Harry’s words. On one side he did perfectly well, but the other screamed in perplexity as it wondered how the hell he’d ended up in such a mess. His boss, who was just a step away kept still, observing him with a fierce look of something he couldn’t handle and it lightened every nerve in his body. His palms turned sweaty, and the rapid beating of his heart drilled against his ribcage like an overheated engine. 

‘’I- I- …‘’

No no no, the day had turned more dangerous and scary than he’d thought possible and he did not need to hear his boss confirm what his hidden desire wanted to hear. He didn’t need to know Harry had picked up on his unintentionally long glances or heated blushes either, especially not his look of pure lust the night before and it caused more panic to race through his system. It ruined everything, and the friendly atmosphere he’d finally achieved at work would never be the same again. How could he even continue to work there when he’d fucked everything up with his boss of all people? Disaster was apparently written all over his life, and once people picked up on the stiff behaviour he would have around Harry a new flare would surely light up his past like an exploding bonfire.

He dared to find Harry’s burning gaze once more, and the same clench to his stomach arrived as his breath died in his throat. The man was gorgeous, no doubt and he was so bloody intoxicating that he couldn’t tell the difference between right and left. An active flutter to his rapid heart erupted when he saw how the unsure frowns decorating Harry’s face slowly faded into softness. He wasn’t threatening even after barking his lungs out or standing so close, and a scary part of Louis craved to remove the last distance between when he had reasons to believe Harry wouldn’t stop him. The sound of his ringtone blared from the bedroom, but neither of them moved or dropped the staring contest they had started. It was clear Harry waited for an answer, but he was too lost for words to give one and he couldn’t make sense of his thoughts or his feelings. When his phone rang a second time around his mind decided fleeing was the safest option, and he wiggled away from Harry’s presence but not fast enough to miss the brief flare of discouragement settling inside his gaze.

‘’I have to take that, it might be an emergency…’’

As quickly as his feet could take him, he ran to his phone and answered it without checking the caller id, desperate to have something else to occupy his mind. 

‘’Hello?’’

‘’Ah thank fucking god Lou, you’re alive.’’

‘’Yeah well no thanks to you betrayer.’’

A small snort had left Zayn’s mouth before a heavy sigh followed shortly after.

‘’I was drunk and horny, I didn’t mean to leave so sudden but I figured you would just sneak inside sometime during the night and crash. But when I didn’t find you anywhere this morning and saw your keys with the spare to my flat on my table- not to forget all those panicked texts on my phone, you managed to scare me a bit. What were you thinking to leave your keys here, you know how I get when I’m drunk and have company.’’

‘’No shit Sherlock. I didn’t realise I had left them before I was a block away from my own flat and to your information I stood outside your door knocking for ages but yeah, do know how you get but still tried.’’

Both chuckled, and the heaviest of his anxiety drained from his shoulders as he slumped down to sit on the bed. He was in need of a big therapy lesson with his friend where he could rant out every single stupid whine and receive dumb nonsense back.

‘’So where are you then, ended up in a hotel or something? Don’t tell me you went home with that idiot Elijah aft-.''

‘’No no I didn’t, but it’s a long story, and before I share it with you I need painkillers to dull my head and some junk you hate to ease my soul.’’

‘’Okay, I believe I owe you to meet up at whatever poison you choose in .. let’s say thirty minutes, fast food heart attacks are open at this hour right?’’

‘’Sur-‘’ before he finished his sentence he remembered he had no idea where he was. He hadn’t paid much attention to where the car had driven, but Niall’s words of on the other side of town ringed in his mind. ‘’-You can make it up to me by buying me some burgers, even a milkshake and be at my place in an hour. And Zayn-‘’ He took a long exaggerated deep breath before he spoke in a deadly tone. ‘’-Don’t disappoint me.’’ 

He hung up and scrambled around, turning a bit panicked again when he knew he had to face Harry once more before reaching the front door. With hasty steps, he walked out of the room and only slowed down when the image of Harry still standing there met his sight. His head was bent downwards while his arms were folded across his chest, looking deep in thought and he didn’t react when Louis came closer. 

‘’I’m sorry, but I need to leave, that was Zayn and he-.''

‘’Do you want me to drive you or would you prefer Andrew, he doesn’t live far from here, and he’ll be here shortly if I call him.’’

The defeat lacing Harry’s voice weren’t obvious, but it could still be heard and a shot of guilt spread through his nerves. He didn’t want to be the one who left things unsettled but from the way Harry took a step back and found his professional voice it looked like he’d gathered an answer of his cowardly actions. It left a bitter taste in his mouth, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to change Harry’s opinion or not.

‘’If you don’t mind driving then I see no point in bothering your driver this early.’’

He didn’t and even though he was more than ready to leave he didn’t quite want to leave Harry’s presence, and a car drive would hold them side by side a little longer.

•••••••

‘’Did you always want to create your own magazine?’’

Five minutes in silence was all it took before he couldn’t take it anymore, it wasn’t precisely uncomfortable, but he craved to hear the sound of Harry’s voice and have his attention. Gentle fingers of Harry’s right hand closed around the wheel while the other fell to change gear, pushing the shift as the speed picked up.

‘’No, as I said last night I considered pursuing a music career at one point, and I was very close to doing so but as you heard, didn’t have the confidence. Didn’t help much that my father never approved and did everything in his power to tear my dream down. At last, he succeeded and instead convinced me to follow his steps and study journalism. Don’t take me wrong; I’ve always been interested in that as well, but the music was my passion, and nothing could really compensate or be as great, but journalism was still worth my time. My father got what he wanted, and when he created Style he explicitly told me I had to fight if I desired to run it someday and make it mine. He wouldn’t give me any shortcuts just because I’m his son; instead, he created a tougher road and made it clear I had to start from the bottom and work my way up. So I did, became an intern before I was hired as a writer and it was during my internship the whole work shadow bloomed from. I learned so much from each department and when I reached the position as editor in chief I wanted my employees to have the same experience. Taking the route I did has brought me further than I imagined and I’ve achieved more than I could dream of so, in the end, I don’t regret my decision.’’

‘’There’s no doubt you have a talent for what you do, just look how far and successful Style has become and it’s mostly thanks to you, but I believe you would’ve reached far in music as well. Hearing how you sang last night cleansed my soul I’m sure, and I don’t think I’ve been so affected from a voice before-.‘’ It was true; it had done even more to his system and when he saw Harry’s lip twitch he turned his head the opposite way to hide the flush forming. ‘’-I mean- ah fuck it, you have a great voice, beautiful indeed and you deserve the compliment I didn't give you last night.’’

‘’Thank you, Louis. What about yourself, you always wanted to be a sports journalist?’’

‘’I wanted what many boys dream of, becoming a professional soccer player but I sadly figured out I don’t have the skills I thought I had. I was good but just not good enough so that dream was crushed-.'' 

A soft laughter sent his face smiling at the memories of his younger days when he’d been so blissfully naïve, thinking all he had to do was kick a ball to become a star. He’d realised the hard way that was not the case at all, and he’d experienced defeat and failure in the early state. It toughened him up, though, and he’d pushed himself harder when he stumbled over a new desire, involved with the game but just not physically attending the field.

‘’-I recovered pretty quickly when I accepted it would never happen and decided to stay on the sideline wouldn’t be so bad when I could still be a part of the sports life. And I’ve always enjoyed writing so when I placed my two favourite things together it gave me a new dream to focus on, and I achieved it. Thrived even until-‘’ his voice died down when he realised he was getting too close to the tragedy of his life, he cleared his throat and straightened up in his seat. ‘’-Anyways, I didn’t know I wanted to be a journalist from the start but as they say, when life closes one door another opens, and I’m glad I walked through it.’’

‘’I admire your view on life, not many possess the strength you’ve shown or the ability to pick yourself up and keep your head high when justice fails and beats you down instead. You should never doubt the power you have inside, it can and will take you far if you use it.’’

‘’.. I have a question that’s been nagging me.’’

A soft hum answered back and when he didn’t continue his question Harry glanced over with searching eyes, boring right into his stupid mess of emotions. It seemed like the more he kept watching Harry’s face, the beauty within him grew with eyes turning greener and more alive with small flares of passion sparkling inside. His jaw was prominent from the side, erasing the youthful appearance he’d seen his very first day and wondered how someone could look so young and so settled at the same time, more or less. The gracious curls were hidden underneath the beanie but even without his hair framing his porcelain skin, Harry was still disturbingly beautiful, and he wondered how he hadn’t seen the obvious sooner. Harry had always been a handsome man, from the moment he’d laid an eye on him and everyone could see it, but something was different. He was more than just handsome; he was alluring now. _Tempting. Enticing. Charming. Lovely._ It was right in front of him and had been the whole time, glaring to his stubborn eye. Perhaps it was a defence mechanism of his, and he wasn’t sure if he was glad or not that it had been broken down. Glad because he could appreciate the vision of Harry but uneasy over how hard it was for him to look away.

‘’Why did you believe me that day in your office?’’

It was barely a whisper and for a short moment, he thought maybe Harry hadn’t heard him when he didn’t react or say anything, only staring at the road as before. 

‘’Did it shock you, that someone outside your family and friends took your words seriously and believed your side?-‘’ the sound of comfort stroked over Louis’ skin, and he fiddled with his fingers when the sound came back. ‘’-I’ve met Ryan before, on more than one occasion, and I’ve made my opinion on his character. He’s never struck me as a compassionate and honest man when his actions have been questionable over the years. But neither is he weak or easily manipulated so believing a young and pretty much experienceless man like yourself at the time was able to break him down and use him like a puppet didn’t make sense to me. Not after seeing his work of power-play. When you stepped into my office with your loud mouth-‘’ Harry sent him a raised brow before turning back to follow the road.’’-And fascinating personality the first thing I sensed from you was exactly what he lacks, honesty, though wrapped in a rather strong layer of sass. You didn’t try to talk your way out or make excuses when I threw your conviction directly in your face but instead stood up for yourself to me. You knew who I was and instead of presenting me a sad story to try and make me feel sorry for your past you stood your ground and shared your side in a real apparent way. Your reaction was another factor, hurt, shame and disgust fell from your eyes, and I’ve never experienced someone fake such raw emotions convincingly. Everything about you screamed wrongly accused, and my opinion hasn’t changed.’’

Just hearing the sound of his previous boss and abuser sent his stomach twisting painfully and he had to look away to hide the ugly grimace falling over his face. If he could’ve burned his memories away, he wouldn’t have hesitated for a second. Harry’s kind words eased the sting, though, and he once again felt himself being speechless, unable to form words or a simple thought in his mind. He was grateful for the compassion that laid within Harry, and he understood why the people he’d met at Style had nothing but pleasant compliments to use about him. Harry wasn’t just beautiful on the outside, he was beautiful on the inside too, just as Zayn had said.

•••••••

‘’Oh you better have a great explanation because who I just saw driving away creates very sexy scenarios in my mind.’’

Barely having the time to touch the front door of his building the sight of Zayn stepping around the corner with wiggling brows came to life. Two paper bags hung from his fingers, and Louis gave more attention to those as he snapped them from his grip and continued walking up to his flat. The smell of junk food stroked his nostrils in a pleasant way, and the low rumble from his stomach let him now he was hungrier than he’d thought. 

‘’So, give me details you minx! I didn't cut my sleep to watch you eat.’’

Zayn climbed the difficult stairs behind him, almost dancing in impatience as Louis rolled his eyes and shook his head lightly. 

‘’What you saw was what it was, he just drove me home. That’s it.’’

‘’Bollocks, worst lie you’ve told me this year.’’

He reached the door and unlocked it when Zayn handed his keys over, narrowed eyes staring him down was a clear indication he would not accept such a lousy answer. He didn’t need to worry, though, he was going to tell, he just wanted to get inside and take a huge bite of his burger first.

‘’Spill little bean.’’

‘’Fine, but you are not allowed to make a sound until I’m finished, got it? And no it’s not what you think.’’

A deep sigh dripped from his mouth the moment he fell into his couch and placed his feet on the table, he could finally let his guard down and simply relax. Zayn was by his side, still staring him down and just to be a hint meaner he took his time unpacking his food. He didn’t feel sorry for making Zayn wait; he had it coming, and it was a small pity payback for the wasted time he’d spent outside his flat the night before. He smiled and chewed obnoxiously when he saw irritation building up in his friend's face and when he sucked the milkshake so slow it would never reach his mouth he figured it was enough. Mainly because he wanted to taste it, Zayn’s frustrated expression he could watch all day.  
Twenty minutes later where he’d filled Zayn in, even the part about Harry working out in the garden, he slurped the last of his milkshake and burped in satisfaction. Junk food was never wrong, unhealthy and fatty, just as he liked and he couldn't care less that it nurtured his curves.

‘’So what you’re saying is that you are a complete idiotic dimwit then. Blimey Louis, I can’t believe you accused him of manipulating you, you hate your job that much?’’  
‘’You weren’t there, everything just blew up in my head, and it was the only explainable reason for his behaviour-.‘’

‘’Only reasonab-.‘’ Zayn spluttered as he threw his hands up. ‘’-what is wrong with you, what part of Harry being two inches from your face, staring you down and asking if you understood what he said, telling you to decide if you want him to only be your boss don’t _you_ understand?-.‘’ Zayn stared up at the ceiling in bewilderment and shook his head. ‘’-I’m dealing with a moron, it’s out of my control.’’

A hard pillow was thrown into Zayn’s face as Louis straightened up in his seat, expression turning more serious as a hint of anger settled before he spoke.

‘’I wasn’t finished arsehole. Yes, it was the only reason to me at first but after he lectured me and made me feel like the worst prick it wasn’t anymore. Especially not after he shared the last part of his rant but it freaked me a bit out ok? It came out of fucking nowhere and how was I supposed to react to that? I just realised my boss finds me fascinating, a bit more than the rest of his employees and he gave me the power to reject his interest if I want to. He didn’t push me, didn’t try anything really, he just wanted an answer and didn’t even get mad when I fled like a petrified breakdown.’’

‘’Yeah sounds like a real dick that one..’’

The pillow flew back into Louis’ face, and he sighed in defeat and chugged it to the floor, hearing the dripping sarcasm from Zayn’s voice drained his stubbornness.

‘’He doesn’t even know me, we haven’t shared that many conversations for him to know anything about me so I don’t understand why he finds me fascinating. I can’t help it, I’m still wondering if it has to do with my conviction and all that mess, if he finds it curious and want’s to.. I don’t know, see if he can breach my guard or something.’’

‘’It’s not like you are complete strangers either Lou, you’ve seen and talked with him more than I have these last months and is it so outrageous to think he finds you charming? You have quite a strong personality, which I’m not saying is a bad thing, and you’ve apparently made an impression on the guy. He’s a decent one though and beauty in many eyes so I don’t understand why you’re fishing for reasons to paint it wrong. From your lustful confession on the boat you find him fascinating back, or should I say fucking attractive? Which brings up your ridiculous argument, you said he doesn’t know you but what about yourself, it’s not like you know everything about him either yet you still like him.’’

Every time he was struggling with something on his mind Zayn chose those times to step up as the talkative one. Any other conversation he barely mumbled some careless responses and seemed bored out of his mind and the few times he wanted that side of Zayn he was met with a newbie therapist instead. It was nice to see that Zayn had it in him, though, but it also made him question himself and his thoughts, spinning them around to go in Zayn’s direction. Because no he didn't know everything about Harry, but the realisation that he perhaps knew a few more facts than the rest of his collegous sneaked into his mind. Harry had said it himself, if he was fascinated by someone he wanted them to know him, to share parts of his life, and if he thought about it, he remembered the little details Harry had let him know. How his mother lived in New York, owning a small boutiqe and how she'd taken him to see the fucking ducks when he was young. That he liked to run in the park when he had troubled thoughts and how he'd never been on a boat in London and his background with Niall and fucking shit. Evidence after evidence dropped on him, and he couldn't find a reason to paint Harry's confession as a lie.

‘’Fuck off. I don’t need you confusing me further, and okay I accept it, we may find one another attractive, but that’s no reason for me to jump into what would probably be a disaster. I don’t want to involve myself in something risky just to feel the thrill of nailing the boss, which sound so fucking wrong, and that’s exactly not who I am. I’m not interested in late night shags here and there, sneaking around and hiding so people don’t find out, you know that.’’

‘’Bloody hell Louis, why are you so negative about everything? Who’s to say Harry only wants to shag you, you don’t know what he’s thinking, and you won’t know if you never try to find out.’’

Perhaps he liked to be negative, it shielded him from touching unknown territory and face the unfamiliar situations and scenarios he couldn’t predict. It was a safety net, and he’d been in it so long it felt too comfortable. 

‘’Yeah and what happens if I follow your advice and it turns out I’m right? I’ll end up proving the rumours about me half correct while losing myself in the maze without a way out and everything will turn to shit. Which I won't be able to escape. Why are we even discussing this, I don’t throw myself at every guy I find attractive, I’d be the next biggest player in England after you, and I’m not sure I want to humour the thought of my boss and me together.’’

‘’Course you do, everything about you screamed lust when Harry showed up after his performance, and I don’t blame you, he has a certain sexual drive when he sings. You have to stop using the boss card, yes he is, but he’s also just a man, and you need to shake off the fear and insecurity Ryan drowned you in.’’

A part of him knew Zayn was right because who was he trying to fool really, he’d been depressingly turned on the night before, and the image of Harry burned behind his eyelids every time he closed them. He’d had the chance to feel what it would be to touch Harry's skin physically just hours ago, and it had haunted him ever since he’d let it go. So he humoured the thought alright, even when he tried not to.

‘’I hate you.’’

‘’You always do when you’re out of excuses and are forced to realise I have a brilliant point you can’t deny.’’

‘’No I hate you because you are a pain in the arse who won’t let things that bother me go. It doesn’t even matter anymore because I fled remember. I practically slapped him in the face and didn’t even have the decency to apologise for how obnoxiously I behaved. And I heard him loud and precise; the conversation will never be mentioned again so there you go, it’s done and over with.’’

‘’Bullshit. It’s not often you hear me encourage you to go after someone, but I’ve known the man long enough to be comfortable saying he won’t use you for his own satisfaction. If the world ends and it turns out I’m wrong, if we ever find out, and I strongly doubt I’m ever wrong, you know I’ll kill him in the blink of an eye. Locate the confidence you used to have, stride a little extra just to see if he reacts to it and if he does then you have ways to change your answer. If he doesn’t, I promise I’ll never say another word about it, just fucking do it and see what happens.’’

‘’I’m not about to dig my own fucking grave by sending him hungry looks and prance around like a slutty desperate slag at work, that’s unprofessional and so wrong in so many ways.’’ 

‘’I’m not encouraging you to lay on his desk naked with a bloody condom in your mouth, just simply hold his gaze a bit longer than usual and send him a telling smile here and there. Trust me; people see the difference between smitten fondness and regular kindness and he will too.’’ 

‘’Fucking fine! I’ll think about it alright? That’s all I promise you.’’

No, no and no, he would absolutely not do anything.

•••••••


	3. Chapter 3

Slowly but surely December ended and with a few extra days off work it was easier to calm his nerves down, leaving some of the tension and worries on his shoulders with last year’s problems as a new entered. He’d received a few texts of congratulations from his family and some of the people at Style for his birthday, and he’d realised he’d practically forgotten the one day he enjoyed being the centre of attention. It hadn’t been much fuss, turning twenty-six wasn’t a huge deal, and the quiet celebration had been more welcomed than he’d thought. He had a suspicion it connected with the constant battle his head was going through, and he’d been more or less exhausted since the night he’d stepped on the line with Harry, barely a tiny inch or less before he’d crossed it. So the thought of a big party had never actually occurred, and he’d figured Zayn had realised as much when he’d only suggested a casual night out, relaxing with a round of pints at his favourite pub. They had spent the evening with Niall as the cheery Irish had picked up the phone to congratulate and heard whims of their plans, more or less inviting himself, and Louis had no problem accepting. He’d enjoyed the additional company, listened to fun stories and watched Zayn miserably fail as he’d tried to outdrink Niall with shots. Even an unexpected present had come his way, another bottle of whisky which gave him a small start of a collection, and it had made him hug the blonde man in kind fondness. The ringing details about Niall’s life wouldn’t leave him, and he’d found himself determined to be his right hand, mostly at work but outside too if he needed one. Along with Zayn’s obvious gift, the annual packet of condoms, a bottle of lube and a pair of vans which had caused a round of chuckles to trail the trio it had been a successful celebration in his mind.

Christmas hadn’t been much different, nothing extra or significant happenings unless he could call a lazy night spent making his body become a part of the couch while eating Chinese ordered dinner and glaring at the TV with Zayn for a big fuss. Since no bonus had found its way to his whimpering bank account, he’d only been able to send a few presents back to his family in Leeds instead of a long overdue visit and it had put a small damper on his holiday spirit. His mother’s face was turning into a bleak image on his mind, and he felt guilty he hadn’t found enough bravery to see her as he’d craved to. Family was important, and he loved them, but after everything he’d put them through he found it difficult to visit, even though it was all he wanted. He knew they loved him back, supported him greatly, but the pain his mother’s eyes had held when the jury found him guilty broke his heart. Ashamed was what he was, for them and when he'd heard what they had to face once they returned home had sickened him. Receiving endless questions from nosy neighbours and overhearing people talk badly about them as parents, how they had created a criminal had horrified him, still did and he couldn’t stand it. Showing up in his old neighbourhood would cause those questions to reappear along with another gossip spree to unfold and it was probably the reason he kept finding excuses to why he couldn’t go. It was easier staying away if he kept telling himself it would be better for them, letting the image of a crime-family fade and be erased. 

A rather long phone call he’d mustered up enough courage for, though, and it had both lessened a bit of his longing and nurtured his guilt when the sweet sound of his mother’s voice had burned his eyes and clenched his chest when she told him she missed him. Not having seen them in months, too many it reached over a year kept weighing him down and the power to step up and break his pattern of hiding faded with each day that passed. He had a depressing feeling he wouldn’t go back home unless an emergency happened and the thought made him feel even worse. With Zayn by his side he hadn’t been too lonely at least and company kept him from turning into a complete hermit of some kind. He’d even managed to buy a tiny Christmas tree, a freaking nuisance they’d spent two days decorating when a shitty cord of lights that had been more knotted than a twisted fishing net kept ruining their intelligence. 

New Year’s Eve, on the other hand, had been erased and blocked from his memory, all he knew was the night had been drowned in alcohol and how he’d blamed Niall for his ruined soul and existence. With no intentions of ending the year with a blast, he’d stayed indoors with his computer planted on his lap and a cold beer in his hand, taking it slow. Before he’d even realised Zayn had barged through his door with three shot glasses in one hand, death on a bottle in the other and a howling Niall by his side, chanting chug in a mantra. How they had become Niall's drinking buddies he had no idea and how the Irish had persuaded him to indulge in a night of tequila shots was out of his capability to explain. Even so, he’d participated and in the next moment he’d woken up in his bed with a drill wheezing through his skull and the taste of vomit at the back of his throat. It had taken him almost three whole days to lose the headache and train his stomach to accept and contain solid food again, which strongly reminded him several years had passed since he’d been eighteen and able to handle the roughest times. The night had been fun, though, probably, he guessed, and he was somewhat glad he couldn’t remember when he’d always had a gift for being the centre of attention in his wasted-half-foot-in-the-grave state. With earlier records of standing on top of bars, shaking his bum and dropping to his knees like he was performing some sex ritual he was glad he didn’t have vivid images of Niall’s reaction to his behaviour or a breathing evidence in his bed.

First day back at his desk had forced reality into his system, and he’d sensed uncertainty slowly re-attaching itself over his shoulders again. With vacation taking him away from work and anything that had to do directly with Harry's actions he’d been able to put their situation aside, buried it deep inside his mind where he didn’t have to deal with it right ahead. But since the holiday had ended it welcomed him back with open claws and his brain wouldn’t stop playing the scene in his mind. He’d promised Zayn he would think about it, his suggestion, but in the end he hadn’t. It wasn’t something he felt comfortable considering, not really and crawling back into the situation with a confused mind wasn’t worth the humiliation. His lack of response and running away had been enough answer for Harry, so when he’d stepped back, it should've been enough for Louis as well. It wasn’t high school or some fantasy where he could walk around testing dangerous waters just to seek out a thrill. The conversation had been closed for Harry’s sake, and he’d been serious about leaving it dead, so no it wasn’t a game where he could go back to a saving point and do it over. He’d made his choice, the only one that was right and it was better for the both of them if he stuck to it. 

Tension flowed around them like a cold breeze; he could tell, whenever he caught a glance of Harry walking by the department, or when they passed each other at the entrance, he never received anything but the same kindness he’d always received. Which shouldn’t point out as tension, but from the earlier personal words that had been shared he saw the nods of courtesy, polite smiles and quiet hello’s as such. It was an evident effort to remain unaffected and unbothered, but the sickening professionalism coming from Harry rubbed him the wrong way. It could be all in his head where he was the only one who sensed it, perhaps he painted it bad as Zayn claimed he did, but he had strong feeling things were not ok and that Harry felt it too. 

The unnatural behaviour from the both of them had been exactly what he’d feared, lowered gazes and changed directions to avoid getting too close was not how he desired his days to be. He didn’t want it, didn’t want to be awkward around his boss or have his stomach sink to the floor with uncomfortableness whenever they had to share work-related words. He didn’t need the what if’s decorating his mind and he certainly didn’t need to feel the guilt of rejecting a man he never should’ve come close to in the first place.   
So breaking one promise to Zayn he’d spent January doing absolutely nothing besides his job, stuck to his desk without sending anyone extra attention, no kind smiles and no knowing looks. At least he’d held his other promise and kept his spine intact, willingly went back to Style to face Harry with his head held high instead of tugging the tail between his legs and quit. He’d considered it when he was obviously a coward at heart in certain situations, but realising he sincerely loved his job; he’d stayed. The best option would be to wait it out until things settled and the rawness eventually faded. It couldn’t go on forever, and he could drag himself through a painful period if it meant things could go back to how they were. Or, it could never truly be, but he was willing to wait in hope of it being better when he’d managed only to stretch but never crossed the line and kept his colleagues in the dark. So yes, he’d went to work and did what was expected of him, shining where he could while maintaining a straight face that didn't give away his worried thoughts. 

For some reason the first month had treated him kindly, he’d not been picked to switch departments and he’d not seen the bright face of Harry much. Niall had kept it slow, and he’d rarely sent anyone to deliver something for him upstairs or called Harry for a final decision on their finished work. It had made it easier for him to concentrate and he’d had an excuse to bury himself in research for the coming months. Even though he’d closed the door his mind wouldn’t let his thoughts disappear, always finding Harry depressingly beautiful whenever he’d caught a glimpse and continued acknowledging how the tingles crawling over his skin wouldn’t lessen. It made him a bit frustrated when he couldn’t make up his mind how he felt about it and how it kept feeding him evil whispers of doubts about his choice. Stopping something risky had been the right and not to mention the safest path to take but whenever his eyes landed on Harry’s figure the harder it became to convince himself it was true. And apparently, safety wasn’t always something he had the privilege of having.

Without really realising he’d slowly developed a pathetic routine during the lunches he spent with Niall, letting random questions he knew would involve Harry’s name tumble from his mouth, and he’d cursed himself every time it dawned what he was doing. The need to talk about him was sad because he didn’t want to have the man constantly on his mind in torment but the questions still managed to escape. Thankfully it didn’t appear Niall knew anything or rose suspicions about his never ending quest learn more about the big boss, and he’d sent mental thanks to Harry as well for keeping their situation quiet. He couldn’t say the same about himself, though, he’d spilt everything to Zayn within an hour, and he’d wondered several times if Harry would be upset if he were to find out. Somehow every thought managed to connect Harry’s name and the times he caught himself doing so made him groan out loud and pinch the bridge of his nose in annoyance. The man continued to creep under his skin and wouldn’t leave him alone, not even after shutting him down, and it made him restless when he couldn’t shake it. 

As February closed in on them and he’d learned Harry’s big thirtieth birthday was around the corner he’d sensed a strange sense of sadness close around him. It was ridiculous because after everything and promising not to think more of it, he still couldn’t fight the yearning of wanting to celebrate the day with him. It ate at his nerves so badly he’d lost his brain for a tiny moment the night before Harry’s big day and he’d done something he shouldn’t have. He’d poked the bee nest and hoped it wouldn’t sting him badly. With fast steps he’d snuck into Harry’s office after hours, waited until he was certain the floor was empty and left a note at the top of his desk, knowing it would be the first thing his eyes would see the morning after. It wasn’t much, a simple sentence wishing him a happy birthday and he’d left his name out of it, not wanting Harry to realise it was his doing when it would’ve caused more harm than good. Regret had been the first thing to hit him once he’d left and the strongest urge to run back and rip the little note in pieces had made his fingers tremble. The second emotion was irritation because once again he’d proved how weak his idiotic arse was and that he, in fact, simply couldn’t help himself when it came to Harry.

 

•••••••

 

‘’This is a fucking nightmare.’’

‘’What are you whining about, you’re lucky to be working here this week. At least you know someone, like me, and there’s so much for you to learn. Finally, some valuable knowledge will be drilled into that unappreciated mind of yours.’’

A dumb stare shot Zayn’s way, and he could almost feel the total glee hiding under the calm demeanour of his friend, enjoyment over seeing him suffer in the fashion department. The rare switch-up had rounded February, and none other than Louis, who always managed to get picked ended up down there, in the middle of the inferno.

‘’Valuable knowledge? I’m sorry Zayn, but I don’t have a rat's arse of interest when it comes to endless products I’ve never seen and will never use, that’s all you man. If I hadn't seen countless commercials on TV, I would've never known what this is-.‘’ he picked up the mascara at the end of Zayn’s table. ‘’-If you expect me to write reviews of all-‘’ he gestured to the rest of the hundreds of samples floating over the surface. ‘’-this nonsense is.. well ridiculous and would be the least detailed description you've ever read. Sorry to say but neither do I want to tag along to events and watch you kiss every beauty brand’s arse out there.’’

‘’You’re so clueless little dove, you’re not in charge of this table, that's my assistant's job so calm your jitters. Trust me; you’ll love the events, but if there’s time for you to tag along I’m not sure since this is your fist time here you’ll be bounced around like a ping-pong ball.’’

‘’Brilliant.. just brilliant.’’

The department was the largest one he’d been at, and people flew around like they had the devil chasing them. Clothes rushed past him, and frantic girls ran back and forth with all kinds of stuff wearing heels that would undoubtedly break their ankles if they stepped wrong. Everything seemed so busy and stressful with fashion, and he couldn’t help but wonder how Zayn could fit in with the energy level. He was one of the laziest people he knew, at least when they lived together and he could not picture him running around with fire in his feet. Or perhaps that’s why he was so slow in his spare time, using up all his energy at work and having nothing left when the day ended. It was a possibility from what he could see, and he was already exhausted just looking at the people.

‘’You there-‘’ a stern looking man with tiny blonde curls and a million dollar suit stopped right in front of him with a rolling wardrobe, several pieces of clothing on hangers dangling in his eyes. ‘’-What would you say about this shade and its necessity for the collection? I was told it doesn’t belong amongst the others, but everyone with eyes can see Egyptian has a place here. I can’t be the only one with clear vision.’’

‘’Wha-’’

‘’Just compare it to this one, Egyptian and Persian blue are close but so intense on their own, you get what I’m talking about? you can clearly see each of these shades and how well the difference goes together-.'' without waiting for a reply the man placed both of the skirts back in line before he picked up two dresses and held them up. ‘’-Aren’t these just marvellous? Take this for example-‘’ his right hand wiggled ‘’-it totally outshines this one-‘’ then his left hand wiggled ‘’-when you place them together, but this one-‘’ His left wiggled once more. ‘’-would slay the other going up against each other. Don’t you agree, which one do you prefer?’’

The two dresses the strange hysteric man held up looked exactly the same in Louis’ eyes, and he stared at the man with raised brows, totally lost to understand what had been said or why he'd been asked in the first place. Two waiting eyes drilled into him and he felt like laughing, the man was obviously serious, but the situation was bizarre.

‘’Er..I guess.. Uh, that one, the one who’s uh.. Slightly darker blue?’’ 

He stuttered out as he pointed to the dress in the man’s right hand. The most comical expression dawned over the curly guy, and he scrunched his brows so hard they became one as he shook his head in something near disgust.

‘’Da- Darker blue?! This is Azure! How can you call Azure darker blue, it has its own respectful shade and do you simply not see the complete difference between Azure and Cobalt? Oh wow, what an incompetence I’m dealing with today.’’

Without another glance or word, the man stormed off, mumbling something Louis couldn’t hear but figured wasn’t anything positive about him as a person. See there, a prime example that he didn’t belong even the tiniest down there. He had no clue about Cobalt or Persian or whatever, everything on that hanger had looked blue to him and if his week consisted of attending meetings to observe different shades of any colour he would gladly scrape out his eyes with a fork. The man hadn’t even asked for his name; he’d just assumed he worked there and believed he was one of them, someone who knew everything about the latest fashion and whatnot. Oh, the week would be long if he had to go through several awkward moments like that. He hurried to find Zayn when he realised he’d left, leaving him alone with the vultures. 

‘’I changed my mind, bring me along wherever you go just, please take me away from here.’’

He practically glued himself to the back of Zayn and followed his every movement, afraid he’d lose him again if he looked away for even a second.

‘’Well that didn’t take long. Come on then; I’m heading down to a photoshoot to look over my concept, and I need to make sure it fits the vision I discussed with Niall. Can’t trust anyone, not even the photographer so I’ll be spending my day nagging them. You can tag along, but it might be boring when I have nothing for you to do but observe.’’

‘’Doesn’t matter, I’ll go, and at least I’ll get to see you do actual work for a change. What kind of photoshoot is it, didn’t know you of all people collaborated with us at sports?’’

‘’No usually you guys work with one of the fashion editors who are in charge of the other departments’ photoshoots, but Niall screwed me over at your birthday party. So here I am, doing his laundry. He’s working on a piece about some golfer-.''

‘’Ah yes, Rory McIlroy, he’s been pretty obsessed with that lately.’’

‘’Yeah that guy and he’s been nagging me about returning the favour of getting you that interview so I took my chances on your birthday. If I won the battle of shots, he would never ask anything of me again and if I lost well, then I would do this for him but only this. Should’ve known better than to drink against an Irish.’’

‘’So that was the deal, I did wonder why you would try to outdrink Niall, knowing you didn’t stand a chance. It was fun to see you fail, though, please do it more often.’’

A sharp elbow stabbed his ribs, and he doubled over from the instant pain that ran all the way down to his toes, leaving nausea to rise as an aftershock. The sound of muffled chuckles came from behind but when he turned, not a single head looked in his direction, and he narrowed his eyes at all of them as he tried locating the arseholes. 

For some reason, he’d thought the photoshoot would be fun, or at least durable when it involved a sports guy, but it was as boring as could be. A lonely chair at the far back had called out for him, and he’d spent almost two hours straight numbing his bum in it. People were everywhere, just like in the department and flashes strong enough to cause him an epileptic seizure lit up the room like lightning. He had nothing to do but watch, and what he saw made him snort, the guy was supposed to be a golfer and what had they dressed him up in? Well, not sportswear that’s for sure but a ridiculous stiff suit instead, holding a golf club high over his head while he smiled like his life depended on it. Not that he’d read Niall’s piece about the guy, but he strongly doubted he’d asked to have the guy look like a high-class business man who golfed on the side for fun among his rich snobby colleagues.

‘’Hey you, run up to Mr. Styles with this and have him call down with his opinion.’’ 

A short, pudgy guy walked over to Louis, who jumped in his seat; he’d been ignored since he arrived and hadn’t expected to be talked to at all. A small USB laid between the man’s fingers and he held it out for him to take, impatiently tapping his foot. Just hearing the sentence ‘run up to Mr. Styles’ sent a jolt down his spine, unsure if it made him shiver in a pleasant way or not. 

‘’Uh, what is it?’’

‘’The first round of photos, what else.’’

The guy didn’t sincerely mean it as a question, and the massive roll of his eyes made Louis frown.

‘’So you want me to deliver that, can’t you just.. you know, send them to Mr. Styles from the laptop?’’

In hopes of getting out of the task he’d been given, he tried sending the guy a stiff smile while trying his best to mask how he felt about it. Instead of a positive response, the man turned with a shaking head as he hauled at Zayn, who chatted with some make-up artist a few feet away.

‘’Hey Malik, thought you said this one was your assistant, he’s terrible at doing what he’s being told.’’

Right as Zayn craned his neck around Louis sighed and grabbed the small stick, not really in the mood for being talked about like he wasn’t even there or a fucking person like the rest of them.

‘’Fine I’ll take it, geez..’’

Yes, the fashion department was absolutely not his favourite, and he longed for the week to be over so he could drag what would be left of him back to Niall and his haven. He stumbled out of the room with heavy steps, walking as slowly as possible to delay what he could only assume would be an awkward meeting. After a month the tension hadn’t disappeared, not entirely and he had a feeling he caused it to himself when his mind wouldn’t let his thoughts of Harry leave. The harder he tried to push them away the stronger they stayed it seemed, and he was starting to worry he would never be able to face the man without having his stomach flip over. As he was about to round the corner, a female voice floated down the walls and made his feet slow, even more, causing him to move like a turtle. Eavesdropping wasn’t something he usually found himself doing but what she said forced his ears to turn up.

‘’..play golf together. Dad almost threw a fit when he realised he’d spent his lunch with the guy and that you’d hired him. He was convinced you did it to spite him, I’m just surprised he didn’t hear it sooner, everyone else did.’’

‘’He might own the magazine but he isn’t paying real attention to it, and I’m the one who’s running it and decides who get hired or not Ash. I don’t care if he doesn’t approve of how I do things, I’ve proven I’m capable of managing it and what I’ve done so far has seemed to work so I’m planning on continuing.’’

At the sound of Harry’s husky voice, his movement stopped altogether along with his breath, and he forgot all about the ugly feeling that threatened to spread from Ashley’s words. 

‘’I am curious though little brother, what was it that convinced you to hire him in the first place? I’m not on the judgmental side and truly loved seeing dad so furious, but I must confess I was pretty surprised by your choice too.’’

‘’Just a feeling. The moment he stepped into my office and introduced himself I couldn’t help but be intrigued, something about him seemed.. real I suppose and the way he reacted during the interview, so enraged and hurt as if I betrayed him deeply when I questioned his motives, caught me by surprise. Hadn’t expected him to be as raw as he was. I like to think I’m a fair man who believes in second chances and after I read through his case and the impression he gave me I felt he deserved one.’’

The steady drum in his chest shifted gear and pounded in full gallop, vibrating against his nerves and causing him to lean a hand against the wall to steady himself. Every time he’d spoken with Harry the man had always been kind and genuine and when he heard him be the same when he talked about him to others as well made his inside melt with sappy emotions. A shot of something similar to butterflies flicked around his stomach, and a familiar touch of heat crawled up his neck.

‘’But wasn’t he convicted, though, they must’ve had evidence to prove the accusations he was charged with if their verdict was guilty. Since no other magazine or newspaper even considered gracing him with an interview, it didn’t come as a shock that our phones and e-mail blew up for a comment as to why we did. After you published his work and his name was printed for everyone to see, AJ couldn’t leave his office for a second. My poor man typed and talked until his fingers and mouth bled to stop anything from going through but I heard some managed to contact you directly?’’

‘’Just a few but it was dealt with. Flashy breaking news from gossip sites and rumours thrown back and forth doesn’t interest or concern me, and I thought you had the same opinion on the matter. They write their stories as scandalous and outrageous as what they want to gain attention and readers to click their sites. And yes, I’m aware he was convicted, but after I had read through the details, I struggled to find his conviction justified. I don’t know why since I hadn’t met him before, but I have met the other part in the case and so have you. From what I’ve picked up from him it all sounded suspiciously out of character, it didn't make much sense. Sometimes the system fails, and those who needs help gets punished instead, it’s happened before and will, unfortunately, happen again; that’s something people shouldn’t forget.’’

Louis was starting to feel sick from the uproar going on in his body, hearing Harry silently defending him caused new shots of shivers and sparks and whatnot to attack his mind and nerves. The air around him felt heavy, and his mouth desperately tried to retrieve as much oxygen as possible when faintness prickled over his eyes. 

‘’I have, and you make a point, I don’t know too much about it all, but I agree with the out of character part. It’s clear to say you think our newest member is innocent; it’s risky of you, though, and I know you like to take them but what if turns out this particular risk doesn’t pay off but the opposite?’’ 

‘’Then I’ll learn from it. Do I think it was a mistake hiring him? No, and I do not believe he’ll give me a reason to change my mind either. He’s shown great potential, is a good journalist, and his work carries a high standard.’’ 

He’d never had anyone but Zayn and his family to back him up and realising Harry had joined them at his side of the line touched him more than he thought possible. Not only had he defended him, but he’d complimented his as well. Respectably voiced his opinion on him as a person and his work, it was more than he could handle. Getting lost with how his boiling blood raced through his system, he hadn’t noticed how the voices had gradually turned louder.

‘’You’re a good man Haz, and I’m as proud of you as I’ve always been. I can’t deny I gained a good vibe from the few words I exchanged with the guy earlier and I hope you’re right about him. And if you are I pray he’ll manage to put everything behind him. ’’

The sound of someone being two steps away finally broke through his daze, and he jumped back from the wall he’d been leaning against with panic in his eyes. He had nowhere to run without them catching his fleeing figure which would only prove he’d listened in on their conversation, and he stumbled over his own two feet. As if it were day one all over again his face plunged right into Harry’s chest when his uncoordinated actions tumbled him forward right as Harry and Ashley rounded the corner. The same familiar pain he’d felt that day spread up his nose and over his face, crunching his features into a dark grimace. 

‘’Ow ow ow ow, fucking ow.’’ 

He jumped from foot to foot as his palms landed over his cheeks and fingers folded over his nose, stopping the automatic tears from rolling out.

‘’I worry you will eventually break your nose if you keep bumping into people with your face first.’’

‘’Gee you’re worse than the klutz of my brother, and that’s pretty impressive.’’

A hint of amusement and mockery was evident in their voices, and he would’ve shot something sarcastic back hadn’t his face felt like a newly used punching bag. A few deep breaths went up his sore nose before he dared to remove his hands and hesitantly moved his blinking gaze upwards. Two half-smiling faces met his sight and the heat gathering in his cheeks turned him feeling a bit too hot.

‘’You alright?’’

‘’Yeah yeah I’m fine, I uh.. was actually on my way to your office.’’

Desperate to change the subject and avoid them suspecting he’d been listening a while he steered right into the mission he was on. 

‘’Oh, anything you need? I heard you were stationed at the fashion department this week, how’s that going?’’

‘’Well I’ll talk to you later Haz, bye guys.’’

Ashley walked off and left Louis alone with the man of the year himself and for a short second, all he could do was stare a bit fondly at the pleasant face in front of him. A harsh sting flared through his chest when he noticed the beauty in Harry had grown, turning his attractive features blindly striking. From the kind and warming words he’d shared with his sister, it was impossible for Louis to find anything negative and he dug the hole he’d fallen into even deeper. He blinked quickly when brain activity sent a nudge for him to answer the question he’d been asked.

‘’Uh well it’s going, barely.. Was just downstairs observing a photoshoot actually and some rude pri- some guy told me to deliver you this-‘’ he tapped his pockets and fished out the small USB and held it out for Harry. ‘’-he wants your opinion so he’s expecting a call.’’

‘’Why didn’t he just ask the photo editor who set up the shoot to go through them? He could’ve sent them to my laptop if it’s truly necessarily for my approval right away.’’

‘’The fuck should I know, he didn’t give me anything besides his attitude. This short, pudgy guy just told me to bring th-‘’

‘’Ah, stubborn old Terry, always doing it the hard way-.‘’ a weak smile entered Harry’s face as he took the small item and placed it in his pocket. ‘’-Thanks, you can tell him I’ll be in touch within the hour. I’ll see you later Louis.’’

‘’Please stay.’’

He’d barely whispered what his heart screamed, and he’d felt the urge to shove his whole fist in his mouth when his voice betrayed him and let sound decorate the words. 

‘’Did you say something?’’ 

Harry, who'd taken a few steps away, slowed down and craned his neck around, confusing eyes settling on Louis’ embarrassed ones.

‘’No I-‘’ he cleared his throat and rolled his head from side to side. ‘’-I know this isn’t the right place or time but..-‘’ fingers automatically entwined and he fiddled a bit stressfully.’’-I wanted to apologise, didn’t mean to.. Well, just know I’m sorry about my reaction earlier alright?’’ 

‘’If you’re feeling guilty you really shouldn’t Louis, there’s nothing to be sorry about. I hope you know that so please don’t let your thoughts bother you ok?’’

A genuine smile formed on Harry’s face and the sincerity in his voice made his words sound worse, adding a new layer into Louis’ rising guilt. He knew Harry meant it, of course he did, the man probably couldn’t be disrespectful or rude even if he’d had the rejection physically punched in the face. Only a short nod was his reply, and a sense of unwanted disappointment washed over him at the professional behaviour Harry had towards him. Not that he’d expected anything else, but it was so depressingly obvious how he missed the way he’d been observed in Harry’s eyes back in December. Where piercing pupils had burned into his and the intensity Harry had shown as he’d bared himself, stepping away from his position as the powerful one and laid out his vulnerable side. 

The soft ding of the elevator rolled down the walls, and when he flicked his gaze, he realised Harry was no longer in his reach and was instead leaving him behind. The sight of his figure silently vanishing tugged something in him and a strong urge to call Harry’s name and have him come back scraped up his throat. He didn’t want him to leave after the things he’d heard Harry say, didn’t want to only see his face the few times they randomly passed each other and his brain decided to take a day off. The help from his heart let him admit what he tried to deny, and he allowed the information to settle; he was not as ok of being seen as yet another random employee as he’d told himself he was.   
It wasn’t until the two metal doors slowly sliding shut in front of his eyes he acknowledged how his feet moved over the floor. They weren’t just walking but running down the hallway and right before the doors could shut him out completely, he flipped sideways and squeezed his body through the tight space. Harry, who'd been staring at his phone, jolted from the sudden appearance and confusion dawned over his expression when he looked up to see Louis clawing his way inside. He was acting without thinking, experiencing pure adrenalin and being too touched from the tenderness he always received he closed the final distance between them before Harry could utter a single word.

With courage he didn’t know he possessed, he gripped the collar of Harry’s shirt and pulled him down as he arched his back to connect them faster, barely registering the small thud the phone made as it fell to the floor. His eyes fluttered shut the moment plump lips met his and a shaky sigh of relief tickled its way out when Harry didn’t use his strength to stop him or push away. If it had been two months earlier, he would’ve been confident enough Harry would’ve welcomed the act of passion, but when he’d done it right there in the elevator, when he’d seen perplexity fall over Harry’s eyes, he’d felt an intense insecurity lurking among his movements. It hadn’t been set in stone he would react positively after said two months or after the cold rejection. Any bad feeling washed away the second Harry responded and kissed him back with a gentle mouth moving against his own where a sweet rhythm developed between them. 

A warm hand slid up his neck and came to rest on his cheek, holding his head steadily as Harry switched them around and pressed Louis against the wall. The touch of Harry’s body moved closer, and he could feel how their heaving chests with a rising heat sent his insides boiling, creating a layer of sweat that painted his flushed skin shiny. He didn’t mind and instead wanted more, to be covered in Harry’s scent and feel him settling through his nerves and stay. A kiss rarely made him lose his senses or dull his mind enough to block everything around but the way Harry softly nibbled his bottom lip was what the kiss did to him. When a stronger bite sank into it, he couldn’t stop the low moan that broke free from his gut and raced up his throat to show how much he enjoyed the feeling. It vibrated throughout his system and left a tingling sensation that caused the hair on his body to rise in a thrill.

With a bite of his own he sank his teeth down harder and when Harry gasped from the slight pain he took advantage, letting his tongue test how far he was allowed to go and lazily smirked when his boldness was accepted. His searching tip was met with another, and a whole new sensation of want flooded his craving, substantial enough to make his body sag against the wall and let Harry win the dancing battle. A taste of strong mint and sweet caramel coaxed out a delighted hum as he let the tight hold on Harry’s collar lessen and slid his hands over his neck instead. Fingers found soft hair and sank into his curls, taking turns in tugging the locks and scraping his scalp when he noticed how Harry shuddered from the touch. He was edged on with all the emotions spinning out of control as he consumed the taste of Harry, taking what he wanted and he felt on fire when he heard a silent groan leaving the taller man when he slowly circled his hips.

He didn’t want to stop, didn’t want it to end but was forced to when his lungs decided to inform they would permanently lose their ability to work if they didn’t receive a refill of oxygen. With a raw and numbing mouth, he broke the connection and slowly gasped as his forehead dropped to rest on Harry’s collarbones. His head was like cotton, and his eyes were clouded, seeing nothing but the blurry print on Harry’s shirt and smelling the light perfume he wore. A sense of obnoxious pride eased its way in when he felt how hard the chest underneath him drummed, and the heavy breathing from Harry sent an idiotic grin stretching his mouth wide. 

As oxygen slowly filled up his mind, it cleared up as well and the realisation of what he’d actually done dawned on him piece by piece. His shoulders stiffened when he understood how deeply he’d lost himself during the moment and how wrong his actions had been. The door had been closed, but it seemed he'd forgotten to lock it and nail it shut. It wasn’t just the fact that he’d jumped his boss, which was inexcusable, but he’d done it at work where he was supposed to act professional and concentrate on his bloody job. Throwing himself at Harry could hardly be called as much, and he hadn’t just kissed him but snogged the man, and he’d done it without considering anyone could’ve seen them. The moving elevator should’ve been a strong clue but from the way he’d been high as a kite off the feeling he would’ve never sensed the ride stopping or heard the doors open. He wouldn’t have known if someone had entered the small space unless they had hauled him away from Harry. It had been careless of him, thoughtless and unwise and reckless and irresponsible and every word he could find in the dictionary that described his inconsiderate actions and his earlier anxiety blew right back. What caused him the most distress was no matter how hard he tried convincing himself he couldn’t regret it as much as he wanted to. But giving in to his desire didn’t paint him as someone collected and professional and he could feel how Harry tensed up along with him. 

‘’Lo-‘’

‘’Shit, fuck I’m so sorry.’’

‘’Louis-‘’

Saved from the bell was what he would say when the elevator reached Harry’s floor and the doors swung open, revealing nothing but space and he closed his eyes and almost whined in relief. His mouth was red and swollen, and it wouldn’t take much intelligence to place the dots together and understand how they had spent the ride. Continuing his foolish and desperate ways he panicked when Harry didn’t move, only standing still with a deep frown forming over his brows, and he unashamedly pushed him away. Not stopping or letting go until he managed to get Harry's whole body through, safely planting him outside the elevator before he stumbled back to press a random button rapidly. He just needed the doors to close, to take him away from the evidence of what he’d done and before he succumbed to his desire again. Just watching Harry and having him within reach he could feel how his need to get closer kept lingering and it was dangerous. The fire burning in Harry’s eyes followed him to the last inch of sight before metal was the only thing he saw and he sagged back against the wall. Several groans slipped past his lips as he slid down to the floor and placed his hands over his face in frustration while kicking the floor hard enough to have his sole painfully pricking.  
He was beyond screwed.

 

‘’Oh god, what did you do?’’

Louis, who'd stumbled through the door with shaky steps and twitching hands, spun on his heel to find Zayn staring him down with a raised brow.

‘’What? Nothing.’’

‘’Yeah right. You’re all jumpy, and you keep checking over your shoulder every two seconds like you’re expecting the police to barge through and drag you out in handcuffs.’’

A nervous laugh forced its way out as he tried composing himself but instead failed miserably and only managed to convince Zayn, even more, something was up. When the unimpressed expression didn’t leave his friend’s face, he sighed heavily and sagged together, dragging a slow hand down his face.

‘’I just.. I didn’t do any-‘’ he’d never been a good liar to Zayn, but there was no chance in hell he would confess to what he’d done in a room full of people with listening ears. ‘’-I overheard someone talking about me in the hallway ok, said some stuff that’s making me a bit nervous about my position here.’’

He barely whispered as he leant towards Zayn and unintentionally dropped his head as if he was ashamed, and at several points he was. Very much so.

‘’Who and what did they say?’’

‘’I don’t know, some woman didn’t see her.. Apparently she doesn’t understand why I was hired, and she’d heard some talk that the guy who owns the magazine had been anything but thrilled when he found out. Doesn’t sound very positive now does it and I don’t know, maybe I am expecting him to barge through that door and haul me out on my arse.’’

‘’You shouldn’t be worried, Harry knows how to deal with his father and thank goodness for it, this magazine would’ve been nothing without him. His father should be lucky to have a son who’s had a strong vision and drive from the start, not to forget a respectful business sense, he made Style what it is.’’

Yes, Harry was fantastic, all the new little things and details he learned about the man was amazing, and it didn’t help at all. Everything about him grew in his eyes, and there was a small dull of something terribly familiar knocking at his chest, wanting to get inside and settle. 

‘’Yeah, he is a bit incredible isn’t he.’’

Even he could hear the softness his voice carried when he spoke of Harry, and he quickly cleared his throat to camouflage the obvious. Several shouts thrown their way made him for once thankful for the rude pudgy man when it interrupted the conversation and made Zayn go back to his work. With sore heavy limbs and fatigue biting his muscles, he found his best buddy and slumped down, letting the chair carry his weight for the rest of the day. 

Day two hadn’t been better, equally bad and he’d spent it doing every shitty little thing for whoever threw demands at him. Either it was tracking clothing samples, organising the fashion closet, e-mailing endless PR companies and fashion houses, transcribing a few interviews or proofreading articles before sending them forward to the editor was slowly destroying his will to live. He was too uncomfortable, didn’t have the slightest interest of being surrounded by any of it and there were too many fancy clothes he couldn't understand anyone could wear. He felt degraded down to a scum whenever someone gave him a certain look, and he became an inexperienced intern all over again, not even getting a slight peek at the cover story or any other significant features. 

If the point of him being there was to learn his colleague’s routines he felt betrayed; he was no intern in Niall’s department and he’d not gone through years of school to run around like a miserable doormat. He understood he wasn’t allowed to do any of the heaviest tasks with his little experience in fashion, and he didn't want to, but he’d hoped someone would take pity and place him with some articles to write from his mind at least. Proofreading someone else’s work wasn’t his cup of tea, neither was transcribing interviews, especially when he wasn’t sure he even understood what they were about. He’d managed one thing, though, delay the conversation he knew was coming. He’d been so busy running around feeling sorry for himself that he hadn’t met the one person he’d tried to avoid. Or well, he hadn't explicitly avoided his boss or anything, he'd just found some extra speed in his steps whenever he'd thought he'd heard his voice or seen a shadow that could belong to him. And well, perhaps he’d done his very best not to meet the man when he'd spent too much energy watching every entrance, scared shitless and ready to hide away if Harry were to walk in.

On day three he was willing to plunge his skull in and hang himself from the ceiling, only being removed when his rotting corpse caught anyone’s attention. 

‘’Follow me.’’

Zayn snapped his fingers as he walked by the desk where Louis was slowly hitting his head against the hard surface, finding it much more comfortable than anything else. He glanced up to see the back of Zayn hurrying towards the exit of the hell hole while calling after him to get moving. A spark of hope sent his body listening, and he prayed they were going somewhere far away from the building, somewhere he could breathe fresh air again. He caught up with Zayn and pushed his hands into the pockets of his ripped jeans, scratching the itch on his upper thigh as he skipped. 

‘’Where are we going?’’

‘’A meeting, figured you could attend one where you have to shut up for the next hour so I don’t have to listen to your whines and complaints about everything around here.’’  
Hope, why bother with trying and his enthusiasm deflated like a flat tire hitting a sharp rock. 

‘’What kind of meeting then?’’

‘’It’s for the upcoming Fashion Week in London, it’s right around the corner, and we’re having a last call on who will go where and who will focus on what. Here, take this.-’’ a notepad was shoved into his hands before a thin pen flew over Zayn’s shoulder and hit him right in the nose. ‘’-You can write down names and dates for me to remember, even you can manage that.’’

He bit back the growl he felt bubbling up and instead rolled his eyes and followed, stumbling after like the moron he felt like. Another glass box, which reminded him too much of Harry’s office, met his sight, and he could see a few other figures waiting around an oval table. Practically hiding behind Zayn, he sneaked his way inside and quietly sat down in the chair next to his friend, sliding a bit further down so hopefully no one would notice his presence. Being an outsider was the kindest word to use, and he did not need to draw anyone’s attention when it carried the fear of being spoken to. He’d embarrassed himself enough in front of too many and he didn’t fancy doing so with the people he could only assume were a bit higher ranked within the magazine. Polished men dressed in perfectly cut suits and high-class designer shirts filled up the right side of the table and on the left were a few women with clothes surely made out of gold and diamonds. Their make-up was flawless, as far as he could tell from his knowledge and their hair was perfectly styled. Long wavy locks, a sharp bob and one style he could only describe as exploding stared in his face and he unintentionally fumbled with the messy nest on his head. He’d never been too self-conscious about the way he looked, but he couldn’t help second guessing his attire when fashion Hitlers surrounded the small table. 

‘’Is everyone here, great. We don’t have all day.’’

His gaze had fallen to focus on his kneecap shortly after inspecting those around him, and it didn’t move as much as an inch when the sound of temptation and bad life decisions filled his ears. The light jiggle to his leg, however, turned into a tense shake while his eyes widen so far a slight burn pinched his eye sockets. Unable to turn his frame away, hide or sneak the fuck out without placing a spotlight over his head he slid even further down his seat, dipping so low he was at the same height as Zayn’s chest. If it existed any higher power, he would be unseen for the rest of the meeting, avoiding the mortification of having Harry’s eyes lock with his. Casually and very slowly he raised the notepad Zayn had given him to hide more of his face and for a tiny second, he dared to hope he would make it through alive.

‘’As you all know the London fashion week is coming up soon, it’s time for the autumn winter season to be presented and there will be events and shows to attend where we-.''

He’d made the mistake of letting his gaze travel over to Harry’s face while he spoke and the sink in his stomach made him queasy as the memories of the elevator played in his mind. Another mistake he’d made was not looking away; he’d kept his gaze and the minute Harry’s eyes had flicked between the faces around the table they stopped immediately along with his voice when they recognised Louis’. He gulped and swallowed down the squeal he wanted to let out, forcing his body to stay calm while his heart raced in his chest like a beating drum.

‘’Where we what?’’ 

A light voice filled the deadly silence he could feel eating away his skin, and when he managed to move his eyes again, he noticed how everyone around the table watched Harry with confusion. Their boss had stopped talking in the middle of a sentence and when they followed his stare every single pair of eyes pierced Louis like sharp needles. They bore into him, and he could feel how his face caught on fire and painted him crimson for everyone to see. Wishing he had the power to make himself invisible or freeze time had never been stronger on his mind.

‘’I’m sorry for my interruption, I just hadn’t expected to see an assistant during this meeting. Is there a reason you brought one with you when he won’t even be in this department during the fashion weekend Mr. Malik?’’ 

Even though there weren't hints of frustration or anything negative in Harry’s voice, Louis’ felt like he was scolded and about to be arrested for sneaking into a secret meeting with the government.

‘’No I just figured it would be a.. interesting experience, have him glance at something other than what the interns are in charge of and their assignments. Since we haven’t scheduled any other meetings this week, this was the only option, and it’s an excellent opportunity for him to see all sides of being an editor when he aspires to become one.’’ 

What the he- 

He shot a side-eyed glare to Zayn, who dared to let his smirk shine through his façade, and it sent a wave of murderous urges through Louis. He should’ve known he'd been brought for Zayn's amusement, should’ve asked who would attend the meeting and he should’ve stayed at his desk banging his head in. When had he ever voiced he wanted to become an editor, not that the thought of it sounded awful, but he’d never really considered it. Not after he was charged and convicted at least. He forged a pathetic smile as he tugged the notepad closer to his chest, mentally chanting calm down in a demonic mantra as he waited painfully for the meeting to go on. 

‘’As long as you want to be here out of interest you’re welcome to stay, you may not follow everything but if there’s anything you want to.. bring up you can talk to me after the meeting.’’

The longer Harry stared, the stupider he felt when he could read the amusement hidden in there, knowing Harry had witnessed his little outburst about working in the fashion department. He of all people could tell how uninterested Louis was but as usual, he smiled kindly and behaved professionally. Mixed with the amusement was a hint of a challenge as well, Harry had explicitly drawn the words ‘bring up’ for him to understand the hidden meaning and he received them loud and clear. It was just that he didn’t necessarily want to bring anything up ever again if all Harry had to do to turn his body all hot and flushed was merely look at him for longer than three seconds. Thinking of having a conversation with the man, the conversation he’d avoided at all costs for the last two days, made him lightheaded, and he figured he would turn mute.

‘’Yeah, uh right. Thanks.’’

Twenty minutes into the meeting he felt exhausted, he’d stopped himself from running out of the room, and he’d tried forcing his eyes to stay put on the table, only failing a couple of times where his gaze had somehow magically found its way to Harry. It pissed him off because every time he caught himself looking, Harry had been staring right back and the small twitch to his mouth hadn’t gone unnoticed. Oh, he’d seen the obnoxious smile hidden there and the frustrating cockiness glinting his eyes a bit brighter, mocking him with the evidence that Harry enjoyed seeing him squirm. Acting nervous, all hot and bothered wasn’t something he usually experienced and he especially didn’t appreciate feeling so fucking foolish most of the time. Being in halfway in celibacy for a year had apparently messed with his body reaction and reduced his mental capacity back to his high school years.

‘’Seriously you reek of tension babe. What ever happened to the.. what did you call it, Louis aura? For fuck sake, wherever it is, find it, I can’t take more of this second-hand embarrassment.’’

He jumped a little in his seat from the sudden sound close to his ear, and he tipped his head to the side to find Zayn giving him an unamused look. The word moron echoed from his pupils, and it caused a sudden bark to shot up Louis’ throat as he found the words depressingly accurate. To avoid cracking up, he brought a fist to his mouth and coughed the tickle out as he composed himself and straightened his back a bit. Zayn was right wasn’t he, he needed to get a grip and behave himself, put on his long forgotten shiny armour of confidence and get his head back in order. Yes, he could prove he didn’t let some walking sex on long legs with loveable dimples and soft curls break him down into a shy blushing teenager. He rolled his shoulders and cracked his knuckles, pretending he was stepping into a fight, and in some ways, he sort of was, before he let his gaze drift back to Harry and forced it to stay. Having a stare down in the middle of the meeting was apparently no biggie as neither of them looked away. Every hot and flustered sensation still flipped zigzag through him, but he fought hard to stay calm on the outside, feeling a small victory and a great sense of satisfaction when Harry eventually looked away first. He could do it; he just had to use his stubbornness for what it was worth.

He became braver and placed his elbow on the table to rest his chin on his palm, leaning a bit over the surface as he continued staring at Harry while raising a brow. A wide grin broke free when the tiniest hint of Harry stuttering over a word graced his attention, and he hid it more into his palm so the rest of the table didn’t notice. Realising he’d affected his boss with just a stare, or well perhaps it was a trace of something more in it, pleased him disturbingly, and a thrill ran down his spine. Boldness was something he was more familiar with but in fair share, he hadn’t tried or planned to be cocky or perhaps a bit flirty towards Harry during the meeting. A small part felt wrong about it too, exactly doing what he’d said he’d never do, and there he was, batting his eyes during work. The excitement doing something he shouldn’t blocked the other part that cried in mortification and before he even realised he’d bitten his bottom lip and dragged it between his teeth in a slightly more sexual way than he should've.

‘’I think you might be pushing it a little now.’’

Another whisper from Zayn bored through his ear, and he quickly blinked as if he was woken from a trance, drilling real life back into his messed up brain. Again Zayn was right, looking at Harry was like looking at the ocean, never really knowing what would happen. One moment it was calm and steady, gracefully portraying the beauty it held but in the next, it was tense, slowly building up before a storm rolled in. Where small waves brushed over each other and grew stronger for each stroke, turning into high walls that would destroy anything in its path. Dark eyes bored into Louis’, and the intensity numbed his nerves, but instead of causing fear to rise it coaxed out his desire instead. Being at the wrong place at a very wrong time didn’t stop his stomach from gaining heat and sending dangerously pleasant images of Harry acting out his frustration in very arousing ways.

‘’Everyone knows where to be and what to do so be prepared, I’m expecting inspiring work from all of you.’’ 

Another pinch flicked in his stomach when he could easily hear how husky Harry’s voice had turned, just like it had done when he sang, the same night he’d truly realised what lust felt like. The people around the table rose to walk away when it finally dawned on him that the meeting was over, and he hadn’t focused on a single word Harry had spoken. Neither had he written anything down, and when he looked at his notepad, he saw the page was as blank as it had always been. He sensed Zayn leave his side, and he scrambled up to hang on, not nearly as brave as he’d felt seconds ago and the thought of being alone with Harry after his little show did not sound good for his health. 

‘’Mr. Tomlinson, do you have a minute?’’

There it was, the axe that chopped off his head and he quietly cursed as he willed his nerves away and slowly turned to voice his response.

‘’Actually, Zayn needs me t-.''

‘’Nah that can wait, he’s all yours, Mr. Styles.’’ 

A few harsh slaps to his shoulder sent his composure crumbling, and he strongly considered biting one of Zayn’s fingers off. The moment his friend left and closed the glass door behind him the room fell deadly quiet, only the sound of Harry gathering his papers was heard, and it made him almost cringe. Dumbly standing there was all he could manage and after what felt like an eternity Harry finally looked up and cause his heart to skip beats.

‘’How did you find the meeting?’’

‘’I didn’t pay attention.’’

The words fell from his mouth without thinking, and he bit his lip hard when he realised what he'd said. A surprised chuckle left Harry as he stepped a little closer while folding his arms across his chest. 

‘’No you certainly did not-’’ The soft laugh was replaced by a small sigh and the seriousness returned between them. ‘’-What just occur-.''

‘’Don’t say it, don’t address it please- It was totally inappropriate, I’m aware I’ve behaved unprofessionally at two occasions now and I.. don’t know what got into me, and I can’t justify it but I sincerely apologise, and it won’t happen again. If you aren’t comfortable having me here I totally understa-.''

‘’Louis-.’’ A gentle hand landed on his sore shoulder where Zayn had slapped him, and he felt a dull prickle forming. ‘’-This is not the time nor place for me to say what I want to, but you are right about it not happening again, it can’t. I can’t allow myself to indulge in such personal behaviour with one of my employees at work, but it certainly doesn’t mean I’m uncomfortable having you here. I’ve asked you this before, but I’ll ask again, do you understand what I’m saying?’’

A short nod was sent Harry’s way because Louis didn’t trust his voice to carry his words but he dared to move his gaze back from the floor. He’d heard Harry loud and clear at his home, and he heard him just as loud now, saying what he’d never believed he’d hear from his boss. The pleasant smile returned on Harry’s face before he hugged Louis’ shoulder with his hand a final time and turned back to his papers. 

‘’Then I’m placing the ball in your yard for now, and you decide what to do with it-.’’ With the same expression, Harry walked towards the door without doing anything else, leaving his words to spin in Louis’ mind. ‘’But Louis? Since you already made it personal I’ll let you know a secret; I’m not a big fan of being avoided like the plague and left out in the dark. You be sure to enjoy the fashion department another week or as Niall would’ve said; endure your extra time in hell, Tommo.’’ 

A quick cheeky wink was the last he saw of his retrieving boss and the twitch in his eye went full gallop while his jaw danced boneless between his knees. 

Had he just… 

Fearing the worst he fished out his phone in panic and called up Niall, praying Harry hadn’t been serious about the last part or else he would surely stab himself. 

‘’Hel-‘’

‘’I’m not staying another fucking week down here right?’’

Barks of laughter filled his ear through the phone, and he could only picture the ugly smugness creeping over Niall’s face from where he was at.

‘’Oi Tommo, you don’t like it down there? Not with your buddy escorting you around either? Well, then I guess I have some bad news for you mate. Just received the mail a couple of minutes ago from the man himself, letting me know you’ll be their slave until the end of next week. What did you do and how did you manage to piss off Harry enough to get the death sentence?’’ 

That son of a bi-

‘’Oh, this is such bullshit, you have to fight for me, Horan! Tell him you need me back on duty, that I’m necess- Seriously I can’t be here, I’ve barely lived through three days, and I’m already contemplating suicide, I won't survive that long!’’

‘’Sorry little champ, he wrote something about you attending some fashion week meeting, and he had to extend your time because of that. I know Harry takes that pretty seriously and if he's on the warpath whatever I have to say is pointless. So you’re staying. Tell you what, if I draw your name the next time sports and fashion switch up I’ll pretend to be blind and say someone else’s name. Let you off the hook for a years’ time; it’s a good deal. In the meantime, you should probably learn how to fly under the radar.’’

‘’Doesn’t matter, I’ll be dead by then anyway..-‘’ He groaned heavily and stomped his feet like a child throwing a tantrum. ‘’-Well, I’ll see you in the next life then. Remember me at my best.’’

Without waiting to hear Niall speak, he ended the call and forced the phone back into his pockets as he felt defeat and anger fighting to take control. He sealed his mouth shut and internally screamed as he clenched his fist as hard as he could, focusing all his frustration into breaking his thumbs instead of sending the table flying through the glass wall. Everything about Harry made him go insane, sexual fucking frustration, melting into a puddle of goo and being pissed off to the point where he wanted to strangle him was not healthy for his stability. The fucking nerve, after saying they should be nothing but professional at work or well sort of, in other words, Harry still fucking punished him with another week in fashion nightmare because of personal shit.

‘’I’m going to kill him, seriously, he's driving me to the point of insanity in too many ways.’’

Proof of his words was the fact that he was standing alone talking to himself, in a glass office where people could see him go crazy. Childish little shit was used to describe him at times but his oh so grown up boss fit nicely into the same category as well apparently.

 

•••••••

 

Lying stiff as a plank on the floor and mumbling whine after whine was how Zayn found Louis after his lunch, hidden behind his desk and out of sight unless people approached. 

‘’You just had the weekend to muster up some strength, and this is all you can do, licking the floor and feeling sorry for yourself?’’

With slow movements he flipped over so he was on his back, staring up with tired eyes at the unamused face of his friend. He stared a little longer before he presented Zayn his middle finger and eventually rose to a sitting position while scratching the back of his head.

‘’Fuck off, I have the right to feel sorry for myself when I did my part, I endured five days of this hellhole, and now I still have five more to survive. It isn’t right and do you know what I had to go through last week? After you had dumped me off with the boss, I was asked to assist some woman named Miranda an-.''

Muffled barks escaped Zayn’s mouth, and Louis narrowed his eyes at the expression his face transformed into.

‘’-Exactly, you know what that woman does and do I look like a fucking make-up artist? Or someone who gives two shits about contouring or highlighting or whatever nonsense she tortured me with? I do sports, I care about sports, not what foundation and concealers are good for. Just the fact that I know the difference now makes me sad.’’

‘’Well maybe you shouldn’t have pushed Harry’s patience then, your fault really.’’

Quick as a ninja he jumped to his feet and jabbed a harsh finger at Zayn’s chest, grinding his teeth as he took a moment to control his volume.

‘’Which you told me to do, you messed with my already confused head, and I’m in this agony because of you. Just you wait, when the day comes, and you find yourself back in the sports department, no matter how long it will take, I’m making sure you will have a whole week watching and working with nothing but fucking golf.’’

Zayn didn’t care for any sport; he’d made it very clear over the years but if there was one he truly found life draining it was golf. Standing right up and down watching some stiff guys holding a club for ages just to hit a tiny ball into a hole in the ground was his version of nightmare and Louis would gladly see him suffer.

‘’I didn’t tell you to put on a show, all you had to do was straighten your back and behave like the rest of the people inside that room. I’m not taking the blame for you acting like some seducing mistress.’’

The sound of footsteps closed Louis’ mouth from spitting something rude back, and when he craned his neck, he saw the familiar sight of Liam coming closer. Once his gaze found the two arguing friends, his face lit up with a bright smile. 

‘’Hey Tommo didn’t expect to see you down here.-‘’ his eyes trailed from Louis’ figure over to Zayn and his smile shrunk from bright to kind as he sent a short nod. ‘’-Zayn.’’

‘’I was punished since this shit-‘’ he flicked another middle finger in Zayn’s direction. ‘’-brought me to some fashion meeting and now I have to stay here longer. What about you, what are you doing here?’’

‘’Actually, I was looking for you Zayn-‘’ he turned his attention back to the dark beauty and Louis could see how Zayn’s left brow arched while a smug expression settled throughout his features. ‘’-Gavin and Miley are doing a portrait interview on a blooming painter, and he thought it would be worth asking if perhaps you have some time to help him set up the shoot. Told me he was impressed when he worked with you earlier so he wants your insight on the ideas he has. So I figured asking wouldn’t hurt.’’

Louis was ready to voice a rather loud snort when he couldn’t picture Zayn doing anything out of the goodness of his heart, he either had to be paid off or lose a bet to do favours for anyone. Or well, anyone besides his best friend, though, he couldn’t forget how Zayn helped him gain his job. But when Zayn flashed his million dollar smile and stepped a bit closer to Liam, a suspicious feeling crawled up his arm.

‘’It seems you’ve found the right time to ask, I have a pretty slow week ahead so I might be able to share a few hours with you. When? And I assume you’ll be there as well; I’m not putting my name on something the editor of the department hasn’t authorised.’’

Fucking bullshit, Zayn was cocky enough to believe he was excellent at his work and in fairness he was, but he never cared to have other people approve his work. So the snort he'd held off drilled through the room and he rolled his eyes for everyone to see. A soft chuckle left Liam and the faintest coat of pink drifted over his cheeks while he nodded slowly and Louis snorted again which made his nose slightly burn. Bloody idiots the both of them.

‘’Of course and if you have time right now we can start immediately, the artist will be here in an hour to discuss the ideas.’’

‘’Lead the way darling.’’

Then Louis was left alone, and he quickly dropped back to the floor in hiding before someone caught the sight of him and asked him to chop off another piece of his soul. He wasn’t even supposed to be there so surely hiding away doing nothing wouldn’t be noticed. At some point, he even fell asleep, and as he woke up, he realised at least an hour had been burned off, and he smiled to himself. It wasn’t professional of him, far from it, but after his hours of observing a make-up artist, he felt he deserved a peaceful and quiet day. To be honest, he had a suspicion he did more harm than good when he ‘assisted’ and since no one seemed eager to take him under their wing he didn’t bother asking for something to do either. What a fantastic work ethic he had, but he blamed being in some fashion depression. Another hour and a half went by, and since his limbs were turning stiff and sore, he dared to sit in his chair, eyes glued to his screen pretending to do some research when Zayn came back.

‘’I see you’ve done much since I left.’’

‘’Yup. So how did the date with Liam go, finally managed to lure him into your evil ways?’’

The lack of smugness in Zayn’s face caught his attention, and when his friend didn’t slip a sly comment in response, he spun his chair around to observe him better. There was something there, something strange and something he hadn’t seen in his friends face before, a weak hint of insecurity. 

‘’I think I’m experiencing rejection for the first time, I don’t know how to take it.’’

‘’Didn’t you tell me you let that obsession go? Don’t think he’s your type and I assumed you figured that out yourself.’’

Zayn slumped down to sit on the desk as he sighed, a small frown forming between his brows and the picture was a strange sight. It wasn’t often he saw Zayn like that, all quiet and brooding, the guy had almost too much confidence and never let it take a hit.

‘’I did, and I still do but I’ve always loved a challenge, I wasn’t seriously planning on pursuing him just casually make him squirm just to prove I could do it. Innocent and all that and it didn't seem to affect him much so when he asked if I was interested in art my competitive side just took over. So be sure to be free after work because we’re taking Liam to a gallery.’’

‘’Excuse me, what do you mean _we’re_ taking Liam to a gallery? I don’t want to go to a fucking place where absurd paintings I have no chance at understanding is hanging on a wall.’’

‘’Excellent, thank god now go up to Liam and make something up that prevents us from going. I ended up talking myself into a trap and blurted out we were going to one today and that he should come since I had the impression he didn’t buy my weak attempt at finding art attractive. Took me half a second to regret it since I have no interest in it either, but the damage is done, and I couldn’t just uninvite him. The only art I appreciate comes through clothes and products. Sorry to say but he’s not worth suffering through hours of watching random strokes from a pencil anyone can call art and listen to some shitty words he has to say about the artist.’’

The dumbest expression took place in Louis’ face as he stared at his idiot friend, lost for words at what he heard him say. He stared a bit longer as Zayn acted like he’d been entirely reasonable asking him to cancel a business meeting or something. 

‘’So _you_ asked Liam to accompany _us_ to a gallery, but since you have no intention of going you want _me_ to lie to his face and make up some petty excuse? What is wrong with you, are his abs so firm you lost all intelligence in that lustful brain of yours? You know what, I changed my mind a long informative tour at a gallery sounds marvellous.’’

‘’You’ve got to be kidding.’’

‘’Of course, I’m kidding. I’m not going, but you are, so have a lovely time.’’

‘’If I’m going so are you, I can’t show up and say you had an emergency or something. That’s so pathetic and back to high school; he’ll see right through it and think I never intended for you to come along in the first place.’’

‘’That’s not my problem now, is it? You got yourself in this mess.’’

For once he felt a bit smug, and he let a sly smile paint his mouth cocky while watching his friend narrow his eyes in frustration. But then the same sly smile spread over Zayn’s face, and the smugness slowly slipped away from and was replaced by a hint of dread. He didn’t like it, not when he knew Zayn had found a way out that wouldn’t please him.

‘’I do recall Miranda owing me a favour or two, Denise as well and if I’m not mistaken she did mention something about needing a curvier model to present her clothes. Since she only needs close-up photos I don’t think she would mind having a male to wear them, can always stuff you out a bit on top you know.’’

‘’You wouldn’t.’’

‘’Oh I would, you have a beautiful hourglass shape. Would be a shame not to take advantage when we have the opportunity.’’

‘’You are fucking vicious.’’

He got up from his chair and shook his head in disbelief; the threat was serious enough, and he would’ve rather thrown himself off the roof than modelled women’s clothes when the idea of wearing a dress made him uncomfortable. 

‘’And you’re going?’’

‘’To find Liam, arsehole.’’

‘’Love you too babe.’’

‘’Piss off.’’

 

•••••••

 

‘’I can’t believe you’re making us participate in this.’’

‘’ _Me?_ I’m not the one who lied about liking art in the first place nor invited Liam to tag along. You should've seen the look on his face; he was so fucking cheery about us all going that I couldn’t find the heart to shut him down. This is all your fault; next time, don’t think with your fucking dick.’’

He scoffed as they walked down the street, closing in on the Serpentine Galleries where they would meet up with said bright lad. He hadn’t even heard of the place but from Liam’s enthusiasm and how fondly he spoke about some amazing exhibition, of some guy he’d also never heard of, it wasn’t hard to decide where they should go. All he’d done was sent his friend a smile and said he couldn’t wait but what he really couldn’t wait for was for the whole thing to be over. At least it wasn’t located too far from his home, a rough thirty-minute walk if he felt like being healthy and just a short underground ride if not. Liam and a tall girl he recognised from his department were waiting right outside the gallery, chatting happily as Louis and Zayn entered. Two bright faces waved, and Louis wondered how someone could be so excited about seeing some paintings that surely wouldn’t make much sense. 

‘’I must admit I was surprised when Zayn told me you two were seeking out a gallery after work hours, can’t say I saw much of your artsy side when you worked in my department, Louis.’’

‘’Ah yeah.. you know, can’t spill all my secrets at once, that would be boring-‘’ the genuine happiness painting Liam’s face all shiny broke his attempt at faking it, and he shook his head in surrender. ‘’-To be honest, I don’t know much about art, never been the biggest fan but when this guy-‘’ He nudged the side of Zayn and smiled smugly. ‘’-told me we should check it out I figured why not, doesn’t hurt to be a little cultural.’’

‘’Yup, that’s what I said to him. Should we go inside?’’ 

Zayn chirped in with the ugliest satisfaction coating his voice, and Louis sent him a raised brow, understanding he was not taking the same route and rather stuck to his lie.

‘’Yeah, I think Harry will forgive us for starting without him, he said he would stop by after his meeting, but he wasn't sure when it would end so he’ll show up eventually.’’

Louis, who’d already started walking towards the entrance, froze dead in his tracks and whipped his head around to stare widely at Liam, who hadn’t noticed his abrupt stop and bumped into him.

‘’Why is he coming?’’

‘’Oh it was Zayn who tipped me about mentioning the exhibition to him, thought perhaps he wanted to see if it was worth a page in the magazine himself. It’s a good idea, and I’d forgotten how Harry likes to be involved, he doesn’t get to do as much ‘field work’ as he used to after he became the editor in chief.’’

The glare Louis shot Zayn was icy enough to make him breathe frost and the temperature around them seemed to drop drastically. Not only had Zayn forced him to use his spare time in a gallery where he would walk around in boredom but he’d also made sure the one person he didn’t know how to behave around would show up. They were off the clock; work was technically over, and he didn’t know how he felt about the reality, having a strong suspicion he would have to converse with Harry in a casual matter. Which he had no idea would turn out because he didn’t know what he wanted to do with the metaphorical ball in his yard and the familiar drop in his stomach made him gulp some extra air. Maybe they could rush through the whole thing and be done before Harry showed up, sparing him the awkwardness he had no doubt would arrive. Either way, he would definitively make Zayn pay at some point.

Twenty minutes later he walked around with a permanent frown on his face, not understanding the paintings he saw. He hadn’t even bothered to learn the full name of the Michael something guy whose exhibitions they were at and what he saw made him confused. Large paintings, which honestly, he was rude enough to think he could’ve managed to paint himself, decorated the walls around them. On one wall a large purple X-box controller with a blue background met his sight, on the other a pair of a headset in blue and purple hung alone. That was practically it; each frame consisted of a single piece of technology. He’d seen an old phone, another controller for the Super Nintendo machine that went back to his childhood days, an odd light bulb and the most ridiculous of them all was the one of a bloody fire alarm. It was just weird in his mind, and he couldn’t get the total use of crazy colours which screamed the era of the eighties either. Surely there had to be a meaning behind the choice of colours and motive but with his lack of interest, he couldn’t see it. The most shocking experience though was the sight of Zayn walking around with huge eyes and listening intensively to each word Liam and the girl by his side said, explaining random facts here and there which Louis had blocked out from the start. It honestly seemed like his salty friend enjoyed it and showed a genuine interest in the art and it made him chuckle in surprise. 

‘’Not your cup of tea?’’

Having trailed behind and dragged his feet over the floor while drifting off to his imagination, he jumped in scare when a deep voice rumbled through his ears. He whirled around to find Harry watching him with an amused expression; hands placed behind his back and a slight tilt to his head. The sight of curls held back in the bun he’d seen before caused his eyes to get stuck on his face, staring too long at the firm jaw that tightened every time Harry chewed on the gum he apparently had in his mouth. It was obscure what a simple movement could do to his system, and he could sense how the urge to repeat the elevator situation rose. It wasn’t fair. If he hadn’t attended the stupid Christmas party he never would’ve seen Harry up on that stage, never would’ve heard the husky voice of pleasure he possessed and he never would’ve witnessed every line of his body and how it could move. It was so not fair when each of those tortured him with obscene and indecent thoughts every time he saw that beautiful fucking human being. Of all the things Harry could’ve been he had to be his bloody boss, a position he shouldn’t step closer to unless it were in a professional matter.

‘’Did I scare you speechless?’’

If it wasn’t enough to have Harry’s lovely eyes bore into him the sight of charming dimples popping out made him cringe from the flush of fondness that carved his face into stupidity. He was too affected by the mere presence of Harry, and he wondered when he’d agreed to let his brain shut down and leave for vacation. A rough cough shot from his mouth as he cleared his throat, forcing himself to act like a person instead of a creepy staring statue. 

‘’No I was just.. surprised to see you here.’’

‘’Didn’t Liam mention I would stop by?’’

The smile never left Harry as he casually strolled past, walking closer to one of the paintings Louis had just frowned over. His head followed Harry’s figure and the long black coat he wore hugged his shoulders nicely and swung loose around his knees. It took him depressingly long to notice the outfit and when Harry stopped at the painting he had a perfect view of his profile. 

‘’Yeah he.. I-‘’ voice drifted off as his eyes roamed up the tight jeans Harry wore and if it was possible it seemed like they were even tighter than the pair he wore himself. ‘’-perhaps recall hearing he said something about that yes.’’ He pinched his eyes and mentally slapped his cheek, he needed to get a grip.

‘’So what do you think?’’

‘’About what?’’

With a gentle nod, Harry gestured towards the painting and once again he found himself staring at the ridiculous vision he’d seen. Glaring colours and a mess of nonsense, from all the different objects painted randomly and over each other he guessed the man must've been high while making it. A sandal in one corner with half a handcuff lying on top, followed by another light bulb with a fork leaning against it and in the other corner was a bucket with a huge ass safety pin dangling in front. It was only a part of the painting, and it was just gibberish in his opinion, the more he observed, the more he wanted to go home and watch something he enjoyed, like TV. 

‘’I don’t get it, I don’t get any of this.’’

‘’If you take a second look around you do you see how the paintings evolve? Over there you have the wall drawing of the first computer made-‘’ Harry turned to his side and pointed a finger in the direction he wanted Louis to see. ‘’-and the painting next to it shows an iPhone. Do you see how each one starts from firsts and turns into what we surround ourselves with today? I think he’s rather clever in the way he’s showing how the impact electronic technology has had on the way we consume and communicate. With his depictions of successive inventions, like these-‘’ another pointy finger led Louis’ gaze towards three paintings. ‘’-From the battery to the cassette to the laptop he captures the process of how the introduction of digital technology in recent years has resulted in the breakdown of the relationship between form and function. As he said in his book; technical change alters not only habits of life but patterns of thought and valuation. I can see his work shows these alternations, reminding us that we are as much produced by the objects we invent as they are by us.’’

From the complicated words Harry used he might as well have spoken in tongues to his stupid brain, and he blinked innocently up at his boss who plainly could see how lost he was. He hadn’t even been listening, not to the words anyway; he’d focused more on the sound of Harry’s voice, and it rubbed him a gentle way. The man could’ve held a three-hour long lecture about his toenail, and he would’ve been on the first row staring dreamily for every fact. 

‘’You received all that from a small glance at these paintings?’’

A warm chuckle breached Harry’s lips as he dropped his head to the side, hiding a shy smile Louis would carve into his memory and probably never forget.

‘’No, I read that information on my phone before I came here.-‘’ another chuckle tickled its way out and when he glanced up Louis found himself shaking a bit in the knee section. ‘’-Well, at least I seemed like an expert on the matter from the look on your face just now but to be honest, I’ve never been too involved with art myself and figured it was a nice opportunity to widen my range by coming here. But I do see it, though, what he means.’’

''God you're such a loser." 

Breathy laughs mixed between them and the glint in Harry's eye sent a spasm through his fingers, silently asking permission to reach out and grab Harry's. Because that was supposedly what he wanted to do all of a sudden, out of the blue, to feel his palm against his own and entwine their fingers. The realisation choked his laughter and he hurriedly shoved his hands into his pockets and turned sideways.

"Any other painting you want me to exp-"

"You can't do this."

The words fled from his mouth, and he chewed the inside of his cheek as he let his head direct his gaze to face the floor. He couldn't be attracted to someone like Harry, someone who was his boss and know the attraction was mutual without acting on it. Because he wanted to, God did he want to when the only vision he'd seen in his mind for days where the numbing image of them pressed together in the elevator.

"Can't do what, laugh with you?"

He glanced to both sides to see if anyone was nearby and hesitantly dragged his feet a tiny step closer. Without looking up because he simply didn't dare to, he mumbled the one thing he regretted but also felt was the right choice to say.

"You can't put me in this position; you can't like me."

"Take a walk with me?"

It wasn't really a question as he saw Harry move towards the exit before he finished his sentence, leaving him no choice but to follow. Being alone with Harry was dangerous, but he couldn't help feeling a bit excited, and he silently cursed his conflicted mind. Once outside they walked closer to a massive.. pavilion or something, he didn't have words to describe it, but it surely had to be some piece of art. It stretched far and was shaped like an odd triangle, probably not, but it was the form he could see. As he came closer, he noticed it existed of plenty white rectangular boxes, and when they reached the middle of the whole thing, Harry captured his elbow in a light hold.

"I can't choose who I find fascinating, but I don't want to put you in a terrible position, and I'm sorry if I've made you uncomfortable. If it's too much of a struggle to be around me, I all I can do is apologise and ensure you I won’t pursue further. If it’s what you want, I won’t try to convince you otherwise and since you’ve avoided me and seemed terrified whenever you’ve met my gaze I’m assuming it’s your way of telling me you regret what happened earlier? You don’t have to be afraid of talking to me Louis; I can understand how difficult I’ve made things for you, and I respect your choice. You have nothing to worry about, and you haven’t done anything wrong, I’m the one who should’ve stepped back and kept my distance. I want you to continue working for me if you think you'll be able to and find it acceptable, though, you’re a valuable asset to the magazine, and you’ve proved you deserve the position so I’m ready to argue if you think I’m lying.’’

No trails of sharpness cloaked Harry's voice, and no hints of bitterness were hiding in his warm smile, but the colour of his eyes extinguished, and Louis sensed how his stomach tightened. He tried once more to tell himself he regretted it as Harry believed, but he couldn’t when he knew it was a lie, and the thought of Harry thinking so made him feel like shit. Placing all the blame on Harry wasn’t fair, all he'd done was admit his attraction, and Louis was the one who’d made everything complicated by going back and forth. Still, he found himself being the one who controlled the situation when it apparently was his choice to decide in the end and he groaned silently. There Harry was, being as respectful and understanding as always, even complimenting and praising with his words and it demolished Louis' ability to stay convinced he should take the safe choice. How could it not when Harry spoke directly to his vulnerability and emotional part, erasing the harsh line between right and wrong, and the call from his heart became easier to listen to and follow.

‘’Fucking hell.’’

Losing his cool he stepped forward and grabbed Harry's neck before he yet again found himself capturing the plump lips of the alluring man he worked for with his own. It wasn't as intense as the elevator moment, but the same type of explosion still occurred, and he felt boneless when Harry took a deep breath through his nose before he hesitantly answered the kiss. A light tickle ghosted over his lips when Harry ended the soft touch with a hum and slowly scraped his bottom lip between his teeth.

"I'm receiving quite confusing signals from you Louis, and I’m at a loss for how to read this."

"You're an idiot, an intoxicating idiot I can't think nor act appropriately around, and you’re completely shattering the dignity I was hoping to gain back this year. I find myself losing all sense of brain activity when you keep boosting my ego, and my bloody emotions, which I can't seem to control either, apparently gets happily narcotized like stoned hippies when you nurture them with touching words. Who are you and what kind of sorcery are you doing to me, I can’t be this messed up from someone I don't know too well.-"

Standing so close he could smell the light perfume staining Harry's shirt and it gently eased up his nose and sent a relaxing effect through his nerves. His hand was still attached to the back of Harry's neck, and he carefully let it slide over his shoulder before dropping down to his side and taking a few steps back.

"-And how can you accept this, it isn’t right when you're my boss-"

"Like I said the last time you brought that up, I'm not right now Louis. Does this-" a hand gestured to their surroundings. "-Look like the office or any part of Style? I'm off the clock and so are you so right now I'm just a regular guy who's enjoying your company."

"But you are Harry, and I can't forget that just because we aren't at Style right now. I won't be able to pretend nothing has happened and the second I see you at work tomorrow I'll drown in the mental images of today. Just like I’m already doing from my actions with the elevator, and that's why I've been running the opposite direction every time I see you. I can't put on a mask and act like nothing has changed and behave all casual and professional towards you when all I can think of when I see your fucking face is how bloody fantastic it felt to cross the line.’’

‘’Then don’t, I’m not going to, and I don’t want you to pretend anything. When I said I can’t allow myself to indulge in personal behaviour at work, I meant it, but I didn’t mean it in the way where you have to watch your every move and be aware of how you're perceived. I’ve never been involved with someone who worked for me, but if I had, I wouldn’t walk around acting flirty or tested the line whenever they’ve been in the same room as me. I certainly wouldn’t have tried to be physically close with them because when I’m at the office, I have a responsibility to show and treat those who work for me with respect, and I’m there to do the job I worked my arse to get. And honestly, my schedule is so busy I barely have time to eat my lunch so I wouldn't be able even if I wanted to. The magazine comes first in my professional life but second in my personal and I won't forget to separate the two. That said it doesn’t mean you have to pretend nothing has happened and be cautious about running into me or afraid I’ll give you a lecture if you look at me for longer than two seconds. Talk to me, ask for my advice on your work, pass me a joke, send me a smile or two, even heart eyes if you want to- ‘’a weak chuckle left Harry as he placed his hands on Louis’ shoulders. ’’- just be yourself. I’m not saying you can’t, but I am saying personal physical behaviour like we just demonstrated shouldn’t belong in the work environment. Not between anyone at Style and being the head of the magazine requires my full attention, focus and professionality so I can run it successfully and that’s what I’ll do. If I made relationships between colleagues, a cause of resignation half of Style would be fired tomorrow and my sister would’ve murdered me when she happens to be married to the head of security-.'' A small twitch at the corner of Harry’s mouth lifted his lips into a kind smile as he searched for Louis’ eyes. ‘’-We’re both adults, and I believe we would be able to contain ourselves if, and I mean if, this development we have created were to continue.’’

‘’I just don’t want to be seen as the person everybody thinks I am and if people were to find out I'm sneaking around with you the rumours would gai-.''

‘’You don't have to do anything you don't want to Louis and I can empathise with how you feel about it. Unfortunately, we can't control what other people are thinking or what they'll choose to say, but unnecessary words shouldn't be allowed your attention. As I said, don’t be afraid of going back to work, don’t tell yourself you did something wrong because you haven’t so, please believe me when I say you shouldn’t feel bad or guilty. Flings, hook-ups, romances, relationships, marriages, heartbreaks, divorces, pregnancies yes you name it, they all happen inside Style. I don’t care what my employees do with their colleagues in their free-time as long as they leave it at home where it doesn't affect their work in a negative way. People are free to make their own decisions and if you’re worried someone will whisper about you then give them your middle finger. Whatever goes on between you and me or between anyone for that matter should only have the parts involved's interest.’’

Then Harry hugged his shoulder a final time before letting his hands fall back to his side, still keeping the warm smile on his face.

‘’I won’t pressure you, and it’s up to you to figure out what you truly want to do. I’ve said what I wanted to say, and I can practically see how fast your mind is racing to process all of it but take your time Louis.’’

From the way Harry leant back and checked the silver watch on his wrist Louis gained a feeling, he was about to leave, and he would be paralysed to the same spot until his blown mind had calmed down and made sense of everything. 

‘’You- do you have to go?’’

"Regrettably, I have to; there's an important appointment I cannot miss but if you don’t have any more plans after this will you consider coming to the Irish pub, The Auld Shillelagh, at nine tonight?"

"What.. I don’t- I need to-"

"It's just a friendly ask, Niall is helping out a friend of his, and he'll be performing with him there tonight, and he kindly told me to show up, or he would ram his guitar up where the sun doesn't shine. Not his exact words but you get the picture, and it would be nice if more of us came. He is rather good you know so it's worth your time. Bring Zayn and Liam if they want to join."

Harry tipped closer once more with the most adorable look of shyness before he gently grabbed Louis’ hand and gave it a weak squeeze.

"Let me know?"

The softest touch of lips graced his cheek and the heat entering his face sent his skin boiling the second Harry backed away and glided his fingers free, leaving a thick piece of paper in the middle of his palm. With a quick glance down he saw the back of a square card and without turning it over he understood what is was. A slow stroke of his thumb circled over it while he stared, unsure if he should flip it and see the evidence that the day had truly happened and wasn't a dream of his. Too much time went by, too long did he stare at it that when he eventually looked back up Harry had left the art construction they had been standing inside, and he found himself alone. A profound sense of longing washed over his system when he couldn't feel the presence of him, and he depressingly had the urge to run after and put him in his embrace again.

"Shit shit shit, this is so bad, and I'm already fucking whipped. Someone shoot me."

His fists clenched, crumpling the card, and he brought them up to cover his eyes while he groaned in annoyance. Glad the box wall shielded him he stomped his feet in a tantrum before he finally found enough mental strength to hurry the fuck away, locating his way home without informing the rest of the group. He didn’t dare to, didn’t want to see the shitty smirk on Zayn’s face or Liam’s confused expression while trying to hold himself together and make up some lousy excuse for why he’d been outside for the past thirty minutes or so. 

The card burned in his palm as he flew up the stairs to his flat and he rammed his mind for pros and cons as to why he should go to the pub. No, he was definitively going, had to when he’d promised Niall back at the Christmas party, and it would be rude of him not to show. Curious was he also, to see his guitar skills but the thought of hanging out with Harry and drinking beer, because oh he would desperately need one, made his inside do several flip flops. He threw the burning paper into the bowl where he kept his keys and paced back and forth in frustration.

After nervously eating anything that could be ingested in his flat, and a few things he learned couldn't he spent enough time in the shower to use up all the heated water as he continued arguing with himself. Another hour vanished as he went through every piece of clothing he owned twice, giving him a hard time when nothing would fit him right. Eventually, he found himself standing in his bathroom getting ready, observing his reflection in the mirror as a strange and unwelcome feeling of excitement churned through his stomach. He swiped a few fingers through his fringe to make sure the messy flips laid correctly over his forehead, and he chewed the inside of his cheek with a lurking nervousness growing along. The blue in his eyes turned brighter while his cheeks gained a rosy shade as his mind drifted to paint pictures of different ways the night could turn out and the nape of his neck went up a few degrees. He was excitedly dreading what was to come, and he didn't know whether to laugh or cry over his ability to be so undecidable. He didn't want to go, but he certainly wanted to go. He didn't want to see Harry, but he desperately wanted to see Harry. He hated how strongly drawn he was to the man, but he didn't hate it at all. 

How was he supposed to handle the situation between them if he couldn't even stick to a decision, he’d chosen to let it go, to let it be and instead of listening he’d thrown himself at Harry twice. Everything in his body had screamed to move and done precisely so without concern for the consequences that would follow. It wasn’t a joke, and he had no right playing the way he did, changing roads and losing track of the way. It was frustrating and unfair, for both of them and the only person he could blame was himself. He was the confusing one, and he had trouble explaining his actions when he couldn’t quite understand them himself. His mind and heart were like yin and yang, opposites with separate needs but still fulfilling each other and the constant calls from both exhausted him. Staying away from Harry and keeping things professional was the better option considering his career and his mental health, not to mention it was probably the right thing to do. Following his desire and the pleas from his heart was the better option for his needs and also his mental health. He couldn't stop or ignore the want he felt, nor the reality it was available for him to reach out and have, but all the alarm bells in his head wouldn’t stop chiming, and he was going insane. 

It was only half of his problem; the other half was his fear the results it would bring to his already ruined reputation if he gave in. People would figure out; they would see a vicious man going after his boss just like the papers had claimed he'd done before and judging looks would find his way. Whispers and stories would dance through departments, and no one would know the real story or understand the truth that laid beneath. Breathing new life to his accusation was the last thing he wanted, and the mere thought of dreading to go to work and hating his situation made him cringe.

If he neglected the rational part of himself, if he let his heart take the lead he would bare himself. Drop every restriction and self-defence; he would trust the feeling and if it went too far and real emotions were to bloom it would surely destroy him if Harry decided it was just fun. Nothing but casual and only physical attention was the deal he didn't want, but he would probably agree and let it happen if he got sucked in. Being strongly enticed with his presence and from experience how his mind blurred when Harry was near then yes, he would definitively let it happen. Just to have the taste, to have the opportunity to have him close and he would tell himself it was what he wanted and how it would be enough. He would get lost and fool himself to believe it was as real as could be, then continue believing until Harry shook him off like a worn out shoe. It was a possibility, a rather small one when he didn't believe Harry was that kind of person but still a possibility, and it scared him more than he would admit.

Unable to be pleased with how his hair fell he gave up and pushed a beanie over his head, only letting a few pieces of hair poke through. To be sure he could hide if it would be necessary he threw on a simple grey hoodie that was a size too big and let it hang open from his shoulders as he left his flat with quick steps. Tugging the beanie and placing his other hand in the ripped jeans were soft skin peeked through several rifts down his legs he stared at the entrance of The Auld Shillelagh, tension settling over his shoulders and the usual twitch to his fingers. He was right on time, but since he'd visibly flinched the moment he'd found enough mental strength to unfold Harry's crunched little card and seen his contact info with a personal number written in fresh ink, he hadn't been able to use it. So he hadn't let Harry know as he'd asked and he was quietly wondering if he should've after all instead of simply showing up. The balls of his heels tilted side to side as he took turns in leaving his weight down, hesitating to step through the doors and face the reason for his headache. He was getting sick and tired of his conflicted mind and with the newfound frustration he forced his feet to move before another round of doubt would send him running the opposite direction.

The place was crowded, people were chatting and walking around in an endless stream, and he wondered where Niall and his friend could find space enough to play. It didn’t appear as the biggest pub, but the environment had a good vibe and with the constant laughter floating through his ears, it lured out his smile. It caused his stiff shoulders to fall and calmed his stressed heart to beat in a more normal and healthy rhythm. Without concern to find the other two immediately, he fought his way up to the bar and almost threw himself over it in a desperate attempt to gain the bartender's attention. Beer in his system would surely help the rest of him to calm down, and he took a rather large gulp the moment he a cold Guinness settled in his grip. It eased pleasingly down his throat, and he closed his eyes in relaxation as a heavy sigh pushed through his lips. Acting all cool and reflected would be no problem, easy as pie, yup he could do it, he certainly could. With another long sip of beer, it became simpler to convince himself it was true, and he eventually made his way across the floor to find familiar faces. 

The further he went the larger did he realise the place was, and he nodded surprised to himself, approving the full Irish pub pretty quickly. Bars and pubs were more his setting, and he appreciated spending time with the older crowd that usually stopped by instead of the younger minds at the pouncing nightclubs where he couldn’t tell if it was the beat from the music or the beat of his heart that pained his chest. Neither could he hear much, or see with blinking lights and lasers shooting through the room as if the Dj, who controlled them, was high on acid and wanted everyone to join his tripping hallucinations. He’d enjoyed it at one point, when he’d been younger but the minute he’d thought the loud sound made him deaf and how the heated atmosphere turned suffocating he’d realised he was outgrowing one side of his party life.

‘’Ey, Louis!’’

The sharp sound of his name being shouted sent his neck twisting, and he smiled widely when the image of Niall’s blonde head bounced closer. The Irish lad was practically shining with excitement, and he wrapped himself around Louis in a big hug and lifted him a few inches off the floor as he slightly jumped. After a few choked barks of laughter, he pressed out whenever Niall tightened his grip he was let back down and released from the hold.

‘’I almost forgot I told you to come tonight, but it’s good to see you, always nice to have an audience.’’ 

‘’Wouldn’t have missed it, not after how you discreetly bragged so highly about your guitar skills so feel the pressure, I’m expecting to be amazed.’’

‘’Ah, you’ll fucking piss your pants.-‘’ after a quick roll of his eyes Niall looked over his shoulder before his eyes tumbled back. ‘’-Our table is just over there, by the old lady who’s been here since the seventies- You see her, the one with the hair who looks like a tsunami wave? My guy is the one on the table next to hers so you can just say hi and find yourself a spot, I’m having another pint before we start.’’

With a slight flicker of nerves, he grabbed Niall’s arm to stop him from going, not entirely ready to walk over to the table and perhaps find Harry already sitting there. 

‘’I was planning on getting another myself so my treat. Since you are the shining performer tonight and all I’ll be a fan and buy you one. Just one, though, I’m not shitting money.’’

A curved grin formed on both their faces and he relaxed a little when he saw Niall shrug his shoulders and happily took the offer.

‘’You trying to get yourself a gold star in my book Tomlinson? Well, it's working, so get going and get me my beer while I’ll reserve you a seat.’’

As the blond head walked away, he turned on his heel and made his way back to where he came from, balancing and sliding through the crowd as easily as he could manage. The closer he got, the more his previous grin crumbled on his face when his eyes flicked over the people standing at the bar and caught familiar faces. His body stopped moving and froze on the spot before he realised and where he’d felt a happy feeling severe nausea had taken over. It wasn’t Harry’s striking features who’d caused him to die on the inside, nor was it his beautiful figure that sent his half empty glass falling from his numb fingers to crash on the floor. It was the disturbing face next to Harry; a face turned in his direction, and his mouth kept forming words as if they were having a conversation. Witnessing Harry talk to the man made him breathe faster, too fast and he felt himself heaving for air when he didn’t receive enough. Closing in on hyperventilating was where he was going, and tiny black dots formed at the edges of his sight. His chest felt like it was twisting and distorting like a wet cloth being squeezed dry and he bent over to steady himself on his knees, shutting his eyes and drawing deep inhales through his nose to calm down. There had to be an explanation, a good reason to why Harry would willingly talk to the man they both knew had ruined his life. He hadn’t seen him in over a year, but the live image of him standing a few feet away made everything inside him boil in anger while his stomach reacted as disgusted as it had always done. 

The awful taste of vomit crawling up his throat made him smack a hand over his mouth, and he shakily rose back to standing position. He rolled his shoulders and clacked his teeth together, hearing them slightly crack while he wouldn't allow the reaction to seeing him affect him to the point where he would flee. Shaking his head as a final act, he forced his back to straighten, and he kept his head high. No, he wouldn't grant the shit another feared thought, refused to have his tongue say his name and he certainly had no intention of meeting him face to face or hear the sick sound of his voice, but he would not be chased home by fear. The best choice would be to leave the scene, disappear back into the crowd and find Niall where he knew it would be safe and pleasant to be. Standing there, observing Harry converse with his previous boss, the sole reason he was aware what hate felt like, was not good for his already disturbed mind. But he couldn’t go; he physically couldn’t force his feet to turn the opposite direction and take him away, not when the burning need to know what they talked about etched inside his veins. Knowing the two had him as a mutual subject to creating a conversation it wasn’t too farfetched to believe sentences involving his name bounced between them, and it made his curiosity grow from needing to know to obsessed.

With a small tug to his beanie, he dragged it further down his forehead and pulled the hood of his jacket up to cover more of his face. He closed the zip and let his head drop to study the floor as his feet automatically brought him closer to Harry’s side, desperate to overhear their words. From his earlier mistake of accusing Harry, he chose to swallow the bile of betrayal he felt and placed his fear on hold. He didn’t know why they spoke, didn’t know why Harry had chosen to do so, and he would never be able to forgive himself if he’d gone mental over misunderstandings a second time. So he turned his hearing up and carefully placed his elbows on top of the bar, slowly sliding as close to Harry’s as he dared and listened. Only indicating with a pointy finger what he wanted when the smiling lady behind the bar asked for his order.


	4. Chapter 4

With his back turned against the two he couldn't hear much, only a rush of mumbles escaped Harry's mouth so with tiny discreet movements, he stepped backwards and carefully tilted his head to the side until real words could me made out. 

‘’-he knows this? he assured me you would take care of the insult you've brought upon his name and magazine.’’

‘’My father says many things.’’

Knuckles clenched so hard they turned white, and he barely held it together when the voice he’d tried so hard to forget carved through his ears. Hearing it along with Harry’s lovely sound was wrong, and he wished he’d been strong enough to walk away when he’d had the chance. 

‘’He’ll hear about this the next time I see him on the field, don’t think I-.''

‘’Oh, believe I heard the club revoked your membership? Something about a cause of disturbance towards the staff, don't tell me, got a little frisky with the caddies?’’ 

The left side of his mouth twitched automatically and he closed his eyes in relief, what he heard from Harry wasn’t pleasant small talk, and the distinct passive aggressive tone helped lifting his mood. Being assured Harry spoke with degrading words made it worth being so close to the shit of a man at his side and he felt the need to entwine his fingers with Harry's and squeeze in gratitude. The realisation he would be noticed by more than just one if he did so, froze his hand and he stared at the cold beverage he'd been given earlier to focus.

‘’Then you heard wrong, simple misunderstanding. I’m disappointed Harry, a few months with that snake you switch sides and attack the people close to your family? He got to you didn’t he, crawled under your skin and is making a fool out of you.’’

‘’Please don’t make the mistake of thinking you’ve ever been considered a friend of the family from sharing a few rounds of golf with my father over the years. If so I have tough news for you pal. Don’t take me for an idiot either, just because my father is in your league of narcissism it doesn’t mean I’ve turned a blind eye to your actions, and certainly not agreed with them. I’ve held my tongue from saying how I perceive your character because simply, I’ve never had the interest of using my time or words on you.-‘’ He caught the movement of Harry changing position to chug the rest of his glass down before his voice turned deeper. ‘’-But here you are, ambushing me at my own free time as if I'm terrified over my fathers' opinion and the consequences I'll receive if I don't bid your demands. What you did to him, your employee, to his life and how you ruined a man's innocent, his reputation and career just because you didn’t get what you wanted before and after threatening him is atrocious, and I’m horrified for the one’s who’s currently working for you.’’

‘’Don’t test me, boy.’’

‘’Or what, you’ll sue me? Seems to be the way you handle being challenged. To be honest, I wouldn’t be surprised if you did and seriously Ryan, do you expect me to believe the innocent victim charade you’re playing? From how I’ve seen you treat your wife on the few occasions I tagged along with my father to the club I find it extremely hard to believe a young man with a gentle heart could gain control over someone like you. Being provoked isn’t something you appreciate, it’s obvious from how you just made an attempt to threaten me when I didn't automatically crunch down. You're the type who craves dominance, to be the stronger man, and you certainly feed on power when other’s tremble at your feet so no, I don’t buy your petty attempt at being a victim.’’

‘’What makes you think you can speak to me this way? I’m a respected man who made the mistake of letting my guard down and was taken advantage of. The one you so speak so highly of schemed his way into my office and tried to take me and my paper down so he could get his career further, how dare you to point the blame at me. Your position as editor in chief is already on the line and when your father hears ab-.''

‘’I’m sorry, did I give you the impression of being afraid of you or tremble with fear of what you will tell my father to contain your innocent spotlight? Some people may be foolish enough to respect you, but I sincerely doubt it’s out of loyalty or being genuinely impressed with you as a person. I do have a question, though. I found it strange how you tried to take him down for stealing money from your paper and blackmailing you with claims of sexual harassment instead of taking the sexual assault route when it would’ve made more sense to the everyday people. Not to forget you knew there wouldn’t be evidence to frame him for corruption. I read through the file, and it was implicated during court he physically forced you so you could support your accusation of harassment but you never actually arraigned him on sexual assault charges. The media launched all kinds of theories and assumptions about it but not once was it confirmed by you or your lawyer, only speculations they kept throwing around. So why didn’t you when you had every intention to take him down? If he’d been found guilty, he’d be sent to prison and surely out of your way. With your lack of humanity, it couldn’t have been your conscious stopping you so what was is? Did you fear your reputation when you would’ve been forced to 'admit' he managed to overpower you into doing something you couldn’t stop, weakening your strength and power to the public? The people already suspected as much anyways so was it perhaps of your wife instead? Told her you would let the media spin their lies to paint him worse and strengthen your other charges while keeping her from considering the thought of you actually being interested in men? Maybe avoid a situation where she would’ve figured everything was indeed a lie, and you were, in fact, the guilty part behind it all? And maybe you just didn’t want her to realise you fantasised about having the part she's missing shoved up behind. Obviously, it would’ve been a deal breaker and made her leave, which undoubtedly would've been the best for her sake. So I think I get your strategy, selling the story of a career hungry predator who framed and blackmailed you, threatening to accuse you of sexual harassment painted you as the victim but still didn’t portrait you as weak. Rather the opposite since most people bought the perception of you suffering in silence over time to save the paper the expose while keeping your other employees safe. But of course, they didn’t know why you really kept silent now did they. Would you look at that, didn't even need to hear you utter a single word to answer my question and break down the farce you're clinging on. You, a sad, disgusting human being, are nothing more than a psychopathic fuck.’’

Louis almost pumped his fist in the air in applause and agreement, taking all his energy to restrain himself from voicing his opinions about the said fucker in a deafening howl. His nails had dug so far into his palms he wasn’t sure they would come out and his body was so spent his chest barely moved from his erratic breathing. The way Harry had defended, stood up on his behalf and dragged the pathetic creature caused his heart to swell triple in size and banged harshly against his rib-cage. No one had done something close to him before, and it left him unknown how to handle it, unsure if he should thank Harry by squeezing him to death or disgustingly cry how much it meant to him. All he really knew was, how fucking amazing Harry was and he wouldn’t make the mistake of doubting his intentions like he’d done before. The man had obviously not a single bad bone in his body, and the realisation made him smile all smitten and fond to himself.

‘’How fuckin da-.''

‘’No, you don’t get to waste more of my time, I’m done with anything you have to spit out so excuse me, I’m going back to the people I genuinely care about.’’ 

With that, Harry walked away and left the space between Louis and Ryan dangerously open, and he flicked his head all the way around to face the exit, terrified of being recognised. The hair on his body practically fled from his skin and he quickly raised his finger to the bartender once more, indicating he wanted another beer. Once he received it and paid, he stormed off like his feet was on fire and he walked as far away from the bar as possible before he changed direction and circled back to where Niall had said their table was. During his long detour, he opened his jacket, pushed the hood off and dragging his beanie back, enough to let his face breathe again and he coughed out the breath of anxiety he’d held. 

‘’There you are, the fuck took you so long? I’m bloody drying out here, give me that.’’

The cold beer in his hand vanished as Niall launched out and grabbed it from his grip, steering it right to his mouth and gulped half of it down in one go. He didn’t answer as his gaze floated over to Harry and his neck burned when he saw how relieved his eyes were, a soft smile pressing out his dimples and Louis practically felt his knees go out. There was a look of surprise on his features as if he hadn’t believed Louis would show but the look disappeared and was replaced by worry when he steered his gaze over to the bar. It flicked between the people and the warm smile he’d given turned a bit strained and another round of fondness fought its way inside Louis. Just seeing how slightly panicked Harry became, knowing the other man wasn’t far away and could run into them, made his smile evolve into a bright grin. He didn’t care if the shit-show would try to approach or throw more lies, having Harry by his side and his support made him surprisingly relaxed and at ease.

‘’I don’t even feel bad for letting some random lad steal your seat when you forced me to wait this long. All I can offer you is a free lap until Bran here and I hit the stage.’’

A cheeky wiggle ran over Niall’s brows as he spread his arms wide, a cheeky challenge hiding within his words and it made Louis snort as he flipped him off. 

‘’While I think I appreciate your offer you arse, I have a different alternative in mind.’’

Without waiting for Niall’s question, he casually dragged his feet around the table and slid down on Harry’s lap, causing the older man to widen his eyes in wonder. There was no regret for his actions and for once he didn’t feel torn doing what he wanted and he craned his neck around to give a sly express. Harry had done all the right things to convince his mind he was worth the risk and from the warm feeling easing through his insides, he was glad he took it.

‘’Well this is new, not too surprised but I thought you said he shut you down Haz, twice even?’’

‘’Wait, you kne-‘’ He whipped his head back to find Harry blushing lightly as he blinked up in innocence. ‘’-You told him, when?’’

‘’After the Christmas party, Haz has never been able to keep secrets. Especially from me, open like a book that dork. Don’t you act all mortified, I bet you told your BFF as well.’’

‘’But Christ, you already knew when I kept asking you those ques-‘’ 

He locked his jaw when he realised he was exposing himself as the creepy stalker, and he felt a punch of embarrassment hitting when Harry’s chest vibrated with laughter against his back.

‘’To make it a little bit worse for you-‘’ Harry leant closer, placing his head on Louis' shoulder and angled a warm mouth right underneath the ear which caused him to shudder visibly. ‘’-I forgot to thank you for your birthday note, so thank you. It was sweet of you.’’

‘’You can’t prove I had anything to do with some note.’’ He puffed out as he folded his arms across his chest in mortification.

‘’Well, you have a recognisable handwriting.’’

‘’Piss off, I hate you all.-‘’ he flicked his gaze over to Bran, who he hadn’t even said hello to or introduced himself. ‘’-Even you.’’

A light hand came to rest on his waist before Harry nudged it just enough to let him know he was about to say something else and wanted his attention. He dipped his head to the side to find Harry’s glowing eyes once more, and he couldn’t fight the stupidity his face transformed into.

‘’Does this perhaps mean you’ve already made up your mind?’’

Without losing his fondness, he shifted around to straddle Harry’s thighs and dipped his head forward. Hands slid up a broad chest and settled behind a long neck to tangle into familiar curls as a confident mouth reached its goal, silently answering the question.

‘’That’s my cue to leave.-‘’ the sound of a chair moving indicated Niall rose from his seat ‘’-Let’s get ready Bran.’’ 

Then another chair moved, and the loss of sound left Louis and Harry alone in their emotional bubble. Harry beamed with his eyes closed when Louis ended the kiss and let his hands fall from the soft curls he enjoyed more each time he touched them.

‘’Was that rude, I didn’t even greet Niall’s friend.’’

‘’I don’t care-‘’ a satisfied sigh dribbled from Harry’s lips as his lashes fluttered open, portraying a dazed expression before he shook his head and returned to reality. ‘’-but in fear of ruining the moment I feel I should inform you a certain presence is her-‘’

‘’I know, I saw him talking to you.’’

‘’You ok?’’

‘’Yeah, I am actually when you’re here-‘’ soft fingers brushed against Harry’s cheek, and he almost scolded himself for taking so long to surrender entirely. ‘’-Thank you. For hiring me, for being kind and respectable and for being such a good person. You gave me a chance when you didn’t have to.’’

‘’You shouldn’t thank me for being a decent human, it’s something everyone should be capable of. And you deserve to be treated with the same amount of respect as anyone else does, if not more.’’

‘’Christ.-‘’ Louis groaned as he clutched his head and laughed a bit darkly, growing more insane by the minute. ‘’-You seriously have to stop doing that, it makes me unstable.’’

‘’Doing what?’’

‘’This!-‘’ his arms spread wide and gestured toward Harry who smiled confusingly and it caused another laugh to escape from his mouth. ‘’-Being you! You’re so bloody lovely, and it keeps melting my pathetic existence into a sad pool of goo and it drives me crazy. I don’t know what to do about it, and it puzzles me how easy it just happens.’’

‘’You’re incredible, do you know that?’’

Full rosy lips found his as Harry finally took the initiative and the hunger hiding in his gentle movements sent jolts of electricity shooting up Louis’ spine. It was overwhelming, just as he’d said and the more he accepted he liked the uncertainty swallowing him, the more he struggled to contain himself when it came to Harry. He’d been in love before, experienced the shock to his system, and the strong emotions churning through his body whenever he felt Harry so close was steadily closing in on the same euphoria. It was bizarre and irrational when in theory he’d not shared many private moments with the man he used as a chair, but he was also aware the power of emotions shouldn’t be underestimated. They could form and settle as they pleased, unbothered by his rational brain and completely ignore the pleas of taking slow paces it sent out. 

His hands closed around Harry’s t-shirt when the kiss deepened, stretching the fabric as he tugged him closer and lost himself in the feeling. How Harry’s mouth moved along his, made him forget every bad thought he’d had and everything around him quietly disappeared, leaving just the two. It felt good, and a part of him already knew he was addicted to the taste and wouldn’t be able to stay away for long. Warmth spread through his veins as his heart heightened the drum in his chest and the pit of his stomach sank deeper.  
Two large palms had trailed over his thighs before they settled over his bum and the breaths he’d fought for between their moving lips turned heavier to the point where he almost wheezed. The tingles teasing through his skin edged him on, and he needed the exciting thrills to continue the satisfaction he felt growing. With a final tug, he broke free from Harry’s mouth and moved his teeth over his jaw and down his neck, leaving gentle nibbles as his hips began moving in circular motions. A sharp inhale went up Harry’s nose before a quiet groan left, and he dipped his head down while the grip on Louis’ bum tightened. 

‘’Shit, I'll lose control if you keep doing that Louis.’’

‘’Well-‘’ he bit a little harder and dragged the sore skin between his teeth, sensing a cocky smirk forming when he slipped his hands underneath Harry’s t-shirt to slowly drift his palms up his stomach and felt how it tensed. ‘’-Maybe I want you to.’’

Fingers kept gliding up Harry’s chest, and he flicked the little nub when he reached his nipples, receiving a husky growl and a vibrating body. 

‘’I’m threatened to clear the table and do whatever the fuck you want, but I have a feeling the people around wouldn’t appreciate it as much as I would.’’ 

A hum of chuckles tickled over his neck and the sound of Harry’s thoughts burned down his back and gathered right to the front of his jeans, sensing the sturdy material becoming a tad tighter. Arousal was bubbling, and he realised he wouldn’t even have minded giving the pub an erotic show right there, but he didn’t need another crime painting his criminal record. He steered his mouth back to Harry’s and gave him another deep kiss before he leant back and sent him a cheeky smile. 

‘’Then I guess we should see Niall’s performance before I take you up on that.’’

The lust painting Harry’s eyes almost black sent another flare of heat to his stomach, and he hurriedly rose from his lap so he couldn’t continue edging them on. He wouldn’t be able to stop, and he didn’t fancy the idea of being arrested for public indecency or some shit. Sounds of a guitar and a man singing drew his attention away from Harry, and he moved his feet to walk closer, needing the space to calm his body down. The vision of Niall sitting on a small stool with a guitar in his hands met his sight, and he sensed his whole face lit up in amazement. The blonde Irish looked content and happy as his fingers flew over the strings and his head bobbed to the pleasant melody of the song. The other guy, Bran, held a small tambourine between his fingers and repeatedly tapped it against his thigh while he bawled out a pretty impressive voice. The song was on the folky side, which hit right home with the audience and the rhythm made him tap his food along, liking the sound.

‘’They’re fucking brilliant, why didn’t you and Niall start a bloody band or something? You would’ve been amazing.’’

He shook his head in disbelief the moment Harry reached his side, and he could picture the possibility in his head, how great they would sound together. 

‘’It wasn’t his dream, he loves playing the guitar don’t get me wrong, but he’s never desired to create a career out of it. He enjoys nights like these, performing on the side.’’

A warm hand graced over his waist and came to rest on his hip, drawing him closer into Harry’s embrace and the previous heat rushed right back. Some extra blood pooled in his cheeks and decorated him with a touch of red as he sagged against Harry’s side and let his head rest at the top of his shoulder. It felt safe, and he smiled shyly to himself when he could feel how fast Harry’s heart drummed inside his chest. Niall and Bran rolled out several songs before they announced they only had one more to go and a slight disappointment echoed through the place. They were entertaining, and he felt the crowd agreed with his thoughts when he could’ve been there the whole night listening.

‘’Ey Haz, come help us out with this last one? You’ve heard it a thousand times before so you know it’s originally a duet, and I’m more interested in playing my baby than croak out some lines.’’

Niall beamed with enthusiasm and Bran nodded in agreement as he waved Harry over, making some room where he could stand. With a few encouraging taps on his back from Louis, Harry gave in and made his way over to Bran’s side, doing his usual routine by tying his hair into a bun and ruining Louis’ ability to remain controlled. From his reaction the first time he’d heard Harry sing he should’ve been prepared, but it turned out he was as far away as possible, and he relived the same shock when Harry let his voice float out. The ground shook, and it hit strong enough to loosen every restriction he'd managed to hold on to, and he almost doubled over from the impact. All is senses heightened and sent his already burning arousal off the scale, coating him with layers of pleasure that teased his nerves in painful ways. When the song ended, and the round of applause finally died down he was visibly sweating and shaking in his spot with a mouth hanging open and a few embarrassing whimpers escaped. He was too affected, not even close to having a chance at calming down and he desperately ached for what his body wanted. The moment Harry stepped closer and became reachable he launched into his hold, practically flying off the floor as he jumped up and secured his legs around his waist. With hunger he’d rarely felt he pushed inside his mouth, voicing a breathy moan and made it clear what his mind was set on. 

‘’Jesus, where’s my slutty award for that performance? Unfair he gets all the attention when he only sang one bloody song.’’

Niall laughed mockingly as he passed the duo and only received Louis’ middle finger as he was too occupied assaulting Harry’s face to throw something sassy back.

‘’Just take me to the fucking restroom already.’’

He wheezed out between the marks he kept placing over Harry’s neck, feeling victory when he tightened his grip and his breaths came out more rapid. It wasn’t often he found himself desperate enough to settle with a shitty public restroom, or taking things so fast, but when he had Harry so close it physically pained him thinking about wasting time by going somewhere else. 

‘’Are you su-.''

‘’I swear if you don’t move your feet I’ll jerk you off right here.’’

To make his threat serious he shoved a hand inside Harry’s jeans and palmed him through the thin fabric of his briefs, using just enough strength to make Harry’s hips buckle and steal a moan from his throat. Almost before he retrieved his arm and could blink the people around vanished and a dimmed yellow light hit his eyes, letting him know they had reached the slightly more private room. The lock switched and seconds later Harry pressed him up against the wall, mouth finding its way back to his and they both voiced their pleasure a bit louder. 

‘’Fuck your fucking sinful voice and its power to make me go all mental.’’

He untangled his feet and slid down so he could flip them around to have Harry pressed against the wall instead and he groaned when he felt a prominent desire strain against his thigh. With eagerness he found the small button and opened the fly, giving him more room to place his hand back inside. A string of grunts aired the space and Harry threw his head back once Louis’ palm closed around him, causing a slight pain to flare down his neck. 

‘’Shit.’’

While leaving new bruises over Harry’s collarbones he slid his free hand back under the t-shirt and up to find Harry’s nipple. It hardened under his touch as he pinched it and slowly rubbed it over while he worked his mouth and his other wrist over the growing length. Moans turned louder and breathier as Harry arched his back and kept thrusting his hips to meet the slow tugs from Louis’ hand. His speed increased as he pushed the shirt up to reveal Harry’s chest and the sight of unexpected tattoos shone on his face, making Harry even more attractive than before. How he’d missed the big butterfly covering his stomach and the two swallows beneath his collarbones the day he’d witnessed Harry box practically naked was impressive. Impressive how clouded his focus became in the presence of his boss. Without staring too long, he placed his mouth back on the soft skin and left kisses and bites down his chest, flicking his tongue over the harden nub and scraping his teeth over the abs Harry kept clenching when he received a few stronger pumps. As he nosed his way down he noticed the two extra nubs before he reached the soft trail of hair growing from the navel, leading the way to two tattooed fern leaves spreading over his hips. The man was a mystery with new surprises erupting, and he found himself wanting to know everything there was to know.

‘’I won’t be able-‘’ a hiss fled from Harry’s mouth, and he banged his fist against the wall when Louis left a bruise on the right leaf. ‘’-to hold much longer.’’ 

He could hear it, how close Harry was with his breathing a slight step away from hyperventilating and he planted another bruise on the left leaf as he brought Harry closer to joy. The rhythm of his hand kept a steady pace as Harry turned into a stuttering mess of spasm above, every muscle tensed and he croaked out a guttural moan when he reached his bliss. With a final tug, he left a soft kiss above the hipbone and closed his button before he rose back up to find Harry’s euphoric face, feeling smug how he’d been the one who made the expression settling over his features. The dazed look in Harry’s eyes was quickly replaced with the same lust as before and with a quick shake of his head he straightened his back and pulled Louis closer. Gentle strokes floated over his cheeks as Harry stared, burning a hole through his face with the intensity. 

‘’You’re intoxicating too Louis-‘’ eyes fell, down his body as fingers hovered over his jeans, opening the button in agonisingly slow movements. ‘’-So fucking intoxicating.’’

When Harry finally touched him, his lashes fluttered shut in relief, and a shaky sigh trembled out from his parted lips. He was too worked up to be lasting and his mind more or less blacked out when Harry dipped his head to steal a kiss while his hand started moving. The sounds coming from his mouth was unfamiliar, and his volume had officially reached a new level where he was pretty sure the poor blokes standing on the outside could perfectly hear the enjoyment. He received what he’d given, and he left the shady restroom with his mind blown, seeing all kinds of stars and whatnot floating over his vision when he stumbled like a drugged mess beside Harry. All he could feel was satisfaction, and it followed him the whole way home, not really remembering how the rest of the night went or how he even made it to his flat. He didn’t mind or worry much, not with the pleasure filling every part of his body. Giving in was what he’d done, and he was too involved to back out, and he didn’t want to, not when he’d felt fucking fantastic from the moment he’d stopped fighting what he wanted.

••••••

A cackle of noise carved through his ears and slowly but surely dragged him out of the comfortable sleep he’d been in, and he sourly groaned as he flipped around in his sheets. The sound didn’t stop, and once he’d repeatedly rubbed his fists almost through his eyes, he realised it was his phone screaming, not his alarm but his ringtone. With a wave of hysteria washing over, as it always did when he was awakened by someone calling, he jumped up in panic and hit his head right on the pitched roof. A throbbing pain occurred immediately, sending e few curses from his mouth as he clutched his head with one hand while the other frantically tried locating the blaring phone. 

‘’H- Hello?’’

‘’Where the fuck are you? And where have you been, you just took off yesterday.’’

With pain flaring over his forehead he removed the phone from his ear to squint at the screen, unable to place the voice right away but let a small sigh escape when Zayn’s name decorated the sight.

‘’Uh, I’m home..’’

‘’Well you shouldn’t be, work started an hour ago and Jessica has been calling you the last thirty minutes.’’

Again he removed the phone from his ear and forced his eyes to focus as he stared at the top right corner, swallowing another round of curses when he realised Zayn hadn’t lied about the time.

‘’Shit I’ll be right there.’’

Not wasting more time by having Zayn on the line he hung up and scrambled around, pulling out the first clothes he could find and dressed in an incredible speed. He jumped down from his little loft and ran into the bathroom where he could splash some water on his face and hopefully tone down the ‘overslept’ sign stamped over it. It had been ages since he’d experienced the shitty stress oversleeping brought and with a toothbrush racing so fast over his teeth it scraped away his enamel he mentally kicked himself for being so absentmindedly the night before. He couldn’t even remember how he managed to get to his bed so it wasn’t hard to say he probably hadn’t even thought about setting the alarm. Without enough time to do anything about the mess of his hair he opted for the beanie solution once more and grabbed one of his jackets before he stormed out of the flat. 

••••••

‘’I’m here I’m here I’m here.’’

He almost shrieked as he sprinted through the door that led him into the part of the fashion department where Zayn was located. Chest bounced up and down as he gasped for oxygen and a distinct touch of wetness formed around his head where the beanie laid. Zayn, who was reading through some documents, barely glanced up but stepped closer as he finished the page he was on.

‘’So where have you been, don’t think I didn’t notice your lack of answer on the phone. Or how you never texted me back when I sent you more than one last night.’’

With frowns dancing over his brows he fished out his device and realised he had indeed received numerous texts, even some missed calls, and he wasn’t sure how to explain his lack of response. His phone had been the last thing on his mind, hadn’t checked it once and he felt a bit bad when he hadn’t let Zayn know he’d ditched the gallery or why.

‘’Uh, well I.. Was out with Niall?’’

‘’Why are you saying it like you’re asking me instead of telling me? Where did you go then?’’

‘’To some-‘’ his eyes and voice drifted off when they caught movement at the back. ‘’-Irish pub -‘’ they widened when it was Harry he saw, and his throat felt tight, pitching his sound higher. ‘’-Auld Shille something.’’

His heart sped up when Harry changed direction and came closer, walking with slow steps as he flicked through the samples of colours in his hands. It wasn’t until he was two feet behind Zayn he briefly looked up but did a double take when he noticed Louis.

‘’You’re acting strang-.''

‘’Good morning guys, you doing alright?’’

Zayn whipped around to see Harry smiling, glancing back and forth between him and Louis as he took the final steps and stood beside them. Not able to stop his mind, a range of pictures from the night before danced over his mind, and he could sense how his whole face deepened in colour. It didn’t stop his automatic smile from stretching his face or ease the fondness spewing from his eyes, though, and he slowly nodded as he placed his hands inside his jeans. 

‘’Yeah, all good. You?’’

‘’Couldn’t be better. Well, I would love to stay and chat if I wasn’t in a bit of a hurry so have a beautiful day the both of you.’’

Then Harry continued to where he was headed, and unashamedly Louis’ gaze stayed on his figure until he couldn’t see him anymore and he silently hummed in delight before turning his attention back to Zayn. All he was met with was a dumb stare and a raised brow, sending a chilly flare down his spine.

‘’So what am I-.''

‘’Out with Niall… You’ve become a little better at lying but shit Louis, you did it didn’t you?’’

‘’Did what?’’

‘’Oh you did-‘’ Zayn’s face morphed into a smug expression, and he lightly chuckled as he stepped closer while folding his arms across his chest. ‘’-You so fucked him, Harry I mean.’’

Another flare of heat struck over his face, threatening to melt his skin off and he frantically whipped his head in every direction to see if anyone was near enough to overhear.

‘’Keep your voice down! I didn’t fuck anyone and yes, I was in fact out with Niall!-‘’ he sighed deeply and wiped the previous sweat from his hairline as he readjusted the beanie. ‘’-I went to see him perform there but maybe I perhaps.. you know, wasn’t the only one who went to see him.''

‘’Oh I know, it so painfully written all over your dopey face. And don’t try to lie, if you didn’t fuck him you certainly did something.’’

‘’Leave me alone.’’

Sharing certain happenings with Zayn wasn’t what he felt like doing at work, and he threw his gaze to the ground as he jogged off. He wouldn’t be able to focus for the rest of the day, or week probably if he started describing details of how he’d behaved with Harry at the pub. Sensations of satisfaction still lingered in his nerves, and the simplest thought made him almost vibrate over the floor. 

‘’You there, you’re obviously not doing anything so come here.’’

A strict looking woman stormed towards him and flipped her fingers as she continued to storm past him, not slowing down or the giving the slightest interested in hearing his response. He, however, stumbled over his own feet from the sudden bark and the automatic turn his body took to follow her orders. With quick steps, he trailed her through a busy section of people and into a rather large room where a Hispanic looking man gripped his hair in despair with several naked mannequins scattered. 

‘’They were supposed to be here three days ago! How am I expected to work when I have nothing to work with! This is a disaster; I will never finish in time. Do you people want me to have a psychotic breakdown? I can’t deal with this.’’

‘’Calm down Lorenzo, you’ll have enough time as long as you have materials by today don’t you? So good news, this one-‘’ she whipped her head so fast her red waves of hair didn’t follow after at least three seconds. ‘’-What’s your name?’’

‘’Uh, Loui-‘’

‘’Yes Lou here will be your personal assistant today and fetch you what you need. The materials were delayed but arrived in London this morning, and if you want them today, you’ll have to get them yourself. Otherwise, another day will be wasted waiting for them to be shipped here. So send him to pick them up.’’

‘’Send him to pick it up?-.'' the dark brown eyes of Lorenzo formed into bowling balls as he laughed a bit hysterical. ‘’-How can I send him when he doesn’t even know what exact lengths and type of prints and fabrics I specifically ordered with the fabric company? He needs to double check everything is there and-.''

‘’Then you should start writing. I couldn’t find anyone else who were free, and you need to attend our meeting in an hour so it’s either him or nothing.’’

Forgetting even he was there the two kept arguing with each other and the Lorenzo guy turned more and more loud, practically shrieking as the woman kept telling him to stop whining. Eventually, after Lorenzo had managed to calm slightly more down he spent the remaining hour writing everything he needed and tried explaining what each word meant. Louis, on the other hand, stared blankly ahead while sending a few nods, pretending to understand, and he chuckled a bit hysterical himself when he was told to get moving. With one hand holding the never ending list and with another clutching his phone for dear life he stumbled out of Style, tapping the screen relentlessly to see where he was going. All he’d heard was the name of the company and the static mantra of _'don’t fuck up or I swear I’ll kill someone',_ reminding him to never get on Lorenzo's bad side. 

Since Style was located right down from London Palladium and the fabric company closer to South Lambeth it would take him at least forty minutes just to travel back and forth. How long he would stay there, going over everything he had no idea, but since he barely knew a third of the list, he figured it would be a while and not appreciated well with Lorenzo. He groaned in frustration as he hauled down the first taxi he saw and climbed in with a dissatisfied grim coating his face. He reread the list, and it sent his brows up to his hairline, seeing words he’d never heard before and he felt like he was reading a foreign language. 

With words like silk and satin, he knew the rest had to do with fabrics but when his eyes read woven raffia, blended tweet and Rayon Challis it made his head hurt. What the difference between cotton voile and cotton lawn was he didn’t understand either, so he flipped the list and sunk into his seat with a shaking head. All he could do was put his faith in the people who’d taken the order and hope they had managed to get everything right because he would have no chance at finding a mistake or flaw. A small vibration tickled his thigh, and he fished out his phone to see he’d received a new e-mail on the work-related account he’d been given the day he started. He’d expected a rather frantic mail from Lorenzo since the man seemed to be an absolute perfectionist who preferred to do everything himself, but the name that glowed at the top made him pathetically warm inside. With a quick thumb, he tapped the blue dotted message and rolled his eyes as a quiet chuckle breached his lips. 

_From: H.E. Styles_

_To: L.W. Tomlinson_  


_Have a proposition to run by you but unless you want a third part to know your response, as in the security team who goes through all e-mails inside Style, you should make use of the card._

_Best Regards, Editor in Chief of Style, Harry. E. Styles._

He closed the mail so he could go through his contact list and didn’t stop scrolling until finding the name he’d saved with a twisting stomach. Flinched from the sight he had, deliverable not used it as well, but he’d managed to save the number to his phone, and he shyly smiled as he mentally slapped himself on the shoulder for doing something right. Without nerves for a change he opened a new text and hit send.

_Why didn’t you just text me instead of the dramatic mail when you have everyone’s phone number at Style?_

Within a minute his screen lit up to show he’d received an answer.

_**Well, I wanted to be petty and see if you saved it or not.** _

_Texting during work isn’t too personal then?_

_**I have my brief lunch, so I’m not considering this work.** _

_What if were to forget and send one in an hour?_

_**As long as it doesn’t distract me, it should be fine.** _

_But how will I know what will distract you or not?_

_**I think you’re more than capable of figuring that out.** _

_Sooo.. If I were to, I don’t know, confess I can’t concentrate properly on my work because I can’t stop picturing the way you looked last night, would that be allowed?_

_**Since you’re already distracting me from eating my food, then that would be a no.** _

_Hmm, how about.. I'm still shivering from the way you sounded when you moaned my name out so raspy, that allowed?_

_**Louis.** _

_I’m kidding I’m kidding, probably not, yes absolutely am. Just wanted to make sure where the line was._

_**Totally believe it.** _

_Don’t roll your eyes luv; it doesn’t suit you._

Barely registering how natural it was for him to not only text-flirt with Harry so sudden, but how automatic he typed the word luv he felt his eyes bawl out and he quickly typed  
another to camouflage it as best as he could.

_Proposition you said?_

_**Would you let me cook for you?** _

_As in food?_

_**What else can you cook?** _

_I don’t know, tea? Coffee? Soup? – and no, soup is not food._

_**I would call it make tea or coffee but yes Louis, cook food as in dinner.**_

_Is this an attempt at asking me out?_

_**I thought it was quite obvious but if you want me to spell it?** _

_Yes please, and without the eye roll, a second time thank you._

_**You’re quite something but as you wish. Would you have dinner with me on Saturday?** _

_That’s the best you can do?  
I heard that._

_**Heard what?** _

_The snort you just made but go on, you were saying?_

_**‘SIGH’ Will you ‘CLEARS THROAT’ Louis please just say yes to the fucking dinner I want to make you? ‘SMILES BRIGHTLY’**_

_Geez, thought you were all about honour and shit…_

_**You’re ruining my confidence.** _

_I’m going to take that as a compliment.  
And Harry?_

_**Yes?** _

_I would love to._

_**Do you want me to pick you up?** _

_‘Pick you up’ you mean, fetch Andrew your exclusive white limo and make him get me?_

_**No…**_

_I’m cancelling if you tell me you have one._

_**Of course, I don’t.** _

_Sure._

__**I don’t! … Not in white. But it’s my father’s and I’ve never used it so relax; I wasn’t planning to start this weekend.**

_Yeah.. Just give me your address, since I didn’t memorise it last time, and I’ll manage to find my way. So when do you want me to come?_

_**Always and by my doing?** _

_Look who’s breaking his own rule.  
But I like it, right answer. So 7? 8?_

_**Meet me half, 7:30?** _

_See you then._

If a giddy feeling bounced through his system for the rest of the drive, he was sure he showed it pretty evident with the wide grin stretching from ear to ear. Ever since he crossed the line and joined the dark side, he felt more relaxed and was able to breathe and focus again. It probably should’ve been the opposite considering he’d dived into dangerous territory with his head first, but everything about Harry just seemed so right. Being close to him felt nice, sending friendly-flirtyish text’s felt nice and kissing him felt extremely nice so he used the excuse Zayn had brought up. Harry was just a man, a normal human being and if he wanted attention, then there wasn’t the end of the world if he received it. Feeling problem free for once was almost strange, all he’d done was being an anxious mess but ever since his mind accepted surrender to his heart, he couldn’t sense so much of it. The bad clenches to his stomach drifted over to fluttery pinches, and the awful headaches from arguing so intensely with himself left his head and was shooed away with lovely images of Harry instead. He was feeling better, not just about himself but about the situation as well, once he trusted Harry’s words of doing nothing wrong it became easier to enjoy the moments. Sass and comfortableness returned to his system, and he found it good to be more himself again.

‘’That’ll be 7.80,-.''

The sharp sound of the taxi driver made him blink and tear his gaze away from the window he’d supposedly been staring through. He hadn’t even registered how the car had stopped, and he fumbled with his pockets to find the credit card he knew he had somewhere to pay the man. Once inside the company, after saying where he was from and receiving someone who could help him, he was taken to a large room he presumed was the storage and presented a tonne of fabrics. The pile was half his size, but twice his width and he could just imagine what the weight would do to his poor muscles. With a heavy heart and a deep sigh he unfolded the list and started checking, using depressingly long to locate the types he knew and then staring a bit dumbly at the rest. 

‘’Is everything alright?’’

Forgetting the tiny woman who’d guided him there was still watching he jumped at her voice and twirled around to send a pressed smile.

‘’Yeah, yes all good.’’

Fuck the list and fuck the fashion department, they could suffer for all he cared. Two seconds later he regretted his thoughts when it was Harry’s magazine, and that brilliant man deserved committed employees who did their best, and he rolled his eyes before he found the woman’s glance again.

‘’Actually, could you perhaps read over this list and check if everything is here? You would do me a big favour, and I would be forever grateful.’’

‘’Sure, no problem.’’

Seeing a genuine smile form across her face swept away his pressed, and he relaxed a bit more, glad she was a friendly one who didn’t raise her brows in disbelief over his lack of knowledge. He’d met plenty of those over the last week, and he was tired of constantly being looked down at like he wasn’t worth as much as the rest and didn’t deserve to be treated like a person. Yeah he truly couldn’t say it enough, he more or less despised the fashion department and it was perfectly clear he didn’t belong in it. In the end, he made it back, pretty confident everything was in order and after ruining his muscles with the massive package he ran back to his desk and hid the rest of the day. He’d not received gratitude for his effort, not even bloody thanks and he’d been dismissed the second the placed the package down in front of Lorenzo. Ungrateful little shit was what his mind conjured up but instead of voicing his thoughts, he’d gladly walked away and redirected his focus on himself. 

He was slightly nervous for the upcoming night when he hadn’t met Harry entirely alone after work, and the dinner would be the very first which left him a bit unsure what to expect. Neither had he been to his home, just on his property but he’d never stepped foot inside the main house, and he dreaded to see it. Surely it would be like going inside Buckingham Palace and since he’d never been there either he had no way of preparing what it would be. What he was going to wear or if he should bring something was another issue that poked his nerves, and he loudly groaned as he tapped his forehead against the flat surface of his desk. He caught the sight of Zayn walking around in his side vision, and he felt the need to seek advice but seeing how determined and fast his feet moved it didn’t seem like the man had much time to share. Not too keen on elaborating his earlier … actions with Harry either he kept still in his seat, only watching Zayn move while he counted the seconds that ticked by, bringing him closer and closer to the weekend. 

 

•••••••

 

‘’I don’t mean to be rude, but if you keep sitting in my car, I’m going to have to start the taximeter again.’’

‘’Oh, yeah no, of course, I’ll go.’’

With a small tremble to his hand, he reached for the door handle and pushed it open, feeling the cold wind scrape over his slightly heated face. He’d been staring at Harry’s house ever since the taxi stopped, even as he paid and he hadn’t found the courage to leave the safety of the car. It was intimidating, too vast and wealthy looking and just knowing who waited inside made his insides twist and turn unpleasantly. 

‘’Don’t forget your-.''

‘’Got it.’’

He grabbed the wine he’d brought, since apparently it was a common gift people gave when they were invited to dinner, and slowly rose out of the open door. His fingers clutched the neck of the bottle, and he took a deep breath before forcing his feet to move closer, not liking the thought of Harry casually looking outside one of his million windows to see him standing like a petrified chicken. He wasn’t sure why he felt so nervous all of a sudden; they had pretty much skipped the whole wine and dine deal and went directly to the physical part so a casual dinner shouldn’t be so frightening. Except it was, and the bubbles of nerves bounced a little harder the closer his feet brought him. Because a dinner, not to mention a private dinner Harry cooked himself in his personal home meant something. It was intimate and bore the silent whisper of touching the more serious path and yes, it was delightful and yet so fucking intimidating. 

As he looked up, he felt like the house was about to swallow him and his feet automatically slowed down to the point where he was dragging his white converse over the dirty road. With the deep purple, almost reddish-purple if he took a second look, patterned bricks the house looked a bit dark but surprisingly beautiful instead of the freaky way he’d used to think of the style before. He hadn’t seen too many Victorian houses in his lifetime, but once he saw those distinct slate roofs and the high tower on the right with stained glass, it wasn’t difficult to remember the essence they had given him earlier. Powerful, dark and a bit gothic. Something he hadn’t liked about houses, they should be inviting and peaceful, but as he stared at the sight and all the carved ornament in gold, it settled as disturbingly astonishing and daunting at the same time. It was impressive; he couldn’t lie, and he had a feeling he accepted the house and found it beautiful because of the man who lived inside it. 

He reached the stairs first, the endless ones which led him up to the big wraparound porch where he walked through a circled entrance of some sort. It almost felt like he’d entered a dimensional portal when the roof over his head and the four tall columns on each side blocked the sight of his presence from any peering eye.  
With a slightly wetter palm which he nervously slid down his thigh a couple of times, he reached the wooden door and knocked beside the colourful glass. The echo through his ears sent his shoulders flinching, and his grip around the wine tightened a bit more, not wanting the bottle to slip and fall to the ground where it would ruin the luxurious porch. His heart had stayed strangely calm, but once he saw a shadow coming closer through the glass, it stopped altogether before it picked up speed and raced like mad. 

‘’It’s just Harry, calm down calm down calm down.’’

He kept whispering his chant until the door opened and revealed a sight that would forever stay with him and he could feel how his face melted into fondness. A large headband was wrapped around Harry’s head, keeping the curls from falling over his forehead, and traces of flour decorated his cheeks and nose. The man even wore a blue polka dotted apron with images of several cupcakes dancing over his chest and the vision stole a bark from Louis’ mouth.

‘’What, you’ve never seen a man in an apron before?’’

A warm smile brought out Harry’s dimples, and he melted a bit more, too charmed to care how he probably looked lovestruck. 

‘’Can’t say I’ve seen anyone pull off something like that so well.’’

‘’Well thank you, want to come inside?’’

‘’Yea- oh here-‘’ he remembered the wine in his hand and held it out for Harry to take as a small flush warmed his cheeks. ‘’-I uh, bought this. Had the impression it’s standard politeness to bring one to the host. The kind lady at the liquor store highly recommended it, and I figured it was better to trust her expertise over mine.’’

‘’Oh you shouldn’t have, thoughtful of you, though.’’

Harry held the door wide open as he accepted the wine with his free hand and gestured for Louis to step inside. Once he breached the doorstep, a pleasant smell eased up his nose, and a low growl erupted from his stomach. The sound didn’t go unnoticed by Harry, and the tiniest chuckle left his mouth as he showed the way. Just as he'd expected the inside was worse than the outside and the fact that he was merely standing in the in the hallway made his stomach pinch. With warm beige walls that stretched forever, he had a feeling he would walk around with a gaping mouth, not even remotely able to hide his shock or widened eyes. He took notice in the curved stairway that used up half the room and barely made space to the thin radiator cover that held some pictures and two decorative branches in a vase. As he followed Harry, he caught a sight of his reflection in the wide mirror hanging above it and grimaced over how stunned he looked. It wasn’t like he’d never seen a luxurious home before, he wasn’t some poor man living on the street or anything, but he just wasn’t used to surrounding himself in such affluence. 

‘’Had a nice day at work?’’

He couldn’t even begin to form words as he walked further and the right corner of his eye took in the room they were passing. Automatically his neck turned but once it did he wished it hadn’t. It was huge. Not just huge, it was enormous and what he’d feared, happened; the muscles in his jaw vanished, and he could sense how far it fell, scraping the floor as his eyed boggled from his head. A large fireplace made out of stone at the furthest corner drew his attention first, and the gentle flicker of flames spread so far he could almost feel the mild warmth stroke his skin. It was stunning and stretched to the roof, stone after stone climbing its way up, and the mantelpiece cutting over the half was as carved and delicate as the ornament on the outside of the house. Inside they were pale instead of gold, almost stepping over to grey and it carried two, he would guess Greek, sculptures on the sides. He stared, then he stared again and then he stared some more. Pupils glued to the sight and he simply couldn’t tear his eyes away from it, not until a gentle hand slid over his shoulder to remind him he wasn’t focusing right. 

‘’You alright?’’

He flipped so quickly Harry’s hand followed the motion and curved behind his back, pulling him into the embrace and he squeaked lightly at the sudden closeness.

‘’You’re so fucking filthy rich; my eyes are bleeding.’’

The sweetest hum ghosted over his face as Harry dropped his head down to hide the amusement settling into his features. He shook his head in a light matter while the hand on Louis’ neck shifted and trailed a thumb over his jaw. 

‘’Would you believe me if I say I don't care too much about all of this, didn’t buy the house for the house itself?’’

‘’Then why did you?’’

Unknowingly he stepped a bit closer, wanting to feel the heat from Harry’s body instead of the fireplace and he tilted his head to the side to connect their gazes. 

‘’I fell in love with the view and the privacy of the property, so if I wanted it, I had to buy it. The house was already here so it wasn’t much to do really. Don’t get me wrong; it’s beautiful, but if it were up to me I wouldn’t have bought it if it were located anywhere else.’’

‘’I can believe that. You’ve never really struck me as the snobby shallow kind of guy, even with your fancy clothes and fancy house.’’

He drew a half smile as Harry’s shoulders bounced with another silent laugh but before he could join in Harry slowly tipped his chin up and planted a soft touch to the corner of his mouth. It could barely be felt, but the action went straight to his already melting heart and his eyes fluttered shut while the rest of him softened. As quick as it happened it was over, and he almost whined when Harry let go and removed his lips.

‘’You look lovely, and I’m glad you came.’’

His lashes dragged open, and the picture of loveliness was all he could see as Harry’s dimples shone on his face, begging him to reach out and make the image stay. 

‘’Wouldn’t have missed it.’’

‘’Make yourself at home, I’ll just check on the food, and I’ll be right back.’’

Then Harry wandered off and left him to take in the rest of the living slash dining room, pinching his stomach as before, but he managed to keep his jaw locked. A dark grey couch curved around the fireplace, and the fabric was soft under his touch as he let his fingers glide over the back. The image of Harry sitting there, reading a book or going through work related papers danced over his mind and caused the corner of his lips to twitch. It was a lovely picture, and he liked the idea of Harry simply enjoying the fire in peace, relaxing to the faint sound of wood burning. As he explored the room he could better understand what Harry had meant, there wasn’t too much detail to the place, not as much as he’d expected and it gave the impression of someone not spending too much time decorating. There was the usual large bookcase every expensive home probably had, filled with books and figures; a few shelves hung on the walls along with a couple of paintings and some sideboards which held other types of sculptures, glass and plates. That was the thing; the room wasn’t drowning in endless nonsense and photos of his life. Instead, it seemed a bit shallow for how big it was. The previous image of Harry sitting on the couch fainted as he took a second look, gaining the impression it wasn’t used much at all. 

With a small frown forming his brows he walked through the wide arched jamb that led him to the dining area and his frown deepened. Where he’d expected to see a table large enough to fit at least twelve people a smaller oval table with four chairs met his sight. The material was dark while the chairs had a soft, creamy colour but they shone a bit warmer from the sunset peeking through the window. The most eye-catching part was, in fact, the window, it was as wide as the room and hung a bit out of the house so the windowsill was deep enough for him to sit in. With a light shade of grey painting the thin curtains, they let the beams from the sun stream in and it brought at least some life to the room. He wasn’t disappointed, but a wave of something close to sadness brushed over him as he continued to glance around. The house was still outstanding, but he had a certain feeling that was all to it. There weren't many concrete indications Harry lived there, no evidence of his life lingered the walls and no traces of his taste filled the furniture he’d seen. It all came off as a bit empty, and he didn’t quite like the thought of Harry being swallowed by the space. Even the small plant and the few candlesticks placed in the windowsill seemed sterile, as if it had been bought just for show and randomly picked instead of Harry putting a bit of his soul in the details. It wasn’t what he would call a living home, just a gorgeous portrait of a house. Having a hectic job probably didn’t give him time to focus on his interior and honestly, who was he to speak, his own place barely consisted of anything. Still, even his shitty little flat seemed to have more essence of life to it than Harry’s mega mansion had. Eventually, Harry came back with full hands, one apron and a headband less, and a clean face as he showed the food was ready before placing it all down on the oval table. The sight made him smile, and he tiptoed closer to inspect the delicious meal that had arrived, taking a long sniff and sighing lightly.

‘’You seem relieved.’’

The small twitch to Harry’s mouth didn’t go unnoticed, and Louis shrugged his shoulder as he let a chuckle breach his lips.

‘’I was a bit afraid you would serve something I wouldn’t recognise but this-‘’ with his index he pointed at the bowl of meat at the centre. ‘’-is my kind of food. I love everything spicy, and if the fajitas taste as good as it smells, I’ll probably eat until my stomach ruptures. Did you actually make the wheat tortilla yourself, that why you had flour covering half your face?’’

His grin widened to the point where it hurt when Harry’s cheeks turned a tad pinker when eyes rolled, being a bit bashful as he shrugged his shoulder casually.

‘’It looks amazing.’’

 

•••••••

 

‘’So how come your mother decided to move to New York?’’

‘’Ah, well she’s always been fond of travelling and a few years back, after she and my father divorced, she wanted to get away and spent about two months or so going through the big US by herself. I don’t know all the details but somewhere along the way she met a man, Owen, and was swept off her feet I suppose. I think it was in San Francisco and instead of continuing her journey she cancelled all her plans and spent the remaining time there. One thing led to another, and six short months later she announced she was moving overseas to be with him and going through with their plans of opening a small boutique in the big apple. I thought it was insane when she gave up everything she had back here for a man she hadn’t known very long and had no idea what it would be working together, but after I eventually met him and saw them together it just.. made sense. There was something real there, and she glowed with more life than I’ve ever seen and she was just so genuinely happy, still is and I admire her for taking such a risk.’’

‘’She the reason you decided to follow the same steps, by taking risks I mean?’’

‘’Could very well be, she proved it can pay off in positive ways and by taking chances, you can achieve the extraordinary and be rewarded in pleasant ways. I think seeing her drop the restriction and fear for the unknown, doing something for herself for a change which gave her a bit of youth back made me realise life isn't just about succeeding through work. Which is exactly what my father has drilled into my brain from day one and it relieved me in a way, it made me see and do things differently with my own life.’’

He found himself nodding in agreement as his fingers closed around the wineglass and he glided it over his lips to take another sip. The food had been better than he’d hoped for and his stomach was full enough to last him the rest of the week. He’d shared charming and amusing words with Harry, laughed with his mouth full which brought him a bit of embarrassment when food dripped down his chin, and pretty much appreciated the evening so far. The wine he’d brought had turned out to be rather tasteful as well and once the first glass had disappeared it became easier to let his shoulders down and enjoy the setting. 

‘’I feel we’ve talked awfully much about me and my life, won’t you share something about yourself I don’t know?’’

‘’What should that be, my favourite colour? There's really nothing special about my journey that's worth knowing. All I have to tell is my big scandalous story, and that’s, unfortunately, something most people already know about.’’

A laugh less chuckle forced its way out to lessen the depressive realisation he hadn’t done much to decorate his life plate with and the worst of his moments was the one everybody knew. 

‘’I would love to know your favourite colour, every favourite you have really-.’’ Harry kindly smiled as he took a sip of his glass. ‘’-Tell me about your family then? You have any siblings, where did you grow up?’’

‘’It’s red, a bit on the darker side-‘’ He shrugged casually and shifted in his seat. ‘’- An only child so no siblings I could torment as a kid and instead bugged the shit out of my neighbours, which was in Leeds before I relocated down here to London. I miss it, though, the old place and I miss the smell our house always carried along with the safety my mum provided. Haven’t been back in a while, and it seems like forever since I saw both of their faces-‘’ he was trailing a bit off topic and instead of chasing away the good mood he shook his head and found Harry’s gaze with a glint in his eye. ‘’-I do have something stupid to share about my childhood, tough, besides soccer, and you're allowed to laugh because it sounds weird. It’s ridiculous really, and people must’ve thought I was high or a bit looney in the head, probably looked as such. Anyway, I’ve always been a fan of skating, but my mum misunderstood and thought I referred to roller-skates instead of the skateboard. So one Christmas she gave me a pair, and she looked so proud of herself I didn’t have the heart to tell her it was a bit of the wrong type. I wasn’t disappointed or anything; I just didn’t find it as appealing as the skateboard, but nevertheless I appreciated the gift and spent the next summer’s rolling around everywhere. Since I got easily bored, I figured, why not do something out of the ordinary standard? So I used to ‘borrow’ the CD player we had in our living room, stuffed it inside one of my backpacks and cut out little holes where the speakers where-’’ he snorted at his memory and amusedly rolled his eyes. ‘’-Chose a new CD each time and since I had a pretty good balance, I created these awful dances to go with whatever my mum had in her collection. There I was, clutching the straps of my backpack while stroll-dancing through the neighbourhood in my own little world, blasting fucking Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, Madonna and whatnot while bopping my head to the rhythm. It was perfectly possible when the player was able to run on batteries and wasn’t of the biggest kind but Jesus, I must’ve looked so spaced. Was fun, though, for a while.’’

The widest grin split Harry’s face in half, and his dimples went so deep Louis had no trouble he could hide in them. It caused him to grin back as he let his head fall and he shook it in disbelief, not understanding the power Harry’s smile had over him.

‘’You must’ve been quite the sight, such a creative, adorable mind you had and still have. I probably would’ve joined you, well not the roller-skate part with my clumsy feet, but the music part. I used to spend my days playing the guitar and humming a few words in the Park, for several years so had I seen a younger you dancing around my voice would’ve sung along I’m sure.’’

A loud bark left Louis as he pictured the vision, his shitty pimpled fourteen-year-old self-twirling around a just turned legal Harry with a guitar and stunning looks. They would’ve been an interesting vision alright. 

‘’The fucking dream team. But, can I ask something personal?’’

‘’Shoot.’’

‘’I remember you said your father didn’t approve of a career in music but what was his reason to think so little of your passion?’’

‘’He didn’t believe I could make it so, in other words, he didn’t believe in me. He’s never approved of careers involving music, acting, dancing, the ones that are uncertain to achieve success even though you have talent and work your hardest. But his biggest reason was to make sure I didn’t fall into the inappropriate and unacceptable rock star category where I could humiliate him, as he indiscreetly said.’’

‘’What does that mean?’’

‘’It means he wouldn’t allow his son to be involved and known for scandals relating to drugs and sex. I assume his biggest fear was to see my face, which would be linked to his name, covering the front page of the news with another man and it probably still is. Having me placed in school and then behind a desk writing erased that problem. I can’t say I’m sure it never would’ve happened to me, I’ve seen one famous after the other succumb to the pressure, unable to handle it and eventually ruined their life. But he judged me before I had the chance to see if I could even make it as a singer and he didn’t trust me to take the right choices. All I wanted was to create music. I know he loves me, or at least tries to in his own way, but ever since he learned I was interested in men he picked up a different behaviour. He pretends he’s accepted my 'lifestyle' as he dares to call it but with his ‘forgetful mind’ and regular comments about finding a wife to give him some grandchildren proves he hasn’t, not sincerely.''

‘’Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. I didn’t mean to pry-.''

‘’No it’s fine, I don’t mind talking about it. Unlike him I’ve never been ashamed of who I am and my mum has done nothing but support me, but I won’t lie, it took me years to rise above my father and his opinion. He’s always been a big powerful man people either looked up to or feared and I guess I was somewhere in the middle back then, not able to stand my ground and go my own way. I was terrified of disappointing him when he constantly told me I had to impress and prove my abilities so he would allow me to follow in his steps. Even though I didn't necessarily want to but my confidence eventually grew back and bigger, and I stopped worrying what he would think or say. He probably thought he'd succeeded in turning me into him, but couldn’t have been more wrong and I think he finally realised when I started running the magazine my way. Half of the things I've done has not been taken lightly, but I assume he lets me continue my position when the numbers keep climbing. Even though he might disagree he can see what I'm doing is working.’’

‘’Why shouldn't he, you're a brilliant editor in chief, and he'd be a fucking idiot to throw away your talent and insightful mind. It's beyond relieving to hear you don't listen much to what he says, though, because your father does not like me very much. Or at all.’’

The glass he’d finished during Harry’s speech twirled between his fingers, but they stopped moving when he realised what he’d said and how Harry’s face slowly presented a crooked expression and a raised brow. 

‘’Well thank you for your compliment but tell me, how would you know what my father thinks of you? I can't seem to recall you've met him more than once?’’

‘’Uh..‘’

Harry’s grin grew wider as he folded his arms across his chest and leant a bit closer over the table. 

‘’Have you been sneaking around eavesdropping Louis?’’

‘’No…..-‘’ His eyes grew wide with fake innocence and a flush to his cheeks bloomed as Harry’s shoulders vibrated with suppressed laughter. ‘’-Okay fine. Yes, I overheard you and Ashely talking in the hallway a while back, the day I practically assaulted you in the elevator, but I didn’t mean to. It’s not my fault her voice is so loud and carries word well…’’

‘’At least you’re as honest as always-.'' Then Harry couldn’t hold the laughter in, and it spilt from his lips as he blinked a bit fondly. ‘’-I had a strong feeling you heard me that day, didn’t have many other explanations as to why you stared at me like I hung the moon. And well, what caused the bold act you took right after.’’

‘’Jesus, will you stop letting me know how fucking obvious I’ve been. My ego can’t handle the blows of embarrassment you torture it with.’’

He was about to hide his face into his palms, but Harry moved too quickly and smoothly grabbed one of his hands, stopping the movement and trailed a slow thumb over his knuckles.

‘’It’s not like you’ve walked around with a giant billboard announcing your thoughts but I’ve noticed whenever you’re profoundly affected, either deeply moved or hurt you struggle to control what you feel, and the emotions in your eyes breaks through the composed expression you usually wear.’’

‘’Oh boy, is there more wine?’’

A breathy chuckle pinched with a hint of hysteria bubbled up his throat, and he bounced his eyes around to locate the bottle. The light pressure of Harry's hand felt comforting, though, and he had a suspicion it was the reason he was able to sit still. He liked the feeling of Harry's skin on his, and the gesture was sweet. As soon as he saw the wine, Harry removed his hand and curled it around the neck to pick it up before filling the empty glass.

''You're such a genuine decent person from what I've experienced, and you haven't even tried to be one, it just comes naturally for you. How can I not look at you like you hung the moon? Especially when you describe me as this wonderful star you're honoured to have as an employee, and the way you keep treating me. Sometimes I struggle to believe you're real.'' 

The touch of embarrassment from the honesty he chose to share sent heat waves through his body but the familiar awkward tension never approached, and he couldn't stop his mouth from shyly curving.

''I am honoured, you have a great talent and from what I've experienced you are a wonderful, fascinating riddle I can't seem to solve. But I'd like to try if you allow me to.''

The heat escalated, and he imagined he could hear his clothes searing, two seconds away from bursting into flames and share the same colour his face had adapted. He wasn't used to being so strongly affected by another person, and it seemed everything Harry did or said caused him a minor heart attack and a temporarily malfunctioned brain. The more he experienced it, though, the more he got used to it and found it rather amusing when he saw how fond it made Harry. 

The evening drifted away while words and experiences were shared, he didn’t have control of the time and fishing out his phone to check didn’t reach his mind once. He was enjoying Harry’s presence and their conversation, which rapidly changed between serious topics and more random ones. They continued to talk about pretty much everything, and the laughter hung loosely between them, even with Harry's dry sense of humour and it forced his stomach to cramp up from how much his muscles tightened. The nerve-racking sensation he’d sensed when he’d arrived had drifted into a lovely comfortable atmosphere and being in Harry’s company made him feel light and calm. It was a tad unfamiliar, but it worked, being there just worked and the longer he stayed, the less he wanted to leave. 

 

•••••••

 

‘’I can’t understand why you wouldn’t sit here and relax all night long.’’

After being declined his weak attempt at helping with clearing the table his feet had brought him back to the inviting fireplace Harry had kept alive during the evening. Since the sunset had left long ago visible shadows which the fire threw over the floor had lulled him closer. The flames curled and flickered, gracefully danced around and made pleasant crackling sounds as they burned the dry wood. It was beautiful, and he’d leant his upper body down onto the couch as he kept watching with hypnotising joy and savoured the sensations. 

‘’I try, it’s probably my favourite place beside my bed, but I happen to enjoy sleeping more than watching the fire so my free time is usually spent there, soaking up energy.’’

Then another warmth trailed over his skin, and he flicked his eyes to see Harry walking past to take a seat, gently easing down and resting his back. For the tiniest moment his muscles started to move, since trailing his fingers over Harry’s shoulders and placing his head in the crook of his neck felt perfectly natural, but then he remembered they weren’t quite there. Or perhaps they were after what they had already shared; he wasn’t sure, though, and the little flare of uncertainty made him stay in his place. There was a slight tension building up, not in a bad way and he didn’t feel uncomfortable, but there was a thought of expectations at what should happen next hanging in the air, and he wondered if Harry felt it as well. 

‘’Do you want another glass of wine or something else to drink?’’

With his tender tone as usual and the relaxed way he tipped his head to the side, Harry’s gentle eyes gave away no evidence of indecent thoughts or suggestions. It made the tip of Louis’ ears burn along with the fire, and he figured he was probably the only one with his mind in the gutter after all.

‘’Wine please, but can you point me in the direction of your bathroom before you wander off?’’

‘’It’s at the end-‘’ With a lazy finger Harry pointed through the doorframe and further down the hall. ‘’-just go straight forward and you’ll reach it.’’

A quick nod was sent as he straightened up and slowly cat-walked away, focusing on putting one foot in front of the other as engaging as possible and he smiled a bit stupidly to himself when he had a feeling Harry was watching. His mind had already reached that side of the road so testing the reaction it could bring was too tempting. The moment he reached the door and pushed it open his poor indecent mind doubled its capacity and all kinds of inviting images danced over. He’d always appreciated some fun in bathrooms, the good ones at least, where the floor was warm, mirrors to see several angles and having hot water rub his skin along was never wrong. From the large oval shower at his right, which could fit a king size bed, and the deep bathtub which had fucking stairs to get inside, at the end of the soccer field room he had no problem visioning a string of fun activities. There was a section in the shower where it was room enough to sit, even lay down and the slim glass door he eventually noticed showed the entrance to a bloody sauna. An unfamiliar place he hadn’t spent much time inside and all the possibilities bombarded his head with another round of inappropriate pictures. 

He shook his head and closed his dribbling mouth as he jogged over to the dark wooden cabinet to splash some water on his face, decreasing the searing prickle he noticed clawed over his skin. A sigh left his lips as he rested the weight of his body on the countertop, feeling how the smooth granite was cold against his sweaty palms. Too easy to rile up was what he was and he chuckled at himself, not sure if he should try to regain composure or just drag Harry inside and go wild. The second option was depressingly tempting and sent a shudder down his back. With another dab of water to his cheeks, he glanced at his reflection in the wide mirror and fumbled a bit with his hair before doing what he came there for. As soon as he returned to the living room, he saw Harry staring a bit thoughtful into the fire, and the same flush from his bathroom experience surrounded him. The man was a vision of beauty and with his more casual outfit he looked younger, tight jeans and a plain black t-shirt made him seem relaxed and comfortable, and his eyes smiled as they wandered over to Louis. With the same effort to his movement as before, Louis stepped closer and picked up the waiting glass positioned on the small table.

‘’You’re doing that on purpose; no one has that kind of natural sway to their hips when they walk. Not even you, I would’ve noticed.’’

‘’And how would you know that Harry, have you been repeatedly staring at my bum?’’

Using the same mocked tone Harry had done earlier he smirked and took a sip of his wine, never breaking eye contact and his lips widened when Harry tilted his head and let a shy smile cover his mouth. 

‘’Well, it’s an impressive bum.’’

‘’Right answer-‘’ He sat the wine back down and stepped closer, slightly spreading Harry’s legs with his knee while keeping the intense eye contact. ''-Which you-'' with slow movements he dropped down to plant his right one beside Harry's hip. ‘’-always seem to have.’’ Then placed the other on the opposite side and slowly but surely sat down to grip the back of the couch so he was two inches from Harry’s face.

‘’I’m getting the feeling you favour this position.’’

Familiar hands stroked over his thighs in a pleasant way, reminding his stomach to clench and he almost hummed when large palms settled at his hips. 

‘’I do, it makes me taller than you.-‘’ he closed the distance to leave a faint kiss at the corner of Harry’s mouth and slowly trailed down his jaw. ‘’-and you know, you have a comfortable lap.’’

A low chuckle reached his ears but was sucked in when his mouth moved to the spot under Harry’s ear and left a small mark. The effect he had on Harry pleased him, and he smirked as he went back to his mouth. The wine still lingered, and he tasted it stronger when Harry parted his lips and let him in, moving in a slow rhythm. Fingers left the couch and sneaked up the back of Harry’s neck and sank into the curls that had finally grown a tad over his shoulders again. He pushed himself closer, pressing their chests together and as the kiss deepened his hips rolled automatically when large hands cupped his bum. Puffs of breath mixed with kisses and the previous heat spread through his body, dulling his mind and letting arousal take place. It was addicting, and when Harry’s lips wandered to place tempting touched and soft nibbles over his collarbones, he let a shaky sigh leave.

‘’I didn’t wine and dine you to get this reaction, but I’d lie if I say I don’t enjoy it.’’

‘’Blame your bad jokes that strangely made me laugh and your bathroom.’’

A light shake vibrated them both, and the grip on his bum tightened.

‘’My bathroom?’’

‘’yeah-‘’ eyes closed as he hummed and he let his head fall back a bit to give Harry more access. ‘’-it’s a fucking sex dungeon, have to see the inside of that sauna someday.’’

Soft fingers sneaked under his sweater and gently rubbed over the dimples at his back, loosening every bit of tension that had settled during the week. A sharp inhale went up his nose at the sense of teeth sinking into his neck to pull blood to the surface, creating a mark strong enough it would last for days. Breathing turned heavier between them and the clench in his stomach deepened as if he was riding a rollercoaster. He wanted Harry; lately he always did and with precise movements, he gripped the back of Harry’s head and yanked the long locks while he took the control back. The muscles in his jaw worked fast as he hungrily attached himself back to his mouth, greedily taking what he craved and from how firmly his hips rotated, he believed Harry understood. A low growl grew in Harry’s throat, and his mouth gave back with eager, fuming the nerves in Louis’ body and he purred in contentment. He found the hem of the t-shirt Harry wore and slowly slid it upwards, giving enough time to be stopped but when he reached ribs, two arms automatically lifted for him to continue. With a quick break, they parted so he could remove the clothing altogether and his eyes trailed over toned muscles. 

‘’Why would you hide all of this under obnoxiously expensive suits, you should go topless. Or simply naked-.’’ The tip of his index carefully danced down Harry’s chest, following the outer lines of his butterfly before he dragged a flat palm back up. ‘’-especially when you have these to show.‘’ His mouth found one of the tattooed swallows and left a tender kiss. 

As he leant a bit back, his side vision caught the sight of more familiar ink, and he flicked his eyes over to a left arm partly covered in black. A beautiful rose was seen growing over his upper arm, reaching up to his elbow where an impressive ship followed after. A tad above the wrist an anchor came to life, strong looking, and as he moved his gaze to the opposite side a majestic eagle decorated the inside of the right arm. With a light shake of his head, he smiled in amusement. 

‘’I didn’t even know you had any until last week, and here you are, with even more black colouring your skin. They are stunning.’’

‘’With the amount I saw on you earlier I take it you approve of my markings, and since you seem very fascinated tonight I’ll let you know I have another you haven’t seen yet.’’

Eyes dark with lust met his sight and the small tilt to Harry’s lips sent new thrills up his back, and he cocked a brow as he trailed his fingers further.

‘’yeah? Might I find it-‘’ fingers hooked inside the belt loops on Harry’s jeans and he tugged them lightly. ‘’-down here?’’

‘’Perhaps.’’

It was the last word spoken of tattoos as Harry bent forward and reattached them again, sliding softly and nibbling lightly at his bottom lip. All thoughts about tattoos washed away as he felt eager hands copying his movements and pulled his sweater upwards, exposing his flushed skin. Being impatient with Harry's agonising pace, he took action into his own hands and flipped the garment off, feeling a loss of contact before skin met skin. Hands examined, and he quietly groaned when he could sense how Harry grew underneath, and he grinded his hips harder. 

''Do that again and I won't hesitate to put you on the floor, unbothered you might find the surface too hard.''

As a reply to the alluring threat, he used his body to form the number eight over Harry's lap and dragged his bottom lip between his teeth. In a swift motion, he felt himself flying when Harry shot from his seat to lay them down on the floor and crawled between his legs on steady knees. He let go of the broad shoulders and steadied his weight on his elbows as he leant back when Harry kissed down his throat. His head fell the same way when soft lips continued over his collarbones and stopped to pay attention to his chest.

‘’Ah, fuck.’’

‘’You are too tempting luv.’’

He arched when Harry moved to caress his other nub while warm palms slid up his thighs, playing its way in a teasing matter. Harry kept touching him right, and the most unfamiliar sounds left his mouth while the muscles in his arms throbbed from holding his weight up. Everything felt too tight below his waist, and he ached to be set free, relieve the pressure and experience what it truly felt to receive Harry’s pleasure. Their last encounter was sloppy and messy, desperate needs for release and it had happened too fast. What Harry was currently doing was taunting, going slow and edging him on to see how long it would take before he was a writhing mess under his touch. He was too needy to be bothered over the hard floor, and the cool wooden tiles felt nice against his boiling skin. The tip of a nose tickled the slight curve of his stomach and once Harry took pity and popped the button of his jeans he couldn’t keep his muscles going. They shook and buckled away, sending the rest of him down and he closed his eyes as a moan broke free. Impatience was his weakness, and he puffed in frustration when Harry removed his jeans as if he was peeling off the plastic from a new phone, prolonging the fascination. It drew a chuckle from the nuisance itself but before he could start begging the jeans suddenly vanished and he choked on another moan. He was laid almost bare in front of his boss; only tight briefs shielded him from being completely naked, but the evidence of his arousal was crucially visible. For once it didn’t give him anything besides anticipation, and he buckled his hips along with his curved back when Harry left gentle bites over his inner thigh. The heat from the fire and the heat pooling in his abdomen made him feeling feverish as his vision blurred and sweat broke his skin when Harry touched him where he needed it the most.

‘’You make such glorious sounds, just like a finely tuned instrument.’’

The vibration in Harry’s throat prickled over his nerves, and a new string of the voices he hadn’t been aware he'd made filled the room when the tightness finally lessened as his briefs disappeared. He could feel how Harry's breath gently stroked over him when he continued to brush soft lips over his pelvis and up his tummy as his hand worked. Muscles tightened with each stroke and toes curled at the blissful bubbled he'd entered. The drum in his chest expanded and pummelled the moment wetness closed around him, and he heaved for breath when he hadn’t prepared for the strike of satisfaction that dawned on him. Flat palms landed on his hips to keep him steady when he started thrashing around and made it easier for Harry to wreck him further. Automatically a hand reached soft hair, and he yanked it a bit harshly when Harry decided to destroy him by taking all of him in, leaving no distance between his nose and his body. Tiny black dots coloured his vision, and when he didn't lessen his tight grip on Harry's locks, nails dug into his hipbone and sent more thrill up his spine.

‘’Jesus fuck.’’

‘’Don’t worry about warning me.’’

Fists clenched, jaw locked and his brows furrowed as he filthily moaned while Harry kept bobbing his head in a perfect rhythm. As his intakes turned more erratically, the speed picked up and when Harry encircled the rest of his parts while scraping teeth along the vein, his deep sounds transformed into one long, high-pitched cry. He reached his bliss; legs quaked and the rest of his body tightened as Harry easily swallowed him down and prolonged the pleasure to his system. His body felt dead to the world, and he stared at the ceiling with a blown expression as his chest kept bouncing from his rapid heartbeats. Sweat trailed over his hairline and down his back as he tried to return to planet earth where he'd experienced by far the best night of his previous years. A warm weight landed over his body when Harry climbed back up, placing more caresses along the way until reaching his lips and leaving a faint taste of himself. Two elbows locked his head in as Harry let his chest down, kissing him passionately and stealing the last of his sanity. Everything was overwhelming, the realisation of having Harry so close and being able to have the intimacy felt too unreal, too exhilarating and he couldn't help wondering if it was all an evil illusion.

''It's not, but trust me I'm thinking the same. I'll take the compliment, though.''

Too out of it to even comprehend his mouth had voiced his thoughts out loud was evidence enough how he'd entered a euphoric state after a satisfied blow. A light chuckle tickled its way out when his mind finally eased to life, and he cupped Harry's neck to have his addictive lips back on his. It didn't take him long to notice the hardness pushing into his stomach, and once he heard a groan escape Harry, he found his strength to flip them around. With nothing but time they spent the rest of the night exploring each other, taking notice what the other liked and learned new sounds to voice. The taste of Harry settled and he wickedly smiled when he made Harry beg for it, completely whining and begging under his touch and the vision would follow him to his grave. The fun went on and after receiving his second orgasm, his body morphed into pudding, useless and uncooperative while his mind couldn't even remember his own name. His surroundings drifted away, and all he could sense was the scolding heat Harry left him with.

 

•••••••

 

An intense beam of bright light pulled him out of his unconscious, and he scrunched his brows in annoyance when he didn't want to leave the refreshing sleep that was slowly being taken away from him. He buried his head further into the soft skin he felt against his cheek and hummed in delight at the cloud-like surface his side laid on. Feathers as smooth as silk covered the rest of his body and he snuggled the fabric closer, feeling too comfortable and content until his mind replayed the realisation of soft skin against his cheek. He forced one of his eyes open and was met with the sight of a sleeping Harry pressed at his side; a loose arm curled around his back and a sweet, relaxed expression colouring his features. It made him fondly smile, and he took the opportunity to stare, taking in every little detail of his face, and he could feel how his cheeks blossomed when the thought of where it had been during the night. Right there he realised just how gone he was for the man, and it caused his stomach to flip and twist uncontrollably. Just like Harry's mother, he'd been swept off his feet without seeing it coming, or at least avoided seeing it, and it left him a bit breathless. 

''You know I can feel you staring at me.''

A raspy voice filled with sleep shook through his nerves, and when Harry stretched his limbs and curled around him even closer, it made his body jump in surprise. Two green eyes blinked open, and he gave up, the sight was too adorable, and it forced affection to bleed from his eyes as a wide grin formed.

''Since I hadn't expected to wake up to this pretty view I can't be blamed for observing it.''

A groggy laugh left Harry as he rolled his eyes and let his fingers tickle over Louis' waist, which let him see the immediate effect it caused and a wicked expression spread across his face when Louis squealed. 

''Don't you dare.'' 

''Are you saying you're ticklish luv? I don't remember learning this knowledge during last night.''

''Well last night I was occupied with a slightly different kind of sensation so excuse me for not informing you I'm ticklish enough to piss myself.''

''Oh so muc-.''

Before Harry could finish his sentence, a distinct sound of a door being slammed shut reached their ears and cut him off, sending Louis' eyes wide and he scrambled up into a sitting position. The faint possibility of Harry's father walking in on them made his blood run cold, and he frantically whipped his head around to locate any piece of clothing he could hide in. As if Harry could hear his thoughts or read them on his strained face, he laid a comforting hand on his shoulder.

''Don't worry, he never shows up on his free time.''

''Then who is it?''

''Haaaaz, you home?''

The slight relief Harry's reassurance had brought him fled his system the moment he heard his sister's voice screaming through the walls.

''She won't mind you know, but if you don't want her to know I won't tell her.''

''I have a strong feeling it's a bit late for that when you look like that, and I'm very much still here, under the same roof as her.''

When confusion dawned on Harry's face, he shook his head in disbelief and tapped his neck, indicating there was too much evidence there to play it off as anything else. Flaming red-purple bruises decorated Harry's throat and collarbones, and he had the impression he had the same markings colouring his skin. It made a bark leave his mouth, and he unashamedly didn't bother his teenage acts when it was proof he'd been so close to Harry. Footsteps turned louder and unwilling to see Ashley's face when she discovered her mauled brother he rushed out of the bed and grabbed the pile of clothes he'd spotted during his search.

''I'm just gonna.. be petty and hide in there-'' he pointed at the door beside the bed and prayed it wasn't leading out of the room, or else he would surely die in mortification. ''-which I hope is the bathroom while she terrorises you with awkward questions.''

Not hearing prominent protest nor warnings from Harry he took it as a good sign and flung it open, jumped inside and was barely able to shut it before he heard knocks on the other door.

''Hey Haz, you in there?''

With a heavy sigh, he closed his eyes and leant against the wall, sensing how his heart had picked up speed and an unpleasant prickle of anxiety settled over his shoulders.

''Yeah, come in.''

''It's after noon, and you're still in bed? What happened to your daily Nazi workout routine at the crack of dawn? Are you sick?''

''No I'm fine-.''

''So what's with the nun outfit, pull those sheets any tighter and you won't be able to breathe.''

He choked the bark of laughter that bubbled up his throat from the vision that formed in his mind, and he shook his head at Harry's poorly attempt at covering up. 

''Am I not allowed to sleep in on a Sunday without alarming you I'm on my deathbed?''

''It's just unusual.''

''Well as I said, I'm fine. What are you doing here?''

''Dad sent me. Heard rumours about you running into a certain someone and he gave that the impression you're sleeping with the 'enemy'. Hence why I'm here, couldn't bother to  
speak with you himself so he sent me to 'deal with the issue'. So what's going on?''

The loud sigh leaving Harry could be heard through the thick walls and created a ball of discomfort inside Louis' stomach. 

''Wow he didn't waste time running to my father and seriously, what are we, bickering teenagers?''

''All I know is he didn't sound pleased when he called me and since I'm curious I told him I would go so spill.''

''It's nothing, he approached me a few days ago when I went to see Niall's performance and since I didn't have the slightest interest in hearing what he had to say about me or my employees I voiced my opinion about him instead. Guess he didn't appreciate it much.''

''What did you say?''

''Seriously Ash I don't care to-.''

''What the hell is that, are those bloody hickeys?''

From the sudden shout, he flinched from the wall and stomped his toe into the toilet, receiving a sharp pain that sent his nerves screaming and he clamped a hand over his mouth to stop the audible curses from leaving. Harry had apparently failed to stay in his nun outfit, and it was probably only a matter of time before Louis did something to draw attention to himself.

''Uh.''

''Look at you, entering the teenage state a little late and being marked as someone's property. So who's the lucky gu- Oh no, don't tell me you're actually sleeping with the enemy? Dad's going to murder you.''

''Don't call him that.''

A serious tone had fallen over Harry's voice, and it swelled Louis' heart when he heard how defensive he became towards his sister. Unable to hold back a wide grin it carved through his face as he mentally scolded himself for finding it so pleasing.

''Ah, you like him.''

''My father doesn't need to know because you won't inform him and even if he manages to I'm not worried about what he'll do. I may have acted like a teenager last night, but I'm an adult who is perfectly capable of handling myself without parental supervision. He doesn't dictate my life and has certainly no authority to interfere with who I see or not in my free time. Stop doing his bidding and let me handle him ok?''

''Last night?-'' an amused chuckle bounced through the room and Louis cringed from the sound. ''-So where is he? Can't picture you kicked him out so did he sneak away before you woke up or is he still here?''

''Ash.''

Another chuckle filled the room but the sound was sharper, and Louis had a bad feeling it wouldn't end well for his confidence.

''Don't ruin my fun you wanker, this is the first time I've seen you act this way in years. Must he be quite special then? For you to behave so defensive and high almighty regarding dad. Good for you.''

With the last adjustment to his clothes and a quick dab over his hair he sighed heavily and closed his eyes in regret, what would happen next he wouldn't enjoy much. Seeing Ashley had figured it out he felt stupid hiding in the bathroom and like Harry had said; they were adults so why shouldn't they behave as such? He braced himself, pulled the handle and swung the door open, forcing a tight smile to cover his lips when he stepped into the spotlight.

''Well well well, isn't it the man of the hour. Why am I not surprised you were here all along.''

''Uh yeah, nice to see you.''

''It's fair to say you look just as poorly as this one.''

She tilted her head towards Harry, and the earlier flush flared over his cheeks as he self-consciously covered his neck with his sweater paw and dropped his eyes to the floor. 

''As lovely as this visit has been I'd appreciate if you cut it shortly and fucked off Ashely.''

Apparently, Harry didn't find the amusement in his sister's mocked tone and the previous glee Louis had made the corner of his mouth flinch. 

''Alright alright I'll play nice and leave but introduce us properly sometime soon then.''

She sent a quick wink to Louis before she bent down to place a kiss on Harry's cheek and ruffled his hair before retrieving through the door while laughing. Not until she left the house completely did Louis dare to shift his eyes back on Harry and when their gazes met a new round of chuckles filled the silence.

''I'm sorry about that, she can be quite.. Invading at times.''

''Nah it's fine, she seems like a decent one. And she did say something-'' he took a few steps to reach the bed and let his knees sink into the soft mattress as he crawled up to plant a gentle peck at Harry's shoulder. ''-that brighten my mood.''

''What was that?''

With a small shove, he pushed Harry down and leant on his chest as he placed another peck on his lips.

''She has the impression you find me special.''

Careful fingers swept over the scruff on his cheeks before trailing up to his tousled fringe and Harry morphed into a picture of affection. 

''I do.''

''God.-'' He groaned as he let his head fall, hiding the unstable blood flow his face showed. ''-That's bloody terrifying.''

‘’You're saying I frighten you?’’ 

The confusing edge to Harry's voice sounded both amused and a bit cautious at the same time and Louis' carefully peeked up through his lashes.

‘’Yes that’s exactly what you do, you scare the shit out of me.’’

‘’Will you explain why?’’

‘’Because no matter how ridiculous it is and yes I’m aware how this will make me sound but-‘’ he took a deep breath, voice fading as seriousness settled over his expression, and  
he stared intensely into Harry’s eyes. ‘’- I think I might be falling for you, and it scares me how fast it's happening, but I can’t seem to be able to slow it down.’’

''Do you consider it a bad thing?''

‘’No, please don't misunderstand. It doesn't bother me in an unpleasant way that I want it to go away, but you've heard of the phrase love at first sight right? I've never believed in that and no; I'm not saying I've experienced with you, honestly no offence. But I do, however, believe people can be smitten and develop an intense infatuation, and it can trick you into thinking it's real, though. Because it’s overwhelming, the feeling of falling for someone, but being in love doesn’t last it, never does. It either evolves into something powerful and meaningful or it simply fades and leaves you with nothing more than the memory of feeling that way. Love doesn’t just suddenly appears out of nowhere; it takes time to grow and once it blooms you’ll know, you’ll know the distinct difference between not hesitating to give your life up for someone and a momentary euphoria. That’s why you scare the shit out of me because what I'm falling into I don’t want to lose and if I don't, then I’m terrified of what it may grow into. And now I’m rambling a bunch of nonsense because I do that when I’m nervous and can’t control what my mouth produces. I think I’m quite good at scaring people away with my forwardness but I’m trying to convince myself it’s better to have said it that not.’’

''It's a good thing I'm not easily scared then.''

The bed shifted, and Harry rolled them around so he was the one peering down at Louis' wide eyes and he graced a thumb over a sharp cheekbone as he dipped his head down. He left enough warmth and feeling into it to make Louis believe it couldn't be real, but he answered just as passionate even so. His eyes stayed shut when Harry let go, and he let out the shaky breath he'd been holding the last minutes.

''We're really doing this then?''

''This as in?''

''I don't know what to call it, dating? Fooling around? Having fun? Being casual?'' 

''I would prefer to try the first option, but we don't have to label it as anything you don't want to Louis. It can be as simple as we're figuring things out along the way, sounds acceptable?''

''Yeah.''

After a refreshing shower, a satisfying lunch and a string of clingy attempts to savour the taste of Harry he left the house to make his way back home. An embarrassing grin of joy had etched into his face and followed ever step he took, stretching his muscles so far he feared he would never be able to look healthy again. The sensation of a fluttering stomach and fondness equally etched into his body, and he felt like he walked on clouds as he manoeuvred up the steep stairs to his flat. Nothing seemed to touch his good mood, not even the sight of his depressing flat in comparison to Harry's mansion, and he strolled inside like the definition of happiness. As he closed his door, the sight of a yellow envelope to the left of his doorstep caught his sight, and he picked it up as a small tune whistle through his teeth. He flipped it over as he kicked off his shoes and raised his brows when nothing was written on the front and didn't give any indication who it was from or what it was. With his key, he ripped the sealing open and tossed the chain inside his standard bowl before his fingers dipped inside to pull the content out. A short note was written on a single paper, and he frowned when he read the words; _You're making this too easy._ The moment he removed it to see what was behind the previous whistle died in his mouth along with his glee and he stared with horror at the reason dread filled him from head to toe.

A picture. No. Several pictures of Harry and him behaving nothing near just friendly. There were images of him sitting on Harry's lap while having his hands shoved under his shirt, of him jumping into Harry's hands with his tongue halfway down his throat, of Harry carrying him into the restroom and lastly was the image of them stepping out with the invisible word fucked splattered over their expression. The blood in his veins froze, and he could feel how his breathing picked up, coming out it short hisses, and he bent down to steady his weight on his knees. An overwhelming sense of nausea sprung to life, and he frantically ran to the bathroom and heaved his stomach from the poisonous anxiety that hit. A million thoughts raced through his head, and he slammed his knuckles into his mirror, breaking it in thousand tiny pieces when there was only one person who came to his mind for being the responsible one. He'd made the fatal mistake of thinking he couldn't be hurt and smeared from the devil again, but the realisation he surely could and was laid spread over his living room floor. Because it was a threat, nothing but pain and suffering could be received from that man and the thought of him dragging Harry down as well made him boil with anger. He unwillingly went back to the pile of images, and when he came close enough, he noticed one of the pictures had written words on the back. Knees bent and with a small movement he pushed aside the covering photos and fished out the one who held a message, and he felt his insides break into the same amount his mirror had done.

_You’ve had your fun and enough time to reel him in, now do what you do best, show the real you. Hit him where it hurts and these won't end up in the media due to respect for his father. You tell I tell. You quit or leave; I won't. You deserve to see the outcome of how you manipulate and play people, and I want to see you suffer. Be a good boy._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always dread describing sexual scenes; it always makes me a bit self-concious about my writing when straightforward words like cock, balls, sucking, etc. slightly make me cringe, and I don't want it to sound like.. UGH. So this is what I usually end up with, and I'm sorry if I made you cringe with the lack of them.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this just exploded in my hands. And it's all made up so not everything is accurate.

‘’You have no right to do this!’’

The previous happiness and relief he’d felt turned into a life draining nightmare as he fell to furiously tore the picture apart with shaking hands. A surge of overwhelming panic bore trough his nerves, and he screamed in anger as his fists punched the floor, wanting it all to disappear. He’d bared his deepest thoughts to Harry, been vulnerable and what they had shared felt real, mutual.The thought about dismissing the whole thing as it was nothing more than a perverted lie made everything inside him ache, and a choking sensation prickled his throat. He was blackmailed, again, threatened to hurt Harry or the damage would come from the other end, harsher and more vicious. But acting and being a good liar had never belonged to him; Zayn had pointed out his bad attempts several times, even Harry, and the thought of trying formed an ugly feeling in his stomach.

Fingers found more of the photos, and he hysterically ripped them to shreds as a pain developed over his chest and tightened to the point where he was sure a heart attack was about to hit. He clutched it hard as he heaved for breath and dreadful sentences he’d heard shot through his head. _Your position as editor in chief is already on the line.._ I assume his biggest fear was to see my face, which would be linked to his name, covering the front page of the news with another man and it probably still is.. Then the sound of Harry’s words echoed inside, and he clutched his heart a tad harder as he rocked back and forth on his knees still gasping. _Dad’s going to murder you.._ even his sister was aware of what would come out of it. 

Nausea rose higher, and he crawled over the floor towards his bathroom a second time where he bared his already empty stomach before his gasping turned into hyperventilation. He was losing control, and everything hurt as a terror he hadn’t felt in a very long time spread. Too occupied with the pictures and everything that would go wrong he’d paid little attention to the signs hitting his body and therefore unprepared as the panic attack struck. With rapid breathing and ice running through his veins he was frozen beside the toilet, sensing everything around stared him down as it sucked the air out and pulled the ground from beneath. He was trapped, unable to move as the walls eventually closed in and his eyes couldn’t focus when it formed into tunnel vision and spotted his sight. Everything hurt, and he felt like he was dying, not receiving enough oxygen while the life inside got wrenched away and he wasn't able to stop it.

Regular stress and waves of panic had been colouring his life for as long as he could remember, most people experienced so, but uncontrollable anxiety and attacks had never been chronic. It wasn’t until he’d started working for Ryan it had grown and turned harsher, coaxing out the attacks when hell had broken loose. Not too often but often enough for where he'd sought out a doctor, and he’d been given small amounts of medications to avoid a situation he was currently experiencing. A drug he’d quickly learned was the next worst thing that had happened to him, and he’d refused to continue after a few tries. He'd removed himself from the spotlight, locked himself in and avoided anything connected to the media and it had helped. His nerves hadn't constantly been heightened and alert, and with the aid of his forced counselling sessions, he’d learned how to gain his breathing control back. 

It wasn’t until twenty minutes later when his heart had stopped trying to break his rib cage, and his lungs had been able to take in a comfortable amount of oxygen he remembered he still had the small bottle stashed. He’d despised it; the pills had indeed removed his anxiety which was why he’d tested it out, but they had also taken everything else from him. Unfortunately being one of those cases where his body reacted badly, it had turned his head all wrong and altered him into an emotionless monster where he first realised feeling nothing was worse than the pain from the panic after they wore out. It wasn’t medication in his opinion; it was a black hole where he could’ve committed bloody murder without as much as batting an eye. It was toxic and destructive, bringing him a hollow space of nothing. 

The attack and pain itself weren't what lulled him closer to his cabinet, but the memory of how he became, how emotionless those small pills made him and how easily they painted him stone cold and practically heartless. During his counselling, he’d learned techniques to handle and prevent episodes from escalating, and he’d refused to look at the bottle after things quieted down. In fact, the only situation he could recall stepping dangerously near an attack was when he’d seen Ryan at the bar with Harry. All the other times had been around Harry, where he still hadn’t made up his mind about them, but it never toppled over or felt painful like it had done at the bar. No he’d been able to go back to his normal life, and he was not interested in having the attacks sneaking up again, but it wasn’t exactly the attacks that placed dangerous thoughts in his head.

With sore muscles and a sweaty body made out of lead he pulled himself up and scrambled through the shelves, pushing everything to the side and down at the floor to find it fast enough. At last, he saw it, the little orange bottle he’d almost tossed in the trash when he'd brought his belongings from Zayn’s place. Why he hadn’t done so he couldn’t justify; they had been no use for him, and he’d swore never to touch them again. Even so, something had made him place it back into the cabinet when he moved home, having it within reach just in case. Perhaps his subconscious had feared another meeting with Ryan could happen, which for once had made him do something right in a sick way. He continued to stare at it, eyes wide and a deep frown formed between his brows as he thought over the threat.

If he told Harry, which in theory was probably the right choice because the man had voiced his opinion about his father and how very little he was afraid of his actions, it would mean the pictures would surface. From what he’d heard Ashley say he knew the media was already aware Harry had hired him, seen evidence of so when he’d published Louis’ work in his magazine, and she'd also said their phones had drowned for comments. It was safe to conclude they were eager to find gossip including Harry’s name and print it for the city, if not country, to see. Along with Ryan’s connections, their names would be smeared, and the man who dared to have a kind heart would be dragged down. It painted a bad reality in his mind. 

Harry’s father would receive a hit and undoubtedly take action; surely he would do anything to keep his slate clean and erase whatever mark stained both his personal and magazine’s reputation and name. Getting rid of a small burden like himself wouldn’t be a problem. Certainly wouldn't be able to recover from another blow when he already had a sentence still hanging over him like a dark shadow and was still on probation. But it wasn’t what he was most afraid of; it was what it would cause Harry. If his father was as intolerant and harsh about keeping him and his preference out of the media as he’d given the impression of it wouldn’t be too bold to say the man would throw his son under the bus to save face. Especially when it was him, Louis, of all people Harry would be splattered over the page with. Harry would most definitively be removed from the magazine he’d raised to success and his accomplishments erased, his ungrateful father probably unbothered it would ruin everything Harry had worked for most his life. Perhaps his father, after realising he hadn’t been able to sculpt Harry into a copy of himself, was merely waiting for an opportunity to take the wheels back and those degrading pictures would give him the final reason. Claim it unacceptable and find some loophole to use, punish Harry for breaking his contract or some other excuse.

There was no better solution, either he confessed and brought Harry down, cutting the weak ties he had with his father and shitting all over his brilliant career, or he resentfully followed Ryan’s ultimatum by turning his back on the man he was falling for. Hurt him, enough to reconsider he might’ve been wrong about his employee after all and ruin what they had created. It made him hysterically laugh, how could he be able to do either and live with himself, especially the last, when he’d confessed he was falling for Harry less than a day earlier? Harry was no fool and would know something wasn’t right if he stormed into his office and ended things without an explanation. It was sick, disgusting and he wouldn’t be able to, not convincingly unless he took away the one part of him he couldn’t lie about or fake. His feelings. Even with his mind demolished he was unsure it could be done, he’d been too real with his emotions, too open and too affectionate. Convincing Harry it had all been for show, an ugly lie and a vicious game with a hell of a performance sounded impossible to achieve. In the end, he was left with a shitty hand of cards where all he could do was try and bluff his way to victory. A victory in theory but a gruesome nightmare in reality and he didn’t have much time before the bluff would be detected. If he followed Ryan's threat, he would be forced to prove he was indeed the rotten scum the paper had described him as and show a side he could never possess in his right mind.

Right there and then he felt disgustingly relieved he still had the bottle and the sensation deepened when he popped the lid up and saw how much was left. If he used them, it would take away the emotional pain, take away his vulnerability and reduce his readable expressions into a blank, indifferent face. The problems would still be there, swept under the rug, but he wouldn’t care, he would just be.. numb. It was the last thing he wanted, hated the lack of connection to anything but he would rather try, and make the sacrifice than ruin everything Harry had worked so hard for. He didn’t deserve to have his career threatened just because his heart was stupid enough to get close to Louis and all his shitty mess. 

With a heavy sigh, he leant down on the sink, letting his head fall between his stretched arms and he slowly shook his head back and forth. It was insane and the realisation he would kiss goodbye his well-being to try and keep Harry in the clear, to keep him untouchable from Ryan and his father’s claws, told him a lot more how far he’d already fallen than he’d let himself understand. The threat was real, and he took it seriously, he’d received one from the devil before and fought back, and what besides agony and never ending pain had it brought him? Nothing but more shit thrown his way.

 

•••••••

 

With a futile expression he stared at his screen, reading the same words over and over and he’d been doing so the last hours. The sun was finally peeking through the window, but the earlier appreciation of the warm beams now stung his eyes, and he shifted his face away. The room was covered in eerie silence, been his only company and it didn’t bother him as it had used to and he hadn’t noticed the lack of people until he heard a door open. 

‘’Oi, didn’t expect you this early Tommo. How long have you been here?’’

A bubbly Irish accent screeched over the walls, and the image of a cheery face walking closer could be seen from the corner of his eye. Instead of turning around while sending his signature welcoming smile, he stayed facing the screen and barely mumbled a response out.

‘’Since five.’’

‘’Seriously? Why the hell would you start so early, can’t recall we’re working on a big piece at the moment.’’ 

‘’Couldn’t sleep.’’

At least he was honest, he’d tossed and turned in his bed, worried how to face Harry and everyone else during work so eventually he’d given up. Used the remaining hours of the night walking aimlessly around his flat, picked up the medication bottle then placed it back down before taking another round and ripped his hair in unease. Not having the slightest clue on how to face things, what to do or even know how the devil would know he bent to the demands made him distressed. He had a feeling he was being watched from a distance, just like before, which pushed up his paranoia and he had a fear he wouldn’t have much time to act. At last, he couldn’t take the nerves building up or stall the inevitable so he’d grabbed the bottle, swallowed the scripted dose and stuffed it into his jacket as he'd stormed out. 

‘’Ah, still worked up from the weekend eh? Believe I heard a rumour or two.’’

The cheekiness in his tone was evident, and under normal circumstances it would’ve sent Louis' face bright red as he’d bashfully avoided the smirk painting Niall’s lips. But it obviously wasn’t and he simply shrugged his shoulder as his own eyes never left the page he was on.

‘’Could’ve been better.’’

‘’You alright?’’

A distinct hand came to rest on his shoulder, and he flinched a little from the sudden contact, not prepared to have Niall so close but all he sent back was another shrug.

‘’Fine.’’

‘’You sure? You seem a bit off.’’

‘’Tired.’’

‘’Well ok then, I’ll be in at my desk if you need anything.’’

With a last moment of hesitation Niall walked away and left Louis to the same silence he’d been surrounded by. There was a part of him that knew he was drawing attention to himself in a way he shouldn’t, he was blank and barely responsive, and the people he worked closest with could take notice but he couldn’t find the energy to care. It was the effects and even though he should be cautious about Niall realising what was going on, he simply couldn’t find the effort to try playing along. Everything felt dead inside and the thought of forcing a smile on his face made him yawn and roll his eyes. 

A small tingle graced his thigh and he slowly dragged his eyes downwards to see a patch of fabric turn lighter where his phone lit up inside his pocket. He fished it out and tapped the screen to open the new message he’d received from Zayn, quickly reading the question if he was available for lunch. Not a hint of smile graced his mouth and no cheerful thoughts formed in his mind as he typed back, confirming he was. Zayn was probably the second person he should stay clear off when all the man had to do was look at him to see something was wrong but again, he just didn’t bother to worry. With texting it was easier to fake it, he could type out whatever convincing sentences because no one could see him through a text. With the added emoji he figured he sounded like he usually did and hit send before throwing the device next to his laptop. 

As the day went by he found himself returning to the land of emotions, his medication was for panic attacks, meant for a temporarily relief which worked fast but they also left his system quickly. With his second dosage being a short time away he could sense how thoughts formed in his mind and how he considered everything around more. A low nudge of uneasiness crawled over his spine from his meeting with Niall and a rather large clench pinched his stomach when he remembered he’d agreed to meet Zayn for lunch. His head felt dizzy with a building headache, almost like a hangover and his leg bounced up and down as restlessness settled. 

He’d forgotten the smaller side-effects and the prickle flaring over his pale skin was annoying, not strong enough to make him uncomfortable but itching in a way he couldn’t scratch away. He looked around the room, saw how his colleagues focused on their work and he silently rose from his seat, grabbing his jacket and sneaking out of the department before anyone could look up to meet his eyes. Right before he reached the restroom he pulled out his phone once more, made up a lousy excuse of why he couldn’t do lunch after all and slipped inside the door he approached. Having a determined and worried Zayn on his back before he’d managed to do the impossible was the last thing he needed so avoiding his best friend for a couple of days, at least, was necessarily. With trembling hands he fished out his bottle and took his third round, grimacing as he felt them slide down his throat along with the water he drank. Everything about his actions and newfound routine felt wrong and he dreaded the thought he might end up needing them for real further down the road. He took a last glance at himself in the mirror and slapped his cheeks with water to force some colour back before he hesitantly retrieved to where he came from. 

With the quick effect and short lasting he was unsure how long they would last, his doctor had given him enough for a few weeks back then but with his exploitation he knew he would be out sooner. From his sudden use of the medication again and the way he would surely eat them like candy made him wonder how much it would affect him the wrong way. The side-effects could turn for the worse, and if it went far enough where he would develop a dependence he would really have a problem. He hated the thought and possibility, especially when he’d read about having withdrawal, but he was desperate, or he’d felt desperate until the medication worked and numbed his brain. It was easier convincing himself he wouldn’t need to take them long enough for any of it to happen when he was planning on ruining everything as soon as possible.

As lunch rounded a new vibration nudged his thigh but where he’d expected another message from Zayn, a new one had arrived from Harry. It should have sent butterflies and dreadful nausea to flare through his stomach, but he didn’t react at all, staring at the message with flat eyes and a straight face. A light sigh left through a slack mouth as he read and rose from his seat, dragging his feet across the floor until he reached the elevator at the end of the hallway. Walking right past the girl who welcomed him he felt no chills of excitement or nervousness running down his spine as he closed the last space between himself and Harry’s office.

‘’What’s the urgency?’’

The picture of Harry flicking through some pages as he wrote a few comments entered his vision and it caused him nothing. He could still see the same shape of his body and how his hair curled over his shoulders when his head was bent but it gave him the same amount of watching anyone else’s physique, absolutely nothing.

‘’Hmm?’’ 

Harry hummed as he finished his page and slowly dragged his head upwards, sending out a soft smile as his eyes landed on Louis’ figure. 

‘’Well you texted me to come to your office, so I asked what’s the urgency, something you need me to do? Work on a particular topic?’’

He stepped further and closed the door behind him as he raised a daft expression on his face.

‘’Oh, no-.’’ The scattered pages was placed together in a bunch as Harry moved them to the end of his desk. ‘’-I’m using this small window of free time to share some personal information with you.-‘’ a light frown formed between his eyes as he leaned on his elbows. ‘’-There’s a dinner I have to attend at the end of the week, had the feeling you perhaps wanted to know since Ryan is going to be there as well. I’ve heard rumours my father considers making a work related deal with the man and if I don’t show it will surely be done, which neither I nor Ashley have much interest in. I thought you should hear it from me in case it would find a way to spread but please don’t worry about it, as long as I’m in charge the man will never be associated with this magazine.’’

‘’You can do whatever you want, it’s your magazine.’’

The nonchalant response and lack of disgust colouring his expression made Harry narrow his eyes and he kept observing long enough for a heavy silence to form between them. Seconds ticked by and time being wasted coaxed Louis’ tongue to move again.

‘’That’s it? Nothing else you wanted to inform me about?’’

‘’So you’re ok with it?’’

‘’Why wouldn’t I be ok with it, I’m not going, and it’s none of my business what you do regarding your magazine’s future or free time for that matter.’’

The frown between Harry’s brows deepened as he tilted his head to the side, watching Louis with a confused look, almost on the line with concern.

‘’I’m a little puzzled, and I had anticipated a bit more reaction from you if I’m honest, but if it doesn’t bother you, I can’t say I’m not relieved. But please tell me if it does and I meant what I said earlier, you don’t have to act different towards me when we’re at work.’’

‘’Well it doesn’t, and I’m not, I just don’t get why you would use lunch for this, a simple text would’ve been more than enough.’’

Another round of silence stretched the walls as he stared blankly ahead, tired of the conversation and uninterested in having his lunch break ruined to reassure Harry’s unnecessary concern.

‘’I’m not trying to push this, but you don’t seem quite yourself today, is everything alright?’’

‘’Yes? Maybe I just don’t want to waste the only free time I have during work standing in your office discussing something you could’ve just told me over the phone or not at all. I slept poorly but just because I’m a bit tired is no reason for you to accuse me of having problems and ruin a perfectly normal day. You are not my bloody mum so if that was all you had to share then will you stop nagging me so I can use my remaining lunch to grab some coffee?’’

The lack of remorse from his outburst should’ve hit him sharply but he stayed with a straight back, staring dumbly at Harry who pressed his lips together and folded his arms. There was something lingering in his eyes, and it trailed the unspoken words he kept inside, but Louis could neither see nor register it as he impatiently waited for an answer. Not fighting the battle that had surprisingly formed Harry simply sent a slow nod as he leant back in his seat.

‘’Of course, enjoy the rest of your day.’’ 

Without another word or even a small wave of goodbye he turned on his heel and walked out, unaware of his rude behaviour and he’d managed to at least plant a seed of his intentions. It was why he’d taken the pills in the first place, able to cut the ties with a convincing face and by being uninterested and rejecting it formed the base. The information he’d gained let him know Ryan would see the effect of his threat and he figured he should lit the fire before the week ended and before the dinner happened. It was a small window, but it was the only window he had and from how easily he roamed his brain to figure out a worst case scenario he could go forward with was proof enough how messed up the medication made him. 

Spending the rest of the day staring at his screen was what he did, typing article after article with plain and boring words. He had the information stored in his mind, but the same passion he’d previously used with his work didn’t find its way to his sentences. Soccer was just a sport, a sport many people played and watched, even read and wrote about and Louis typed the facts in his head without the usual spark of enthusiasm. Unbothered to leave his seat he snuck in his dosages and stayed until the big clock on the wall reached the end of his day.

‘’Hey man, you up for a pint or two at the pub before taking the night?’’

The same bubbliness Niall had kept during the day didn’t drain from his face until he saw Louis turn around with a dull stare. Brows knitted as he took in the sight and they knitted harder once Louis opened his mouth to speak.

‘’What for?’’

‘’oh-‘’ his eyes flicked around as he stepped a bit closer. ‘’-Nah I just thought it would be nice, to relax and be a bit casual.’’

‘’Ok? What does that have to do with me, surely you can relax by yourself?’’

Louis slid his jacket over his shoulders and turned his head towards the door, missing the baffled expression settling over Niall.

‘’Harry is coming too, though.’’

He craned his neck back with the same uninterested stare and shook his head in light confusion.

‘’That should make a difference?’’

From the long pause Niall took, it was enough to convince him their conversation was over, and he left, trotting away with slack feet and unable to hear the last of Niall’s words. 

 

•••••••

 

‘’So, what’s bothering you?’’

He glanced up from his phone and dragged his eyes over Zayn with a raised brow, flicking his head slightly to the side in a manner of not knowing what he meant. After three days of treating Harry bad and avoiding every attempt Zayn had made at sharing lunch or meeting up when work ended, he’d simply showed up at Louis’ flat and barged in.

‘’Nothing?’’

A scoff left Zayn as he planted his feet on the table and folded his arms across his chest, staring back with a narrowed glare.

‘’What’s kept you so busy lately then, not even been able to break free for five minutes during lunch to say a few words? Going naughty with the boss?’’

‘’No.’’

‘’And what’s with the curt responses you use, no sass flicking around and no usual Louis personality.’’

‘’Thought you said I’ve been busy lately, how can you tell I’m not throwing sass around?’’

‘’Because I know you and this-‘’ his hands spread out towards Louis. ‘’-is not normal you, being all gloom and silent. You only shrink to this version when something serious is bothering you so what is it? Things going south with Harry instead?''

A sigh left him as he dragged his thumb and index over heavy eyelids while shaking his head, he didn’t have time to row his way out of Zayn’s interrogation and neither would he succeed when he knew how his friend worked.

‘’We aren’t going in any direction, and I don’t want to, stop questioning me because I have no interest in talking, and I certainly don’t owe you any explanation about anything. Just drop it and I’m fine, no need for you to ambush me like this and demand a report of something you’re making up in your head, especially when my life is none of your fucking business.’’

‘’Wow have you been rehearsing acting like a fucking twat? So he hurt you then? For fuck sake, I believed that man wa-.''

‘’No and I’m not upset so just knock it off. I don’t need a ridiculous therapy lesson from you, nothing happened, and if that’s the reason you came over, then you can fuck off well-reassured everything is as it has always been. This conversation is over.’’

‘’That-‘’

‘’I said the conversation is over.’’

For the longest time, Zayn just stared, an unreadable expression covering his face as he never took his eyes off Louis and the tension grew around them. Louis was so far into his medication where no problem or guilt for being harsh with his friend remotely approached even though a buried part should've known Zayn only meant well. It wasn’t fair to anyone in his life to be treated so disrespectful when they didn’t know what was going on, but it was the situation he was in and had to work. The time where he could explain his reasons to Zayn would come but the time hadn’t arrived yet. When it did, his decision and results from them would’ve happened and passed.

‘’How’s your family doing, talked with your mum lately?’’

Once again he raised a brow in Zayn’s direction when an entirely different subject was brought up, and he hadn’t expected it to revolve around his family.

‘’Fine? You were there when I talked with her the last time; you heard her.’’

‘’You haven’t spoken to her since Christmas? That was almost three months ago.’’

‘’Not on the phone, no, but she has sent some texts since then. Just random boring news like my father decided to change job and she’s still going strong with her wine evenings with her friends. The usual nonsense.-‘’ he shrugged his shoulder and picked up his phone once more. ‘’-think she mentioned going to France. Her sister’s kid is sick apparently, some disease and needs help to arrange a quick wedding or something.’’

The screen between his fingers vanished and when he turned his head to see where it went a stunned looking Zayn clutching the device met his sight.

‘’Sick apparently? If your mum is flying to France to help your aunt prepare a wedding for your sick cousin it sounds pretty serious don’t you think? Did it not occur to question why the sudden hurry, as if they might not have time on their side?’’

‘’What? I haven’t seen or talked with my aunt since I was four when she moved to another country Zayn. I’ve never even met my cousin so they’re practically strangers. A yearly Christmas photo and a few updates on how they’re doing through my mum don't automatically qualify us as close. And if she’s sick then that’s very unfortunate, but I can’t see why I should involve myself when I certainly can’t do anything about it.’’

‘’Did you just- what the hell is going on with you? Seriously, this is not like you, and it’s your family Louis. It doesn't matter if you haven’t met her, she’s still your cousin and out of all people I would expect you to care about it, especially when you know how hard it must be with your mum, but you’re acting like it doesn’t faze you at all. Not even the slightest.’’

‘’It’s sad and all that of course but like I said, I can’t do anything about it, and I have my own life and job I need to focus on. I can’t put that on hold every time something bad happens.’’

The screen on his phone lit up when a new text came, and he plucked it out of Zayn’s fingers, completely unaware of the shock settling over his features. The name of his boss coloured his vision, and his attention was occupied with reading, unable to hear Zayn’s last comment before he rose from the couch and left. Not even the sound of a slamming door registered as he used his fingers to accept Harry’s dinner offer at a restaurant later that evening. They hadn’t met much because of Harry’s schedule, but texts had been exchanged and he’d kept them casual and distant, nurturing the seed that something was fogging the picture but not going completely over the top. It would help if Harry already sensed trouble building and believed his change of character. He hadn’t had the urge to see the other man recently, but he’d pondered how he could end things all together as time were running out and the weekend approached too quickly. Accepting the date finally gave him an option and the thought of going to a fancy dinner with Harry didn’t send the usual heat through his system while the hunger for Harry’s touch had been easily swept away. His sex-drive had been reduced from his medication as well, died down to the point where he couldn’t even feel the smallest trace of lust bubbling when he brought up the memory of them together. There was just the sense of emptiness wailing inside, shutting him down and taking away everything that made him Louis.

With heavy legs he dragged himself up from the couch to plant his stiff muscles inside the shower and perhaps force some colour to surface his skin. After rubbing it red, which typically made him sore, he stepped out and continued his routine of getting ready. Hair was dried but he dropped the idea of styling it, not having time nor seeing the reason as to why he should, and brushed his teeth before a new refreshment was swallowed down. A quick swipe of deodorant left a wet trail underneath his armpits and he figured it would smell enough and therefor dropped the perfume as well. 

For his outfit he grabbed the black jeans he’d wore earlier that day and picked the first garment his fingers touched when he reached the box beside his bed. It turned out to be a black t-shirt with the words ‘vans off the wall’ printed over a white skateboard. With a light shrug he figured why not and threw it over his head before he tugged his converse on, unbothered the white was stained with mud from his earlier walk up to Harry’s house. Right before he stepped out of his flat he grabbed the denim jacket hanging on the wall and picked up the keys from the bowl, twirling them around his finger and stepped through the door. 

He spent the remaining time getting to the restaurant and when he reached it he looked at the time while nodded slowly as it showed he was at least twenty minutes early, which he'd planned. and he walked inside unaware of the side glance a leaving woman sent him.

‘’Good evening sir and welcome, do you have a reservation?’’

The sound of a light voice reached his ears, and when he looked up, he was met with a smiling lady, standing behind a slim table were a thick book was resting. She blinked and reached for her pen the moment he stepped closer, and he looked sideways for no particular reason while responding.

‘’I assume so, under the name Styles, but I’m running a bit early.’’

‘’Ah yes here you are, table for two right? It will be ready very soon but in the meantime we have a lovely bar here in the lobby I recommend.’’

She held her hand out and when he followed he noticed the line of people sitting there, sipping all kinds of drinks and he quietly nodded as he wandered over. The formal plan drained away when a new arrived and would, to his opinion, work even faster. In his right mind he never would’ve considered the thought, never played the scenario in his head and certainly not been able to act so cruel but he wasn’t and the idea sounded effective. If it went like he wanted he wouldn’t even be forced to sit through a whole dinner, and he let his gaze float through the faces coming closer as he searched for a compatible choice. A sharp laugh caught his attention and his eyes circled in on the group of men sitting at the end, dressed in suits where they clinked drinks he would assume were whisky from the dark colour and wide glasses. He walked towards the youngest one, with the loudest volume and cleared his throat hard enough to make the man turn his head around.

‘’You interested in earning.. let’s say fifty pounds?’’

The man’s brows reached his hairline as confusion stretched over his face before he quickly looked over his shoulder like he was unsure Louis had referred to someone else. When his eyes darted back the confusion transformed into suspicion and an angry expression took place.

‘’I’m not sure what you’re after here, pal, but I’m not for fucking sale, not any part of my body.’’ 

‘’I can assure you that’s not what I meant.-’’ he dragged a hand over his forehead as he sighed, not really realising how his question had sounded like. ‘’-What I mean is I need someone to help me make a point towards my date which will be here in-‘’ he glanced down at his phone. ‘’-roughly fifteen minutes and you just happened to gain my attention. So what do you say, money for simply sitting with me in the bar sounds like a good deal to me.’’

The rest of the table had stopped chatting and suddenly five pair of eyes were staring between the two, curious to what was going on.

‘’So you’re willing to pay me fifty pounds to shake off someone you’re not interested in? Why can’t you just tell them to fuck off, saves you a lot of trouble.’’

‘’It’s complicated and I really don’t care to explain my reasons, you in or not?’’

A rather loud snort left the man’s mouth and he shook his head as he turned to face his friends, waving a dismissive hand and laughing. Louis rolled his eyes and craned his neck to search the room again, knowing someone in there had to be a bit money obsessed. He was about to walk away when another voice from the table piped up and made him stop.

‘’I’ll do it.’’

‘’You can’t be serious Sean, the guy is clearly a loser.’’

His eyes found a blonde man at the end of the table who slowly rose from his seat, shrugging his shoulders to the rest of his friends who told him to drop it before he approached. 

‘’Sitting with you right? Don’t have to do or say anything, just simply sit there?’’

‘’Yup. I’ll do the talking, just play along with a laugh or two, that’s it.’’

A sly smile curved the blonde man’s face and he straightened the sharp suit jacket and held out a hand to shake.

‘’Sean, and I’m in, but money first.’’

‘’Louis, and figured as much.’’

Short minutes later he found himself sitting at the end of the bar, closest to the entrance so he was sure Harry could see him, and Sean to see Harry walk in. He fished out his phone after he'd ordered a beer from the bartender and located a picture for Sean to see.

‘’Let me know when you see this man walk inside and notices me, he’ll be here shortly and when he does just play along to my story. Laugh a bit obnoxiously or something, just make it sound like what I’m saying is highly amusing.’’

Sean studied the picture and nodded slowly, curving his fingers over his jaw before whistling lowly.

‘’I’m not into men, but even I can see this one is not exactly ugly, he a dick or something? Clingy depressed case? Must be something terribly wrong if you’re desperate enough to find a stranger helping you out with chasing him away.’’

‘’No. Just need him to see what a liar I am and this little scenario will hopefully convince him the way I intend to.’’

He took a large sip of his beer and straightened his back, uncharacteristically calm and prepared for what he was about to do. Sean on the other hand seemed a bit surprised at the way he turned the bad card on himself but didn’t ask further. Another five minutes passed, five minutes where he didn’t talk with Sean, didn’t even look at him when he had no desire to and the time went so slow he was sure someone had frozen it. He reached for his glass when Sean suddenly lifted his head and his eyes followed a movement behind Louis’ head.

‘’He’s here, talking with the hostess-.'' a quick sip of his glass was taken before his eyes relocated back and the same sly smile formed. ‘’-She just pointed him this direction and from the smile, I see in my side vision he’s noticed you. So go on, do what you paid for.’’

With a sharp intake and the knowledge Harry was within hearing distance he forced his voice to sound sickly satisfied and a bit louder than necessarily.

‘’-And you know what, he bought it, going back and forth like some confused nervous little tosser pulled him in. He actually believed all the sappy crap I told, how he supposedly made me lose all sense and whatnot, like I could ever fall for a guy like that or anyone really. The whole relationship thing isn’t exactly my style, but I won’t lie, it was a bit entertaining to pretend for a while-‘’ he clapped his thigh as he pressed out a dark laugh mixed with a snort. ‘’-bloody smart move I never slipped up and told him I studied drama for a year during my youth before switching to journalism or else he might’ve called my act out. I should receive an Oscar really, everyone keeps telling me how well he reads people and shit but he bought my lie about being sexually harassed the minute I used the hurt card. Best performance of my life and let me tell you, I performed for fucking months and not just to him, everyone at that bloody building.’’

The lack of Harry’s voice reaching his ears or the touch of his hand gliding over his shoulder confirmed Harry must’ve overheard and probably stopped walking. He narrowed his eyes at Sean, silently telling the man to do his part and another loud laugh breached the room. 

‘’Sounds like a naïve loser if you ask me, so why did you bother keeping it up for so long then?’’

The sudden question from Sean took him a bit off guard, not expecting the man to indulge but he quickly composed himself and overdid his shrug.

‘’What can I say, at first I was desperate for a job but realised pretty quickly the man was a sexual fantasy walking around and I wanted a challenge. See if I could not only fool him to hire me but also charm him enough to give that arse up which he eventually did. Not the best encounter unfortunately, which was a bit disappointing when he looks the way he does and really made me work for it but eh, at least I can wipe his name of my list. Really have him around my finger more or less.‘’

‘’I must ask, why this whole charade of going out with him if you got what you wanted and aren’t interested anymore?’’

Again Sean indulged himself and surprised him, but it wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, perhaps it really sealed the deal for Harry.

‘’Well I happen to like my job, and I do need it. So playing along for a while is a sacrifice I must endure I suppose. If I drop him right away he’ll realise I was just using him for an exciting game and things will be a bit.. not good you can say, and he does have power over my position since he’s the boss. Can’t really risk that now can –‘’

‘’As shocking as this story is your guy is gone, didn’t look so smiley anymore and he stared at you with the biggest frown I’ve ever seen. Almost expected him to either rip you out of your chair and demand an explanation or punch your face in.’’

Louis leant back into his seat and let another sigh leave his mouth, not feeling the slightest bad about it but more exhausted over sounding so energetic. He’d done what he came for and he’d apparently succeeded, at least with round one, and anticipated Harry wouldn’t confront him too much about it when he didn’t seem like the type to yell his lungs out in betrayal. It would be easier if he kept his distance and made up some reason as to why they shouldn’t see each other anymore and end things. 

A part of him knew he should feel disgusted about himself and another part knew he would the moment his drug ran out. He’d done it to spare Harry the loss of his job, and he’d told himself an emotional hit would be the better choice when hurt would eventually fade and be repaired. Having your career fucked with was a harder hit and not so easily fixed, he knew all about it and he wondered for a brief moment if his would be over after everything. He did indeed need his job, and he didn’t think Harry would kick him off, not right away at least but the harsh choice of words he’d used didn’t leave him entirely convinced.

‘’If you really like your job and don’t won’t to lose it then why the hell did you set this up? And did you really do all that, used him like a toy for your own pleasure?’’

Sean continued to speak but Louis was done, he wanted to go home and sleep the rest of the night and figure out what he should do with his medication issue. He didn’t want to continue but stopping before the week ended was out of the question and he wondered how things would be from there on. Or well, he wondered for about a second or two as he drank the last of his beer and rose from his seat, placing money underneath the glass and tucked the phone back into his hand. A last glance was cast on Sean and he saw how the blonde held judgement in his eyes, which almost made Louis scoff when the man had played along.

‘’No.’’

Then he was gone, walking with active steps towards the exit and avoided meeting the hostess’ glance when he didn’t have the energy to tell dinner had been cancelled. Probably didn’t need to if she’d seen Harry walk back out after talking with him. About ten minutes away from the restaurant, he opened up a new text when it was expected of him and typed out the question he knew Harry was waiting for.

_Are you running late? I’m at the restaurant; you’ll find me in the bar :)_

He added the emoji to sound cheery as if he had no idea Harry had overheard his brag and stared at the phone with an empty expression. The screen lit up a few moments later with the excuse he’d been waiting for in return.

**I’m sorry, but I have to cancel, I won’t be able to make it.**

The message was short and unusually curt from the other’s he’d received, and he knew he was obligated to follow up.

_Oh? Everything alright?_

**An unexpected problem arrived, must deal with it.**

Before he had the time to type out another response his phone vibrated once more.

**Didn’t mean to stand you up, rain check?**

Harry didn’t sound pissed but he didn’t sound exactly thrilled either and that was the clue that told Louis the man was probably deep in thought. Every time he’d been around Harry he’d never heard him be disrespectful and he wasn’t through his texts either, even when he had a perfectly good reason to and the evidence was almost a bit impressive. 

_That’s ok, I understand. No worries._

Knowing the so called rain check would never happen he couldn’t help picturing how everything would make him feel once he was able to process what he’d done. It wouldn’t be pretty and the realisation should’ve made him flinched in pain and emptied his stomach but having his emotional spectre heavily sedated he barely bat an eye. 

 

•••••••

 

The first sign of hurting Harry wouldn’t go unnoticed was the vision of a silent Niall, the moment he’d entered work the following day the blonde man had been frowning. No words or accusations thrown out, which he hadn’t expected either, but the lack of humour in his eyes and smile tilting his lips upwards told more than enough. Harry couldn’t have shared the dinner disaster, not all of it when there were no signs of hatred in Niall’s face, only uncertainty and confusion. Probably knowing something wasn’t right and how it had to do with Louis, but his knowledge didn’t seem to stretch further. Which was at least one less burden to answer to, having to deal with both Harry and Niall, and eventually Zayn when he caught up, would be too exhausting.   
There would be questions coming his way but if Harry had kept the strike in detail hidden made it just a tad easier to avoid them. Especially as he had to play his part, the dumb role, pretending nothing major had happened until Harry either called everything off or for some reason confronted him. It should arrive within the day, if not then another scenario had to be done, which he really didn’t have time or energy left for.

The other sign was the lack of texts, usually he received one every morning and a couple during his lunch, but he’d woken up to a dead phone. No new notifications and an empty inbox, which he didn’t have a problem with but he realised it required more on his part. It was strange to think about, even with his lack of compassion, how easily he wanted everything to go away. He could perfectly remember how they had been together and how completely utterly disgustingly out of mind he’d been around Harry and how affected he’d been. There was nothing wrong with his memory, but the same affection and thrills were dead, drowned in a black pile of apathy which also made him think how strange it was he’d ever felt that way in the first place.

‘’Louis?’’

He snapped out of his thoughts and removed the pen he’d nibbled at between his teeth when he saw Niall standing at the opposite side of his desk.

‘’Yes?’’

‘’Do you mind coming to my desk for a bit?’’

Two brows rose as he studied the face of Niall, still no traces of anger there but the same uncertainty was lingering over his expression. The last thing he needed was a parental talk behind closed doors but instead of saying so he lightly shrugged and rose from his seat. They walked in silence, and once Niall shut them off from the rest of the department, he sank into the waiting chair with a thud.

‘’If this is pesona-‘’  
‘’Regarding your-‘’

They spoke over each other, and Niall cleared his throat before he moved to sit behind his desk, folding his hands together and observing Louis.

‘’No this isn’t personal, or not completely at least, it’s about work.’’

‘’Okay, what is it?’’

‘’I’m not sure, but you’ve sounded different this last week, in your work I mean and what I’ve read during the last months hasn’t seemed to come through recently. Don’t get me wrong, it’s well written but..-‘’ A new frown formed between Niall’s brows and he rested his chin on top of his hands. ‘’-it’s almost as if something is missing you know? The little extra you put into your words, and how you present what you’re writing, it’s more.. plain, straightforward and a bit detached. You understand what I mean? I’m not accusing you of having something bothering you or occupying your mind, but I felt the need to inform you of what I think.’’

Understandable, he could see Niall’s point, and he could agree to a certain point. His words had been plainer, presenting facts and nothing more, no extra personality colouring his sentences and he really didn’t have an answer to give Niall for it. Confessing it was because of medication and how it took away his love for sport among everything else wasn’t an option, and he chewed the inside of his cheek in thought. He hadn’t really considered how it would affect his work, and if there was one thing he couldn’t do, was fuck that up when his job was probably on the line already. He depended on the income when it was the reason he could feed himself and pay his bills.

‘’To explain it will turn personal.’’

The statement made Niall raise his head, blinking expectantly and slowly nodding for him to go on, apparently wanting to know if his suspicions were right. It was evident but what he would hear had nothing to do with his best friend, voicing Harry’s name was the last thing Louis intended to do.

‘’My cousin is sick. Dying actually, made an impact on me.’’

‘’Oh, I wasn’t aware you had a cousin, but that’s terrible news to receive, and I’m very sorry Louis, it must be tough.’’

‘’Yeah no I don’t know her, never met her since she lives in France with my aunt but she’s family, and my mum is really upset about it. She’s flying over there soon to be with them in her final time and help arrange a wedding so she’s been in tears ever since she heard the news. It’s been a bit.. difficult to focus on work I suppose.’’

It was another thing he never would’ve done if he was himself, milking a terrible situation within his family to distract the focus of having problems with Harry to Niall. Disgusting was what he should think of it, and he stored the fact at the back of his mind, having another issue to feel ashamed and guilty about later.

‘’It’s more than understandable, and I apologise if I made you upset by bringing up work during all of it-.''

‘’It’s your job to approve all final work so I get it, and you didn’t know, no one besides Zayn does, and I prefer it stays that way for now. Not ready to talk about it when it’s still raw.’’

‘’Of course, but please tell me if there’s anything I can do for you yeah? You’ve seemed a bit down, not yourself lately, and I just want you to know you can always talk to me if you want. I might not be your boss, but I’m sort of here in this department, and I like to think of us as friends so if there’s anything my door is always open.’’

With a little more strength he pushed out a smile, hoping it was enough for Niall to see it as a silent thank you. In a way, it was when Niall bought it and believed his story, which was, in theory, true but it seemed it made sense it was the reason he was not himself. He would probably never willingly step inside to share his mind shortly either way.

‘’Was there anything else? I’d like to go back to my work if not.’’

Another short nod came his way and when he was sure Niall wouldn’t say more he quietly moved his feet and left the room. As soon as he reached his desk, he noticed the clock on the wall showed time for lunch and instead of sitting down he kept walking. He didn’t stop until he found the cafeteria located above the reception, a place he’d rarely been when he’d used to spend the time with Niall or Zayn either by their desks or outside of the office. It was huge, like everything about Style Magazine and people walked in long lines, some carrying actual food while others stayed with liquid nutrition. If he couldn’t separate the departments off their clothes, their trays did the rest, pointing out which was hyper aware of their figure and who wasn’t.

A simple baguette and a bottle of water landed on his, and when he eventually found an available table at the far back, he slumped down. Eyes floated over moving heads, but he paid them no attention, a mere blur of colours faded along with the steady drum of voices as he turned his head towards the window. The weather was bleak; a grey carpet swallowed the blue sky, and a few droplets trickled over the glass at his side. They ran in slow movements, catching his sight for a weak flash before it blurred like the rest of the room. Nothing was interesting or worth taking the time to focus on and a dull nudge to his back when someone walked by was the only reminder other people existed. 

With everything stripped away it left him like a hollow shell. Incapable of finding joy with what once had brightened his whole day or able to consider other people’s feelings when he’d said something rude or been unrecognisable. Food lacked taste and turned into ash in his mouth; music became a splatter of noise and the rest of the things he’d enjoyed simply lost its appeal. He wasn’t dead, but he might as well be, a breathing corpse which had the power to drift lifelessly with the stream. Personality and life locked away, helpless to break free and nurture the feelings he used to have not only towards people but his passion as well. Being dead was perhaps a better option.

‘’If you don’t tell me what’s wrong I swear I’ll risk my job by going upstairs and accuse Harry of being the reason.’’

The harsh sound drilling through his ears made him blink out of a daze he hadn’t been aware he’d fallen into and steered his head in the opposite direction. A dark silhouette formed in his vision and the face of Zayn appeared, staring down with an angry expression.

‘’What?’’

‘’For fuck sake Louis, what’s going on?’’

‘’Nothing Zay-‘’

‘’Bullshit. You know how I spent my lunch? Standing right here, watching you stare blankly out the window for twenty minutes without noticing my present.’’

A short glance dropped down, and he saw how he hadn’t touched his food nor his water and when he fished out his phone he realised lunch was in fact over. A deep intake went up his nose as he closed his eyes and used his fingers to rub his left brow, sensing an unwelcome prickle at the back of his head.

‘’I haven’t been sleeping well alright? It’s not Harry, don’t push it further.’’

‘’Then what is it?’’

‘’I guess.. the situation with my family is finally sinking in? Maybe I’m in shock or something, haven’t been able to focus as well lately. It’ll pass.’’

A sharp sting of something terribly familiar flared over his chest as the words left his mouth and his eyes widened a bit. His eyes rushed back to his screen, and as he counted a slight dab of panic started to form, he’d forgotten his dose. An ugly churn settled at the pit of his stomach, and he could almost feel how his emotions tried to claw their way out, ready to fill his whole being and he jumped from his seat.

‘’Where are you going, and why are you so stressed all of a sudden?’’

‘’Back to work, lunch is over remember?’’

He managed to grab his tray but not move it when a firm grip landed on his arm, holding him back, and he could sense how Zayn came closer.

‘’You do understand this only strengthens my worry right? This is not like you, one moment you’re a fucking dick who’s all callous and doesn’t seem to care about what’s important, not anything at all really, then you space out to another dimension, and now you’re all jum-‘’ the grip tightened, and Zayn’s eyes darkened. ‘’-Not about him right.. that fucking shithead, I’m going to kill him.’’ 

The pressure left his hand and the moment Zayn removed his fingers his body moved, flying past Louis’ confused face and storming away. Another ugly churn blossomed through his stomach as he could practically see smoke steaming from Zayn’s ears, and it took him approximately two seconds to spin his heel. 

‘’Zayn! Don’t you dare, this is not any of your fucking business, and I promise you’ll be making a big mistake!’’

‘’Watch me.’’

It was all he received, and he found more strength in his feet as he ran after, trying to find some possible reason to stop the mission his friend was on. If he went upstairs, up to Harry which was the direction he was going, he would ruin everything, and there would be no escape then. Louis caught up by the elevator and slammed a hand over the opening doors as he breathed hard through his nose, sensing how his blood raced inside his veins. 

‘’Don’t. I beg you. You don’t understand, and I’m telling the truth, Harry has nothing to do with this. Can you just trust me on that?’’

‘’Honestly? No, not when you’re-‘’

‘’Please. Come over tomorrow and I’ll explain alright? Don’t go upstairs and ruin things for yourself when he doesn't have any answers for you. This is on me.’’

‘’Why tomorrow?’’

‘’I need time to figure out what to say, and I won’t be able to have my thoughts in order if you push me further now. Don’t do this to me.’’

His voice cracked at the end, an overwhelming strike of sadness, guilt and hopelessness hit him as the drug lessened its grip and he stared at Zayn for what felt like a million years. He couldn’t tell before Harry attended that horrible dinner, not when he feared the second Zayn realised what was going on he would storm into his office and spill it all. Alerting Harry wasn’t an option because then everything he’d done had been for nothing and the hurt he’d caused would just be extra misery on top of it all. If the devil didn’t see the pain in Harry’s face but instead anger and hatred he would know he'd been informed.

‘’Fine, I’ll push my rational side away this once to trust you so don’t misuse it. Yeah I know you’re back on those zombie pills, don’t think I don’t remember how you were the last time you used them. For you to be desperate enough to go there scares the hell out of me and the reasons I can come up with as to why you would do such a thing are making me want to commit murder.’’

‘’Just.. stop talking please.’’

‘’Wearing off? Good, use me instead. Launch everything you need to me and I’ll help as best as I can alright, just please stop taking them. I know you hate them, and I don’t want to have my best friend reduced to an emotionless shadow of himself again.’’

Strong arms closed around his body, and he let his head fall, resting on Zayn’s shoulder as the feelings stretched inside him. He’d been numb for four days straight and the shock of having them sneaking back, intensified, left a searing burn in his nerves. The temptation of taking another dose crept over his mind, but he bit his lip hard and hugged Zayn back, knowing everything would surface either way it would only hurt more if he did. At least he wouldn’t be completely alone with Zayn by his side.

‘’Tomorrow then, get some sleep when you get home babe.’’

 

•••••••

 

Louis was shaking. Hands visibly vibrated while his stomach clenched painfully, reminding him how awful emotions could be at times. Listening to Zayn’s words he’d left the bottle closed when he’d woken up, kept it hidden inside his jacket and not succumbed to the urge he felt. It was awful. Terrible really.

His mind was chaos, scrambled with images of Harry and how his face must’ve looked like at the restaurant, disappointed and hurt from being made a fool out of. Words he’d uttered played like a broken record, stuck on the ugliness he’d thrown like it meant nothing. Guilt clenched his chest, and all he felt like doing was scream his lungs out and punch the wall, exhausting himself enough to faint so the day would be over. He’d always known it was coming, it was inevitable, but he hadn’t been prepared it would happen so fast. In his mind, he would be a drugged mess a little longer, maybe even weeks at tops before he had to deal with reality but there he was, not even a whole week before everything collapsed. He could disappoint some more, prove Zayn he couldn’t be trusted and go back to the land of detachment but the more he thought about it, the angrier he turned. Things would change either way and maybe it was a good thing he stopped sooner rather than later, giving him a chance at escaping the hole of addiction. 

When he reached Style Magazine, his feet stopped in his tracks, pinning him a few inches from the entrance with a new wave of worry hitting. It was Friday, the last day and he only had a scary amount of hours left where he had to stay hidden. Running into Harry was the one thing he couldn’t do, not when he was suddenly hyper-sensitive about everything and would probably end up having an anxiety attack right in his face. The mere thought tightened his chest, and he could feel the start of one, closing his throat and making him more nauseated.

He closed his eyes as he placed a hand above his belt line and the other over his breastbone, letting a gentle sigh pass through his trembling lips. As he exhaled, his shoulders and the muscles of his upper body relaxed, calming him down and he closed his mouth to pause for a few seconds. He held it shut while he inhaled slowly through his nose, pushing his stomach out and stopped the second he inhaled enough air to feel comfortable. Another pause and he kept still before he re-opened his mouth and exhaled through it while pulling his stomach back in. Nerves eased, and he could sense how his chest opened up to breathe more healthy again but just to be sure he did the exercise once more before pulling out enough courage to breach the doors.

The moment he turned his laptop on, he busied himself with work, researching too much and writing several pieces at once, just to have his mind occupied and push away the thoughts that haunted. He could get through the day; he needed to get through the day. Working nonstop and skipping lunch he dared to find the clock and heavily sighed when it pushed closer to the end. Barely two hours left, two hours and he could rush home and work up another ball of courage before Zayn tapped his door and sent the dam breaking. 

‘’You need it within an hour? Okay shit, I’ll manage, but I’ll have to let one of my guys finish it since I have a meeting in a few. Alright? Ok, bye.’’

It took him too long to realise what he’d heard and who the voice belonged to but when he saw Niall run between desks a bad feeling stretched down his back. He avoided meeting Niall’s gaze and focused on his screen, trying to look as busy as possible and shifted his head away when he had a suspicion his sudden worry had to do with Harry. 

‘’Hey Mark-‘’ just the sound of someone else’s name made him close his eyes in relief. ‘’-Can I steal you for an hour?’’

‘’Right now? I’m kind of busy here and –‘’ the corner of his eye noticed how Mark frowned and looked down at his wrist. ‘’-I’m expected at the tennis court at three so I should be leaving shortly.’’

‘’Fuck, right, tennis. Okay, anyone who can drop work right about now?’’

A low mumble of _not really, sorry and I wish I could_ drifted through the desks and Louis shrunk even further in his seat, knowing he could but certainly didn’t want to.

‘’How about you Louis? You’ve been working like a maniac since you showed up, is there any chance you’re a little ahead? Don’t mean to place another burden on your shoulders but I could desperately need your help.’’

For the first time that week he almost felt a bit rejected at the way Niall called him by his name and not one of his nicknames. He had no right to, but the realisation Niall perceived him differently didn’t feel great, and he missed the easiness they used to share. With a dense head, he spun his chair around and smiled sadly up at Niall, knowing he’d lost and would do what he wanted.

‘’Oh yeah, whatever you need. I was in my own little world so didn’t pay enough attention to answer, sorry ‘bout that.’’ 

‘’Oh thank god-‘’ a genuine smile stretched over Niall as he clapped his hands and came closer. ‘’-So here’s the deal, got a call from upstairs that a last minute change was made and they need the piece I was working on for next month’s issue for this month’s instead. Had a warning it might happen, so I started early, but since it never came up and we’re publishing soon, I figured I escaped the extra stress but yeah, no. It’s almost done but the introduction and end are still just a draw, and that’s where you’re needed, go through it and finish it before you bring it to Harry ok? I’ll send it over right away and thanks, you’re an angel.’’

‘’Sure no proble- wait, can’t I just email him the final edit? I only have an hour right? Gives me just a little more time if I don’t have to deliver it personally.’’

‘’You’ll do that as well but with the lack of time, he'll go through it verbally with you instead of sending his notes back. So just read it and my comments, you’re a great journalist so I have no trouble trusting you to defend my piece if he has anything to say.’’

Then Niall ran back into his office and left Louis with bubbling nausea, spreading throughout his system and he clenched his thighs in a death grip. An hour, he had one hour to figure out how to face Harry with a cold face and one hour to finish Niall’s piece in the same expected standard. He was so close, so bloody close and he would be defeated right at the finish line? Experiencing the same signs as he'd done outside he went through his exercise again and again and again, and didn’t stop until he was able to let go of his thighs. 

Seeing no other option he sent a mental apology to Zayn and fished out the bottle he had inside his jacket, held it underneath the desk and shook out the dose. He would finish the article first, respecting Niall as much and then take them, praying the effect would hit him right before he entered Harry’s office. One last time chanted through his mind, and he bit his lip, he had to and to prove he was serious about taking them for the last time he threw rest in the garbage beside his desk and along with the bottle. Pushed it all the way to the bottom and then tossed some other papers over before he tied the bag and kicked the can away.

As awful as it was he needed Harry to stay hurt for the rest of the day, genuinely hurt and he could not see his pain stricken face without the sedation. It wasn’t doable and if he wanted Harry to buy the lie then lie he had to do, planting the final nail in the coffin. Perhaps Harry would forgive him later, if he learned the reasons behind or perhaps he wouldn’t, maybe he would resent him for taking the cowardly way instead of trusting him with the situation. It could go either way, leaning more on the disappointed route than anger but still, it could be enough for Harry to never look back. Which was the point of it all in the first place but he just hoped the devil would be dragged down with them if he decided to attack.

Forty painful and stressed minutes later he typed the final word on Niall’s piece and decided it was done, praying it complimented the rest of the Irish’s work and brought the hint of a standard. As soon as he stopped typing, he looked around, careful of any eyes set on him but when they all seemed distracted, he bent down and gulped the pills in his pocket. They scratched down his throat and left a foul taste as he swallowed harshly, not having water by his side made it worse and for a split second, he was afraid they got stuck. The last twenty minutes he spent rereading the piece and Niall’s comments, memorising it by heart so he was prepared for anything Harry questioned and hoped he would at least convince some fake interest. It wasn’t until he had two minutes left he sensed his galloping heart faded into a slow rhythm, how his shaking leg slowed down and how his enthusiasm in what he was focusing on left his system. Almost as if a light was switched off his whole demeanour changed, everything turned nonchalant, and he felt unconcerned about the meeting he was about to have. Like a robot, he sent the file to Harry and printed out a copy before moving his feet in the direction of his office. He arrived just seconds later and simply knocked the hard material of the door as he swung it open, yet again finding himself face to face with his boss. 

‘’I have Niall’s piece, and he told me to go through it verbally with you so well, here it is. Ask anything you want.’’

With slow movements he walked into the room and handed over the paper, watching Harry as his eyes lingered just a tad too long and a light frown formed between his brows before reaching out to take it.

‘’Thank you, Louis, please sit down. Did you help finish it?’’

‘’Yup. Didn’t do much, just used his words and created whole sentences, that’s all.’’

He found the chair and slid down, fumbling with his fingers and craning his neck around as he waited for Harry to read through. The same silence, like the last time, dripped down the walls and created a rather tense atmosphere, which even he picked up on but didn’t pay much attention. He had a suspicion something other than work related words would be mentioned, and he was ready for it, bringing the full rigidity touch to a whole new level. A few questions left Harry’s mouth while he kept reading and Louis answered, a flat tone bouncing back and forth until Harry placed the paper down and looked up with a weary expression.

‘’Well it’s good, as always from Niall and you wrapped it up in an acceptable way. I think he would agree and approve just like I’m doing.’’

‘’Great, nothing better. So if that was a-‘’

‘’I’m stepping a bit out of my zone here Louis and going against my own rule-‘’ a heavy sigh left as he dragged a hand over his head, clearly not comfortable or pleased with himself for touching personal subjects during work. ‘’-I’ve wanted to talk to you about something important but I haven’t had much free time lately and you’ve never been available when I’ve asked so is there any possibility you might be tonight?‘’

‘’Thought you had that dinner later?’’

‘’It won’t take long so I have time after if you do?’’

‘’Nah, Zayn’s coming over so tonight doesn’t work.’’

‘’I see, when does it wor-‘’

‘’If your big talk is about blowing me off at the restaurant than no need, it happens. Probably for the best.’’

A slight flinch flared over Harry’s face, and his frown deepened when his gaze met Louis’, struggling to find what he was looking for and unsure how to take what he found.

‘’Is it too much for you, us I mean? You’ve acted distant lately and seemed a bit less.. invested than you’ve been before. Or is it something else that causing you to take a step back, something you want to share?’’

Well, the ball had to drop at one point. The tone of Harry wasn’t accusing, but it was sharper than usual, hiding a challenge in there and from his choice of words it wasn’t difficult to understand what he referred to. 

‘’I didn’t know there was a, you and me, we never established anything, did we? I mean, yeah I know I said some things that might've hinted towards that but like.. Figure things out along the way right? I don’t mean to sound like a proper shit, but maybe we just got a little caught at the moment? You know what I'm saying? It was intense and a bit blinding, but I can’t lie and say it stayed with me when I left. Not sure if it was just a temporarily euphoria like I mentioned or if it was a strong thrill of doing something we shouldn’t that made it out to be more than it was.’’

Again Harry’s gaze searched Louis’ face to find what he was looking for and the longer he stared, the more his eyes darkened. The lively green seemed to wane with the silence and the usual spark reflecting back was concealed with dejection.

‘’I can’t say I’m not a little confused, thought I’d managed to figure you out on one thing, but apparently, it seems I’ve been a little blind after all?-‘’ his frown deepened once more before he drew a tight smile over his mouth and rubbed his chin. ‘’-But if it’s what you feel then I can’t say it’s not and won’t claim otherwise. It’s not my decision to make alone so if you want what we started to end then, I’ll respect that. I wish you would've talked to me, though, been honest about it instead of avoiding me. I’m still a grown man Louis; I can handle rejection.’’ 

‘’It’s probably wise if we go separate way yes, I can’t give what you want. I should’ve warned you at the start I suppose; I have a habit of giving people the wrong impression, always been too competitive, affectionate and easily go along with it since it makes me feel good at the moment. Messes with my perspective, the signals I send out and I do things that aren’t exactly real and say things I don’t necessarily mean so yeah, guess I’m sorry about that. For the avoiding part, I didn’t notice I did? Wasn’t trying to I just figured things had run its course, but I get your point, should’ve said something when I clearly led you on.’’

Having the decency and conscience of a sociopath, he figured that was the end of their conversation and rose from his seat, avoiding Harry's face as he stepped closer to the door. 

‘’Is this a harsh way of telling me you haven’t been as honest and yourself as I believed you were Louis, throughout everything you’ve said to me?’’

His fingers had barely closed around the door handle when Harry spoke up and caused him to stop. There was something in his voice, another challenge maybe and underneath a trace of provocation followed. With a small tilt, he steered his eyes back to Harry, only to be a bit surprised by what he saw in them. Not the disgust or betrayal he’d assumed but an observation, traces of hurt and perhaps a search for something to prove himself he hadn’t been completely fooled.

‘’You believe what you believe.’’

It was his final words and without hesitation, he walked away without looking back. It was done, over and he could go back to the land of horror, scream his life away when the medication wore off and live in the shitty hole he’d created for himself.

 

•••••••

 

When Louis reached his flat, the medication was almost out of his system, and he slammed his fist into his wall. Not completely breaking through, but halfway, and seeing the dent he’d made covered the searing pain shooting up his arm. When it left ultimately, he punched another wall, bruising his already swollen knuckles but the pain couldn’t compare to what he felt inside. He was in agony, and a sharp strike of anger turned him into a raging fit. 

He was mad, enraged, furious, livid and violent.

Instead of a panic attack, he experienced a blackout caused by wrath. Everything he came in contact with crumbled between his fingers and all he could see was burning red, convinced hell itself had approached. He’d slammed his door so vigorously the after shake had flared down the stairs and reached the people walking on the street. The echo had screamed the walls like a demonic hiss, and he’d kept the explosion going throughout his flat. Couch toppled over; pillows torn to shreds, and the table flew into the wall where it broke apart in a rumble of noise. The old sideboard by the previous couch lost their doors before the content inside rained across the room in ripped scraps. Pieces of books and paper decorated the floor like a heavy carpet, and when nothing was left beside the tv hanging on the wall two metal bars locked around his arms and kept him from reaching it. Unhuman growls and shouts left his throat as he trashed in the secure grip, kicking and clawing to break free while streaks of fluid scraped down his cheeks like knives.

‘’Louis calm down!’’

He couldn’t. Everything bled and broke inside and lashing out was the only reaction that kept him from crumbling apart. Blood and adrenaline pumped and raced through his veins, wild and searing, and he could hear how hard his heart cracked inside his chest. It was too painful, and he craved to take a leap and run into his wall with his head first, ending his misery and enter a peaceful blackness. The grip tightened around him, and he gulped air as it seemed to escape his lungs, forcing his muscles to stop wailing and he sank to the floor with the pull around his body. Adrenaline eventually faded but once the tightness around him lessened it bubbled right up and gave him another attack, in from of anxiety. 

 

•••••••

 

‘’How are you feeling?’’

‘’Wrecked. Destroyed. Exhausted.’’

Another blanket draped around his shoulder as Zayn’s tucked him in like a sick child and handed him a cup of water. Concern and worry painted his face sad, and when Louis met his tired eyes, his head fell, and he shrunk further into the cocoon of warmth. 

‘’You scared the shit out of me, I’ve never seen you so.. –‘’

‘’Insane?’’

‘’Pained.’’

A shaky sigh escaped his lips, and he nodded as he dragged a hand through his damp hair, sensing the tips of his fingers going slick. Pained, yes that was what he was, agonisingly pained and he felt helpless to do anything about it. Couldn’t do anything about it and he had no one to blame but himself, following demands of the devil.

‘’What’s going on Louis, let me help you.’’

Zayn’s voice was less accusing and more comforting, showing he wasn’t mad or irritated but deeply worried. It caused Louis to flinch.

‘’You can’t.’’

‘’Why, what do you mean by that?’’

He flicked his gaze back up to meet Zayn’s, and a deep inhale went up his nose as he prepared himself, sharing the horror he’d been dealing with. Barely a sentence into his story Zayn had walked away from Louis on the floor and gripped his hair in frustration, hissing curses the moment he’d heard Ryan’s name. Anger could be seen filling his profile, and he’d avoided looking straight at Louis as he’d finished his speech, sharing everything he’d done and why. 

‘’That fucking sadist, he should’ve been tortured and shot the first time he laid eyes on you. You have to tell Harry; you can’t keep doing this to yourself and let him believe you're anything that piece of shit says you are. This involves him too, and he has a right to know and make his own decision.’’ 

There was the reason he hadn’t wanted Zayn to know, he kept pushing Louis’ buttons and made him question if he’d taken the right way after all.

‘’You have an idea of how his father is like, but you didn’t hear what Harry personally said about him. He doesn’t love his son, he badly pretends but he can’t, and I can’t believe that man is capable of having genuine care after what he’s done throughout Harry’s life. Given a reason he will destroy everything Harry has worked for and I can’t be a part of helping him with that.’’

He tugged the blanket even closer, letting the thick fabric climb over his head where he was able to hide away from Zayn’s intense stare finding its way back. The lecture he preached without truly understanding made him feel nothing but worse. 

‘’Does Harry really mean that much to you, so much you’re gladly letting him believe you’re a heartless scum and at the same time destroying yourself to keep his career safe?’’

Hesitantly he peered out from the darkness he shielded himself with and stared a bit blankly over Zayn’s shoulder. For reasons he could not explain the words swirled through his mind and sent his head slowly nodding, understanding that yes, the man he was willing to sacrifice so much for had been carved into his chest and settled. 

‘’Just last weekend I told him I don’t believe in love at first sight, and I meant it, but I do believe in a moment, where two people glimpse the truth within each other, and you realise you don’t entirely belong to yourself anymore. I think I’ve reached that point, and it’s too late to take it back. And what I saw and see every time he's in my reach keeps whispering in the back of my mind that he’s the first who’s made my heart want to stay. That’s why this hurts so much more because I've done everything I can to make him believe it was all a lie.”

‘’Are you listening to yourself? You just don’t care for him, you’re in love with him Louis, if this declaration isn't telling you as much then surely this whole giving up your sanity does. So that’s it then, you have finally found what you’ve whined about for years, and you’re just going to toss him off? That’s not the Louis I know. You faced Ryan and lived once, went through hell and clawed your way back up, and now you’re just going to let him rip your life away again? And what if Harry is willing to sacrifice everything for you just like you’re doing for him, what if all this agony could’ve been prevented if you had told him what’s going on? I’m not trying to make you feel worse than you already do but Christ, this may be the worst decision you’ve ever made.’’

The strong words of Zayn created new wounds over his chest, and he flicked both blankets off as he rose to his feet, sorrow radiating from his eyes and cracks hitting his voice.

‘’How can I be that selfish? You say a lot of what if’s and yeah what if my decision turns out to be a huge mistake and he indeed would've sacrificed everything, it still doesn’t change the fact I would've lived with myself knowing I’m was the reason he lost everything else. I’m not enough to substitute and eventually he would've realised as well and ended up resenting me, and we would've been even worse. You haven’t been close with Harry, I have, and you didn’t hear him share how hard he had to work to get where he is today, I did. The thought of pissing on his accomplishments like they mean nothing just to mend my own broken heart is not what- It’s not something I can do.’’

‘’So what will you do when Ryan does what he did the first time around, and the media publish those photos? I have no doubt he will it and if Harry’s father is as ruthless as you say, won’t he ruin Harry either way? It doesn't matter if you’re out of the reach or not then, and your worst case scenario comes to life. Harry will be brought down and live with the beliefs of you playing him around like a fool, can you live with that? Doesn’t that make you worse?’’

Stabs of dread prickled over his nerves as he couldn’t shut out the voice of Zayn or his words, it sent a new round of questions and hesitation through him, but he couldn't buckle. No, he’d chosen the best of the worst options. Hadn’t he?

‘’No he won’t do that, not as long as I keep him pleased by letting him control me like some pathetic broken puppet and he claims to have respect for Harry’s father. Suffer is what he wants, to see me suffer, it has been his priority from day one and yes, I’ll give him the satisfaction if it means Harry remains untouchable. So yeah I’m doing this, it won’t come to life. It can’t.’’

‘’Oh so you trust Ryan of all people now? Wow because that man has never lied before now has he, Jesus Louis, how can be so dumb now? You blindly trust his toxic words when you know what he is capable of, I.. can’t understand-.'' Zayn puffed out, volume rising and he gripped his hair once more, on the bridge of scalping himself. ‘’-He almost sent you to prison for fuck sake! He could’ve if he’d been willing to risk some losses for himself, lucky enough he’s a narcissistic lunatic who places his pride above anything, even the sick twisted obsession he has with you. This will end badly no matter what, you must know that, and for your sake, you have to fix the extra suffer you’re causing yourself and Harry before this shit-show blows and it’s really too late.’’

No, no, no, Ryan couldn’t go forward after he'd done what he wanted, he just couldn’t because if he did it would mean Louis had been screwed over yet again and tricked into making everything worse. Proving how much of a brainless idiot he was. No, Ryan couldn't.

‘’I can't-.'

‘’Yeah you can, and you fucking will trust me, you know when I’m serious, you’ll do as I say or I’ll do it for you. Hate me all you want, I can live with that when I know it will help you, but if you don’t fucking get a grip and face the fight with Harry on your side, I’ll recruit him myself.’’

‘’You have no right to-.''

‘’Maybe not but I’m taking the right, threatening you seems to be the only way to make you listen. This can’t go on, and you don’t have the right to make me watch you ruin yourself without interfering or voicing my protest about it. And you’re forgetting one thing Louis-’’ Zayn took a deep breath as he willed his body to calm down, pleading for Louis to hear the reality. ‘’-Doesn’t matter if Ryan claims he respects Harry’s father or not because the man will never know it’s Ryan behind all of this. If he’s been able to assault his employees unseen for years then what makes you think he won’t be able to remain in his innocent spotlight the moment those photos drops? Don’t be a fool Louis and wake up from this dangerous fear you’re trapped in, he’s toying with you. Tormenting you so you’re already weak when he strikes and the guilty sign you’ve been trying to bury will shine brighter if Harry won’t be on your side.’’ 

Eerie silence. It wrapped around them like a suffocating rope and the longer they stayed quiet, the stronger the pull around Louis' neck felt. Something was breaking inside his head, crumbling and flashes of memories and possible future situations flared around, leaving nothing but pain. He didn’t need to fight against buckling under, he’d already been beaten several times, and it just snapped from Zayn’s constant hammering of ugly truths.

‘’I’m such a bloody idiot, I’ll lose anyway. Harry too. It didn't matter if I followed his threat or not.’’

Where had his mind been, his ability to see the bigger picture, Zayn’s last point made depressingly sense, and he realised he’d played into Ryan’s game perfectly. He would release them, why the hell wouldn’t he, the man didn’t have respect for Harry’s father when he didn’t possess decent emotions. Satisfied with having only Louis ruined wasn’t enough and of course, he’d known Louis’ fear would keep him from realising until it was too late.

‘’No it isn’t too late Louis.’’

Unaware he’d voiced his thoughts he snapped his head back to Zayn with a hard grimace.

‘’I shat all over him and practically laughed in his face, he’s attending that dinner tonight and Ryan will see it. He’ll see he succeeded an-.''

Small taps on his door echoed through his flat, and the faint sound felt like knives in his ears. With a light shrug of shoulders and a shaking head he could tell Zayn didn’t know who could be on the other side either, sharing the same confused look. A clammy unsettling feeling stretched inside when he flicked his eyes through the room, seeing nothing but chaos and destroyed furniture. With hesitant feet he walked over to his door, leaning an ear at the wood in hoped of hearing something that could give him a hint at who it was. No voice came but another round of taps drilled into his already sore ear, and he flinched back.

‘’Just open it.’’

Zayn whispered from behind and with a shaky hand he grabbed the doorknob and flicked his wrist, hearing the small pop and watched it swing slightly. The moment he tugged it enough to reveal who the taps had belonged to his whole body froze. Face included and he stared in shock when two tired blue eyes painted with a light makeup blinked back, thin shoulders covered with soft brown hair and a small mouth curving slightly upwards.

‘’Mum?’’

‘’Surprise?’’

Her voice was quiet and even though she smiled her face was strained, painfully reminding him of another situation he’d dealt with disgustingly and should be guilty about. Strength left his limbs and arms fell at his side as he blinked rapidly, feeling his heart break apart the last few pieces it consisted of. From his lack of speech and reaction, a silence dawned over them, and his mother blinked up in confusion.

‘’Oh I should’ve called, shouldn’t I? Didn’t mean to shock you that much honey, but my mind has been so occupi- Oh!-‘’ before she finished he threw himself around her thin frame, grasping at what he could hold and let a strangled choke escape his mouth. ‘’-What’s wrong? Shh, breathe darling.’’

She cooed him as a few more ugly gasps rocked up from his throat, leaving damp spots over her coat where they got swallowed from how close he held her. 

‘’What are you doing here? Why aren’t you in France?’’

He rasped out with locked arms, not able to let her go and step back to meet her gaze, neither did he want to when he hadn’t hugged her for so long. A comforting hand rubbed over his back as she swayed them back and forth, cradling him like she’d done all his life and he closed his eyes at the familiarity. 

‘’I’m leaving on Sunday, but I received a call from the man you work for-‘’ her voice abruptly died when her head rose from his shoulder and took in the sight. ‘’-Oh my god what happened, did someone break in? Look at this place; it’s wrecked!’’

She stepped out of the hug and walked a little further inside, looking around in bewilderment before she turned back to face Louis with a terrified expression. 

‘’That’s why you’re so upset, have you called the police?’’

‘’No it’s- Nothing happened- I mean-‘’ he closed the door and was about to give up and just confess he’d done it himself when he replayed what she’d said. ‘’-What was that, you received what from who?’’

‘’Louis you need to contac-‘’

‘’Harry called you? What the hell, why?’’ 

With a last glance around and sending a short nod towards Zayn who hadn’t said a word, she flicked her eyes back with a raised brow.

‘’You haven’t talked to him?’’

‘’No? Talked about what?

New confusion settled in her features, and a hint of worry painted her eyes concerned, burning a new hole inside Louis and he squirmed under her stare.

‘’About a meeting with his attorney, he told me a few things needs to be worked out, and he was very determined I should be there with you. He’s the reason I was able to come early, not that I wouldn’t have found a way but I had a bit of uncertainty with my resources placed into the flight to France. I feel guilty for letting him take the bill but he was charmingly insisting and very persuasive, seems like a decent man so I have to ask Louis. Why would you need to meet his attorney? He didn’t say much but he didn’t give me a reason to worry as his tone was very kind, but seeing how you didn’t even know and your face now I can’t say I don’t have a bad feeling.’’

The blood in his veins went cold as ice, and a bad shudder ran down his spine, unable to speak he stared dumbly and bobbed his mouth like a goldfish. In the corner of his eye, he noticed Zayn stepped closer, and suddenly the whole flat felt like a tiny prison where he couldn’t escape the piercing eyes trailed on him.

‘’Hello Zayn, nice seeing you again, it’s been a while. Do you know anything about this?’’

‘’No, I’m afraid not.’’

His brows furrowed and Louis gulped when nothing made sense, everything was spinning out of control and having to meet Harry’s attorney was the last thing he needed. Especially not knowing what said meeting was about, but the only suspicion he had made his stomach drop to the floor.

‘’He’s going to sue me, isn’t he? But I haven’t done anything; he can’t do that!’’ 

The repeat of the first time he went through hell bombarded his mind as he hissed out his dread, unable to stop the rising bile he bent over and removed the water Zayn had given him earlier. He couldn’t take more hits, couldn’t go through it again, and he shook when Zayn dropped by his side and threw an arm over his shoulder.

‘’Hey, he wouldn’t. He's not Ryan, you know that, calm down babe. He must have another reason, and you need to talk to him and hear what this is about.’’ 

‘’What else could it be, he’s never mentioned anything before and-‘’ he dragged his palms down his face, barely sensing his skin was about to peel off, and he looked back up at his mother. ‘’-when did he call you?’’

‘’Yesterday and he mentioned the meeting is scheduled for Sunday morning, but he suggested I should come down and be with you during the weekend since my flight leaves later the same day. Thought it would be better for you and we could take it in but..-‘’ she frowned as she placed two fingers at her temple. ‘’-if you don’t know what it’s about and haven’t heard anything then has it been cancelled?’’

Yesterday. So after he’d played off the horrible scene at the restaurant then and the realisation sent his teeth shattering from how hard he gritted. His breath died when he remembered; _I’ve wanted to talk to you about something important but_ , the thought trailed off, and he swallowed harshly while his eyes clenched. Harry had been trying to tell him something, something important that could’ve been what his mother had been called for. Most likely.

‘’I don’t- but even though things have been-‘’ he glanced at his mother from the corner of his eye and cleared his throat. ‘’-a bit unbalanced lately it’s still unlike him to not cal-.''

As if he’d been heard from afar a rhythmic vibration tickled his thigh, and the sound of a ringtone filled the room. There it was, his boss’s name decorating the screen and a surprising sting of panicked anger hit him and coaxed his finger to slide, accepting the call.

‘’How dare you contact my mum behind my back and what the fuck is going on, I thought you said setting up schemes was beneath you Harr- Mr. Styles.’’

He almost shrieked through the phone in hysteria, and his nostrils flared from how hard he was breathing, flinching when Zayn’s hand landed back on his shoulder.

‘’You’re right-.’’ The dark sound of Harry, who was very much calm, draped over his spiky nerves like a soothing balm, and he felt how the tension in his shoulders automatically started to drift off. ‘’-I should’ve been more persistent in informing you, and it was never my intention to make you feel attacked.’’

‘’So why didn’t you?’’

The accusing tone faded from his voice and his eyes dropped to the floor in shame when he knew he had no right asking. Still, the question fled his mouth before he realised and could swallow it back down.

‘’Well-.’’ A whisper of a sigh teased through his ear and he felt a new spark to his previous nausea. ‘’-I wanted you to hear it from me, face to face, instead of over the phone, but after our dinner didn't happen, I found it difficult to find time for the both of us.’’

Harry sounded guilty, too guilty, and it wasn’t right. The last of his anger flash left, and he shrunk a bit back from the two pair of eyes watching him.

‘’No I- I should’ve listened better yesterday, you tried bringing it up then didn’t you?’’ 

‘’Ye-‘’

‘’Okay. So you need me to meet your attorney?’’

A mix of terror and pleasure draped over his neck and made his voice tremble, terrified of hearing Harry confirm his fear and at peace from the low husky tone that possessed the power to make everything inside him heat.

‘’Ye-‘’

‘’Are you going to be there?’’

Another sigh tickled his ear, and he could almost picture Harry closing his eyes in amusement while his lip curled upwards from his impatience. Or well, wishful thinking was all he had left he reckoned. 

‘’Do you prefer me not to?’’

Yes. No. Yes. No.   
He couldn’t decide. Seeing hurt and disappointment transforming Harry’s face into something he couldn’t handle made him wish he would want never to see him again. But it was Harry, his Harry, his Harry before he chucked him away and how could he not want to see him? The broken remains of his chest bled.

‘’Will my answer decide if you’ll tell me what’s going on or not?’’

‘’Of course not, but after speaking with my attorney he advised me to let him explain the situation-,‘’ Louis took a sharp breath and the fading fear flared up, having the attorney step in couldn’t be a good sign. ‘’-and honestly, I don’t think I’ll be able to stay professional which will make all these people around me notified and you more confused.’’

Not alone, Harry was not alone. Not professional, another sign for bad news. 

‘’Oh, I see. You don’t have time to excuse yourself either?-’’ he pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head. ‘’-I’m sorry, but if the attorney specifically said you shouldn’t talk then its bad rig-.''

‘’I’ve excused myself from the table and unfortunately I don’t have much time before I need to go back but Louis-‘’ a cold silence was all he could hear before Harry took a breath. ‘’-Please don't work yourself up over this, it will make sense soon enough if you can believe me on that. You should enjoy the weekend with your mother, get enough rest and then you’ll know everything you need to on Sunday.’’

Excused himself from the tabl- he removed the phone from his ear and squinted at the screen, realisation dawning as he saw the time. The dinner, Harry was at the dinner.

‘’You shouldn’t have done that, not after how-‘’ again he glanced at the figure of his mother and quickly flipped around and barely whispered in the phone. ‘’things ended. You certainly don’t owe me anything.’’

‘’Common decency Louis, she’s your mother and she should be there. Look, I have to go but think about what I said.’’

Not ready to lose the sweet melody warming his skin he blurted out what he should’ve asked first.

‘’But what about me, I need an attorney for myself and-’’

‘’You already have one.’’

Then the line went dead, and he was left with more confusion than before, leaving him staring at the black screen with pinched brows.

‘’What did he say?’’

Without turning towards his mother’s voice, he let his hand fall and shrugged in distraction, unsure how he should take Harry’s words.

‘’I’m not sure.’’

 

•••••••

 

The weekend was anything but relaxing, twiddling thumbs and chewing his nails off was how he’d spent it, the company of his mother who never lost her strained expression by his side. He’d awkwardly explained his flat, avoiding the biggest reason as to why he’d been so mad and instead croaked out a sorry confession of how he’d fallen for his boss and how they hadn’t worked out. She hadn’t been happy, disappointed was the word for it, and he could see the same hurt and fear linger in her eyes from the first round they spent with attorneys, drowning him in guilt. Causing her pain had never been his intention, far from it but lying to her he’d never considered through his life. She’d believed him, though, bless her loving heart, and he’d assured her as best as possible the same nightmare they had been through wouldn’t be re-lived. If he’d convinced her he couldn’t tell, not when he wasn’t sure he’d convinced himself. Believing Harry he did but the dreadful knowledge of Ryan being out there, ready to let the walls fall whispered at the back of his mind. Shit show it would be, but as long as it didn’t include him being sentenced for blackmail and worse, it wouldn’t be an uglier nightmare at least. Or it might be, knowing it wasn’t just himself who would feel the strike.

After Harry’s call, he’d received a text from an unknown number, placing a location and time for the upcoming Sunday and he’d stared at the simple sentence for hours. With a nudge in his fingers, he’d contemplated calling the number, demanded an explanation and maybe even asked to be transferred to another attorney but he’d never been able to. Which was foolish, stupid really when the last thing he should do was show up completely blank and unprepared. Still, though, he found himself trusting Harry.

Late on Saturday, he’d spent the night sitting in his mother’s hotel room, mentally begged for forgiveness a second time when he’d found the strength to ask about France. She’d cried, sniffled and gulped through her words as she’d shared the heartbreaking news more thoroughly and he’d held her with as much care he’d mustered. Hadn’t his heart already been crushed it would’ve been from the sight of her. He had no personal relationship with his aunt, neither his cousin, but as Zayn had tried to knock into his head, they were still his family. It was sad, terrible, unfair and his sweet, sweet mother who’d longed for a lovely reunion with the sister she grew up with turned into a family tragedy. Not having the best resources his parents had been forced to take from their savings, and even then they could only afford the one ticket, making her take the trip alone with his father staying home. The obnoxious suit jacket he'd bought for the Christmas party glared at him, all the way from his flat, and he wished he’d never been stupid enough to get it. That wasted money could’ve helped, covered more than just a flight ticket, and he promised himself he would never again throw money down the drain.

 

•••••••

 

‘’You ready honey?’’

‘’No.’’

A gentle hand swept over his fringe and eased down his cheek, brushing his skin softly as she sent him a saddened look. Familiar perfume filled his nose, and he sighed a tad more relieved, feeling safer from her touch and smell.

‘’I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to burden you with this. You don’t deserve the mess I keep creating.’’

‘’Hey shh. You’ve had a tough couple of years but never doubt my support; I know my baby better than anyone and I can tell when you lie. Your heart is one of the gentlest and unfortunately the wrong people have taken advantage of the knowledge, but you’ll survive anything that comes your way.’’

‘’I’m not sure I’ll be able to this time mum.’’

‘’Why, thought you said Mr. Styles reassured you it wouldn’t be like last time?’’

He scrambled up from his position to lean against the bedframe, dipping his head back and staring at the ceiling as he couldn’t keep avoiding the real problem when their meeting was barely thirty minutes away.

‘’He did but he doesn't know the reasons for my actions-‘’ his shoulders fell along with his face, and he clenched his fists. ‘’-I did something repulsive, and it was for nothing, the blow will still come, and it won’t just hurt me but Harry too.’’

‘’What do you mean?’’

She straightened up where she sat, tilting her head to the side with raised brows.

‘’Ryan captured us on camera, and he threatened to spread them if I didn’t turn my back on Harry so I did. I just realised too late he will use them anyway.’’

‘’But-‘’ she frowned, not understanding. ‘’-don’t you think if you explain-.''

‘’You don’t understand. Harry runs the magazine but he doesn’t own it, his father does, and there’s no reason to try and describe what kind of man he is but.. He won’t tolerate the scandal of his son caught being intimate with me, the one who everyone thinks screwed over his first boss and he will take everything from Harry since I couldn’t fucking stay professional.’’

‘’Honey, it isn't-.''

‘’It is because I knew what kind of shit I dragged with me when I crossed the line and followed my needs instead of my brain. I should’ve known better and on top of it all I purposely hurt him, treated him so wrong even you would be disgusted with me. Had I only stopped to think for a second instead of letting my fear take over I could’ve prevented at least that blow.’’

Thin fingers crept over his cheeks and cradled him softly, bringing his face closer to his mother, and she stared at him with a stern expression.

‘’Louis William Tomlinson, this is not your fault. Yes maybe you should’ve kept your distance, but you were not alone in this. Harry chose to cross the line with you, and he was aware of what you’ve been framed for and still took the risk. He may not have anticipated for this to happen but don’t take the man for a fool, if he’s smart enough to run a magazine successfully, what makes you think he hasn’t considered what the media could print if it ever came out he was dating one of his employees, especially you? You are not allowed to paint yourself as the villain when you did what you did thinking it would protect the man you love.’’

‘’Oi, mum!’’

His eyes bulged out, and he snapped his head up, feeling his face flush bright red as he diverted his gaze everywhere except his mother’s face.

‘’You’re telling me I’m wrong? I’m your mother Louis and if that’s not the case then what was all this torture for?’’

‘’No I- That’s not- I’m not- It doesn’t grow that fast mum.’’

‘’Oh honey, feelings doesn’t go through a twelve step program where they have to finish each one before they reach their goal, they grow as fast or slow as they want and there’s no such thing as an accurate time fram-.''

‘’We need to leave now, or we’ll be late.’’

He sprinted out of the bed and escaped to the small bathroom the room had and shut the door tightly with shaky fingers, releasing a deep sigh the second he was alone. Warmth spread in his stomach, deepening the strong blush his cheeks held and he shook his head in disbelief from the foolish words of his mother. Zayn was right with his statement, his mother was not. Too fast, everything had been fast with Harry, but he’d not entered the state of no return. It didn’t happen overnight, just as he’d voiced earlier and he refused to consider the possibility when it would mean his heart couldn’t be pieced and taped together, maybe never.

 

•••••••

 

The firm Lionhart wasn’t far from his flat, and once they reached the entrance, he looked around, waiting for someone to greet them when in theory the building should be locked. When the clocked ticked and no one approached, he frowned and hesitantly pushed the front door, frown deepening when it slid open. 

‘’Hello?’’

He called out and within seconds another door opened from the back, and a middle-aged man with glasses planted on his nose came walking down the floor. 

‘’Louis Tomlinson I assume? Please follow me, son, I’ve been waiting for you for quite some time.’’

‘’You have?’’

Confusion trailed his voice, and when he glanced over his shoulder, he could see the same expression clouding his mother’s face. They followed the man with unsure steps, mouths shut and tension settled over stiff shoulders as he gestured with a hand for them to walk through the open door.

‘’I was waiting for Mr. Styles to inform you about the case but when he told me a few bumps in the road prevented him from doing so I suggested it was best you heard it directly from me. Makes it easier to answer any questions you might have.’’

The man smiled and moved his eyes over to Louis’ mother, greeting and taking her hand before offering him one.

‘’Right, case. I’ve waited the whole fucking weekend for some clarity so right about now would be bloody appreciated thanks.’’

‘’Louis!-’’ his mother scolded and quickly flipped back to Mr. Hauntley as the attorney had introduced himself as. ‘’-Excuse his language when he’s the reason you’re here but I’m not so I agree, start fucking talking or I’ll smack you over the head.’’

A small chuckle that sounded like fierce lightning and a hot summer breeze bore into Louis’ system from the hallway, and barely a moment later the sight of perfection stepped inside. Seeing Harry sent his insides melting and closed his throat, making it hard for him to breathe properly as his stare was frozen on the half amused face coming closer. Thankfully Harry avoided meeting his stare when he’d not been nearly prepared to see him there. 

‘’Hello Mrs. Tomlinson, it's nice to meet you, I’m Harry.’’

One large hand stretched out from Harry, and he held it towards Louis’ mother, failing at hiding the slight tremble as if he expected her to slap it away. 

‘’Yes I know who you are.-’’ To Louis’ relief she took it without glaring and when he saw the small smile spreading over Harry’s mouth and how it seemed to wash away his mother’s tight lips, he felt his own threaten to follow. ‘’-I can’t pretend I’m happy with this meeting and all the secrecy, but I appreciated how you contacted me and made it possible for me to be here.’’

‘’No problem at all and I’m glad you could make it.’’

Fuck the elegant lanky boy-man and fuck his ability to always be kind and respectful, proving he’d always been a bloody gentleman. Ignoring the flutter in his stomach Louis cleared his throat and looked back at Mr. Hauntley.

‘’You were saying?’’

‘’Oh yes, finally time to drop the ball.-.'' The man chuckled but when no one joined in it quickly died out, and he walked over to the large table, gesturing for them to take a seat. ‘’-I’m very happy to inform you’ll be a spotless man soon.’’

‘’Spotless?’’

‘’Exonerated, justified, wipe your slates clean. We're almost ready to appeal your case and this time Louis, you’ll win.’’

The room fell deadly silent, not even breathing could be heard and as Louis’ mouth fell open, he could feel how every pair of eyes burned through his face.

‘’What?’’ 

He piped up but didn’t dare to say more or even blink, afraid it was all in his head, and the slightest of movement would break his spell. 

‘’I have some of the people that testified they overheard you threaten your formal boss stepping forward admitting they were forced to lie. Ryan and his attorney tampered with the witnesses and made them lie under oath, which is a felony in its own. With the new statements they gave me and their willingness to testify on our behalf, we have evidence to prove he did.’’

‘’You aren’t messing with me right now, are you? I can’t handle another flick of false hope so please just tell me what you just said is true, that there’s actually light at the end of the tunnel that isn't the flames of hell.’’

A soft hand landed on Louis’ arm and pressed it gently, causing his energy to drain, and he sagged against the back of his chair with glassy eyes. He’d been discreetly prepared to hear the man burst into hideous laughter, smack him across the face and toss the real reason they were called in. 

‘’Not at all, the light shines very brightly-.’’ He smiled kindly and leant back. ‘’-But that’s not all, I have every intention to wipe it all, erase every stain and have your record as clean as it used to be.’’

‘’You can do- Its possible?’’

His voice was barely a whisper as his hands started to shake, vibrating on the surface of the table and he clasped them together to keep himself composed. 

‘’Very possible. Ryan tried to prosecute you for theft, sexual harassment and blackmail, and he made a mistake there. Focusing more on the harassment and theft while avoiding adding sexual assault, he damaged the outcome he wanted to achieve. From what I’ve read about the case he didn’t have the necessary evidence to prove you stole from the paper and in almost every case involving theft it will be pleaded down to a misdemeanour with a small fine and restitution. Which happened to you but don’t worry, I’ve found enough evidence those accusations was a lie as well so we’ll prove your innocence there too.’’ 

The man fished out a bottle of water from the suitcase by his legs and held it out to Louis but didn’t receive a response and quietly took it for himself. Watching him drink in agonising slow motion clawed at Louis’ impatience, and he was a second away from yelling in frustration.

‘’Regarding the sexual harassment those witnesses who are willing to confess they lied under oath is also willing to take your side, give their statement of placing you as the victim and sharing their story. I’m sure you won’t be surprised you weren’t the only one he abused, and they have now a reason to come forward. The other’s attorneys and I have built a strong case where we have him placed under assault and battery, false incarceration, bullying, stalking and lastly rape. When we prosecute, the blackmail card will flip around and pinned to him, sealing the case and place the man where he belongs. Behind bars, for a very very long time.’’

Rape. Just hearing the word made Louis flinch and realising Ryan had managed to hurt someone so badly caused nausea to claw up his throat.

‘’Is this real, am I awake? This nightmare will end?’’

He crouched down as his head came to rest in his hands, a string of rapid breaths filled the room as burning tears of relief burned the brim of his eyes. It was unreal and unbelievable, fucking insane and he was too overwhelmed to place the glaring dots together.

‘’It is very real Louis.’’

‘’But- Why- How-’’ 

‘’Mr. Styles contacted me last year, in November, presenting me the case and asking me to take it. I’ve worked for him a long time; I know when he sets his mind on something he won’t stop until he succeeds. I don't either. With help from a private investigator, the witnesses and the mole we placed inside Athlete’s Today we were able to get the results we needed and in full confidence I can say the case is strong enough we can’t lose.’’

The invisible baggage on his shoulders vanished and for the first time he felt like he wasn’t sinking, but rising from the black hole that had kept growing during the last years. That was until he unintentionally lifted his head and his gaze landed on the silhouette of Harry and everything clicked. As if his lungs got sucked out and his chest carved open with seething agony, it forced a pained choke to bleed from his mouth. 

Harry.   
Lovely Harry. Kind Harry. Caring Harry. Too beautiful for the world Harry.   
Harry.   
Selfless Harry who’d done everything in his power to bring Louis justice, found a way to erase the pain and ache his soul was scarred with and succeeded.  
Harry.   
The one who’d believed in him.   
Harry.  
The one he’d treated like he meant less than shit.  
Harry.   
The one who’d already saved him once.   
Harry.   
The one who saved him again.   
Harry. 

The moment his eyes betrayed him and connected with Harry’s he bolted. 

 

With a hammering chest and a raging pulse he fled through the door, mind in complete chaos and biting nerves steering him toward the exit. He couldn’t handle the realisation, learning what Harry had done for him when he was the last person who deserved his compassion. The crimes painting him would finally be washed away and the only way he would repay Harry was causing him a personal shit-show. Fingers touched over the handle of the last obstacle that kept him from reaching the fresh air outside, but when he tried to push, his body couldn’t move from the firm pressure curling around his free arm. 

‘’Louis.’’

No. No. No. 

‘’Louis look at me.’’

With a tug he was forced around, and once again met Harry’s gaze, boring into him and he stared wide eyes and a gasping mouth. 

‘’Why are you running, shouldn’t this make you relieved?’’

‘’I- No I-‘’ as if a hand closed around his throat his sound drowned and he swallowed harshly before he tried again. ‘’-I am but-‘’

‘’Then why do you look so sad?’’

Harry's demeanour lightly shook, sending faint vibrations up Louis' arms and his eyes were dark, clouded with confusion and frustration. It wasn't difficult to see Harry was struggling to compose himself and knowing he was angry made Louis flinch.

‘’Why did you come here today?’’

From how vulnerable his voice came out it took Harry a few seconds to speak, softness dawning over his face and washing away the line between his brows while his grip lessened on Louis’ steaming arm. 

‘’I needed to see you, the real you.’’

‘’You should be disgusted by me.’’

‘’Why would you say that?’’

‘’You know why.’’

The frown came back but Harry’s eyes never lost the softness and to Louis’ horror he stepped closer to curl a hand over the side of his face, letting gentle brushes with his thumb float.

‘’If you think I resent or even hate you, you're mistaken Louis.’’

His body betrayed him and flushed his cheeks, painting a light shade of pink to dance and he blinked up at Harry with frustration. He didn't understand.

‘’Why the hell not, you have an absolutely good reason. How I treated you and all the vicious things-.''

‘’Did you mean them?’’

A sledgehammer banged inside his chest, pulverising the broken pieces and he let his head fall to the side in shame. 

‘’I didn’t think so. Did you expect me to accept your harsh words and brutal rejection without questioning your reasons, why the drastic change in you? Have I given you the impression of giving up at the slightest hint of problem?’’

‘’You did question it, in your office. You stepped back, resigned, that qualifies as giving up. You should stick to that.’’

‘’Louis.-’’

Another hand curled around the other side of his face and with two warm hands his head was locked back toward Harry’s. A sad smile had taken place, but his eyes were full of an emotion Louis couldn’t dare believe he saw.

‘’This last week you have been a ghost, dead, and the coldness you showed in my office doesn’t belong to the Louis I’ve come to know. From the way you desperately wanted me to believe you’ve lied about Ryan when I already knew the truth was the final signal that something was seriously wrong. Taking a step back instead of pushing I figured I would be able to see the picture better and pick up what you didn't say. I came here today because I needed to see the relief on your face, your real honest emotions and if it showed, I knew it would be the right time to talk.’’

‘’But I humiliated you, lied and mocked you for everyone to hear, knowing you were standing right behind me in the bar and the thought of how your face must’ve looked like I-‘’ another choke cut him off, and a new punch struck him deep in his stomach. 

‘’It was harsh, I won’t lie, and it did strike me at first. But then I compared the Louis I heard in the restaurant to the Louis I’ve seen since the day you first started, and I couldn’t connect the two. It was a different person who happened to have the same face because you have always been betrayed by your feelings. It was as if you didn’t have any this week, removed from your system and when this-‘’ The warmth of Louis’s right cheek vanished as Harry brought his hand to the pocket of his jacket, dipped it inside and pulled out the one thing he never wanted to see again. ‘’-landed on my desk yesterday everything made sense and I’ve been so fucking mad since then. It may not show, but I’m barely keeping it together for your sake and the sight of this-‘’ his fist tightened so hard the orange plastic cracked and crumbled between his fingers. ‘’-makes me want to set everything on fire and burn the reason that caused you to take enough of these to become lifeless. Why would you willingly hurt yourself like this?’’

‘’How do you have- Who gave you-.'' 

Quick, painful breaths were sucked into his gaping mouth, and his hand automatically shot out to grab Harry’s arm, digging his nails into his skin to keep steady in his hold. It wasn’t possible; he’d thrown it away, pushed it to the bottom of the garbage and tied the bag. It couldn’t have surfaced by its own, but no one had seen him dump it. 

‘’I don’t know, it sat on my desk when I went to the office to pick up some papers but help me understand, what happened between last Sunday night and Monday morning that made you take such a dangerous decision?’’

‘’I didn't want to hurt you.’’

His eyes were closed as the harsh sting of tears burned his brim once more, turning his expression into the definition of heartbreak.

‘’I know-.''

‘’No you don’t get it. Of course, I didn’t mean to hurt you the way I have, but I used those so I couldn't hurt your career.’’

‘’What do you mean?’’

‘’He’s going to publish them, he’s going to take you down just because he wants me to suffer and I’m just so fucking sorry.’’

‘’Hey, please explain luv.’’

‘’Ryan!-‘’ eyelids flashed open as he shouted, unable to keep his frantic mind calm ‘’-He has photos of us, and he’s going to let the media have a frenzy.’’

‘’Why do a few shots of us frighten you this mu-.''

‘’They’re not innocent Harry! Too revealing and too telling and when it’s out there for everyone to see your father will-.''

‘’My father?-‘’ Harry’s frown crawled back and deeper. ‘’-What does he have to do with all this?’’

‘’What he has to do with it, are you joking? How do you think he’ll react when he sees his son getting practically wanked in the middle of a public pub with none other than the criminal Louis Tomlinson, the one who’s already sentenced for blackmail and sexual harassment decorating the media?!’’

‘’He won’t be able to touch you Louis-.''

‘’I don’t fucking care what he throws at me, I’ve already received the worst shit but you-‘’ his grip clenched so hard he was sure his nails were halfway through Harry’s arm. ‘’-You’ll be the one he lashes out on and ruin things for, he’ll take everything so of course I fucking did what I could to prevent that from happening but I.. I can’t stop it.’’

Every part of his body shook and twitched with uncontrollable nerves, fear and anger fighting to take over while a cold sadness filled his chest.

‘’So you- You caused yourself so much torture to protect me from my father?’’ 

He didn’t answer, couldn’t and he stared at the floor while his chest heaved. Why the fuck else would he have done it, it was what he wanted to say, but the words never left. The hand he had mauled Harry with lifted when Harry raised his arm, sliding it back over his scorching face and gently tilted it up. Too scared of what he would see he closed his sight, pressing his lashes as tight to his cheeks he could manage and focused on his breathing. Careful fingers twirled a lock of hair behind his right ear, and a breeze of warmth swept over his mouth before Harry stole the last few pieces of life he had left. He was dead. Dead for a full moment until a flicker of light broke behind shut eyes and stilled his raging mind, clearing the tension in his limbs with soothing strokes and filled him with new life as tender lips closed over his. A whispered sob drowned into Harry’s mouth and he sagged in his hold, unable to stop the few droplets that betrayed his eyes and escaped down his cheeks. They itched his skin, but it didn’t take long until they were smoothly swiped away with the gentle swirls of Harry’s thumbs. 

‘’Sacrificing everything to keep a position and remain success isn’t what’s most important in life Louis. It’s not for me.’’ 

Hushed words prickled over his lips and mind, not understanding how Harry could even stand to look at him, kissing him had to be a sweet dream. Maybe he had died, experiencing a last glimpse of euphoria before hell welcomed him.

‘’But it’s not right, you shouldn’t have to suffer because I have misery following my every step. You don’t deserve to be dragged down with me.’’

‘’You are innocent Louis, you know it, and I know it, soon the rest of the judgmental eyes out there will know too. Don’t forget that; you’ll have your name cleared and finally be able to punish the one who should’ve been punished from the start. If there’s someone to blame it’s him, it’s always been him. But I have to take a piece of the cake as well at the situation between you and me.’’

‘’What no, you haven-.''

A light pressure of Harry's index came to rest against his lips while Harry tilted his head to the side, sending him a sad smile.

‘’If I’ve told you from the beginning I was investigating your case, and what we found along the way, you wouldn’t have gone so far to drug yourself to push me away. That was my mistake, and I regret my decision but I was unsure how you would take it, and I didn’t want to cause you more pain if it turned out we couldn’t appeal the case.’’

‘’No I don’t blame you, I can’t blame you for anything when all you’ve done is believed me and fought for me. Can’t even begin to understand you did this, why you decided it was worth your time when back in November we barely knew each other.’’

The rare sight of red filled Harry's cheeks as he let his gaze fall to the floor as a small chuckled eased from his mouth. He shook his head slightly before bringing his face back up.

‘’If you can’t blame me then how do you expect me to blame you when we shared the same intentions? You wanted to protect me, and I wanted to protect you-.'' The fingers that had never left Louis’ side kept the gentle touch of strokes and he leant into it. ‘’-There’s something about you, been from the start and I remember the first moment I watched you walk into my office after I hired you the rest of the room seemed to just.. Fade when you stole every light and simply glowed. You were happy, so relieved and thankful for being believed and given a chance. I respect and support my employees, the best I can, but when I saw the heartfelt gratitude in you and overheard what Ryan did to you the day you told Liam, I decided you deserved more.’’

‘’But your father, he won’t care I’m guilty or not, and I heard you say it; he doesn’t accept you, barely loves you if at all and he buried your passion once. What makes you think he won’t do it again when you’ll be exposed the one way he’s done everything to prevent?’’

Even though he was in Harry's embrace and could hear the honesty in his voice, he couldn't find the power to calm down. He was confused and scared and fond, even a tad relieved but still, his nerves were on alert. 

‘’You shouldn’t overestimate my father Louis, he has power but not as much as you think. He won’t just lose me but my sister and her husband too, Niall and you as well. They’ll walk away without hesitation, and I don’t know, I have a strong feeling your friend will too. If my father doesn’t care he’ll lose so many brilliant people who helped me raise the magazine to where it is then I hope he kicks me out, he doesn’t deserve their talent. Including yours.’’

‘’What about your accomplishments, everything you’ve worked for? You’ll abandon them without a fight?’’

‘’I’ll create new ones and who knows, maybe I’ll even reconnect with my long lost passion. Start that band with Niall you talked about-’’A wide grin stretched Harry’s lips, and his eyes crinkled with mirth, sending a quick wink which caused Louis’ left eye to twitch. ‘’-I told you once my job comes first in my professional life but second in my personal and you and me, with all this mess, is my personal life. My job is not top priority here.’’

Harry didn't hate him. Didn't resent him, wasn't repulsed or disgusted, he was.. Loving, caring and showed him affection.   
It was, unbelievable and he just couldn't understand how Harry was able to possess the power of such a kind heart.

‘’I fucking hate Zayn. And myself.’’

‘’Why do you say that?’’

‘’Because that shitty idiot was right while I was painfully wrong, so bloody wrong and I’ve never been more of a fool. All of this unnecessarily shit for fucking nothing and he knew that shithead, why couldn’t I see it? Why couldn’t I trust my instinct and fucking told you right away? God I’m stupid, and I played right into Ryan’s hands.’’

His fists clenched and he bore sharp teeth into his bottom lip to keep himself from screaming.

‘’Fear tends to have that effect.’’

‘’You don’t hate me.’’

It wasn’t a question, but the shock on his face was still there as he stared wide-eyed at the fond spreading over Harry’s expression. Ridiculous really. After the way he’d behaved, and Harry dared to show him affection and care, the man was insane, just like he’d always suspected. So when Harry softly shook his head, Louis snuck his arms around a thin waist and buried his face into the familiar curve of Harry’s shoulder, smiling when the natural scent of his skin eased up his nose and calmed him. 

‘’But you don’t believe in a third chance, you only give a second, and you’ve already given me mine.’’

‘’It was a second chance for you Louis, I just gave you a chance. I’m not considering this as me giving you another when you haven’t given me a reason to think you failed your first.-’’ 

A tiny string of warmth swirled inside his chest, slowly but surely tying the shattered pieces back together, and he dared to hope it could be when Harry hugged him with the same pressure.

''-I've missed you.''

Louis pressed himself closer and drowned the ugly whimper that shot from his gut into Harry's shoulder and just held him, not wanting to miss another second of the warmth radiating from Harry's body.

 

Cried. His mother had cried, heavily. The moment he’d stepped back into the room after his talk with Harry the first thing he’d seen where a sobbing mess that resembled his mother. She’d cried enough for them all, filled the room with salty tears and hugged him so tightly he was surprised what strength laid in her tiny frame. A ramble of nonsense spilt from her mouth and deafened his ear as she wouldn’t let him go before he had to peel her off. Then she’d found Harry, sobbed even louder in his ear, and the man had simply tightened his hug and stroked her back with comfortable strokes. Even the attorney had received her gratefulness, but it was Louis who’d been the one she’d clung to after, never left his side for the remaining time she was there and kept sharing her relief. If he was shamefully honest, it hadn’t been too hard to say goodbye to her at the airport when the overwhelming affection was getting out of control. With a final bone crushing hug and a kiss on her cheek she’d stepped away and boarded the plane to France and Louis had felt he could breathe again.

Two days after her departure the photos dropped. 

 

•••••••

 

Knocks, rapid knocks hit his door at the same time his phone went off, blaring the ringtone and he blinked in complete blankness for a short second. The number flashing over his screen was unknown, and he silenced the sound as he walked to his door, feeling a shot of butterflies burst the moment he opened it.

‘’Harry? What are-‘’ Dark eyes settled on his and searching fingers closed around the fabric of his tee. ‘’-you doing he-.'' 

A firm tug pulled him flush against Harry and a hungry mouth closed over his as Harry pushed him backwards and slammed the door with his foot. Heat automatically spread over Louis’ body when a tongue slipped past his gasping lips and crashed him into the nearest wall, Harry never breaking contact but instead pressed himself closer. Again his phone went off but before he had a chance to fully acknowledge the fact Harry fished it out from his pocket and shut it completely off before sliding it back. The unexpected dominance and need within him tapped all the right buttons in Louis and a deep moan crawled up his throat when sharp teeth sank into his bottom lip, almost breaching the skin.

‘’god.’’

Lungs gulped air the second Harry let go of his mouth, leaving a mix between bites and kisses over his jaw and down his neck while hands found bare skin under the hem of his tee.

‘’They hit today.’’

The huskiest whisper he’d ever heard from Harry seared down his spine and made his stomach clench, spiking his nerves and clouding his mind.

‘’Wh- What?’’

‘’The photos, surfaced twenty minutes ago.’’

A nudge, barely affecting him, tapped at his brain to focus, but the pleasure Harry’s mouth and hands left over his body pushed it further away.

‘’Yeah?’’ he breathed with a tremble.

‘’Yeah, had a good discussion with Ash about it, not so good with my father but they both knew before it happened, though.’’

The nudge pushed a little stronger, and he was able to peel his eyes open, blinking a bit while deep suction went up his nose and he forced his face toward Harry’s.

‘’You alright?’’

Burning pleasure pooled in his abdomen, and he gasped loudly when Harry sank his teeth into his collarbone and his back arched when a large hand slipped beneath his waist.

‘’Fucking excellent. Never better.’’

Shadows danced over his vision when Harry dropped to the floor, tugging the loose trackers around his hips and scraping nails over his inner thighs. Knees threatened to buckle as he felt new marks settled over his hipbones, bright red flaring his skin and he gripped Harry’s hair when his tight briefs slid down. Warm wetness closed around him and dragged the final lust forward as Harry’s head sank, taking him all the way and held him painfully long before pulling back.

‘’holy fuck Haz.’’

Just as the nickname fell from his lips the suction around him tightened, stealing his ability to breathe for a moment and a gurgled nonsense squeezed out. The pressure was so intense, and Harry’s desire was so strong, sending Louis into a bubble of satisfaction where he couldn’t tell what was what. Knowing Harry enjoyed it he clenched his fingers, pulling the soft hair that had turned slightly damp and he was rewarded with a deep moan vibrating up his length. His head fell back, and he panted up at the ceiling when the movement around him went faster, bobbing with a passion he had rarely received.

The muscles in Harry’s jaw was strong, and when he hinted for Louis’ to thrust, he barely kept himself from coming with just the thought. Fierce eyes stared up when he glanced down, raw and hungry and the lips taking all of him were barely visible from how far they stretched. A tongue massaged his head each time he pushed in, and he scrunched his face when the sting of teeth scraped over when he pulled back out. The heat spreading through his stomach appeared too fast and threw his head back against the wall as he hissed through pursed lips.

‘’Too close.’’

His blood boiled, running wild inside his veins and sent his skin on fire as large palms slid up the back of thighs and cupped his bum with a secure grip. Moans and gasps fought to get out and they hit the walls with a volume anyone in the building could hear. His muscles tensed as the heat built up, breaking the last of his restraint and when Harry pressed a finger against his rim until it slipped inside his withhold dissolved. He came loudly, screaming out the familiar bliss exploding through his body as Harry swallowed him down, and he slid to the floor when his muscles reached the level of useless.

‘’You want me dead, is that it?’’

His chest heaved, and he panted as he reached out a hand to swipe away the drop Harry’s mouth had missed with his thumb. With a dazed grin Harry caught his finger with his lips before he could pull back and licked it clean, sending a new fire of lust painting Louis’ eyes black. With sore muscles he crawled forward, copying Harry’s movements by grabbing his shirt and pulled him closer before using his weight to push them down.

‘’So bloody irresistible, don’t fucking deserve you.’’

The lack of skin made his hands itch, and he flung the open jacket covering Harry’s shoulders off before pushing his shirt up, desperate to get it as far away he could, and Harry eagerly helped by kicking his shoes off. A grunt reached his ears and was quickly replaced with a growl when he moved his mouth over Harry’s throat and down his chest, giving his attention to a hard nub.

‘’You deserve everything Louis.’’

Hips rolled up to meet his and the sensitivity still lingering made his nose take a sharp intake as his teeth clenched automatically around the nipple, tearing a rough cry from the shivering body beneath.

‘’Fuck Louis.’’

He straddled Harry’s hips as he chucked off the last of his own clothing and bent down to catch his earlobe, whispering as he slowly popped the button of Harry’s trousers.

‘’I want to feel you inside this time luv.’’

In a flash of movement Harry’s naked body was on display and the rush of kisses tingling over Louis’ neck caused a light chuckle to leave. It deepened when Harry stretched to reach his jacket and fished out a condom and a small packet Louis could only hope contained the slickness he lacked in his flat.

‘’Eager are we?’’

‘’Oh god yes.’’

‘’Planned it did ya?’’

‘’God no. Bloody smart to always be prepared, though.’’

Another chuckle pushed out but drowned in a moan when Harry moved his hips, grinding them together, and ripped the packet open to confirm it was indeed what Louis had hoped. His head rolled back, hanging over his shoulders with closed eyes and an open mouth when Harry covered his fingers and slid them between his cheeks. Slow circled manoeuvres teased his opening, and he huffed in impatience as he could feel how Harry grinned into his collarbone.

‘’Any longer now and your fingers will dry- oh God.’’

His back arched when a long finger shut him up and sank inside, stretching him and rubbing him the right way. It pushed in and out in a sweet rhythm and caused the earlier heat to flood his nerves with new sounds that left his throat. It had been a while since he'd let someone touched him that way, it was rare for him, and he was grateful for Harry’s experience, stretching him slowly and causing him more pleasure than the slight burn he’d been used to. 

Then another finger, making sweat break his skin and muscles to tremble. Breathing deepened while his eyes kept shut, taking the sensations in and the third didn’t come until he started rocking his hips. He found Harry’s mouth and lapped over it, puffing and moaning into it as Harry picked up his speed and made everything inside clench with hunger. Palms slid over broad shoulders, and he brutally scraped Harry’s back when the fingers graced his most sensitive spot inside.

‘’Yes. Yes. Yes.’’

His movements quickened, and he pushed back to meet the thrust of Harry’s hand, chasing the pleasure he knew were to come, and his moans hitched. 

‘’Don’t tease me any longer luv.’’

Another flash and Harry had removed his hands, placed the condom on and used the left of the packet to cover himself as he waited for permission to continue. Louis dragged the bottom of his lips between his teeth as he lifted hips to adjust himself and eased down. A new pressure pressed against his opening, a bigger pressure and his eyes shut open, blown from the feeling of Harry pushing inside. A croaked moan escaped Harry, and the grip around Louis’ waist hardened, forming bruises in the shapes of large handprints.

‘’So bloody tight.’’

He took a moment to breathe before the rest of Harry moved in and both their breaths hitched when his bum was back on Harry’s thighs. Too much. Always too much and his vision clouded when he found strength to move. Lighting of pleasure flared through his system, electrifying his nerves with tiny needles as the fullness overwhelmed him. 

Harry could move. Really move. A rhythm quickly developed and the sound of filthy moans and skin hitting skin as Harry thrust up to meet his bounces drowned the room and every thought in Louis’ mind. Everything was a pleasure and nothing else registered, the cramps in his thighs and the rivers of sweat sliding down his back were blocked, and all he could sense was Harry. Nothing more and he was fucking vivid. Harry brushed his spot, just the slightest and his back nearly snapped from the sudden shock, so when Harry found it again and gave the rest of his strength, Louis left the bloody planet. 

 

•••••••

 

‘’Why do we always end up on the floor? We both have excellent beds.’’

‘’Would hate to miss the extra minutes it takes to relocate from a to b. My excuse.’’

The widest grin broke out of Harry’s face where he laid back, arms behind his back with Louis’s head tucked into the crook of his neck and a hand slowly stroking over his chest. Feet were tangled, and the only layer that separated them from the floor was their clothes, giving the false sense of softness, and they barely draped over their hips.

‘’The first time you entered my flat you see nothing but ruins since I haven't bothered to clean up, and I made you sleep naked on the floor, what a host right.’’

A strong muscular arm curled around his back to tug him closer, making them become one and the smell of Harry’s scent, a layer of sweat and a touch of sex tickled his nose. He’d never smelled anything better.

‘’I agree, I’m appalled you didn’t have the decency to open the window so I would freeze as well.’’

Having all of his strength drained the hand he smacked Harry with was weak and barely noticeable, causing them both to chuckle.

‘’You’re such an idiot.’’

‘’The flat can always be fixed, and I’d rather sleep on the floor with you than alone in the world’s most comfortable bed.’’

A snort left him automatically, and he pressed his cheek into the soft skin between Harry’s collarbone and shoulder as he tried to hide the ridiculous grin his face created.

‘’and a sappy little shit.’’

He traced the tattoo decorating Harry’s thigh and rolled his eyes.

‘’Tiger, who are you trying to fool, you’re more like a kitten luv.’’

‘’Definitively tiger, with a hint of a kitten when I’m around you. A hyped one on steroids or somewhat.’’

‘’That’s just terrifying-‘’ a breathy laugh tickled Harry’s side and caused him to shiver. ‘’-I would rather say a kitten with its sweetness and the strength of a tiger inside which makes more sense. Reflects you pretty well actually.’’ 

Teasing fingers drummed against his ribs, and he spluttered out strings of shrieks as the side of him twitched and squirmed, getting nowhere as Harry held in place.

‘’Okay okay- ahah- fine, you’re a- oof- bloody t- tiger. Big deadly tiger just sto- stop!’’

The pressure at his side faded, and he took a deep breath to calm his drumming chest, but it was for no good when Harry nuzzled up his throat and left soft touches along the way.

‘’Will you go away with me when everything is over? I think some peace and quiet in a relaxing environment will do you good.’’

‘’Really? You want to whisk me away into the sunset there Styles?’’

A sweet hum vibrated up his throat as he pictured it in his mind, liking what he saw and the thought of them relaxing together on a deserted location made him ache for it. Harry’s response was silenced with rushes of sound seeped through the door, gaining Louis’ attention but he was only able to realise it was feet stomping closer before the door burst open.

‘’I came as soon as I saw- Wha-‘’ Zayn halted in his step, bright shock on his face before understanding struck and he flinched around to shield his eyes. ‘’-oh god, fuck shit-‘’

It took Louis’ mind depressingly slow to recognise his best friend and how he’d just seen them half naked and tangled, and he shot up from the comfortable position to tug the jacket over his lap closer.

‘’What the actual fuck Zayn?!’’

‘’Sorry! But I saw the photos, and when my call went straight to voicemail I needed to be sure you were ok, how the fuck would I know you were busy?!’’

Zayn’s arms lifted to show his frustration but when he started to crane his neck around Louis’ fingers gripped the nearest object and flung it forward, only realising it was one of Harry’s shoes as if flew out of his grip.

‘’Keep your greedy eyes to yourself, if you dare take a look i’ll fucking scrape them out with the tiniest needle I can find!’’

Laughter sprung from Harry and it mixed with the scoff Zayn made but Louis did neither, he was serious and had no second thoughts about mauling his friend if he was stupid enough to turn. 

‘’Trust me, I’ll be glad if I never have to see your shit again, and I can assure you I have no desire to see..-’’ Zayn cleared his throat awkwardly. ‘’-you know’s.. parts.’’

Movement registered in Louis, and when he flicked his gaze, he saw how Harry stretched and reached his briefs, quickly sending out a sly smile before sliding them on and rising to his feet. With a few long steps he reached Zayn and folded his arms around the unprepared man but all Louis could see was how the muscles in Harry’s back moved beneath his pale skin.

‘’Louis, why the hell is my boss hugging me and if he’s fucking naked I’ll scrape out _your_ eyes if you fucking blame me for this.’’

‘’I just wanted to thank you Zayn, you’re a good friend, and I believe you were behind knocking some sense into Louis. Don’t worry; I’m covered, and I’m not your boss anymore so please don’t treat me as such.’’

That particular statement snapped Louis out of his staring, and he blinked confusedly before finding his own briefs to clothe himself and relocated his voice.

‘’He’s already fucking fired you?’’

Harry stepped out of the hug and turned along with Zayn to look back, a sincere smile forming and warmth dripping from his eyes.

‘’No, I quit.’’

An echo of _what_ barked from Louis and Zayn, and he could feel his right-hand twitch as new confusion approached when he watched Harry grin wider.

‘’Even though I loved my position I didn’t love everything about my job and answering to my father and be in constant battle with him was a large negative part that drained me. I’m tired of always giving my all to someone I cannot respect, and I want to be selfish for once, do what feels best for me. The magazine will still survive even if I’m gone and I’m ready to start a new chapter. Will you consider starting it with me, Louis?’’

‘’but- you- Is it really what you want, you’re not just saying this because you want to spare me the guilt of getting you fired? What about everything you’ve invested, everything you’ve worked so hard for?’’

‘’The thought has lingered at the back of my mind for quite a while now, before you ever stepped inside my office and I’ve decided its time. And what I worked so hard for I reached, I achieved my goals, but I have other dreams I want to pursue. Dedication and ideas I will never get back, but I don’t want them back, they helped me gain respect and a good reputation as a leader, a few passionate photos won’t change that.’’

‘’You’re saying it as you know.’’

It was Zayn who shot in and without losing the grin off his face, Harry shifted to face Zayn with a small nod.

‘’I made a deal with my father.-‘’ his gaze flickered back to Louis. ‘’-remember I told you I spoke to him before they dropped?-’’when Louis nodded he continued answering them both. ‘’-I informed him what was coming and who was responsible, the conversation turned rather heated when he refused to listen but after I made him read your case he went silent. I could see the cornered feeling he had, and I offered him a peaceful end. I would quit in silence and take the drama away from Style, be sure to claim he’s done nothing but love and support me throughout my life and say he’s the reason I became so successful when I answer to one of the hundred requests for a statement. I’ll let him address it the way he sees best for his ego and in return I demanded all the battles he’d managed to conjure up in his head during our thirty-minute conversation to be erased and leave you and me alone. Stay quiet and never bring it up again. If he doesn’t, I will make sure his name is closely attached with Ryan and his downfall, reminded him having that name staining his sleeve will be far worse than an exonerated criminal who was never guilty to begin with. For once I believed he took me seriously.’’ 

Heavy silence dropped around them, Louis staring dumbly ahead as he had trouble taking it in, still not sure if everything that had happened the last few days had been a cruel joke. Sharp laughter barking out of Zayn snapped him out of the unresponsive state he’d fallen into, and he quietly stepped closer to Harry and hugged him tightly.

‘’I fucking told you he would give it all up for you, you miserable little shit.’’

‘’Would you be so kind and shut the hell up and while you’re at it get the fuck out before you witness something I’ll kill you for seeing.’’

Zayn was out before the words ended but Louis and Harry, they didn’t leave the flat until the next day. 

 

•••••••

 

The time that followed were both a nightmare and the best moments of Louis’ life. His phone had exploded the second he’d turned it back on, and texts and emails had rained down his screen, causing him a flashback to the first time it had happened. Not letting the pressure get a hold he’d shut it off and left if off for good as he’d bought a new along with a new number. He’d changed his email and only notified the few people and companies he saw necessary, forgetting the rest of the population excited. With his flat wrecked, his lack of restoring it, and barely livable he’d taken Harry’s offer and stayed at his place, selfishly fantasying he would never leave when the feeling of living with Harry draped him in a safe blanket.

Harry had told him to take a few days off after the meeting but with Harry’s resignation, there had been no point thinking his own job was anything except dead, and it hadn't sadden him as much as he’d expected. He’d liked his job, loved it even, and he missed the contagious laughter from Niall and his ability to always carry a genuine smile on his mouth during the days. Losing the possibility to work and learn under Liam, even Zayn to his surprise, had left a touch of disappointment but knowing it wouldn’t completely cut any of the three out of his life it had reassured him things would be okay.

Mr. Hauntley had contacted him shortly and informed everything had been in place to go forward, all he’d needed was Louis’ approval and once received he’d taken the move to have Ryan arrested. With Harry and Zayn by his side and the silent support from his mother from afar and even Niall, it had given him the final courage to enter the fight. It had been brutal, not only the long lasting fight itself but the first meeting where Ryan had once again brought them face to face and seething eyes had stared into his own. Ugly emotions had filled him from head to toe but the comfortable touch of Harry’s fingers entwined in his and a reassuring grip on his shoulder from Zayn he’d kept his back straight and head held high. The surprising hugs from Niall and his effort to be supportive hadn’t been any less appreciated. The arraignment hearing had gone fast, too much evidence from their side and too little defence from Ryan’s concluded that his case was accepted, allowing them to go forward and appeal with newly added charges.

They had gone through several phases after that. Three of his formal colleagues, the same three who’d turned their backs during the time he’d needed them the most, had sent him apologetic glances as they took the stand and he’d nodded in return. Anger, pain and sadness had painted their faces white as they testified on his behalf and shared their own personal nightmares. Awful, awful truths had whispered from their trembling lips and Louis had closed his eyes in disgust, pained for them and sizzled with anger at Ryan’s lack of humanity. He’d dared a glance in his direction and barely kept himself from vomiting, the man had shown nothing, no worries, no concern and no regret.

When they eventually reached the trial phase, four months had taken a chunk out of their lives. Four months of waiting and waiting for the attorney to say _this is it, we’re going forward._ Four months of exhaustion and restless nights. Four months of worried calls and visits from his mother and the extra grief from receiving the news his cousin had passed away and not able to attend the funeral. Four months were he’d been forced to find a job, a poorly job so that he wouldn’t lose his flat after refusing to let Harry pay and not enough time to rent it out. Four months where Harry had made the decision to take time off and be the best support Louis could've asked for. Four months where Harry had given his statement and publicly confirmed he'd quit Style, and shut down the allegations he’d been another prey. Four months where the media had bloomed after learning a new round in court had taken place with him and his formal boss. Four months where he’d barely slept, tucked into Harry’s embrace, but not able to shake the nerves and stress away. But also Four months where his fantasy became somewhat real when he’d never left the safety of Harry’s presence or the walls of his home.

Another two months vanished when they entered the Pre-Sentencing Investigation phase, and Louis hadn’t been able to stop his bad habit of chewing is nails as he’d waited and waited for the evidence to be examined and investigated. Painfully dragged them closer to the end with slow steps and eerie silence. It took longer than he’d thought and for a dreadful moment he’d been convinced Ryan had found a way out, found a small flaw he could benefit from and be set free. It had caused a new round of his anxiety to hit the roof but Harry, bless Harry, had distracted his mind by asking for his company to be permanent. It had never been brought up; Louis had just never left, but when he’d asked it was real, he’d officially moved in and finally let his mother sell his flat. When the final sentencing phase came four months later, which summed up their fight lasting for a total of ten agonising months, he’d heard the one sentence he’d only heard in his dreams. We find the defendant, guilty. Hours, days, weeks, months, years in total. Too much time had been stolen from his life from a dangerous and psychotic man who’d yelled threats as the officers had dragged him away. The moment his face had vanished with hands locked in cuffs, and it really dawned they had won, Louis had cried in uncontrollable happiness.

The months had dragged on, but it hadn't been filled with only negativity, he’d fought for freedom and during his time he’d received more support than he’d done all his life. Both Zayn and Niall had been by their side, his parents and Harry’s sister too, he’d been properly introduced to Ashley and her husband, and he’d gained back the cheery faces and nicknames from Niall. He’d moved into a commitment with Harry, and though they had never discussed it, the reality of living together had eventually made him realise they were an item. They were one, together, and when the pressure had left his mind, he understood he’d found what he’d been searching for. Not receiving the classic _will you be mine_ or the sickly _I love you’s_ didn’t knock on his insecurity as it had used to, the need of confirmation was no longer necessary when the answers and emotions were visual in every part of Harry. He believed Harry felt it too.

Shortly after he’d received the second part of his reward and when the ugly lies he’d been framed with had been erased from his name he’d barely functioned with the emotions raging. He was free. Utterly, completely free where ten years of new life closed his wounds. Overwhelming was the only way he could describe the relief he’d sensed when they had left court the final time, and when Harry’s whisper of love eventually came, he’d felt his heart had finally been repaired too.

 

 

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

 

Arousal. Tightness. Fire. Heat. Lust. Desire. Hunger. Pleasure. Satisfaction. Tease. Pain. Intense. Burning skin. Hammering heartbeats. Searing Blood. Hyped nerves. Want. Need. Sex. Blackout.

Those were the words that went on a loop, a constant mantra, as his flattened palm gripped a shaky shoulder to keep Harry’s bent posture steady while the thrust of his hips pushed him in and out. Thighs shook as he pounded with the last of his strength and the sound escaping them both rivalled the noise of the bedframe crashing into the wall. Strings of hair flattened against his forehead where sweat had formed, and it ran down by his temples, coating his skin as the clench in his stomach snapped. With a deep moan screaming from his throat, he gripped Harry’s hair and yanked his head back to seal their mouths as the rest of his thrusts and bliss shot through. When he pulled out and fell into Harry’s arms without breaking the kiss a new mantra played over his mind, a mantra he’d heard growing stronger and longer since the first time he’d kissed Harry. 

Warmth. Comfort. Care. Fondness. Flutter. Butterflies. Endearment. Affection. Devotion. Passion. Connection. Meaningful. Together. Commitment. Supportive. Real. Safety. Home. Mine. Love.

The last word sizzled stronger through his veins when gentle fingers brushed over his cheek and curled around his neck to pull him tighter. He still hadn't said it, not voiced what he so desperately felt but he knew Harry knew, it was written on his face and burned into his every touch. Most of his life he'd had an idea how love would be, fantasised and dreamt about it, but not until he'd experienced the emotion had he truly understood how powerful it was. 

 

*** 

 

Hours later he rose from the bed, only slowing down when he reached the open door to their balcony and sighed in delight as he leant against the frame. A pleasant warm breeze danced over his skin as he sighed at the view, it was breathtaking, and came with an exceptional privacy, a gift only Harry would manage to create.

‘’I can’t believe you flew me to the fucking Bahamas. This is paradise.’’ 

‘’You asked if I wanted to whisk you away into the sunset-‘’ Familiar arms closed around from behind, and he pressed against Harry’s cheek when his head came to rest on his shoulder. ‘’-I did.’’

‘’Yeah but, I would’ve been impressed with a beach somewhere in Europe you know, but this –‘’ his hand spread out, indicating towards where the pearly white beach stretched and the turquoise sea as far as eyes could see decorated the sight. ‘’is fucking mind-blowing.’’

‘’I’m glad you like it luv.’’

A light knock reached the front door and with quick feet Harry hurried to throw a robe around his naked body before he went to answer. Louis just stared with fond dripping as Harry talked with the short man who pushed a large trolley inside and practically toppled over with boggled eyes the moment they landed on Louis’ lack of shame. With nervous fingers, he let go of the handle before nodding sharply and ran back out, and Louis loudly barked when Harry shook his head in amusement. They were on vacation, a very earned one at that, stranded on a deserted island in the middle of fucking nowhere, so covering up for the one man who'd been hired to be their servant was not something he bothered to care for.

‘’Well, he’ll be surprised when he wakes up a changed man tomorrow.’’

‘’Idiot.’’

He flipped Harry off but widened his grin and almost threw himself over the food that came to life once Harry lifted the cover. Having spent most of their time in bed, barely sleeping, other pangs of hunger had eventually started to surface.

‘’I can’t believe it took Niall almost a bloody year to confess he was the one who placed the empty bottle on your desk, and right before we left London, what a cunt as he would say. What did he think I’d do if I found out earlier, castrated him? Almost impressive he managed to keep it from you that long.’’

With slow chews of the croissant in his mouth, he sent Harry a raised brow, letting the corner of his mouth tilt upwards as he remembered the sheer panic that had crossed Niall’s face.

‘’Not really sure why he waited so long. Maybe he felt a bit ashamed he’d went behind your back and searched through the garbage you fumbled with? He's not good at confronting people and perhaps he was lost on what to do, if he should've asked you about it and how. It’s not like him to invade other’s privacy and if he hadn’t forgotten a few papers he never would’ve left his meeting and witnessed you taking those pills. It wasn’t until I shared your case, with all the new information and how I was going to inform you what I’d done with the attorney the bottle surfaced so I don’t know, maybe he took it as a sign everything should be brought to the table.’’

‘’Well yeah I can sort of see that, but what kept him silent after?’’

‘’Possibly the trial? It was a rough time, and I can understand the hesitation, it would’ve been quite meaningless if I’m honest. It had nothing to do with the case itself, and we had our attention and concentration elsewhere. The more time that passed, the more I simply guess he forgot, what reminded him I don't know either.’’

‘’Sounds like Niall.-‘’ he took a sip of the orange juice and rolled his eyes lightly. ‘’-I’m glad he gave it to you, though, I’m not sure I would’ve been able to tell you for quite some time if he hadn’t.’’

‘’Yeah, me too.’’

A comfortable silence stretched as they ate the rest of their lunch in peace, finally able to relax their shoulders and just be. At the first chance after everything quiet down, Harry had surprised Louis with having a large suitcase packed and ready to go. He'd not shared the destination, nor how long they would be and Louis had felt a bit helpless and endeared at the same time. Attempts at breaking Harry's secrecy had failed miserably, clawing at his curiosity but all he'd received were bright grins and the usual, _You'll see when we get there._

It had made him think they weren't going too far, within the country perhaps or else they would've boarded the flying machine people called aeroplanes, where Harry couldn't magically cover the destination. He'd spoken too soon, though, and with a thick blindfold, a crimson face and earphones bigger than his head he'd been guided through the airport, into said transport and planted in a plush chair. Not a regular flight he'd quickly realised when it had been cosy, had no more than four seats and a smirking flight attendant. So no, he'd not been able to figure Harry out during the airtime and when his eyes had finally been allowed to see the mystery destination they had practically exploded. 

''So what are we going to do when we get back home? I quit that job at the store when I sold my flat, not really keen on going back, and you've been gone for almost a year now. You shouldn't have spent so much on this trip luv.''

He smiled softly, and Harry hummed in return, taking small sips of his tea and then placing a hand on his chin while looking amused.

''Money is not an issue, I had a very well paid position for quite some time so our stay here can last as long as you want. But, I do have some plans for when we get back.-'' his eyes sparkled, and his smile grew. ''-I talked with Niall at the beginning of the trial, saying I was interested in creating my own magazine, and I asked him to craft out some ideas with my sister while we very occupied with legal issues. I spoke with them along the way, and they've managed to come up with some interesting ideas, and when we get home to London we'll start working on those ideas.'' 

Excitement bloomed in Harry's face and he waved his hands around to empathize just how strong it laid, dimples popped out and just from the sight Louis' became excited too.

''Really? That's amazing, why haven't you said something earlier?''

''You had enough on your mind, and it was just ideas and research at first, but now it's more and with all of you on board I'm excited to bring them to life.''

''Are you saying I'm included?''

Warmth filled his insides and before Harry could even answer he jumped from his seat and threw himself over Harry's lap, crossing his hands behind before leaving a soft kiss at the corner of his mouth. A low chuckle tickled over his lips when Harry drew back to grin wider.

''If you want then yes, of course, you are too talented, and I would be depressingly jealous if any other paper of magazine were to get their hooks in you.''

''I'd be honoured. So your sister and Niall actually left Style then?''

''Not at first, there was no point, and I told them to stay. My sister quit with her husband a few weeks ago, taking some time off as well, and Niall has spent the last month back in Ireland, but he'll be back when you and I decide to go home.''

Louis hummed in delight at the knowledge of having friends and family who were loyal.

''Extraordinary people, what a gift. But what ideas have you made then, what kind of magazine?''

''Mostly music but Niall wants sports to be included, which I assume you agree on.-'' Harry chuckled and rolled his eyes fondly. ''-You'll get to go through everything when we're back but for now, you have only one concern, enjoy your vacation.''

They smiled at each other before Louis gave Harry another quick kiss and rose from his lap, spinning on his heel and fumbled through their clothes to find what he was looking for.

‘’Very well then, get dressed, I’ve researched a little, and I want to take you somewhere.-’’ he pulled out the yellow swim shorts he’d convinced Harry to buy the day before and chugged them his direction. ‘’-and since we’re on an island expect to get wet.’’

‘’Where?’’

Harry caught the flying clothing with confusion, but all he received from Louis was a smirk.

 

•••••••

 

‘’Louis, this.. is not safe.’’

‘’Oh come on luv, we have to live a little while we can.’’

‘’Live? This is a receipt for death.’’

Harry stared up at the 164-feet tall slide with several tubes that dropped straight down and ran endlessly before connecting with a wide pool, horror bleeding from his eyes and unable to blink or look away. Louis, on the other hand, danced with his feet as he couldn’t keep still from fear, excitement and adrenaline filling his nerves.

‘’You do this with me, and I’ll let you make that move you always pester me about later tonight.’’

A wicked smile curved the corners of his mouth when he saw Harry’s head snap to meet his gaze, knowing he’d won when the colour returned to the pale face, and a heavy sigh left his mouth.

‘’Well, at least I died trying to show you something new.’’

A light chuckle vibrated up his throat, and he entwined his fingers with Harry’s and walked forward, practically dragging the hesitant man behind him closer to the stairs.

‘’Waterpark.. yeah right, never buying that again.’’

He heard Harry mumbled under his breath, and he laughed a little harder, picturing the look on his face when he realised what new horror waited on the top and Louis could not wait. With slightly faster pulse and a tad clammy from the never ending stair they reached their goal, but when Harry saw the few people who were as insane as them, what they did and the sounds they made he froze in his tracks.

‘’Absolutely not. Nope. Forget it. Not happening.’’

‘’You can’t back out now Haz, come one, just on ride.’’

‘’Let me just start with complaining about your introduction to this, I was severely disappointed when the lovely boat trip wasn’t your idea and instead used it to descend us into this island of hell.’’

‘’And next?’’

‘’No that’s it, I want you to remember I died in disappointment. Anger too. I will haunt you.’’

Louis tipped closer, curled his arms around Harry’s neck and stretched up to plant a gentle kiss on his lips.

‘’So that means you’ll do it?’’

The new sigh that left Harry was so dark Louis feared he would breathe out his intestines and Harry shook his head in disbelief as he dragged a hand over the side of his face.

‘’Fine, but you owe me big time, and I’ll hold it against you until I decide you’ve paid your debt.’’

‘’Whatever you want luv.’’

Then Louis kissed him once more before again dragging Harry closer to the small line, grinning so widely he was unsure it would ever go away. For too long he’d been miserable and haunted but right there, on an Island miles away from home with Harry, he felt like his heart was about to burst from happiness. A man winked them forward and as he opened the airtight chamber they had to step into his stomach dropped, and he could feel how terror crawled over his skin but all it made his body produce was a shriek of thrill. Harry was the opposite, and the gruffest whimper reached his ears before a hissed, _Can’t believe I’m doing this_ , followed. 

‘’One in each chamber, lean back against the wall and form your arms across your chest like a cross.’’

The man spoke on autopilot and barely glanced at them, completely unaware of the difference in their behaviour and directed for them to go on.

‘’You alright luv?’’

‘’No. Probably never will be again.’’

_Fifteen._ A faint sound of a countdown ticked down from above, but all he could focus on was Harry’s face, seeing the worried lines forming over his features and how his chest had found a faster rhythm.

‘’Hey-‘’ he softly smiled when Harry flicked his gaze to his, and he winked when he saw the harshest frown lessened. ‘’-I know you’ll always do crazy shit like this with me even though you don’t want to but you know I’ll do the same yeah? I’ll do anything for yo -‘’

_Ten._ The glass door fell shut, cutting his sound and the last connection besides sight he had with Harry, but his gaze never left. The air around felt tight, putting pressure on his breath and the blood in his ears thumped like a sedating bass. He could see each and every lash leisurely fanning out over Harry’s cheeks and hugged them deliberately as they closed. How his chest fell and fell as he breathed out and then stately rose, the green in his eyes peeking out with a languid effort and revealing blown pupils glued to Louis’. Knuckles tightened on his right hand, and a steady vein carved up his arm and left the faint blue a tad darker. Louis could see all this while never moving his gaze from Harry’s and at the sound of _one,_ right before the floor dropped, he felt his face stretch while mouthing through the thick glass with the crinkliest eyes; _'cause I love you._

Then the steady ground vanished and as they both fell, the echo of Harry’s scream followed him down like a teasing shadow. He howled back with a body blazing in emotions and Louis, he’d never felt more alive.


End file.
